Complicate Me

by M. Robinson

  “What are you thinking about over there?”

  “Nothin’.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “You know when you lie your voice changes. It does this low pitch thing.”

  I already knew that. Lucas reminded me often. “Are you always this perceptive?” I teased, bringing the attention back to him.

  “It’s a curse.”

  “Oh yeah? Why is that?”

  “By the way, I know what you’re doing. Just in case you don’t realize that I’m aware of you trying to change the subject.” He flashed me one of his full-on dimple smiles I had become familiar with. “My parents are both lawyers.”

  “Ah,” I replied, ignoring the first part of what he said.

  “They work all the time, and it’s one of the reasons they decided to buy a house here. Trying to get in some family time before I go away to college.”

  “Makes sense. Why Oak Island?”

  “My mom loves North Carolina. She used to come here in the summers when she was a kid, they passed through here a few times so she has fond memories.”

  “But this is your first time here?”

  He nodded, grinning at me. “Definitely not the last.”

  I rolled my eyes, sitting sideways so I could give him my undivided attention. “Okay, buddy, new rule.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yes. This.” I pointed from him to me. “If it’s going to work, this flirting thing you got going on, it’s got to be taken down a few notches.”

  “How many?”

  “Like all of them.”

  “I can’t commit to that.”

  “Cole…”

  He chuckled, making his dimples prominent and enticing, I wanted nothing more than to reach over and touch them. I blushed just thinking about it.

  “I love it when you say my name.”

  I slapped his arm. “Stop that.”

  He laughed. “Alexandra, why do you want me to stop it? I like you. I’ve been pretty upfront about that. When a guy likes a girl, he flirts with her. It’s in our genes. We don’t know how to be any other way.”

  “That’s bull honky.”

  He laughed again. “Bull honky? What happened to bullshit? Is that how you talk around these parts, darlin’?

  “Darlin’? Now I know I’m not all fancy and from California like you are but I do know that ‘Darlin’’ is a Southern term. Now, who’s fakin’?”

  He glanced over with a mischievous stare. “You caught me. Can’t get anything past you, huh? I’m trying to impress you, is it working?”

  I giggled. I couldn’t help it. “I’m here, aren’t I? I’m kinda digging you calling me darlin’, no one’s ever called me that before.”

  “I’m almost certain no one’s ever done a lot of things to you before,” he hesitated. “And I’ll tell you what, I really love that.”

  “Yeah… yeah… yeah… just drive, Casanova.” I sat forward.

  We arrived at the lighthouse. Cole took some pictures, and he made me pose for him for some of them. I’m usually not much for photos, but I enjoyed being the center of his attention.

  “The view from up here is amazing. It’s my second favorite thing about Oak Island.” He leaned against the railing and I followed suit.

  “It is pretty ridiculous. I haven’t been up here in a long time.”

  “That’s a shame.”

  “Yeah,” I replied, taking in the fresh air and the smell of the ocean. The breeze was a nice change of pace from the hot, humid summer. I forgot how much I loved it up here.

  “Aren’t you going to ask me what my favorite thing is?” he asked, moving a little closer to me, causing his cologne to instantly assault my senses. It was difficult not turning to him just to breathe him in.

  “I don’t know, are you going to say something cheesy or flirty? Or are you going to be honest?”

  “I’m always honest.”

  I gave him a skeptical look and he held up three fingers again like when we first met, making me smile.

  “You, Alexandra, you’re my favorite thing about Oak Island.”

  Our eyes connected, and for the first time I didn’t have to question him.

  The truth was written all over his face.

  “So, tell me something about yourself that no one knows,” he inquired.

  “Hmm…”

  “Not even Lucas,” he added.

  “Now that’s a hard one, there isn’t anything Lucas doesn’t know.”

  “I find that hard to believe.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because you’re here with me. That tells me there’s a lot that Lucas doesn’t know about you. If he did, you wouldn’t be here.”

  I nonchalantly shook my head. I wasn’t ready to let him in like that, not this fast. I could lie to you and tell you it was because I didn’t trust him, but that wasn’t it. Cole was as sincere as they come. Over the years, our friendship would develop in ways that would have him replacing Lucas.

  The truth was…

  I wasn’t prepared to let that happen so soon.

  I shrugged and he accepted my silent request by not pressuring me to give him more than I already had.

  “Let’s talk about you,” I reiterated, challenging him to see if he would let me in right from the start or if it would also occur over time.

  “I’m an open book, ask me anything.”

  Well that answers that.

  “You said you didn’t have many friends. Why is that?”

  “Starting off with the big guns, eh?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Alright.” He nodded. “Duly noted. This last year was my first year at a real school, well a private school anyway. Before that, I was homeschooled. My parents wanted me to have the best education, so I wasn’t surrounded by kids my age unless I was going to charity functions or stupid shit like that.”

  “That sounds sad.”

  “I could say the same to you.”

  I was taken aback. “To me? I have lots of friends.”

  “Do you? Because I’ve only met or seen you with four.”

  My eyes moved all around me, contemplating what he insinuated.

  “I told you, we’re more alike than you think. Something tells me you already knew that, too. Or else you definitely wouldn’t be here.”

  I glanced over at the side of his face and he appeared deep in thought.

  “Cole.”

  He turned to face me.

  “I think I’m going to like us being friends.”

  “I know I’m going to want us to be more,” he simply stated.

  “Duly noted.” I grinned followed by a quick nod. “I’m hungry. Let’s go get lunch.”

  He trailed close behind me and I knew he wanted to grab my hand, I could sense it. I think that’s why I kept them folded over my chest. I didn’t want to give myself the option.

  Of letting him.

  It didn’t take long for us to get to my parents’ restaurant. I showed him a few more sites on the way there and we laughed the entire time, enjoying our banter and not taking the seriousness of our conversation from the lighthouse with us.

  I saw them as soon as we walked into the restaurant and I should have known better. I did it to myself. Again it had me contemplating whether I did it on purpose or not. Subconsciously wanting to hurt Lucas.

  “Half-Pint,” Dylan hollered, waving me over to their table. Aubrey sat beside him. Jacob was next to her with Macy, a girl he had started seeing. Across from them were Austin and some girl I had never seen before, but right in front of Dylan sat Lucas with Stacey firmly wrapped around his arm. I swear she held him tighter when she saw me.

  “Come on,” I said to Cole, who immediately grabbed my hand, leading the way to their table. I watched Lucas’ glare go from him to our interlocked hands.

  To be completely honest, I was shocked as hell, too. Cole knew everything without me ever having to tell him, and I learned it at that very moment.

  If he could see it and he had
just met me then why couldn’t Lucas?

  “Hey,” I greeted to everyone, averting my eyes from Lucas whose scowl burned a hole at my side.

  “Well… well… well… lookie here, our Half-Pint’s on her first date,” Jacob announced, smiling as big as the Cheshire cat.

  “It’s not—”

  Cole wrapped his arm around my shoulder pulling me into his side. My hand instinctively went to his chest, while he kissed the top of my head as if he had been doing it our entire lives. At that moment, it felt sincere and loving, almost like it was one of my boys doing it. I loved the feeling it gave me, providing a comfort that I was safe from anyone just like with them.

  “It’s not going to be the last either,” Cole interrupted, taking me away from my thoughts and continuing to bait Lucas.

  That much I did know.

  “It’s alright, Half-Pint, I can feel your anxiety from here. Your mom already informed us that we’re to be nice to Cole and that you were on a date. Can’t say I’m not hurt that you didn’t tell us yourself,” Dylan exclaimed, dramatically placing his hand over his chest.

  Aubrey slapped him on the back of the head. “You leave her alone, Dylan McGraw! Or else you’re going to have to deal with me, and we both know that you won’t win that,” she chastised.

  I couldn’t love Aubrey more than I had in that second.

  “Alex, why don’t you join us, let the boys here get to know Cole,” she added.

  Dylan didn’t correct her, which I found odd. He never let Aubrey have the last word. I wondered if they had fought about this before, I always knew Aubrey had my back, but I never guessed how much until we were older.

  “Maybe another time, I’d like to have Alex to myself on our first date and all,” Cole responded, making all the girls swoon at the table.

  “I thought it wasn’t a date,” Lucas chimed in out of nowhere. All eyes moved to him except his were directly pointed at me, and I connected with his intense glare. It made my heart pound and my mouth dry. I prayed that Cole couldn’t feel my body shudder, but when he held me firmer, I realized he could.

  “At least that’s what you said this morning. Twice, I believe,” Lucas goaded, only looking at me even though it was meant for Cole.

  I didn’t know what to say, and everything I wanted to reveal would only embarrass Cole and he knew it. It was always a tug of war between them.

  “Bo,” I warned in a pleading tone.

  I grinned, knowingly eyeing Cole. “Just repeating your words, Half-Pint. Don’t want Cole to get the wrong idea.”

  The tension radiating between us was too much to bear and everyone at the table could feel it. For the first time, I didn’t give a flying fuck if the boys suspected something. If he thought he could lay a claim on her in front of me and expect me not to call him out on it, then he had another thing coming.

  “Is this your girlfriend, Lucas?” he asked, smiling at Stacey.

  And the motherfucker went there.

  She giggled. “Hi, I’m Stacey, we don’t need to put labels on things to know how we feel about each other.” She kissed my shoulder.

  Cole nodded, mockingly. “Right… nice to meet you, Stacey.” He then turned to Alex. “I think you said you were hungry, let's go feed you, shall we?” He looked back toward the table. “Nice seeing you all again.”

  “I’ll see you guys later,” Alex half-whispered, being led away by the fucking douchebag. I wanted to punch that smug pretty boy face once and for all.

  Nobody said anything about the altercation, it’s almost like they knew better or something. I tried not to watch them for the rest of the day, but I couldn’t help myself, my eyes gravitated toward them. Every time he grabbed her or touched her I wanted to hurt him. His hands were on her constantly, and at times I thought she tried to back away but couldn’t for very long. She liked his advances on her and that’s what killed me the most. She knew I was there.

  Was she purposely trying to hurt me?

  Had I done that to her with Stacey?

  In my mind, the answer was always no, but what if she saw things differently? How did I not notice that?

  I hadn’t seen anyone ever have an effect on her as he did, and I hated him even more because of that. She was attracted to him and the easy manner they had with each other made me sick to my fucking stomach. She wasn’t allowed to have that connection with anyone but me because in my mind and heart I never had it with anyone but her. It was always her. She had to know that.

  How could she not know that?

  So I patiently waited till it was my turn and there would be no holding back my goddamn tongue this time. I would tell her how I felt and what I wanted. I was over playing these fucking games where we thought about everyone else, except what we wanted. I didn’t care about the consequences of my words or my actions. In the end, I would have her and that’s all that truly mattered to me.

  When they left, I stayed around for a bit and then dropped off Stacey. Giving him plenty of time to take her home and for her to get to our abandoned house. I just knew she would be there. She had to be. That was the point of us. I ran up the porch stairs ready to bare my heart and soul with her. Ready to take her in my arms and tell her that we were done with the bullshit.

  That I loved her.

  That I always loved her.

  That I would always love her.

  When I shoved the door open, it made a loud banging sound off the receding wall and I swear it mimicked my fucking heart. It gutted me and almost brought me to my knees. She wasn’t there. I looked everywhere and there was no sign of her being at our abandoned house at all, it wasn’t like I had missed her or anything, she was just never there. I couldn’t fathom how that was even possible, especially after our afternoon encounter.

  Did she not care anymore?

  Was I that easy to replace?

  The more I thought about it, the worse it fueled my anger and temper. The worse the hurricane that lived inside of me built, becoming something unstoppable and unforgiving. It took me right along with it. I couldn’t control it. The thought of them being together and her not caring about me anymore raged inside of me, it seared to the point of pain. Hours went by and still no sign of her. She didn’t rush to see me like I assumed she would. I wasn’t even on her mind.

  Cole was.

  Finally I exploded. Since I couldn’t hit him, I punched the wall as hard as I fucking could. The drywall crumbled all around my wrist, blowing a hole directly in the wall. When I pulled my hand out, it hurt like a son of a bitch. I shook off the pain and wish I could tell you that I felt better, but I didn’t.

  I felt worse.

  The blood from my knuckles slid down my arm and when I heard a loud gasp from behind me. I didn’t have to turn to know who it was, but I did.

  Alex lunged into action, grabbing a towel from the floor and wrapping it around my hand. “Oh my God, Bo, what were you thinking?” she fumed.

  I forcefully pulled my hand away from her touch. It burned, fueling only the fire inside of me. The already burning flames didn’t need more gasoline. She had to feel them. They surrounded us in a fit of despair and desperation.

  She raised her stunned eyes to my face.

  “What the fuck do you care?”

  “What?” she half-whispered, stepping back.

  I should have left. I should have never spoken to her the way I was about to, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to hurt Cole, and since I couldn’t do that, I did the next best thing.

  I hurt her.

  I wanted to ruin the memory of her fucking date with him at all costs. I had no excuse for it, other than the fact that I was young and stupid. I had too much time to think about them, too much time to dwell on how much I fucking hated him. Too much time to focus that she wasn’t here, when she was supposed to be, and too much time to concentrate on her not being here for me.

  For us.

  She was with him. It gripped inside and all around me.

  I could see it, feel
it, and breathe it in.

  I suffocated in the knowledge that I felt her slipping away from me, right from my grasp that I held so tightly around her heart. It hammered in my core, from my head down to my toes, leaving nothing but a loss of what I thought we were to each other. It made me believe things that I prayed not to be true, but every time I wanted to express the sincerity of what I felt to be real, of what I wanted so badly, I remembered them laughing and flirting blatantly in front of me and I drowned in an emptiness of resentment and fury. Adding to the facts.

  I couldn’t take it out on Cole.

  I couldn’t take it out on myself.

  I couldn’t take it out on the boys or our families.

  All that was left was her.

  She stood before me exactly where she belonged, and all I was about to do was push her further away.

  The exact fucking way I always had.

  It was just too much. I didn’t know any better. I reacted and it formed into chaos, so much fucking confusion I couldn’t see straight. I never meant to say things that would make her cry.

  Or maybe I did.

  I don’t know.

  “You heard me. Where’s Cole, Alexandra?”

  “Bo…”

  “Don’t. Where were you?”

  She bowed her head.

  “ANSWER ME! Where the fuck were you? I’ve been here for hours waiting for you. What, Alex? Am I not important to you anymore? Do I not matter now that Cole is around?”

  She shook her head, still not looking at me. “That’s not true,” she muttered, only pissing me off further.

  “At least look at me when you’re lying.”

  She immediately raised her teary eyes to me and they glimmered with a burn I had never witnessed before, and for the first time I didn’t want to comfort her. I didn’t want to ease the worry that was clearly written across her face. All I wanted to do was add to it.

  “Did you do it to hurt me? Because if that’s what you wanted then you succeeded.”

  “I would never hurt you, Lucas, you know that. You’re upset and you’re being mean.”

  “I don’t give a fuck what I’m being. You knew what you were doing today and then not being here when you knew I would be waiting. Explain that. Who’s being mean now, huh?”