Loving Jack

by Cat Miller

  Grace was caged in by Jack’s strong arms. He had both of his big strong hands on the window. He was breathing hard behind her. His hot breath sifted through her hair. She looked at the hands before her. They were strong and elegant. They knew every inch of her body. When she saw them now all she could think about was how they’d looked when Jack had been rubbing them all over Matthew’s body. Or the loving way they’d held Matthew’s face while they kissed.

  Jack put his forehead on her shoulder. One of his arms wrapped around her waist. If it was possible, she stiffened further, feeling like her spine would snap. Having him touch her now was painful. She just wanted to go.

  “I’m sorry, Grace.” Jack kissed the side of her head.

  “So am I.” He had no idea how much.

  “Please come inside and talk to me. Baby, please don’t leave like this.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about. I saw enough. I just want to leave now.” She had no idea where she was going to go, but getting away from where she was would have to do for now.

  “So what, you’re just going to walk away, again?” Accusation rang in his tone. Grace turned around and pushed against his chest with everything she had.

  “Are you saying this is my fault? Was I getting naked with someone else? Don’t you dare blame me!” she shouted at him.

  “I’m not blaming you.” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration and looked at the ground. When he looked back to her, tears swam in his eyes. “What I’m saying is I love you and I don’t want you to leave.”

  “You love me, do you? Tell me, Jackson," she mimicked Matthew, “what exactly would you be doing now if you hadn’t been interrupted?” They both knew the answer. “At the moment I’m not feeling the love.”

  Guilt and sorrow were etched into Jack’s features. There wasn’t really any good response to that question. Grace looked away. Seeing his hurt was too much. She couldn’t allow herself to feel sorry for him. That’s when she noticed that Matthew had followed Jack when he pursued her. He looked torn between dragging Jack away and jumping on his motorcycle and never turning back. He looked back and forth between Jack and her. It dawned on Grace that Rachel had seen that bike parked out front when they arrived and knew Jack wasn’t alone. Rachel appeared a few yards down the sidewalk looking like she wanted to be the mom she was and step in to make it all better. Sadly, there was no way to fix this problem.

  “Sometimes, love isn’t enough, Jack,” she told him sadly. “Love didn’t stop you from straying just now. Or was it love, your true love that made you forget me in the space of a kiss?”

  Now Jack was the one shifting his eyes between Matthew and her. He was so torn. His heart was there in his eyes and that heart didn’t know which way to turn. She feared his sense of honor was about to make him say something he would forever regret. No matter what happened between Jack and Matthew, Grace could never be with Jack again.

  Grace believed to her core that a relationship that wasn’t built on a strong foundation of trust couldn’t survive. It wouldn’t matter how hard or how long she tried, Grace would never forget this day. Insecurities from the past were still haunting her. Now that she’d seen the truth of Jack’s feelings for Matthew, she’d never be able to trust him with her heart again. It was too late for them.

  “I do love you, Jack, too much to brush this under the rug and pretend I can’t see exactly how much you love Matthew.”

  “But Grace, I love you, too.” He stepped forward to wrap his arms around her and she allowed it. She let him hold her this one last time. Just for a moment.

  “That just isn’t enough for me.”

  Jack was crying openly. She suspected he’d realized there really was nothing left to say. Grace had never believed it was possible to truly love two people at once. Just now, she believed it was. Jack’s heart was truly torn and Grace refused to settle for only half.

  Rachel squeezed by them to pick up the keys Grace didn’t remember dropping. She climbed into the driver's seat and waited quietly.

  “I have to go now, Jack.” It was plea for mercy.

  The longer she stood there the harder it would be to leave. He didn’t argue. Jack let her go in slow degrees. First he lifted his head from the top of hers. Then he slowly separated their chests followed by releasing her with one hand and a long moment later the other. He watched her face the whole time and neither of them tried to hide their pain. Grace looked over Jack’s shoulder to Matthew’s equally pained face.

  “I hope you’ve finally found what you need.” Grace swallowed hard, tasting the bitterness of longing and loss on her tongue. Luke’s words came back to her then. “Be happy, Jack. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. Just be happy.”

  ****

  Four months later . . .

  Grace was propped up in her bed in the maternity ward at the University of Washington Medical Center. Three sets of eyes watched her in silence. When she and Jack parted, Grace had been roughly five weeks pregnant. There was a solid chance that her son had been conceived in the alley behind a bar.

  She’d hugged the knowledge of her pregnancy to her chest like a precious secret. Until today, the baby was hers and hers alone. Of course, she knew she’d have to tell Jack eventually, but speaking to him about it would be painful for them both. She hadn’t had any contact with Jack at all. Jack had tried to get her whereabouts out of Rachel, but Rachel had promised not to breathe a word. The time to tell Jack had been quickly approaching, but the events of the day had hurried the inevitable.

  Grace just didn’t know how to approach Jack. What if he was with Matthew? She assumed he was. What if Matthew still didn’t want a child? That would make things difficult for Jack, not to mention the baby when he grew older. How would she deal with that? This was far from a perfect situation to bring a child into.

  She’d known right away she couldn’t work with Jack. So once she was able to gather her wits, Grace had contacted Luke. He would be perfect for the partnership at Artifex. She’d had him in mind for the position all along if she turned it down. It was an awkward conversation at best, but Luke listened to her idea with an open mind, as always. Artifex needed a CFO with a mind for improving their operations to help grow the business. Luke was an expert at just that. He also wanted to leave New York for greener pastures. It didn’t get much greener than Washington State. She pitched the idea to Luke and let it go. He would think about it and get back to her or he wouldn’t. It hadn’t taken Luke long to make up his mind to come out to have a look at the company himself.

  Within a couple of months Luke was on board at Artifex and Rachel thanked her profusely and regularly for helping to find the perfect person to replace her. Not that she’d ever actually gotten her foot in the door.

  The friendship between Luke and Grace had somehow survived Luke’s confession of love and Grace’s subsequent rejection of that love. They were both busy with work but their pattern of weekly dinners and frequent phone calls had resumed on the west coast. Luke just wasn’t affectionate like he used to be.

  Grace was doing freelance consulting from home. She bought a house with a huge yard in a beautiful neighborhood with top rated schools for her and the baby. Her plan was to keep working from home for a few years after the baby came. The baby that no one but Grace knew was coming. She knew Jack would never want to be parted from his child. Grace wouldn’t want that either. Her son would need his dad. So she didn’t even entertain the thought of moving back home.

  When Grace registered at the hospital she’d given Luke as her emergency contact. So when she lost consciousness while talking to her new neighbor, 911 was called. When she was still out of it in the emergency room the hospital had given Luke a call. Luke happened to be in a meeting with Jack and Rachel when the call came in. So they all rushed to her side. Unfortunately, Grace had developed gestational diabetes. The test for that wasn’t performed until between twenty-four and twenty-eight weeks. Grace was just twenty-three weeks and the test was planned for he
r next monthly visit. They were keeping her for observation and education on the necessary diet changes to prevent an episode like this in the future.

  She looked around the room at three of the people that meant the most to her in this world as she stroked her rounding belly through the hospital gown. And there they all sat looking shocked and accusatory. Luke’s expression was far more hurt than angry. She’d been hiding her little belly from Rachel and Luke but it seemed to have doubled in the last week alone. Jack spoke first. He was staring at her belly warily.

  “Whose baby is it, Grace, mine or Luke’s?” He got straight to the point, didn’t he?

  “Jack!” Rachel hissed.

  “Wait a damn minute, Landry. Grace and I have never been together,” Luke was explaining, but Grace was too upset for words. Why hadn’t she expected Jack to suspect the baby wasn’t his?

  “It’s my baby, Jack. Get out. All of you.” She rolled to her side and waited for them to leave. She didn’t need Jack. She could do this on her own. She listened to the shuffle of feet move away and the sound of the door shutting. Grace began to cry then. She’d cried more during this pregnancy than she had the entire rest of her life. She would be just fine, she told herself. She could do this. If she had to, she’d move back home so her family could help her raise the baby.

  A hand gently gripped her foot, startling Grace. She looked down to see Jack standing there. “I asked you to leave.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me? How did this happen? I’m in shock here. Don’t you think I deserve some explanation? Luke is your emergency contact, not me. He moved across the country to be close to you. What am I supposed to think?”

  “I didn’t tell you because I was still hurt and not ready. If you don’t know how it happened I’m not going to tell you. Luke is my friend and I trust him. And he did not move here for me! He moved for the position at Artifex!” Grace gave him her back again. Jack knew nothing about Luke’s confession of love. It was none of his business.

  “Mhm. I see you’re still blind to Luke’s level of devotion. He’s here for you. The job was a bonus and an excuse.”

  “You can leave now.” Grace would have to think about Luke later. Much later. Like maybe when she wasn’t carrying another man’s child.

  “I’m sorry, Grace. Fuck!”

  She rolled over to her back resigned to lay all the cards on the table and let Jack do what he would. “I was on the shot. They tell you it’s ninety-nine point eight percent effective. In my research since I found out about my pregnancy I’ve learned there’s a ninety-four percent success rate. Notice how those numbers don’t match? You are the only man I have ever had unprotected sex with. I’m twenty-three weeks now. So our son was conceived during that first visit to Seattle. Likely in an alley. Won’t that be a lovely story for the grandkids?”

  Jack stepped closer. As she spoke his expression had shifted from disbelief to awe.

  “We’re having a son?” He asked and looked at her belly like it held the greatest treasure known to man. She knew the feeling.

  “Yes, it’s a little man.” She was finally able to smile just a little. “I have sonogram pictures. I’ll give you one.” She sighed.

  “I came back to Seattle a day early because I thought I would pop if I didn’t tell you right away and I wanted to tell you face to face. I’d been scared shitless that you would feel like I was only marrying you because of the baby. But I think we both knew I was going to accept your proposal. I just needed to do things in the correct order for me to feel complete.”

  “I knew. I was just waiting for you to get all of your beans in order.” He smiled but it was a sad smile. She decided not to take offense to the bean counter reference.

  “Then I was terrified that you would want to marry me . . . only because of the baby. You know, after the thing with Matthew.”

  Jack nodded, seemingly trying hard to understand her dilemma. The baby kicked and Grace jumped. He was strong already. Jack leapt forward.

  “Are you okay? Are you in pain?”

  “I’m fine.” She smiled. “It’s just the baby. He’s got a hell of a kick already. I can’t imagine how it will feel when he’s bigger.” She reached out her hand for Jack’s and placed it on her belly where she could feel the baby moving. Jack concentrated on her belly looking anxious but eager. The baby thumped his hand and rolled for good measure. Jack’s face lit up with the joy of discovery.

  “Our baby. That’s our baby boy.” Jack said reverently.

  EPILOGUE

  Grace lovingly caressed her massive belly as she waddled across the lawn. She was supposed to be resting but bed rest was enough to make a woman go insane. Some fresh air would do her good. Grace’s toe burrowed into the cool, thick carpet of grass and she breathed deeply. She had to lean back slightly and place a hand on her lower back to feel balanced. The weight of carrying two babies was taking a toll on her formerly lean frame. She was lucky she hadn’t developed gestational diabetes with her second pregnancy. She suspected the fact that she changed her diet as soon as she was sure she was pregnant had helped this go round.

  After two years of marriage she and Luke decided it was time to have another child. Fate had stepped in and blessed them with two. A boy and a girl would be occupying the nursery very soon. Grace was worried about her ability to care for two babies at once, especially when it came to feeding, but she wasn’t alone in the struggle.

  A pair of strong arms wrapped around her rather massive circumference from behind. Her husband kissed her temple and swayed a little with her. She was totally busted. Luke had been like a warden since the doctor told her to stay off of her feet. The babies were nearly full-term now and they’d be a family of five any day now. Grace had to think about that for a moment. She supposed they’d be a family of seven including Jack and Matthew.

  When Luke learned she was pregnant with Jack’s child it had been a hard pill for him to swallow. He backed away for a bit, and she honestly couldn’t blame him. Not after she learned his true feelings for her. Then one day he showed up for their usual Friday night dinner. He explained that he loved her more than any obstacle. He’d loved her through heartbreak. He’d loved her though all of her successes and her failures. Her child would be loved by him no matter who his father was. He just needed her. He loved her. And he wanted a chance to be her man.

  “I’ll wait as long as it takes, Grace. Just give me a chance. Let me continue to be whatever you need. I love you. All of you. Forever.”

  Grace still teared up when she thought of that night. Once she opened her heart to Luke as more than a friend he quickly moved in and made it his home. He’d been there ever since. Grace couldn’t wait to meet their babies. Her life was about to be complete. She was more blessed than any woman had the right to be.

  Just then, her four year old son, Jackson or J.J. as she called him, came barreling out of the house with a toy truck in one hand and an airplane in the other. His dark hair was sticking up at odd angles and his ever changing hazel eyes where bright with excitement. He looked so much like his father. Even some of his expressions made her wonder if she wasn’t raising a clone instead of the next generation.

  “Daddy’s coming, Mommy!” he shouted and tore back through the house to the front door. She laughed.

  Jack and Matthew lived on the same street, but J. J. acted like he was surprised every time his dad came over. At first Grace feared it was going to be weird having them so close, but when Jackson was a newborn, having Jack close at hand had been a godsend.

  “I’ll go let them in. You have a seat, madam.”

  Luke pulled over a comfy lounge chair and helped her to have a seat. She was so huge she didn’t seem to be able to get up or down on her own anymore. Grace was so glad he hadn’t hustled her back into the bedroom.

  He kissed her deeply and smiled against her lips. “I love you,” he told her earnestly before going to get the door. The man could melt her so easily.

  It was peaceful for just a mo
ment while she sat relaxing on her rolling lawn. Grace had time to reflect on the twists and turns of her full life. It’s crazy how a person can fixate on a certain desired outcome and nearly miss their true happily ever after in the process. Her obsession with Jack had almost robbed her of the greatest love she would ever know.

  Looking back now, she could see the sharp contrast between what her feelings for Jack had been and how she now felt for her husband. Her relationship with Jack was purely physical, yet she’d coveted it greedily at the time. Her love for Luke had consumed all of her being. He was her best friend, her steady, her solid, her partner in crime, and her lover. He knew her better than any living being and she knew him the same way.

  Their love story was long, complicated, and sometimes sad. In the end, Grace had learned the moral of the story was quite simple, yet difficult to comprehend when you’re in the middle of life’s storms. You can’t give your heart away. Handing over all that you are to someone often ends in heartache. You need to wait for that one person who is strong enough to take your heart from you, fill it with their love and never let go. You need to find that one person who will fight for the gift of your love and cherish it forever. Luke was that man for Grace.

  The boys noisily made their way to her spot on the lawn. Jack and Matthew both kissed her on the cheek and she was required to give them a full report of her aches and pains so they could sympathize properly. Luke fired up the grill for an impromptu family cook-out. J. J. climbed up on her lap and rested a small hand on her belly as he proceeded to explain that he was about to be a big brother to two babies, not just one, to his father and step-father for the millionth time.