Being Graves

by Drew Sera

  Beep!

  “Anthony, just wanted to see what you’re up to today. Call me,” Blake’s voice rang through.

  “End of new messages,” the recorder said.

  “Thank you, bitch answering machine,” I said out loud.

  I called Colin back after I ate but got his voice mail. Then I called Matt and said I’d be at his party. Next was Blake. I know he’s been concerned and worried about me. I needed to think before I spoke to him because I knew I was in the needy stage to have that physical session. And I knew he didn’t approve of it.

  Hours later and with the ache increasing in my chest, I arrived at Blake’s. By the time I got out of my truck, Blake was standing outside on his porch, waiting for me.

  “Afternoon, Anthony. Come on in.”

  “Hey, Blake.”

  He led me through his house to the kitchen and offered me something to eat and drink, which I declined. Blake continued to make himself something as I paced his hardwood floor.

  “What’s up, Anthony?”

  “Nothing.” I lied while I continued to pace.

  “You’re moving around too much for your mind not to be latched onto something,” he said.

  I smirked at that. He knew me pretty well already, or at least he was able to detect things. Blake leaned against the counter and sipped his coffee as he peered over the mug at me.

  “I think,” I started and then closed my mouth for a few moments. “I think I need another session in San Francisco.”

  I felt terrible for admitting it to him, but I promised I would tell him. I risked a glance at him. Blake set his coffee cup down and then nodded at me.

  “Sit down, Anthony.”

  I took a seat at his kitchen table, and he sat across from me.

  “Anthony, tell me why you’re doing this?”

  “I...my chest hurts again.”

  “You can’t run towards physical pain to mask emotional grief.”

  “Blake.” I stood up and paced near the table. “That’s not what I’m doing. You don’t understand. I need this. It takes the pain away.”

  When I looked at him, he was frowning and had leaned back in his chair.

  “You’re grieving, Anthony. Time will heal this.”

  “It’s not getting better, Blake. He’s been gone for months now.”

  “You have to let time pass. Make me understand why you need this.”

  Blake would probably freak the fuck out if I told him that I was being crushed by guilt of never having told my dad how grateful I was and that when it comes down to it, I’m kind of punishing myself. Which is really fucked up, given my childhood.

  “I just do, Blake. It’s hard to explain.”

  Now it was Blake’s turn to pace.

  “Anthony, you can’t force the hand of healing from the loss. It’s going to happen, please be patient.”

  “I need it now, though. It makes the chest pain go away.”

  He sighed and stared at me with his arms folded across his chest.

  “I don’t want you to go to San Francisco, Anthony.”

  I honestly believed that he was throwing down his best card. And I threw down the only card I had left.

  “Then I’ll do it here.” I paused for a moment. “Paul offered.”

  Blake unfolded his arms and pinned me with his stare.

  “Listen to me very carefully, Anthony. Do not go to Paul.”

  Blake looked really worked up and was dead serious about this. I had a feeling that if I crossed him on this topic that I might be out of Irons.

  “Anthony, promise me that you will not go to Paul.”

  “I promise.”

  There was a long, awkward silence. I didn’t know what to say, and I felt terrible for bringing up the topic to him. I was embarrassed and felt guilty for even telling him that I needed this.

  “Anthony, if you feel so strongly about needing this session, then I will do it for you,” he said.

  What?

  Blake was offering to be the Service Top for the kind of beating session that I had in San Francisco. Words couldn’t describe the look on his face though. He looked bothered and almost as if he didn’t really want to do this, but would do it for me. When I hadn’t said anything after a few minutes, he spoke up again.

  “I’ll facilitate that kind of scene if you truly feel you need it.”

  “But, why? I can get it from Keith in San Francisco—”

  “Anthony, I don’t want you going up there for that. I prefer you not do it at all, but if it’s something you feel you need, I want to do it. With me carrying it out, at least I know that you’re safe; during and after.”

  “I’d be safe up there. It’s not a shitty dungeon.”

  “I didn’t say that it was, Anthony.” Blake paused and then when he spoke again, his tone was gentler than I had ever heard it. “But I know you. I know how you alienate yourself when emotions bear down on you. You push others away…maybe just out of habit. But I know beating sessions are as much emotional and mental as they are physical. And that is a time when you need to be pulled closer rather than pushed out of a dungeon cell to make room for another client.”

  I didn’t know what to say to him. I felt ashamed. There wasn’t a way for me to explain to Blake why I didn’t want him to be the one to carry out that kind of session. I was afraid of what he’d think of me if I told him. But the truth of the matter was that he reminded me so much of my dad, and I couldn’t stomach the thought of being physically hurt by him.

  Keith, or some other Service Top, up in San Francisco would be better. I’d never have to face them, and I was nothing more than a client to them. I wasn’t ashamed of that need with strangers, or even Paul. But I wouldn’t be able to look Blake in the eye for a long time if I admitted to being weak enough to “need” a beating session…and to let him do it.

  I wished I could have explained it, but I’m not great when it comes to vocalizing certain things.

  “Thank you for offering, Blake. I’m going to give this a few more days to think about it.”

  Blake nodded and seemed slightly relieved. I could never have him beat on me. It would be like my dad doing it.

  * * *

  Matt’s house was hopping for his New Year’s Eve bash. Lots of people roaming around including members from Irons. Matt led me through to the kitchen and offered me my choice of drinks. His counter was full of liquor bottles and in the center, next to the glasses was a jar full of keys.

  “If you drink, you have to put your keys in the jar before you take a glass,” he said to me.

  “Not a problem. I don’t drink.”

  “I’ve got lots of non-alcoholic drinks chilling in the fridge. Help yourself, and when you’re done, Colin wanted me to tell him when you arrived. He’s out on the patio with Blake,” Matt said.

  I nodded, found a cold Coke and headed outside with it. I was greeted instantly by a group of guys from Irons that were sitting with Colin and Blake. I sat, and we all talked about sports for a while, and some of the guys talked about a few new bottoms and subs at the club.

  I was listening to Blake talk to Will about some new cages and “torture” furniture when Colin tapped me on the arm.

  “Can I talk to you for a few minutes?” he asked.

  I nodded and followed him towards the golf cart path.

  “How happy are you at the CPA firm?” Colin asked.

  He caught me off guard. I had no idea he wanted to talk about my job. But then I thought maybe he was thinking about giving the firm a try.

  “It’s fine. They’re very knowledgeable and nice guys to work with. They’re very professional and efficient. If they say they’ll have something done on a particular date, they will.”

  Colin laughed and stopped walking, so I stopped.

  “You don’t have to sell me on them. I want to know how you like it there.”

  I shrugged.

  “It’s a job, Colin. I go there Monday through Friday and they pay me.”


  “Are they paying you well?”

  “Money doesn’t matter to me.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me and looked away for a moment.

  “Irons membership isn’t cheap, and you’re fresh out of college.”

  I wasn’t going to get into where I got my money from. I liked Colin a lot and really felt we are getting to be good friends, but I wasn’t ready to reveal that part of me. I may never be ready.

  “My company is growing, and I have an accounting and finance department. I’d like for you to come work with me. I look at so many applications every day because I want the right fit for the company. Some people look good on paper, but when I see them and talk to them, it falls apart. I like you Anthony, and you and I have shared a woman in the most intimate of ways. Blake says nothing but wonderful things about you. I think you would be excellent at Everett Gaming.”

  I stared blankly at him. He was offering me a job.

  “We’re still growing, but I just bought a building and projections look fantastic. Do you want to come by and take a look at the place?”

  “Yeah, I’d love to!”

  As Colin spoke of his company, I grew more and more excited. His company did electronic games for casinos, bars and restaurants in the city. He spoke very passionately about the company and said right now he’s focused on getting his foot in the door with more local hotels.

  “Eventually, I want to expand internationally. But I realize that will take time.”

  Colin had vision, and I was positive that he’d be able to make anything he wanted to happen, actually happen.

  Chapter Five

  January 1997

  I visited Everett Gaming on my lunch hour during the first week of January and was immediately impressed. The building was incredible, and while he owned the place, Everett Gaming’s headquarters functioned on the top two floors. The rest of the building was leased out to other companies. Most impressive upon arrival was the atrium. There was a fucking waterfall in it!

  “So, accounting and finance is on this floor, and my office is upstairs on the tenth floor,” Colin said as I walked next to him.

  Colin’s office was really nice. I mean, really fucking nice. He was self-motivated and built this idea and company. I admired Colin even more after visiting Everett Gaming and talking more business with him. I felt at ease walking around with him and decided that this would be a good move for me.

  The next day I showed up at the CPA firm with my letter of resignation and the following week I began working at Everett Gaming.

  * * *

  “Tanya, what’s your safe word?” I asked as Colin and I leaned on the metal table in the dungeon cell.

  “Air,” she said confidently and then added, “And I know your hard limits, Master Anthony.”

  “You do, huh?” I asked.

  I think my hard limits are all over Irons. All the bottoms and subs talk.

  “Your scar.”

  I nodded and moved toward the wall in the dungeon cell stall that had a variety of floggers on them.

  “The girls say you won’t talk about it and that we’re not supposed to ask you about it or touch it.”

  I tried concentrating on the flogger and Colin chimed in.

  “Anth, toss me the rubber ball gag.”

  With my back to him, I smiled and reached for the gag and tossed it over to him along with a small ball that had bells in it.

  “This ball is now your safe word. Since you’ll be gagged, you won’t be able to say your safe word if you need it. Instead, you’ll drop the ball if you need to say the safe word.”

  “Yes, Master Colin.”

  Colin put the ball in her hand and attached the gag before guiding her to the wooden stocks. I guided her head and arms in place before Colin lowered the wooden brace, locking her in place. Colin checked the space she had and made sure there was a padded cloth on the wood where her throat would rest against while I crouched down and locked the cuffs of a spread bar around her ankles.

  I stood and looked at Colin. He nodded, letting me know that everything was good and safe. I decided to abandon the flogger and use the leather paddle instead.

  We took turns paddling her for a while until she was nice and red. I motioned for Colin to have her ass or pussy if he wanted; I wanted to fuck her mouth. Moving to the front of the stock, I removed her gag and ran my fingers under her neck to adjust the cloth as it had slipped some.

  “How are you doing, Tanya?” I asked her as I took a handful of her hair into my fist.

  “I’m good, Master Anthony.”

  “Good. Master Colin’s going to fuck you while you suck me.”

  “Yes, please, Sir!”

  Tanya was eager, so I wasted no time and tugged my jeans down. Since her arms were occupied through the wood holes of the stock, I guided my cock to her lips and slid it in. Fuck, it felt good. I leaned my forearms over the top of the stock that was resting over her head and looked down at the top of her head while she sucked me.

  Colin’s cock was up this girl’s ass and gripped her hips holding her still, which I appreciated on my end. I was quickly nearing my explosion and glanced up at Colin. He looked at me and gave me an upward nod and raised his eyebrows. I knew he was silently asking me where I was it in regards to coming. I nodded at him and then he began fucking this girl’s ass like there was no tomorrow and my cock was ready to let loose.

  “Fuck!” I growled out as Colin began his vocal notification of his orgasm.

  “Fuuuck!” he moaned with his head tilted back. “Damn!”

  I continued to spurt cum into Tanya’s mouth as she lapped it all up. When my heartbeat began to settle down, I pulled out of her mouth and pulled my jeans back up. Colin had moved away to take care of getting rid of his condom while I lifted the wood brace that surrounded her head. I held onto her hands when she stood upright because she looked a little wobbly. Plus, she still had the spreader bar on her ankles. When Colin came back, he immediately crouched down to release the cuffs attached to the bar.

  “Oh, my god. You guys are…amazing,” she said and leaned forward against my chest.

  I stared over her head at Colin; he was smiling and shaking his head.

  “Come on, Tanya. Let’s go to the after care stations,” Colin said as he took hold of her hand and wrapped his arm around her.

  I wiped the sweat from my chest as I followed behind Colin and Tanya.

  “You still don’t look satisfied, Master Anthony.” Paul’s voice invaded my afterglow. “You let me know when you’re ready for that ache to subside…and when you’re ready to feel satisfied.”

  I didn’t even slow my pace, but I did look over my shoulder and saw Paul standing there shirtless, with his hands on his hips. God, that guy is such a dick.

  Colin and I sat with Tanya for another thirty minutes and gave her a granola bar and made sure she was hydrated. She had, after all, sucked my cock for a while.

  “So, when would you fellas like to play again?” Tanya asked us.

  Colin and I glanced at each other.

  “We’ll let you know,” Colin said.

  His tone was firm but polite. Basically, it was a “don’t call us, we’ll call you” type of tone. Thankfully Tanya seemed to understand.

  It was at the bar while we were unwinding that Colin got inquisitive. I had just swallowed a refreshing mouthful of Coke when he asked about Paul.

  “What did he say to you in the hallway of the dungeon?”

  I cocked my head, hoping to show that I didn’t know what he was talking about. But I’ve come to learn that with Colin, there’s no bullshitting with him. When I realized that I had no chance of weaseling out of the conversation, I waved my hand in the air.

  “He’s just mouthing off. It’s a hobby of his,” I said and tossed a handful of munchie mix in my mouth.

  Colin left it at that, and tipped back his bottle of water. When he spoke again he had changed the subject.

  “Tanya was fun, huh?” he asked.
>
  “Yeah. She knew how to work her tongue.”

  “Her ass was tight,” Colin added.

  We both shared a laugh.

  “Sorry you didn’t get any ass or pussy tonight, Anth.”

  “It’s all good. My balls are empty.”

  “She said she’d play with us anytime we wanted,” Colin said and then paused. “You don’t want to play with them more than once though, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Any reason?”

  “Yes,” I said. “I don’t want them attached. If I play with a girl more than once, they get that sense of attachment. Then crazy things come out of their mouths. It’s rough enough when they look at you with those ooey gooey love and lust filled eyes.”

  Colin laughed.

  “I take it you’ve never been in love, huh?” he asked.

  “No. Absolutely not,” I replied.

  “Ever have a girlfriend for an extended period of time?”

  I shook my head. This was going in a direction I didn’t want it to go in. It would only end with Colin seeing how fucked up I am. And I liked Colin and the friendship bond we were building. I felt like the conversation was starting to get one-sided, so I tried to balance it.

  “How about you?” I asked him.

  “Not really. I’ve had a few girlfriends here and there. Nothing serious. I lived with a girl for a short time in college. Matt and I discovered the lifestyle in college, and while I thought the lifestyle and kink wasn’t important to me, I found out that it really was. I couldn’t just have plain, boring, sex. I needed something else with it. My girlfriend wanted nothing to do with it.”

  “That sucks.”

  “It was for the best. I couldn’t keep that part of me hidden. She knew it and wanted no part of it,” Colin said.

  “So, college was when you discovered you were into kinky stuff?” I asked.

  “Yep.” He took another sip of his water and set the bottle down on the bar. “How about you? You were probably born a Dom,” he said lightly.

  I laughed and then he added, “Dude, you’re so calm and laid back. You’re just twenty-three and well respected in the most praised and acclaimed dungeons in the country. Women see you coming and drop their panties. Guys want to be you.”