Loving Jack

by Cat Miller

  She cleared her throat and squared her shoulders. “I understand. I’m sorry for hurting you, Luke. I hope you know that was never my intention.”

  Manny opened the door and a uniformed employee stepped out to retrieve her box. Grace nodded her goodbye to Luke. The urge to at least hug him was nearly overwhelming. Instead of embarrassing herself by crying on his shoulder, Grace turned away. She nearly made it to the door before a pair of strong arms wrapped around her from behind. She gripped his forearms, the only part of him she could reach. Luke held her tight with her back against his chest and breathed deeply, taking in the scent of her hair. He brushed his face over the top of her head. Grace broke. The tears would no longer be contained. This was really goodbye.

  “I love you, Grace, too much to watch you love someone else. I’m the one who’s sorry. I wish I could be a stronger man for you. I just can’t.” Luke placed a gentle kiss on her temple. He released her and swiftly walked away.

  Grace couldn’t bring herself to turn around and watch Luke go. The sound of the taxi door slamming behind her got Grace’s feet moving. Standing there weeping would do her absolutely no good. She’d made her choices and Luke had as well. She had things to do before the movers arrived. Keeping busy was the best thing. It was the only thing now.

  TEN

  Grace fidgeted in her seat on the plane and played with her huge, yet elegant engagement ring. She was heading back to Seattle a day early. She had big news to share with Jack and she needed to do it in person. Grace was nervous and she wondered how her news would affect their relationship. She was anxious to see Jack and ready to get their new life together started. They talked on the phone several times a day but they’d been apart for two weeks and Grace didn’t want to wait another day.

  The moving company took her things that morning and she headed for the airport as soon as they pulled out of the street. She hadn’t told Jack she was on the way. It was a surprise. He expected to pick her up at Sea-Tac the next evening. When Grace called Rachel she’d been more than happy to aid and abet Grace by picking her up at the airport and giving her a ride to Jack’s.

  “Oh, thank God!” Rachel had exclaimed. “He’s been such a cranky bastard since his last visit to New York. I can’t wait to see his reaction!”

  Grace had to wonder if Jack was cranky because he missed her, or because she’d decided to get her own apartment. She now had reason to rethink that decision and she truly hoped Jack would still welcome her in his home.

  Grace was exhausted on the airplane but a rush of excitement had her ready to run when she landed in Seattle. Rachel greeted her with a big hug and café mocha. The woman already knew her too well. With her luggage stowed in the back of the minivan they got on the road. During the ride to Jack’s they talked about the ad Rachel and Nina had posted for applicants to fill the position of Grace’s administrative assistant. Rachel was excited to get Grace onboard and comfortable as soon as possible. They decided Grace would start in two weeks. That would give her some alone time with Jack before things arrived and time to begin unpacking and get at least semi-settled.

  They couldn’t park in front of Jack’s house today. There was usually a parking space out front but today a motorcycle was parked in that spot so Rachel drove past his home and parked a few houses down the street. Grace had the silliest urge to duck down in the seat and hide, just in case Jack was outside. She giggled to herself. She was giddy with excitement and joy at being home at last.

  “Why don’t we go get some dinner? There’s a great deli around the corner. You can compare it to the delis in New York. You must be hungry.” Rachel examined her nonexistent watch. “Jack will have already eaten by this hour. You know he won’t set you free once he gets his hands on you.” Rachel smiled a bit too widely and started the minivan’s engine again. If Grace didn’t know better she would think Rachel was more nervous than she was about surprising Jack.

  Grace opened the door and hopped out of the minivan. “No way, you silly woman, I need to see my man. Give me just a second. I don’t want him to see us unloading my bags and ruin the surprise. I’ll go tell him I’m here before we get the bags.”

  Grace hurried down the sidewalk and bounded up the steps to Jack’s front door. To her relief it was open. She contained another nervous giggle. Hopefully, Jack would be in the shower. That would be a great place to creep up on him. She wondered how long Rachel would wait before she started unloading Grace’s luggage on her own. If she was too long maybe Rachel would just go home. Grace should have thought of that before going inside. They could have gone to Rachel’s house the next day or maybe even the day after that to retrieve her things. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be in need of clothes for a while anyway.

  Jack wasn’t on the ground floor so she quietly tiptoed up the stairs. He wasn’t in his bedroom and there was no water running in the dark master bath. Grace heard Jack’s voice and entered his home office expecting to find him on the phone. He wasn’t in there either. She heard him again and moved to the window. Her heart did a happy little dance when she saw Jack on the back lawn, but he wasn’t alone. He was speaking to someone she couldn’t see. Whoever he was conversing with stood under the porch roof created by the balcony off of Jack’s bedroom.

  Grace noticed the yard was much improved since she’s seen it last. Either Jack had been planting or he’d had landscapers come create the lovely gardens. Plants lined the walkway to the pool. There was also a new pristine white canopy out on the lawn that was strung with twinkle lights that Jack seemed to be testing. The tiny white lights came to life and they flickered on and off randomly, like stars in the night sky. There was a fire pit she hadn’t noticed before, as well.

  Was Jack planning a romantic homecoming for her? Grace was so full of hope for the future that tears sprang to her eyes. She couldn’t wait any longer, so she sprinted down the hall. Grace was sure once Jack knew she was home he’d get rid of his company. She didn’t want to be rude, but sometimes there was no help for it. She and Jack needed to talk. But first she wanted to get him in that huge cozy bed for a few hours.

  Grace raced down stairs without making any effort at being quiet. She rounded the corner and crossed the formal living room to the connecting family room where Jack often relaxed in front of the television. In the kitchen she found a recipe book open on the counter and various grocery bags full of ingredients waiting to be put away or used in a delicious meal. It did look like her sweet man had planned a beautiful welcome home celebration for the two of them. She wasn’t sure she could be polite to Jack’s company but she would have to try. Her emotions were all over the charts and she needed Jack to help her make order of the chaos in her mind.

  The sliding door to the back porch was open as she approached but the conversation she overheard brought Grace up short.

  “What the fuck do you mean you’re getting married? You can’t get married! I will kill the son of a bitch.”

  Grace couldn’t see the speaker’s face. He was a big man with broad shoulders. His back was to her, blocking her view of Jack.

  “I’m getting married, Matthew, I think. My proposal hasn’t exactly been accepted, yet, but it will be. And you aren’t killing anyone.” Jack sounded calm. His companion sounded ready to murder.

  “Try and stop me!” Matthew’s huge hands were fists at his sides. His body vibrated with anger. “You’re mine, Jackson! Did you forget that? Because I didn’t!”

  “You won’t be hurting anyone, much less my wife. I haven’t seen you or heard a word from you since our break up.” Now Jack’s annoyance was evident. “You walked out on me, Matthew! I’m sorry I forgot to roll over and die.”

  “I was giving you time to cool off and reconsider!” Matthew was nearly shouting. He turned suddenly and smashed a beefy fist into one of the concrete supports that held the balcony above. He let out an animalistic sounding roar of frustration. His back expanded rapidly with his agitated breathing. He shook out his hand and blood dripped from his f
ingers onto the pavers. Grace shuddered. She wondered if Matthew would actually try to hurt her.

  “Did that make you feel better?” Jack retrieved a towel from the stack he kept ready for pool use and handed it to Matthew. She could see him now. He looked sad instead of angry as his voice implied.

  Grace thought she should give them privacy. Matthew was clearly hurt by Jack’s decision to carry on with his life. Jack was trying to make Matthew see that they were really over. It was wrong of her to listen in on this private moment, but she was frozen in place. This was her greatest fear. Jack loved Matthew. You didn’t forget the person you intended to spend your life with, even if they broke your heart. What if he changed his mind? What if Jack wanted Matthew back now that he was here looking for a second chance.

  She was captivated by the magnificence of the two men. They were both breathtaking in their own way. Jack was elegant with an air of power and control, even in his jeans and a t-shirt while he worked in the yard. Matthew in his jeans, riding boots, and black tank top were just as commanding in a different way. The man’s arms were the size of Grace’s waist.

  Matthew’s stance was so aggressive she feared he might hurt Jack. Jack could take care of himself, but if Matthew laid a hand on Jack, Grace was going to intervene. Jack shook his head looking regretful and moved out into the yard. He resumed his work, placing solar lights along the edge of the now lushly planted walkway leading to the pool area.

  “Did you say w-wife?” Matthew seemed to have finally absorbed Jack’s words. There was dawning horror in that last word.

  “Yes, my soon to be wife –I hope – will be home tomorrow,” Jack replied without pausing in his task.

  “Are you that desperate to have a baby?”

  Grace jerked liked she’d been slapped and her hand automatically flew to her still very flat belly. As if she were protecting the child Jack still had no idea was on the way. She’d rushed home early to tell him the news she’d only learned the day before.

  “Fuck you, man! This has nothing to do with having kids! I love Grace. I have always loved Grace! You say that shit again and I’ll take off your fucking head!” Jack was in a fury. “You can leave now. There’s nothing left to say.” Jack stormed down the path to the pool. Matthew followed.

  “It’s Grace?” Matthew asked. He sounded defeated now. Grace moved closer to the door so she could hear them out in the yard. Wrong or not, she had a child to protect now. So she needed to hear it all.

  “I said leave, Matthew.” Jack refused to look at the other man.

  “I . . .” Matthew’s shoulders slumped. It was like the big man had folded in on himself. He seemed to be struggling for words. “I’m sorry I said that. I’m just so frustrated, Jack. I love you. You know I love you.”

  Jack made no reply at all. She’d never seen him look so livid. He was making his way down the path with a tape measure getting the distance between lights exactly equal before planting them in the soil with far more force than was needed for the job. She felt better knowing he would defend their love and take offense at the implication that she was nothing more than a means to an end.

  “You told me all about Grace. She’s the reason you never dated women, wasn’t she?” Matthew asked but he didn’t seem to need an answer.

  “I have nothing left to say to you.”

  “Nothing? After two years together you have nothing left to say?” Matthew’s voice broke. Jack jerked his head around to glare at Matthew. Matthew was now standing in the thick carpet of grass. Jack was parallel to him on the pavers. Grace had a side view of them now.

  “You didn’t have anything left to say when our engagement ended. What do you expect me to say now? We are over. I have started a life with someone who I love very much. She’s beautiful and open-minded. She accepts me for who I am. She loves me for who I am.”

  “I love you, too.” Matthew interjected. Jack kept talking like he hadn’t heard the heart felt words.

  “My feelings are as important to Grace as hers are to me. What you did was emotional terrorism in my mind, Matthew. So what, your plan was to withhold your love until I learn my lesson, until I see things your way? Grace would never do that to me.” He paused and turned away from Matthew. Silent tears ran down his ruggedly handsome face. “And, yes, I hope we do have children when the time is right. That’s what married people do. They make a family together.”

  Jack sounded exhausted. He looked aimlessly around the lawn seeming lost and unsure what to do next. He changed direction and came toward the house. Grace took several hasty steps backward.

  “I said I love you, Jackson. Did you hear me?”

  “I heard you.” Jack was passing Matthew but he didn’t look at him.

  Grace could see the tears glistening on Jack’s lashes and her confidence fractured a bit. He was hurting. He was hurting over Matthew.

  “Tell me you don’t love me, Jackson. I need to hear it. You’ve given me every reason in the world to leave, except for the one I need. If you still love me we have a chance to make this right.”

  “I love Grace. It’s too late for us.”

  Jack was almost to the patio when Matthew took three long strides and grabbed Jack’s arm. He looked ready to fight. Grace stepped forward. If Matthew thought to hit Jack she would make her presence known. She couldn’t get involved physically but she could call for help. Grace’s hand moved back to the place where her baby grew safe and warm inside her. She quickly pulled her cell from her back pocket and prepared to dial 911.

  Matthew forced Jack to turn and look at him. “I asked if you love me, not Grace. That was a non-answer, Jackson. Maybe I need to remind you.”

  Matthew wrapped one giant hand around the nape of Jack’s neck and gripped his hair to hold him still. He fisted the other hand in Jack’s shirt and took his mouth in a forceful kiss. Grace watched in shock. Jack struggled and pushed at Matthew’s chest. He made sounds of protest. Matthew growled into Jack’s mouth and fisted the hand in his hair tighter. Matthew tugged harshly on that hair until Jack’s head was tilted back, giving Matthew a better angle from his impressive height.

  While Grace watched helplessly, Jack’s struggle lessened. The fists pushing at Matthew’s chest gave up the fight. His sounds of angry denial became a moan of acceptance. Jack’s hands moved up to Matthew’s face to hold him close. He was kissing the other man back now. It was a passionate kiss of lovers who knew each other well. Something inside of Grace shattered. Something broke that could never be put back together. She had to leave. She’d seen enough. Matthew was right, Jack did still love him. It was all there for her to see. There was longing in that kiss. It wasn’t just about a physical act. It was about two people finding each other again, finding love again, as well.

  Matthew backed Jack into the pillar he’d punched just moments ago. He pressed their bodies together and Jack moaned again. They were fitted intimately together from chest to hips. Matthew’s hands slid under Jack’s shirt and pushed it upward. Their kiss was broken only long enough for the shirt to be pulled over Jack’s head and carelessly discarded. The men loved each other’s mouths fiercely with tongues tangling and teeth nipping. Two sets of masculine hands roamed and groped in a fit of passion.

  Grace knew her dream of a future with Jack had just come to a screeching halt. Just moments ago she’d been so hopeful. Her heart, that useless organ in her chest, shattered for the second time in her life. Both times were courtesy of the same beautiful man and this time she wouldn’t be able to move on and try to forget him.

  The tears began to flow then. One hand covered her mouth to keep the anguished scream building in her chest from escaping. The other caressed her belly, as if she were soothing the child she now carried. She heard footsteps behind her and remembered Rachel was still waiting for them to come out for her bags.

  “I was afraid to come in,” Rachel said with a nervous chuckle. “I figured Jack had you naked on the sofa already.”

  Grace knew the moment Rachel s
aw the scene unfolding out back. Both men were now shirtless and quite engrossed in exploring ridged muscles and firm lips. Rachel gasped loudly and cursed.

  “Son of a bitch!”

  With the sliding door open and only the screen separating indoors from outdoors, Rachel’s oath drew Jack’s attention. He was willingly wrapped in Matthew’s loving, if aggressive, arms when his eyes met Grace’s. There was no stopping the flood of mournful tears tracking down her face. Disbelief mingled with horror on Jack’s face. He looked up at Matthew who was also peering into the deeper shadows of the house now. Jack came back to Grace, but Matthew hadn’t released him and it didn’t look like he was going to anytime soon. That was just as well. Grace was leaving.

  “I need to borrow your van,” Grace told Rachel in a broken sob. Rachel immediately held out her keys to Grace without question. Storm clouds of anger and disappointment filled Rachel’s eyes as she looked at her best friend and business partner.

  “Please, drive safely. You’re very upset and reasonably so.”

  Grace snatched the keys and mumbled a quick, “Thank you,” before she took off. Jack was going to want to talk to her. He’d want to let her down easy. Grace would splinter completely if he said one kind word to her. She didn’t need his apologies or words of regret. She’d seen all she needed to see. It’d been foolish of her to suppose she could make Jack happy. She should have listened to her instincts.

  Grace stumbled on the last step and sprawled on the pavers. She scrambled to her feet and jogged to the street trying to ignore the stinging of her palms and knees.

  “Grace!” Jack bellowed from his porch but Grace kept going.

  The sound of his pounding footsteps approaching didn’t stop her either. She would much rather be alone for the impending total breakdown she knew was coming fast. Grace made it to the minivan and tugged on the door. It opened an inch before it was slammed shut.