by LM Terry
His boots thump, following closely behind me. He grabs my arm spinning me to face him.
“Jesse. I’m trying to be a good father for once in my pathetic life.”
I cross my arms over my chest as he pulls me close to him.
“God, Jess, I only want to see you smile. I don’t want to make you angry, but I’ve got to give you some tough love here.”
He holds me tight. I swallow big gulps of air trying to shove the new feelings I’m having down. With a last-ditch effort to hang on to my past, to go back to the only life I’ve ever known, I beg pitifully…tears, snot, and all. “Dad, please. I can’t just stop. My guys are going to wonder where I am. The people I help in Trap need me. Old man Tom, Jimmy…”
He growls and tightens his hold on me. His mouth lowers to my ear. “Stop. It’s over, Jess. I’m taking care of everything. You are going to stay here and learn how to breathe again. When we think you’re ready, you’ll come home. Get right with this so you can get back to me.” He tugs me in hard. “You belong with me. I don’t give two craps about anyone in Trap County.”
I cry harder, my anger turning to shame. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I…I don’t know what I was thinking when I started selling. Part of me wanted to get even with Jimmy for taking the door off my room and part of me wanted to help people. I didn’t spend the money on myself I promise. I gave it back to the people….” I stop, unable to go on I’m crying so hard.
“It’s okay, baby girl,” he shushes, rocking me in his arms. “You’re looking at this like it’s a bad thing. Getting away from that godforsaken hell hole is not a bad thing, Jesse. It’s a fresh start for you…for me.”
He holds my arms, pushing me back so he can see my face. He wipes my tears and snot away with his bare hands brushing them off on his jeans. I give him a small cockeyed grin. Only a parent would willingly stick their hand in snot.
“So, what do you say? You ready to go back? Dan and I brought pizza.” He bites his lip, trying to sweet talk me back inside.
I shake my head yes, earning me a handsome smile. He takes my hand and steers us back up the path. I glance over my shoulder as the last bit of light is chased out by the night. For the first time in my entire life I feel like I belong. My dad is holding my hand, watching my back, and guarding my heart. He smiles down at me as we walk.
Good news, it’s getting easier and easier to smile back.
Bad news, an ominous black crow shrieks at us from a nearby bush. A sign that bad things are still coming for me.
Chapter Thirty
Jesse
◆◆◆
The rest of the evening goes smoothly. The guys are out on the deck having few beers while I sit on the couch clicking away on the computer. I run through my new “online” classes. Sighing I resign myself to the fact that this is how I’m finishing out my senior year. It’s fine. I didn’t have any friends in school anyway. They either thought I was a stuck-up nerd, or they were afraid of me. My counselor was right. I had enough credits to graduate last year but why? I like learning new things.
I’m engrossed in my studies when Dan sits down beside me, draping his arm along the back of the couch behind my head. “You’re handling this way better than I thought,” he smirks before bringing his beer bottle to his mouth.
I tap my pencil on my chin. “Oh, I’m sorry, did I have a choice in the matter?”
He laughs and runs his hand over his eyes. “I’m going to miss your smart mouth.”
“Bill says you are setting me up at the warehouse so I can tattoo there,” I whisper, biting my lip to keep from crying…again.
“I’ll set it up just like at the shop, so you know where to find everything.” He looks away from me.
I close my laptop, setting it on the table. “Dan, you don’t have to do that. I don’t want to tattoo there. It won’t be the same,” I curl myself up into a small ball and snuggle into his side. He drops his arm around my shoulder pulling me in closer. “I don’t want to do it without you.”
“Awe, Jesse. Jesse, Jesse, Jesse,” he sighs.
And now I’m fucking crying again.
I hear the door slide open, the rest of the guys are coming in. Quickly I pull my shirt up over my face trying to wipe the evidence of my weakness off my face.
Dan tugs it back down over my stomach. “Stop, you can let people see you’re fucking human, Jesse.”
I hide my face in his shirt instead. He chuckles making his big body shake. “Always got to be difficult.”
My dad sits on the coffee table in front of us. I peek at him from behind my hands. “Dan and I need to get going. We’ll see you soon, no need for tears.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re not giving up your entire life,” I snip.
“He did once,” Dan says, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him. “He gave up his entire life for you.”
“Dan it’s fine,” my dad waves his hand in the air like he can wave away all the bad mojo from the past.
“No, she needs to hear this.”
I sit up straight. My eyes briefly flitting over Dirk and Raffe before landing back on my dad.
“I was in prison for killing a man. He was president of the Devils at the time.”
Slowly I uncurl myself.
“He had always been in love with your mom. She didn’t love him back, but she did love his drugs. He was very jealous when your mom and I hooked up. Shortly after you were born he gave your mom some bad shit…it killed her.” He pauses, his gaze drifting past my shoulder as he remembers that day. “He was arrested but the charges were dropped. I’m sure he rolled on someone. Anyhow, as I was getting on my bike to leave the courthouse he pulled up beside me. He said he was coming for you next. He laughed and said he would wait a few years…until you were old enough to enjoy…” he struggles to get the rest of the story out. He takes a deep breath and sits up tall. “Until you were old enough to enjoy him and his drugs.”
I look down at my chest. Where’s the blood. I pat around sure that there is a hole somewhere. Dan touches my elbow lightly drawing my attention away from the pain piercing through my heart. “You’re not to blame,” he says quietly.
“What was his name?” I ask. I’m not sure why I need to hear who is to blame for both of my parents being torn away from me because the man is dead but for some reason it seems relevant.
Dirk’s voice growls from across the room. “She’s not ready.”
My dad turns away from me to face him. They stare at each other for a fat minute before my dad turns back. “Another time. It’s getting late.” He stands pulling me with him. Quickly he presses his lips to my forehead. “I love you, baby girl.” Then he’s gone.
Dan hands me my backpack. “I refreshed your paint supply in case this place gives you some inspiration.” He gives me a hug and then he follows behind my dad.
I stand in the middle of the room with a gaping hole in my heart, unable to speak, unable to breathe.
Dropping the backpack, I trail after them. I follow the red lights of their bikes, eating the dust that follows them until I fall to the ground exhausted.
I barely notice when strong arms pick me up and carry me inside.
My thoughts are bouncing from one thing to the next.
No wonder my dad let Dirk and Raffe take me. My mother died from drugs…from the Devil’s drugs. Well I guess all drugs are considered evil and therefore the Devil’s drugs, but you know what I mean.
My dad went to jail to protect me. He killed for me.
Crow.
Where does he fit in all this?
Katie…what about Katie!
Dirk pulls my socks and shoes off bringing me back to my reality. Water is running in the next room. Raffe walks out wiping his hands off on a towel.
“I got the tub filled for you. Go soak.” He nudges my knee gently as he sits down beside me.
I briefly glance at the bathroom door. “I’m so selfish I forgot to ask about Katie. What is Bill going to do with
her. She has school tomorrow too,” I say sadly.
Dirk places both of his hands on my knees, crouched in front of me. “He talked your social worker into helping him. Katie’s mom signed paperwork to give Candice temporary custody. It’s a start. If Katie’s mom doesn’t clean up her act then we will petition the court for full-custody.”
“Candice?” Wait, my dad said something about wanting Candice to have custody of me when my grandparents passed.
“Ally’s mom. You met her at the warehouse,” Raffe reminds me gently.
“So, so she’s at the warehouse with Candice?” My brain has overheated. Everything is coming to me slowly.
“With her and Bill,” Dirk says, pulling me off the couch and walking me to the bathroom. “Don’t worry about Katie. They are taking good care of her. Bill and Candice are enrolling her in the same school Ally goes to in the morning.”
I stop dead in my tracks. “Bill and Candice…are they?”
Dirk shakes his head. “I don’t know what they are, Jess. I only know they are good friends. They lean on each other.”
I sigh, dropping my shoulders. I’m so goddamned tired all of a sudden. “Katie will be happy. She didn’t really have any friends in school,” I say quietly.
Dirk tugs on my arm. “Did you?” he asks.
“No,” I simply state before closing the door behind me.
After taking a warm bath I’m truly exhausted. I climb out, dress in the clothes Raffe laid out for me, then stand at the door. I don’t have the energy to do anymore talking or thinking for that matter. I take a deep breath and open the door. Raffe and Dirk have made beds for themselves on two of the couches.
Raffe jumps up. “You want a snack, a drink, anything?” he asks, dipping his head to catch my eyes.
“No. Just sleep,” I murmur, rubbing my eyes.
Dirk walks over and gives me a gentle kiss on the lips, whispering a quick goodnight in my ear before stepping away. Raffe takes my hand and guides me upstairs.
“If you need anything just holler.” He tucks me into Dirk’s bed, leaning down and planting a soft kiss on the tip of my nose. He winks before heading down the stairs. “Sleep tight, sweetheart.”
My eyes blink sleepily as I listen to their hushed voices. I smile, secure in the fact that no one is going to take what’s mine tonight. Not with the two scary, sweet men downstairs. Tonight, I don’t need to sleep with one eye open.
Chapter Thirty-One
Dirk
◆◆◆
Giggling is what stirs me from the best sleep I’ve had in some time. Raffe and Jesse being under the same roof as me probably has a lot do with it. I hate admitting that. Does it make me weak? Probably.
What the hell are they up to? When I sit up and look over the back of the couch the visual that greets me is straight out of a fucking Hallmark movie. Raffe and Jesse are covered in flour, their heads bowed over a bowl. Raffe is stirring whatever is in it with a large wooden spoon. Jesse is supervising, a beautiful smile on her face.
They are so goddamned beautiful together it makes me question whether I should join them or get up and walk out the door right now. Jesse sense’s my scrutiny, her eyes meet mine across the room. Her smile widens.
“Hey, sleepyhead.” She gives me the cutest little wave in greeting.
Raffe’s gaze joins hers, his eyes twinkling with mischief. His dazzling smile mirrors hers. Could it be we all just needed a good night’s rest. Or, is it that we are finally where we belong?
I’ve been trying to sort this shit out in my head. Ever since I saw them together in the tattoo shop I can’t get the image of either of them out of my fucking head. Raffe has had an interest in me since we met but I wasn’t into guys back then and I’m not sure I am now but…god I can’t deny that there is something about seeing the two of them together. Man, I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Raffe and I have been friends, brothers for so long. Can feelings change? Can they grow or have I been in denial about who I am?
No. Fuck that. I know who I am. I’m the person who drags you away from your demons and then I devour those motherfuckers. That’s what I did for Raffe and that’s what I’m going to do for Jesse. It’s not that I have been in denial…it’s that I’m seeing Raffe in a different light. Him with her is a side of Raffe I haven’t seen. It’s sexy as hell.
From the day I met him he has been a playboy. Something that the traffickers conditioned in him. While I may have saved him from them, helped him overcome the larger obstacles, those deeply engrained ideas of himself remain.
But, this is new. Maybe seeing how Jesse has survived has changed him. Made him realize he is good for something other than his dick.
“She’s trying to teach me how to make pancakes.” His laugh is lighter than I’ve ever heard it.
“I’m going shower,” I tell them.
They both nod and go right into the next Hallmark scene.
As the water runs over me I let me head drop, staring at the ink I’ve encased myself in. It started on the playground when I was ten years old. Same age as Jesse when I met her.
The day we met I shared the lesson I learned at ten. Sometimes you have to get mean to protect what is yours.
My sister and I had been home for a week by ourselves. We needed out of the house, so I walked her down to our local park. Our parents were both working. Always working. I turned my back for two minutes…maybe less. Long enough to fill her water bottle. As I was walking back I realized she was gone.
The panic tingles up my spine even now. It’s never evaporated. It never will because I still don’t know where she is, what happened to her. So, I got mean. I will break, burn, and murder to protect what’s mine. I embraced the dark, lived it, breathed it…became it.
It’s why I became a Skull. The Rebel Skulls embodied what I wanted in life. Protect those who cannot protect themselves. Yeah, we are scary motherfuckers and now you know why. No different than a grizzly protecting it’s young.
The scent of pancakes and bacon greets me when I step out of the shower. Inhaling deeply, I check to make sure my heart is rock solid…I have more dragons to slay today.
But, when I step out the rock cracks. Raffe is sitting down stuffing his beautiful fucking face while Jesse hugs him from behind, her arms wrapped loosely around his neck. She bites her perfectly pink bottom lip in anticipation, waiting for his critique of the pancakes. “Mmm,” he moans, closing his eyes for effect.
She squeals in delight at his appreciation. Her lips press against the blond stubble of his cheek before she turns back to the griddle. I clear my throat letting them know play time is over. Time to get to work. Two set of eyes land on me. Raffe shifts nervously. Jesse smirks. She points to a chair with her spatula. “Bout time, I thought you drowned,” she smarts off.
“Oh really, I didn’t see you coming in to check on me,” I flip back. I plop my ass in the chair she didn’t point at. She cocks an eyebrow at me. I return the look. She swallows slow her head dropping slightly. Yes, little girl, I’m still the one in charge.
She turns back around to finish the pancakes. When she returns to the table she has two plates one for me and one for herself. She sets mine down in front of me. Mischievous eyes do their best to hold mine hostage. She sits down between Raffe and I, reaching for the syrup bottle. Good god, the girl has a sweet tooth. She has more syrup than pancake.
Jesse flips the syrup upright, running her thumb along the edge catching the excess sugary liquid. When she pushes her thumb into her mouth and her cheeks hollow I lose it. Jesus Christ I’ve never gotten hard so fucking fast in my life. I force my focus to Raffe to see if he’s watching the way this vixen is torturing me. He is. His lips are pressed into a thin line, caught between his teeth. His hand is pressing painfully down on the growing bulge in his pants.
I turn back to find her grinning at me. So, I toss my eyebrow up, tilting my head to the side. Instead of being intimidated like the look intends, she laughs and ignores me for her pa
ncakes. This little shit.
Fine, she can have this one. I pick up my fork, ready to dig in…what? I roll my head back and forth. I don’t even need to look over to see her trying to stifle her laughter. I can feel it shake the entire table. She can’t hold it in. Her voice breaks past her lips. “Oh god. Your face. Priceless. Priceless,” she says through tears of laughter.
A snort escapes Raffe. Oh, I can’t wait until she turns eighteen. “You do know I’m keeping a tally,” I say, driving my fork into my hilariously dick shaped pancakes.
“You thought it was funny when I tattooed one on Bill,” she says, wiping her tears away with a napkin.
“Bill deserved a certain amount of animosity but me? Why pick on me?” I ask, taking a bite, stopping myself from moaning in appreciation like Raffe had done earlier.
“Oh, I pick on you for an entirely different reason.” Her cheeks turn pink as she shifts her gaze from me to Raffe.
“Why don’t you pick on him?” I point my fork towards my friend.
She smiles sweetly, reminding me of her innocence. “Well, I guess I kind of look at him as a partner in crime.” A cute little giggle finishes her sentence.
Raffe fucking straight up blushes, his beard unable to contain the effect her words have on him. What the hell? He wipes his mouth off with his napkin before speaking. “Yeah, we’re teaming up to see if we can crack you,” he says hesitantly, a small smile on his reddened face.
Her grin widens as she turns to face me. Both of them looking at me like I hung the stars and moon makes me…extremely uncomfortable. “Just eat your fucking pancakes,” I order gruffly. “There will be no cracking me. Today is about you.” I turn my fork on her.
Her smile fades instantly making me regret my words and my gruffness.
“I know,” she says sadly before straightening in her chair, a look of confidence chasing the melancholy away. “I’m going to tell you everything.”