My throat squeezed at hearing the devastating grief in his tone. It was like he was finally letting the façade fall, and he might go with it.
“I know, but we have to.” Mary moved to him, tears sliding down her face. “Not just for Gracie, but for us. And especially for Lennox. Being here really woke me up, made me see…it’s not right to force him to live in purgatory. He’s so young and has so much life ahead of him. How dare we take it away from him? He deserves to fall in love and have a family of his own. It’s not fair for us not to let him have that chance because we are too selfish and greedy, holding on to him because he’s the last tie to Gracie. Gracie wouldn’t want that, and you know it. She’d be furious at us. She was the one who didn’t have a selfish bone in her body. We should do as she would want, not what we do. We need to let her go, Art.”
Arthur bent over, his body shaking with sobs. Mary wrapped her arms around him, his head falling into her neck, his legs barely holding him up as she stood as his pillar. “Our baby girl…” He wept into her, her arms tightening around him, her own tears streaming in heart-wrenching grief.
I could feel warm liquid spilling down my cheeks, watching their anguish.
Art and Mary parted, and without a word, Mary walked up to Lennox. Going on her toes, she wrapped her arms around him. A woeful noise huffed from Lennox as he embraced Mary, holding her like a part of his world had fallen apart. And I had no doubt it did. They had been holding on to this lie for so long, and it wasn’t something you could just let go of. They were still family, and to accept this meant they would be losing Gracie all over again.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Me too.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” They stayed clinging to each other for a long time, Lennox letting go of the some of the guilt and grief he held, the weight so tangible I swear I could see it lift off him.
Finally, she pulled back, kissing his cheek, and turned to me. She smiled, her fingers squeezing my hand, but her gaze flittered away quickly, not fully ready to deal with the idea of me.
“I left you scones.” She nodded at the counter then circled for the door. “Let’s go, Art.”
Arthur scowled at Lennox, not even looking at me before stomping for the exit, their relationship not as easily shifting. There still existed too much blame and stubbornness on each side.
The door clicked behind them, and we both stared at the empty doorway in silence. Tension and sadness drooped the air in heavy tiers, Lennox about to splinter off into heartache.
“Fuck…that was a lot before coffee.” I blinked, my mouth opening, spewing out my awkwardness in a huff.
There was a beat.
Then laughter—deep, booming, from the belly kind of laughter. Lennox leaned over his legs, his head wagging. “Bloody hell, Spencer.” He howled, his sorrow and amusement tangling up into one.
In the deepest misery, laughter helped you survive.
He sucked in a deep breath and straightened up, grabbing my hips, drawing me to him. “Thank you.” His gaze scoured mine.
“For what?”
“For being you.” His fingers tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “For always being exactly what I need.”
“I thought you were going to thank me for defending your honor. He was going to kick your arse. I saved you.”
He chuckled, his eyes lighting up. “Like a feisty kitten.”
“Hey. I’m more bad arse than that.”
“Have you messed with a feisty kitten before?” His eyebrow tipped up. “Vicious little things. Tear you up. I wouldn’t mess with them. The biggest dogs run for cover, whimpering.”
“Damn right.”
He grinned, kissing me, drawing me into his arms, hugging me so tight my bones cracked, but I loved it, feeling like I was home here.
He sighed, leaning back. “I need to get out of here. Get some air.” He cupped my face. “Not deal with all this bullshite for a moment.”
“I can’t handle any people today, and they’re out there.” I motioned to the window. “Everywhere.”
“I have an idea. Get dressed.” He slapped my rear, stepping back as he pulled out his mobile, tapping at the screen.
“I have no clothes.”
“Right.” He winked. “Did we forget those last night?”
In such a hurry to get back here, I forgot to grab extra clothes from my room at the palace.
“That works for me.” He nodded at what I was wearing, still tapping at his cell. “You know I prefer you in my stuff.”
“What are you doing?” I lowered my lids on him texting someone.
“Surprise.” He stared at his screen, and a beep came from it, causing a smile to stretch his mouth. “Brilliant. It’s all set.”
“Should I be worried?”
“Normally, I’d say yes, but I think you will like this,” he replied, moving past me.
Reaching out, I grabbed his arm, going serious. “Hey, you all right?”
“No,” he spoke softly. “I need some time to process all of this. I just want a day of not thinking or having some epic life-changing event happening.”
I nodded, completely understanding. I needed it too.
His lips brushed my temple. “Gonna jump in the shower, and then we can head out.” He turned, walking backward, holding out his arms. “Unless you’d like to join me.”
“Hmmmm.” I tapped at my lip. “I don’t know.”
His gaze became fire against my skin.
“I’ll get you coffee after.”
I ran after him, squealing as he grabbed me, tossing me over his shoulder, marching us to the shower.
I knew he needed time to let what was said and confessed set in. It was a lot, and unfortunately, because of me, it was only a smidgeon of the ticking bomb waiting to erupt under our feet.
This time he couldn’t save me, couldn’t hide us in a cupboard.
This time we might not make it out.
Chapter 20
I knew instantly what my surprise was when Lennox’s Rover turned down a private road. Excitement ballooned in my chest before it was popped by a needle of fear. The place was swarming with eyes and loyalty.
“Lennox?” My worry rang in my voice like a chime.
“We’re not doing anything any of those people will blink at. They aren’t trained to ask questions.” He slowed the car at the guard post. “All they see is their future princess who loves to ride coming here to enjoy an afternoon, and of course, her sexy bodyguard would be there to protect and watch over every inch of her body to make sure it stays safe.” His eyes slid to mine as his window lowered, spearing my lungs, and staining my skin like red wine. Without missing a beat, he turned to them, showing them his badge.
The young guard took it, his eyes going over it, while other guards moved around the car, looking underneath and in the back. Not even a flinch in my direction before the first guard dipped his head, opening the gates to let us in.
“See?” He lifted one eyebrow, the car rolling down the paved road. “No one knows anything. Remember, most of the world looks no deeper than the surface, not noticing the cracks in the foundation.”
He curved the SUV through some trees, the tops of the royal stables coming into view. Seeing them burst joy from my chest, and I let loose an excited squeal like children seeing their presents at Christmas. My heartbeat picked up, pumping with veins with a feeling I didn’t realize how much I had been missing until I was there.
“I know you haven’t had a chance to ride since the last time. Figured riding horses all day, no matter how bloody cold it is, was far better than being around people.”
My hands went to my mouth, my eyes filling with tears when I spotted horses being exercised. A desperate need clawed at my chest, wanting to jump out of the car and run to them. That piece of me I put away to deal with the Royal House came flaring back up. Being with animals filled such a deep place in my soul, I couldn’t believe I let myself go so long without being around
them.
Lennox parked the car, peering at me. “Well? You want to ride, Duchess?”
My gaze shifted to Lennox, my pupils hazing with more emotion. “You brought me here.” He knew me. Understood me better than anyone, probably even myself. I hadn’t realized the void within until I was here, the smells of musky hay, manure, and animal already slipping into the car, making me giddy and comforted at the same time.
He stared at me, a tiny smirk on his lips.
Impulse moved me over to him, my mouth capturing his, my tongue curling around his, kissing him with everything I was feeling. Gratitude. Lust. Joy. And most of all, love. Feck…I was so crazy in love with him, it petrified me.
“Damn,” he murmured as I pulled away, his breath accelerated, his fingers tangling through the ends of my hair.
“Thank you,” I muttered against his lips.
“If I knew I would have gotten that response, I would have brought you back weeks ago.”
“Weeks ago, you would have gotten a verbal thank you, but bringing me today?”
“What?”
“Let’s just say it won’t be verbal,” I teased, grabbing the door, I climbed out, smiling coyly at him.
A growly noise ruffled the air, his hand running through his hair as he leaned his head back into the headrest. “Spencer…”
I winked, shutting the door, the icy December air instantly snapping at my face and seeping through the layers I had on. All borrowed and huge, but they smelled like him, making me want to wear his stuff from now on, no matter the occasion. His t-shirt with a belt and heels for the Holiday party? I’m sure that would be fine.
Pulling at his coat sleeves, I tucked my fingers inside, the cold air billowing from my lips as I drew in a deep breath. My shoulders eased down, my lids shutting as I felt the sun hazily reaching down to my face, taking in the smell of dirt, hay, and horses. Peace. Happiness.
I heard Lennox get out of the car, feeling his gaze on me, but he stayed quiet, letting me have my moment. Finally, I pried my lids apart, a smile on my face.
“Ready?” He held out his hand for me. Without thinking, I took it, letting him lead me to the horse stables.
A smile hurting my face, my feet practically skipping, my jubilant mood came to a sudden crashing halt as a figure came out of the barn.
Oh, feck.
Katy.
Looking as pretty and wholesome as I remembered, she was wearing almost the same outfit of khaki breeches and riding boots. This time she had on a heavier jacket and red scarf. Her long brown hair swinging from her ponytail, an elated grin spread across her mouth and glinted her eyes. Her bursting giddiness locked on Lennox. But quickly, her gaze shifted to me, to our hands, which we both immediately let go of, stepping a bit apart.
It was too late.
The smile wilted like a flower set on fire. The glint turned to fire and ash, singeing with shock, jealousy, and animosity.
Bloody hell.
She slapped on her mask, setting her features to neutral.
“Katy. Thanks for doing this. I know you guys are busy getting ready for the holiday parade.” His smile went right over her petite head, her gaze still darting back and forth between us, her muscles fighting so hard to reset her face into a serene expression.
“I was happy to hear from you,” she replied stiffly, her eyes finally landing on his, a speck of pain and longing coloring them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were bringing anyone.”
I groaned inside. He didn’t tell her I was coming. She probably thought he was coming to see her.
“Sorry, I thought when I asked if two horses were available to ride…” Lennox drifted off, realization finally clicking in.
Guys.
“Yes, well…I thought…” She swallowed, rolling her shoulders back. Her attention flicked to me, her jaw twitching. She lowered her voice, but not enough for only Lennox to hear her. “After…that night.”
My jaw clamped down, and a strange need to growl and move to him like some possessive animal had my head jerking with shock. Where the hell did that come from?
Lennox’s eye twitched to me, knowing he was in a predicament. He was standing between two girls he’d slept with: one he didn’t want and one he couldn’t claim.
Swallowing back my jealousy, I grinned to myself. “It’s clear you two need to be alone…I’ll just…” I motioned for the barn. “I don’t want to be in the way…third wheel and all.” I backpedaled past Katy, smirking at Lennox.
“Spencer.” He glowered at me, telling me to get my arse back promptly. A mischievous smile was my reply as I strolled into the barn, the overwhelming stench of hay warming my insides as I bounced up to my old friend. “Penny.”
She bayed, flicking her gorgeous black mane, stomping her foot at seeing me. My palm slid over her silky coat, her nose nuzzling me, demanding more rubs.
“God, I’ve missed you.” I scratched her head, sniffing at her like people do with babies. I could stay here all day, forget the rest of the world.
“Looks like she missed you too.” Lennox came behind me, reaching over and stroking her forehead, his body far too close, pressing heat into me. Biting my lip, my body responded automatically, while my head screamed to stop, to move away from each other.
Lennox got it at the same time, his shoes sliding back over the straw, putting space between us.
“Is Penny free to go out?” I craned my neck to see Katy standing there staring at us, her expression stone, making me swallow nervously.
This was bad. Lennox and I couldn’t even try to hide it. We headed to each other like magnets; our movements around each other were too familiar, intimate.
“Yes. I had her ready for m—” For me. She folded her arms, looking absently at the objects positioned on the ground.
It took me a moment to really observe, my chest twisting with a mix of jealousy and sadness. Everything was set out for two riders, for an intimate picnic: blanket, port, crackers, cheese, and a thermos most likely full of tea.
“Thunder is saddled for you,” she said to Lennox, strain tearing at her vocals. She cleared her throat, motioning to the horse down the row.
Hearing his name, Thunder stuck his head out, snorting and tossing his head excitedly as Lennox strolled up. “Hey, old buddy.” He scrubbed the white stripe down his nose. “You ready to ride?”
Thunder stomped his foot, pushing against the stall door, huffing out his eagerness.
“I pulled out some riding boots for you.” Katy pointed at a pair of men’s boots against the wall. “I don’t think we have any for you, my lady.” Crisp. Cold. “If I’d known you were coming…”
At thirty-something, Katy didn’t come across as bitchy or immature in her reaction to me. She had learned the technique of subtly slamming someone, reminding me so much of Theo’s Grannie.
I wanted to hate her, but who could blame her for wanting Lennox as her own? For hoping she had a chance? Especially after sex with that man…bleeding hell…I’m surprised she hadn’t challenged me to a duel yet.
“Thank you, Katy.” I could hear the tension in his voice. “I hope this didn’t mess up your day.”
“No. No.” Her smile was so forced and thin, it hurt to look at. “I have so much work to do. Like you said, the parade is taking up all my time.”
Lies. She broke in the new horses, none of them would be near the parade.
Lennox moved to grab his boots, pausing at an open tack room.
“Hey, I’m sure one of those might fit you.” Lennox pointed into the room.
Peering around, I spotted a row of riding boots. Every size, men’s and women’s, lined up in order along the wall, plus extra breeches, jackets, and hats.
“Oh, right. Forgot those were in there.” Katy tapped at her head like she had totally lost the plot.
Sure. I looked at her, meeting her straight in the eyes. She watched me back.
And the duel was laid down, though I wasn’t supposed to be fighting for Lennox. I was
still technically engaged to the prince. No one could know about Theo and me. Yet.
Withdrawing, I forced my eyes down in defeat, heading for the tack room. Lennox’s baggy sweats were barely staying on, so I borrowed some pants. I dressed in the tight trousers and boots, keeping his jacket and shirt on top.
By the time I got out, the two horses had been taken outside, saddled and ready to go. The horses pranced and huffed, ready to be let free.
“I tried calling you.” Her voice stopped me just inside the barn, the shadows hiding me.
“I know.”
“So…you did get them,” she added softly.
“Katy,” he sighed.
“Why did you bring her here?”
“It’s my job. I’m her bodyguard.”
“Your job? To take the future princess on private riding lessons?”
“She doesn’t need lessons. She could give them. I’m only along for the ride.”
A pause.
“There’s nothing going on with her, is there?”
“What?”
“Because that would be incredibly—”
“This has nothing to do with her.” He cut her off. “I told you from the start; I wasn’t looking for a relationship. My life is extremely complicated.”
“I don’t care. I’m not a schoolgirl, Lennox. I don’t need us to go steady. I thought we had a really good time that night. I would like to keep it going…”
Over my dead body.
“Katy, that night, I was trolleyed. I was in a bad place and wasn’t thinking clearly. I am sorry.”
“Don’t,” she hissed. “Don’t say it was a mistake because we both know it wasn’t. And you were perfectly sober the next morning when you shagged me on the breakfast table.”
Bile burned up my throat, my skin flushing cold and hot. How many times had I heard girls at school or gossip through the media about some model talking about Theo in bed? Never bothered me. I couldn’t even say why it didn’t, but I would just laugh with a shrug, letting them lash their insecurity and jealousy at me.
But hearing Katy, seeing Hazel, I turned into that hissing kitten—right after wanting to throw up.
Royal Command (Royal Watch Book 2) Page 22