For some reason this pleases me. I don’t want to be the pathetic girlfriend he destroyed. I want to come out of this looking strong, at least from the outside. A half smile forms as I think about what Shaun would feel if he knew I was with Josh. Would he feel threatened? Would he regret everything? Do I even want him to?
I guzzle my full beer, hoping to catch a fast buzz to make this awkwardness a bit easier to handle. The man sitting across from me leans forward and takes me in. I feel uncomfortable. Not only have I not dated for years, but I’ve never been alone with a man I hardly know. “You must think I’m a mess.” I try to fix my face and run one hand over my hair, knowing how bad of shape I’m in. “I’m usually more put together.”
“When I saw you walking in my direction earlier today, I thought you looked like you belonged on a cover of a magazine.”
“And now?” I hate asking, in fear of what he may say.
“And now I think you’re just as pretty. You don’t need to cake that shit on your face. You’re cute the way you are.”
“Really?” I’m unsure if he’s hitting on me or being genuine. “You probably say that to all the girls you bring here.”
He shrugs, proceeded by a cackle. “Think what you want. I never said I was a saint.”
“What about you, Josh? Ever cheated?”
He leans forward, exuding confidence as he does it. “Never needed to.”
“How is that?”
“I don’t put labels on my relationships.”
“So, you just screw around all the time?”
“I should have known you’d take it that way.” It’s like he’s making fun of my assumption. It aggravates me.
“How should I take it?”
“To each his own, I suppose. I don’t like the drama, so I tend to avoid it. I prefer the company of a woman without strings; two people enjoying one another without a commitment. You might say I’m horrible, but think about it, no one is ever going to hurt me, and I won’t hurt them. It’s a win win.”
“But how many women think like you?” I’m actually wondering if it’s possible.
“You’d be surprised.” He snickers, displaying a set of matching dimples on either side of his cheeks. They’re hard to make out under the patches of facial hair. As I focus on his features, I watch him lick his lips before taking another swig of beer. He finishes his second and crushes the can before tossing it directly into a nearby wastebasket. “Don’t tell me you’re some kind of prude.”
“I’m not,” I defend.
“You don’t believe me, that’s a given.”
I shrug. “It’s a nice theory, but I don’t see how a respectable woman would be able to live like that. We all want the fairytale. I don’t care what anyone says.”
“Your friend Liv doesn’t. There’s your example.”
I’m not shocked. Livvy is difficult. She’s crazy like that; beautiful and independent. Nothing stands in her way. I admire that about her, but distanced myself a long time ago because I couldn’t understand it. “Do you still talk to her?” I want to ask if they’ve screwed within the past couple years, but I’m not about to say it.
“It’s been a while.” Josh adjusts in his seat, flipping a music station on the television and filling the room with a light ambience of country music. “You really want to talk about who I’ve screwed?” His question embarrasses me. Do I want to hear about it? Have I become so desperate to avoid my problems that I want to dig into his past?
“Not really.”
He sits his third beer down on the table and stands, extending his hand to me. “This doesn’t have to be weird.”
“I’m not letting you take me to bed.”
He chuckles and shakes his head, but leaves his hand waiting for mine. “I’m a little more experienced than you give me credit. This isn’t about fucking. Take my hand and I’ll prove it to you.”
What could go wrong? I’m already at my lowest. I sigh and let my hand slide into his. He pulls me to stand in front of him and stares at me, while his opposite hand rests on my hip. “Do I make you nervous?” He inquires.
When he’s looking at me like this it’s a definite. “Yes.”
He starts to smile, but lifts his hand and focuses on dragging it against the skin of my cheek. “Relax. Close your eyes and breathe. I’m not going to try anything. You have my word.”
“I’m finding it difficult to trust anyone at this point.”
He’s leading me somewhere, so I peek to make sure it’s not over a ledge where I’ll fall to my death. When we reach a window he lets go of his hold. “Open your eyes.”
I’m staring out into the dark night, a sky full of stars surround us. “It’s beautiful.”
“Close your eyes again and listen.”
I can still hear the music playing at a low decibel, but what’s clear is the critters outside, the crickets, and bullfrogs. It’s the sound of a country evening, away from people, city life, but mostly automobiles.
“This is where I come to clear my head.”
“It’s beautiful. Is that what everyone says when you come here?”
“I don’t bring chicks here, except for Liv and we sort of grew up together. Her brother has been my best friend since we were kids. In fact, he’s married to one of my sisters now, so he’s family.”
“Wow. Is that weird being around Livvy?”
“I told you. I don’t see her. We were never official. I’m not her type.”
A giggle escapes me. This guys is everyone’s type. He’s sexy as all hell, witty, and determined. He’s rough around the edges, which makes him more appealing to us women who love a challenge. “I highly doubt that.”
“Believe what you want. Liv and I are history, if we were ever anything at all.”
“You were her first. I know that much.”
His face shows amusement. His smile is almost ornery. “Yeah, that I was.”
“Was she yours?”
“You really want to know?”
I nod. “As long as we’re not talking about me it’s a good conversation.”
“Yeah, she was my first. It happened here on the ranch, but I won’t disclose the exact location. It was a lifetime ago. I might have been thirteen.”
“So she was twelve?”
He shrugs while I think about what I was doing at twelve years of age. I certainly wasn’t thinking about boys. “I was still playing with Barbie dolls at that age.”
This gets him going. “She might have been thirteen. I can’t remember. We were kids. I’m lucky I knew what to do, and it sure as hell wasn’t anything spectacular.”
I don’t know why this talk makes me feel like I’m getting to know him. It’s not exactly a normal conversation between two people who are supposed to be on a date. “My first time happened when I was sixteen. His name was Justin Timmons. He played varsity football our junior year. We went out for nine months before he gave me an ultimatum. I had to sleep with him or he was going to break up with me.”
“So you gave in?”
“Stupidly, I guess. I mean, I was ready. I wanted it to happen. I think I needed the push.”
“Losing your virginity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
I shrug again. “My first time was okay. He said he loved me. He was gentle, and I’d like to think I didn’t embarrass myself too much.”
He moves a long piece of hair away from my face, while staring deeply into my eyes again. I’m not used to men looking at me like this. It’s intimidating, like he’s peering into my soul, if that’s possible. “I’m sure you had him by the balls.”
“Why would you think that? I had no clue what I was doing.”
“Because, if you look anything like you do now, he was probably freaking out. If I had to make an educated guess, I’d say he was only able to last twenty seconds.”
I place my palm over my mouth and laugh. “Probably less,” I correct him.
Josh shakes his head and shares in my amusement. “I knew it had to
be something like that.”
The room is quiet as I peer out the window into the distance. He leans on the sill, his arm muscles flexing around the tight short sleeves of his shirt. I close my eyes and wonder what it would be like for him to really hold me. He’s built this way from years of working on the ranch. He doesn’t require a gym membership, or do it to impress the women. He’s naturally born and bred to look this way. I can literally imagine him driving me up against a wall and having his way with me. My whole body aches, but not in the way I’d like it to. I feel beaten and bruised. I’m exhausted, drained to the point of wanting to sleep for a week at a time. “I should call it a night, Josh. I’m not good company, and I can’t expect you to keep distracting me like you are. I’m sorry I’m not what you first expected.”
He stops me from walking away. “Tamsyn, hold on a minute.” The way he says my name gives me chills. I stop dead in my tracks and wait for his green eyes to lock in on mine. Right then I think about the way Livvy used to describe them when she spoke of Joshua Healy. She said his eyes were the color of a lime. She was right, but maybe a bit on the lighter side. The inner circle surrounding the pupils has a dark trace along the edge. They’re magnificent, and as he blinks it’s like slow motion. I’m captivated by his beauty, but also the fact that I’m standing this close to him, in such a strange predicament, not knowing how I’ve gotten to this point. “A woman as gorgeous as you are doesn’t deserve to feel the way you do. I may not be great at a lot of things, but I know for a fact I can make you forget about him tonight.” He lets his index finger drag over my lips. He’s so gentle. It’s all consuming. I’m falling victim to his charm. He’s seducing me and he knows it.
“I can’t. I don’t sleep around.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Yes you are,” I say as I lightly shove him away. “You’re taunting me, and I’m not having it. I just broke up with my boyfriend.”
He puts his hands in the air. “Okay. I get it. You’re not interested, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up. Say the word and I’ll take you places you ain’t never been before.”
The sentence sends chills over my entire body. Is it bad that I’m picturing it; that I’m actually wondering if he can live up to his promises? “What word are you looking for?” I tease.
He approaches me again, making me wish I would have finished a second beer. “It’s a simple yes. Say the word and I’ll make you forget. There’s just one problem if you do agree to it.”
“What?” I curiously ask.
“You might like it so much that you want it to happen again.”
“You’re that good?” I imply while an air-filled laugh escapes me.
“Yeah. Yeah, I really am.”
Chapter 5
Joshua
I have her undivided attention. She’s biting down on her lip, thinking about everything I’m telling her. The idea of being able to forget her troubles for a time is appealing to anyone in her situation. I’m not pushing the idea, but simply feeding her enough to keep the curiosity going. If I’m anything, it’s loyal. I enjoy the company of a woman a little too much, but I also like feeling needed. Truth be told, I’m the only family member who doesn’t have someone to call my own. I’m not saying I want to get strapped down to one person, but it would be nice to have a beautiful woman by side when I want companionship. She may not be in the market, but it won’t stop me from offering.
“I’ve never had a one night stand.”
“Neither have I.” I can sense she doesn’t believe me. “I’m serious. It’s always been at least three nights, most more than that.”
She opens her mouth to respond, but words don’t come out. This pleases me. I’ve rendered her speechless. What I’ve also managed to do is keep her from crying for over an hour now. She’s entertained, which is a start. This one isn’t going to be easy, but now that I’ve started, I refuse to give up. She needs me just as much as I want to give it to her. She just needs to admit it to herself. “I’ve never been around someone so sure of themselves.”
“Turn off, or turn on?”
Her lips part, but it takes her a few seconds to actually answer. “I’m not sure yet.”
“Want to wager something?”
I have her intrigued. Her right brow cocks as she looks at me inquisitively for a moment. “A wager? For what? My innocence? You’re crazy if you think I’ll fall for that. No bet in the world could convince me to sleep with someone the first night after meeting him.”
She’s funny when she’s nervous. I get a kick out of seeing how far I can take my taunting. “The wager is minimal in the large spectrum of things. It’s just a kiss.”
“A kiss,” she chokes as she repeats it.
“Yeah.” I stroke her cheek again. “A friendly kiss.”
She’s shaking her head, but I can already tell she’s considering. “No way.”
“Come on. Are you afraid you’ll like it? You scared you might want another, or possibly something else?”
“Yeah right,” she argues. “You’re too full of yourself. I think you need a reality check. Not every woman falls for your fake charm.”
“Honey, there ain’t a damn thing fake about me.”
“I’m not your honey,” she states.
I take her by the chin and force her to look at me. Those blue eyes are tainted from her tears. “You think I’m sexy, don’t ya?”
“I’m not answering that,” she exclaims with a straight face.
I’m finding it difficult to keep my composure. The more she fights, the harder I’m going to try. “I want that kiss.”
“I’m not giving it to you.”
“What if I lean forward and take it?”
“You might get slapped,” she warns.
“Might? That means there’s a chance you could like it, right?”
“A slim one at that.”
I inch forward. “This isn’t how I wanted it to happen.” I keep going, watching as her eyes begin to slowly close. She’s giving in, her heart too broken to deny attention.
My bottom lip courses over hers. I’m precise and gentle, making sure her hand isn’t coming up to knock me sideways. When she doesn’t move I proceed, sucking her lower lip in between mine. I graze them both again, sliding my tongue out to test the waters, then I back away and wait for a response.”
Her lids flutter open and we’re right back to staring at each other. “Wasn’t so bad was it?”
She wipes it away, as if it erases what happened. “Not terrible.”
“And?” I expect a reaction.
“And what? It wasn’t spectacular or anything.”
That’s when I take matters into my own hands and let her have it. My lips crash into hers. My tongue intrudes until hers is there, warm and welcoming. I feel hands coming up my chest and pull her closer. She’s getting into it. Her eyes are closed, and we’re starting to get a rhythm between us. About thirty seconds later she’s pulling away out of breath. I’m turned on at the idea of getting my way. She’s sexy, her soft skin a reminder of how long it’s been since I’ve shared my bed with a woman. Maybe I’m lonely, possibly a bit desperate. I’m going to extremes to convince someone who probably should run in the opposite direction from me. I want her, and I’m going to have her, maybe not tonight, but somewhere in the near future. I’m going to make her forget all about that Shaun guy. She’ll thank me later.
“And now?” I request.
She shrugs. “I may need another go to compare.”
The next kiss is nothing like the first two. She initiates it, and I’m silently celebrating my success. I knew I could get to her. Desperate or not, I have her exactly where I want her.
This time she pulls away with confidence. “This won’t change me.”
I kiss her once before responding, “Keep telling yourself that.” Then I’m right back to loving on those puffy lips again.
Our heated make out session leaves me anxious for more, but I know there’s
a line I’m not about to cross. I can’t have her hating me in the morning. I’m too proud to take advantage of woman like that. She’s messed up in the head at the moment, so I’d rather her simmer with temptation than regret.
We’re sitting close on one of the couches, a movie playing on the small flat screen television in front of us, but I don’t think either of us are paying attention. I can’t stop kissing her. She feels good in my arms, her tiny frame fitting easily in my hold. The fruity smell of her shampoo makes my mouth water as I nuzzle my tongue over her earlobe. She’s slow to make a move on me. Her hands travel up and down my chest until she gets the nerve to lift the fabric over my head. Then I watch as she takes in my bare chest, her fingernails tracing over the sculpted muscles I’ve always seemed to have. “Wow.”
I chuckle against her cheek. “I get that a lot.”
She snickers as our lips meet. “I don’t doubt it.”
When I play with the buttons at the front of her shirt, I hear her take in a deep breath letting me know I have to slow down again. We take one step forward and then wait an hour for the next move. “Sorry,” I manage, even though I’m not.
“It’s okay. I didn’t see this happening. I can’t believe I’m here with you, at your family ranch. Growing up, all the girls talked about the Mitchell and Healy boys. It’s a little terrifying for me, especially given my circumstance for coming here.” She closes her eyes and seems to be struggling. “I don’t want to want you, Josh. Does that even make sense? I know I shouldn’t do this.”
“Is it taking the pain away?”
She bites down on her bottom lip while thinking about it. “So far, but I’m thinking we may need to break out the hard liquor before I start freaking out again.”
I pull the bottle of whiskey from the brown bag and hand it to her. “You can take the first shot.”
“Out of the bottle?” She questions.
“Yeah. We’re rednecks. We don’t need a glass to do shots. Take as much as you can and pass it over. When the bottle is gone we’ve had our limit.”
“I can’t drink that much. A few beers and I’m shitfaced. I’ve never had whiskey.”
Joshua Healy (Mitchell Healy Book 10) Page 3