Complicate Me

by M. Robinson

  Jacob exhaled a deep breath and stepped toward me. “I get that you want to grow up. It’s just a little hard to see it. You’ve been following us around since you could crawl. Okay?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does to us,” he stressed.

  “We will always protect you. It’s in our nature. We will take it down a notch. That’s the best I can give you, Half-Pint,” Dylan added while glancing at the guys and then back at me. “Happy?”

  I sighed defeated. “It’s a start I guess.”

  Jacob kissed the top of my head, Dylan pulled me into a tight hug, and Austin rubbed my back, grinning and tugging on the ends of my hair before they made their way back inside. I was left with Lucas, who hadn’t moved or said one thing since I yelled that I cared about Cole. Knowing it had nothing to do with Cole.

  It was the fact that I said I cared about someone…

  Who wasn’t him.

  I needed to be alone with my thoughts.

  This wasn’t going to end well if I didn’t control the rage I felt for her sticking up for some fucking douche that acted as if he owned the ocean. Riding up and stealing another surfer’s waves. There aren’t many rules to surfing, but you respect each other’s breaks.

  Plain and simple.

  I didn’t know what possessed me to act like that.

  Yes, I did.

  Although the encounter didn’t go as I envisioned it. I was blinded by rage and panic of having her flirt with someone who wasn’t me. The urge to mark her overwhelmed me, and I found myself digging my nails into the palms of my hands to keep from shaking the shit out of her. I wanted to remind her that she was mine. I couldn’t seem to control myself, or the rapid thoughts that circulated my mind. She belonged only to me. As stupid as that sounds, that’s how I felt. I didn’t want her to be friends with another guy, and the reaction that she just pulled on me was complete fucking bullshit.

  Neither one of us dared to say a word, knowing that nothing could take away my desire to claim her as mine. Alex knew me like the back of her hand and vice versa. I was jealous and she was resentful, two emotions combined that only led to disaster.

  “Tell me, Alexandra, do you like your new friend?” I viscously mocked.

  Her eyebrows raised, the shock evident on her beautiful face making me regret my words almost instantly. “Half—”

  “Not as much as you like Stacey,” she countered almost knocking me on my ass.

  “Leave Cole alone, ya hear?” she added, not breaking the intensity of our stares.

  “Or what?” I scowled through gritted teeth.

  “Lucas,” Jacob hollered from inside.

  I turned to find him staring us both down, taking in our heated standoff with eyes that realized more than I wanted him to. “Come on,” he said with a nod while opening the door wider. The cool air brushed against my heated skin and helped ease the fact that I wanted to hit someone.

  Mostly Cole.

  I didn’t turn back around. I just left.

  All I achieved was adding to the times that I would walk away from Alex.

  “What the fuck was that?” Jacob asked as he grabbed my arm, stopping me to face him when we were outside.

  I aggressively pulled my arm away. “Don’t worry about it.”

  He jerked back while cocking his head to the side and spoke with conviction. “We’re all pissed, Lucas, why don’t you calm down before you do something you will regret later.”

  “What do you want?”

  He didn’t miss a beat. “Are you jealous, Lucas?”

  “No,” I lied with a straight face.

  “It looks like it, and from what I overheard, it fucking sounds like it too. Let me remind you that Alex is our little sister. You do remember that right? She’s not Stacey.”

  “No shit.”

  “Then I’m going to pretend that I didn’t see what I’m assuming.”

  “Don’t fuck with me, Jacob,” I snapped.

  He put his hands in the air out in front of him in a surrendering gesture. “Half-Pint is off limits, to all of us. Especially you.”

  I scoffed. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I replied through gritted teeth. My fists clenched at my sides and my muscles tensed. I could feel my temper looming. It took everything inside me not to put my hands on my best friend. But this wasn’t the time or the place. It would take years for Jacob and me to throw down though it being for a whole different reason.

  “Do you even have to ask me that? You’re not good enough for her. You know it and I know it. You’re going to hurt her if you haven’t already.”

  I swallowed the saliva that had pooled in my mouth, trying like hell to not take his words to heart, but I couldn’t help it. Everything he said was true. I had hurt her in ways I promised I never would. Immediately the memory flooded my mind of watching her fall apart in the abandoned house we called our safe haven. It was as if I stood there all over again and not in front of Jacob. It replayed in my mind causing me to feel the shame and remorse for the piece of shit I knew I had been.

  Or possibly still was.

  “I love you, Lucas. But I will knock you the fuck out if you don’t put your cock back in your pants and start thinking with the head on your goddamn shoulders. We clear?” He acknowledged with a nod.

  I decided to ignore his threat to break the tension between us. “What did you want?”

  I wasn’t scared of Jacob.

  “You want to direct your anger at someone? Well, I got the perfect guy.” He grinned while snickering, slapping me on the arm, and hauling me over to his chest in a lighthearted manor. “Let’s catch up with the boys.”

  We trailed behind a few blocks until we caught up to Austin and Dylan. Not just them, but Cole too. They stood in front of him, almost caging him in while he leaned against a fence with his foot propped resting along it, his arms crossed over his chest. He wasn’t afraid of us, nor was he intimidated. That much was clear.

  We gathered next to all of them with our bodies firmly facing Cole. You would have thought we were having a fucking pow wow with the way his demeanor carried. Not a thread of worry in his eyes or in his stance, he was as cool as the ocean water. This guy could fight. That much was also obvious.

  “Seems like we all started off on the wrong foot,” Jacob recalled in a throaty tone, breaking the silence but not the intensity.

  Cole cocked his head to the side with a toothy grin. “Oh yeah? You mean that’s not the general welcome around these parts? Damn,” he sarcastically stated.

  I chuckled. I couldn’t help it. “Cute,” I snickered as I eyed him up and down, ready to punch the smart ass fucking grin off his face. He realized it. I was never one for being subtle.

  He unyieldingly arched an eyebrow. “I try to be. Alexandra sure seems to think so,” he snidely insinuated only provoking me further. If I didn’t hate him so much already, I probably would have shaken his goddamn hand.

  Dylan placed his palm on my shoulder, sensing that I wanted nothing more than to take his sorry ass out. That wouldn’t score me points with Alex though, and that’s the only reason I kept playing nice. But if he kept luring me like that I wouldn’t give a fuck anymore and take the bait. Alex would forgive me eventually, and I would have the pleasure to fuck up his pretty boy face. He walked a thin line and he knew it, part of me realized that’s what he intended. He wanted me to hit him for whatever reason.

  Through the years, Cole would prove to be smarter than I ever imagined.

  “What Jacob here is tryin’ to say, is that you’re only going to be around for the summer, I highly advise you to reconsider where you stand,” Dylan warned not letting go of his tight grip on my shoulder.

  “And where is that?” Cole wittily replied.

  “You don’t fuck with Half-Pint and we don’t fuck with you,” Austin chimed in, treading near his face.

  Cole smiled with a nod. “Can’t we all just get along?”

  Now it was my turn to smile. �
��We will as long as you know where you stand. Don’t fuck with her and there won’t be any problems.”

  “Huh,” he breathed out, narrowing his eyes at me and striding toward me till we were inches apart. “And what if she fucks with me? What then?” he whispered to close to my face.

  “You son of a bitch.” I shoved the shit out of him before the last word even left my mouth and his back slammed into the fence. “Want to try that again?” I threatened, while lunging at him but Dylan and Jacob grabbed my arms.

  He put his hands up in the air, laughing. “Now this is what I call a fucking welcome,” he yelled out in a high-pitched voice. “By all means boys. Duly noted, I’ll make sure to not fuck,” he paused, emphasizing the word with wide eyes, “with Alexandra.” He clapped his hands together, moving away. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some waves to catch, and I’ll be sure not steal any of those either.” And with that he turned and left.

  “At least he has balls, I’ll give him that,” Austin boasted.

  I roughly flung my arms out of Dylan and Jacobs holds. “Fuck him,” I called out loud enough so he heard me.

  “Relax,” Dylan coaxed. “I’d rather her be hanging out with someone like him than a goddamn pussy who can’t protect her.”

  My face scowled and my blood fumed. “Are you for real?” I hissed.

  “He’s right,” Austin stated. “Let it go. He knows what’s up. We said our peace. Get your shit together and cool off.”

  I shook my head at all of them, seething. “Un-fucking-believable.” I turned and left, not bothering to hear any more of the bullshit spewing from their mouths.

  I staggered around endlessly for a few hours and then ended up in the only place I ever felt complete.

  It was still fairly early by the time my shift ended. Lucas wasn’t parked out in front of the restaurant like usual, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I headed to the only place I knew I would find him.

  He lay against the pillows while he threw a tennis ball at the wall in front of him. His stare remained at the task at hand as I walked inside and sat on the blankets beside him, facing him. Dream On by Aerosmith played on the radio. Neither of us said a word, and I swear it felt like hours had gone by. I tried to remain patient. Soundlessly taking in the words of the music around me. It seemed fitting.

  I couldn’t take it anymore, my frustration getting the best of me. “You’re not going to say anything?” I asked, breaking the deadly silence that consumed my very being.

  “What would you like me to say, Alexandra,” he replied with his stare intently placed on throwing the stupid ball.

  “An apology maybe?”

  “I’m not going to apologize for protecting you,” he simply stated once again throwing the damn ball back at the wall.

  “That’s not fair.”

  He shrugged not paying me any mind. “I never said life was fair.”

  I scoffed as my head shook, baffled. “It’s so easy for you.”

  “And what would that be? The fact that I have to watch you grow up, knowing that it’s only a matter of time before you really start growing up,” he harshly rasped while he angled his head on the wall. Throwing the ball much harder now.

  “Bo,” I whispered my head bowing, hoping that this conversation wasn’t going where I thought it would. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t know what you want me to do,” I spoke honestly.

  Everything was so confusing. So overwhelming. I wanted to go back when we were just kids and nothing else mattered but playing and laughing. Enjoying spending every second together, before emotions and feelings took over and nothing made sense anymore.

  Before we started growing up.

  “It doesn’t matter what I want. It’s what you want,” he alleged, his voice broken and torn.

  That was what made me look up at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You know.”

  “Remind me then,” I challenged.

  “You just want to hear me say the words, Half-Pint, and I’m not going to because then I would have to lock you in this house. And we both know that’s not going to happen.”

  I sighed, “Bo, I’ve accepted that you’ve grown up. I accept everything you do and I’m still your brown eyed girl.”

  He threw the ball a few more times, contemplating what to say, I was sure. It echoed through the room, mirroring my tolerance for his next words to me.

  “That’s exactly it. I fuck, Half-Pint.”

  It fell from his lips so easily, making me loudly gasp, surprised as hell. He’s never had the audacity to admit that to me, and for some reason I had the feeling that he was aware that I already knew. He would have never spoken to me like that otherwise.

  “I don’t care about anyone other than you,” he followed, still throwing the damn ball against the wall. Which now mirrored my heart. I hated everything he shared because I knew he meant it and all it did was add to the pile of confusion.

  For us…

  For me…

  “You’re not like that. I know it and you do too. So when the time comes, you won’t be my brown eyed girl anymore. You’ll be his, and that’s the truth between us.”

  I sat there blindsided with a parted mouth, taking in every word as if he recited poetry. It flowed through my mind making its way to my heart where he would forever be engrained.

  “You’re a good girl, Alexandra. That’s what makes you my Half-Pint. You’re the calm to my storm. It’s always been that way,” he paused to let his words sink in. “You’re my refuge.”

  Tears fell from my eyes, down the sides of my face, and into a puddle where his emotions now lay beside mine. I couldn’t stop the tears, and for the first time I didn’t want to.

  So I said the only thing that I knew to be true. “I love you, Bo,” I wept my voice breaking.

  He hit his head against the wall, the ball no longer flowed through the air, but it was tightly gripped in the palm of his hand. His eyes shut like what I just expressed caused him pain. It only made me cry harder.

  Then the ball unexpectedly hurled through the air, hitting the wall so hard it broke through the drywall. He immediately stood and was over to the door in three strides, opening it and stopping right before he stepped out onto the deck.

  With a bowed head and soft voice he said, “I love you, too.” And then he was gone.

  Only adding to the times…

  That he walked away from me.

  Lucas always comforted me. With his arms, his words, his expressions, even when he was hurting me. He was as much my refuge as I was his. I lay there for the rest of the evening, staring at the hole in the wall and letting the music lull me.

  Waiting.

  I heard the door open and close. I felt his presence as he sat beside me gently lifting my head into his lap. I closed my eyes while he lovingly stroked my hair.

  Softly humming…

  My Brown Eyed Girl.

  I watched him walk in from the corner of my eye. It had been a few days since I first saw him. He sat out on the deck, and I made my way out there, tray in hand. I placed it on the table, and he smiled the same dimply grin that made my belly flutter and my palms sweaty.

  “The boys didn’t scare you off, huh?” I joked with a hint of amusement in my voice and a hand firmly positioned at my hip.

  “I like to live life on the edge.” He leaned back in his chair as he looked up at me with a slight glimmer in his gaze. “You’re too pretty to stay away from.”

  The crimson red crept along my cheeks, immediately making me feel hot all over. I ignored his comment and moved the glass of water, with the chips and salsa from the tray to the table, not meeting his fixated glare that was intently placed on my flushed face.

  “I really need to stop blushing around you,” I admitted, handing him the napkins.

  “Please don’t,” was all he said.

  I smiled, peeking up at him through my lashes.

  “So, Alexandra—”
>
  “You can call me Alex.”

  “Can I now?” he teased. “What if I don’t want to?”

  I raised an eyebrow, trying to hide the smile from my face.

  “Alex is a boy name and you darlin’, are no boy.”

  I giggled and it seemed foreign coming from my body. I sounded like a girl, and I tried to pretend that I didn’t love that.

  “Besides, Alexandra is a beautiful name and it suits you just fine.”

  I nodded while I pursed my lips, making him cock his head to the side. “Are you enticing me, beautiful girl?”

  “Wow,” I breathed out. “You are quite the flirt, huh? This work for you back home?”

  He smiled, big and wide and folded his arms over his chest. “I don’t know, is it working for me now?”

  I smiled back, shrugging. “Where you from anyway?”

  “You change the subject when you’re shy and you ignore compliments, good to know. I’m from California.”

  I smirked. “Ah, hence the surfing.”

  “Hence she says,” he teased again.

  “Are you done?”

  He shook his head with a proud look on his face. “I haven’t even started, darlin’.”

  “Where in California?”

  I could see that he wanted to call me out on the fact that he was right about everything he claimed. “Santa Barbara.” But he didn’t. “Ever been?”

  “No. I’ve never been anywhere before.”

  “Really?”

  “Yep.”

  “Well coming from someone who has been everywhere, there’s something to be said about a small town girl.”

  I jerked back with lowered eyebrows.

  “In the best possible way that is,” he added after taking in my grimace. “This is the first time I’ve been to Oak Island, though.”

  “You should check out the pier or umm, the lighthouse.”

  “You should show me,” he quickly followed.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me. I mean you’re my only friend and all.”

  “I find that hard to believe,” I stated with a grin.