Complicate Me

by M. Robinson

He smiled, a big toothy grin showing his stupid fucking dimples that I wanted to fuck up. “Lead the way, Bo,” he triggered with wide eyes.

  It took a few minutes before I found the wave and nodded toward it. He didn’t miss a beat, immediately paddling out. We both rode the waves with perfection and precision of an experienced surfer, except at the last second he cut me off again. I realized right then and there he played dirty. We went back and forth a few more times, each wave bigger than the last. Since I knew how he competed, I kept my distance so that he couldn’t get close enough to cut me off again. It didn’t take long for the other surfers to grasp what we had going on and they swiftly made their way out of the ocean.

  Before we knew it, it was just the two of us. I looked out toward the beach and saw a crowd had gathered. We were too far out for me to see if Alex was among them, but something in my gut told me she was. It just gave me more determination to make Cole look like the asshole I knew he was.

  We played this back and forth for what seemed like forever with neither one of us backing down. The waves were getting bigger and heavier. Clouds began to form above our heads. Rain was fast approaching, with high winds only inciting the seas.

  Cole’s turn was up and when he nodded toward the pier it took me a second to understand what he suggested.

  He must have seen my trepidation. “Aww! Come on, Lucas, if I can do it, you can.”

  “You’re insane. The waves are too rough. It’s too dangerous.”

  “No shit. That’s the point. Whoever rides the wave under the pier the slowest stays away from Alex.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not agreeing to that.”

  “Scared you’ll lose then? Come on, I know you want me gone. I’ll back off if you win.”

  “She means that little to you?”

  He smiled. “I know I won’t lose. She means that much to me. Can you say the same?”

  I knew in the back of my mind it was a bad idea. I also knew that I wouldn’t back off even if I lost, though he didn’t need to know that. If there were a chance that winning would make Cole go away, then I would fucking jump on it.

  I cocked my head to the side and then nodded for him to lead the way. He did. My heart beat out of my chest with every wave we had to duck dive. In a matter of minutes, the winds picked up. The wash off the back of the waves sprayed hard into our eyes, making it that much more difficult to reach our destination.

  Once we arrived, my skin felt chills due to the wind and rain that mercifully pounded into my flesh. I was ready to get the fuck out of the water. By the look on Cole’s face, he was too. “First one to make it under the pier the fastest wins,” he reminded.

  All I did in response was nod my head. My lips felt chapped and dry.

  We jockey for the wave trying to find the best break spot. We both managed to catch the wave, but Cole was in the best position. I didn’t let that deter what I needed to do, even though I knew I might get fucked. As I approached the pier, I strategically laid out how I would avoid the pylons as I chased Cole under the pier. At the last second, he purposely cut back and stalled, leaving me with nowhere to go.

  I tried to bail off the back of the wave but clipped the pier on my way out, catching my right foot on the barnacles. Immediate pain rushed through me, burning like hell. I had no time to contemplate how bad my foot was because I needed to get the fuck out of the way of danger before the next set of waves took me underneath the pier.

  I jumped on my board, using all my strength to paddle my way out from under the pier and let the white water drag me back. By the time I reached the shoreline everyone had ran toward me to help. As panic and chaos ignited all around me, all I wanted to do was pass the fuck out from the blinding pain in my foot.

  I didn’t even wait until I reached the sand before I rolled onto my back, desperately trying to catch my breath and govern the burning sensation that elevated from my foot through my entire body.

  “Oh my God! What the fuck were you thinking, Lucas?” Jacob yelled, kneeling beside me and placing my head on his lap. The rest of the boys gathered around me, but I didn’t see the one person I wanted to.

  Alex.

  “Have you lost your goddamn mind? Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? Jesus Christ, Lucas, you could have died,” Dylan scolded, lifting my foot, that was now drenched in blood.

  “I’m a doctor,” some man chimed in, pushing aside Austin and Dylan.

  Thank God.

  After he checked my foot, he called 911 stating I needed stitches. Dylan was able to get pain medication from the restaurant. I swallowed them whole and with no water. The crowd tapered after several minutes and it was then that I saw Cole hovering above me, looking down at me with worry and guilt all wrapped up in one on his face.

  Not even a second later I saw Cole literally being shoved sideways and into the sand, his big, bulky frame falling over into a patch of water. I immediately turned my neck to find its source of strength.

  “Are you freaking kidding me?” Alex barked at him with her hands out in front of her. I had never seen her so pissed before. It took me a few moments to realize that she was the one who knocked him over.

  “Darlin’—”

  “Don’t, Darlin’ me. I saw you, Cole! I saw you provoke him. You knew! You knew what he would do! Why? Why would you provoke him into something that could get him killed!”

  “That’s not—”

  “I’m not stupid! You stopped! You stopped right in front of him and he had to jump off his board to miss you or even worse hit the pier! Oh my God, Cole! How could you?” she wallowed with tears falling down the sides of her beautiful face.

  I looked back at Cole who had his hands up in a surrendering gesture and for the first time I felt bad for him. I don’t know why I did, I just did.

  Love makes you do crazy things. I guess in part I knew he loved her, and that won out in the end.

  “Half-Pint,” I coaxed and she instantly spun, her anger now directed at me. Which was not what I expected.

  “You!” She pointed at me with a stiff finger and a heated composure. “Don’t, Half-Pint me! Why would you listen? Why would you be so stupid to put yourself in danger? What do you have to prove to him? Nothing! Not one damn thing, Lucas!” She stomped her foot, her body shaking. “You could have been killed. Do you not realize that? You could have died and I would have watched it happen. How could you do that to me?”

  I jerked back, my own eyes filling with tears. “I’m sorry,” was all I could say.

  She wiped her face with the back of her hand. I knew she hated to cry and to have people watch her breakdown almost killed me in itself.

  “You always say that! That’s all you ever say and nothing ever changes! Not one thing! I’m over your fair weather apologies that mean nothing. You never think about me! You don’t care about what I think or want! It’s always about you!”

  Her words cut me in ways that made the burn of my foot seem like nothing in comparison. “It was just a guy thing. A stupid fucking guy thing,” I muttered, looking over at Cole who seemed amazed that I didn’t sell him out.

  She stepped back, staring back between the both of us. “Like your, ‘She’s just a girl,’ thing?” she scoffed in frustration, vigorously shaking her head. “You two can have each other.”

  “Alex,” I called out as she ran away from us. Aubrey quickly chased right behind her.

  Cole and I just stared at each other before her mom stepped out of nowhere. I hadn’t even notice she was there. I saw the disappointment clear across her face, making me feel like a bigger piece of shit than I already felt.

  “Lucas Brody Ryder,” she scolded and I winced.

  “I don’t know what happened out there, but I do know that my daughter was worried sick the entire time. Jesus, Lucas, I have never seen her so scared before,” she sighed and I bowed my head.

  The shame was too much to bear.

  “I am so disappointed in you. So disappointed.” She handed me her cell p
hone. “You need to call your mama. The ambulance will be here soon.”

  I grabbed the phone not being able to look up at her. I hit send and it rang three times before she answered. I know because I counted.

  “Hey,” she greeted.

  “Mom,” I said with a voice I didn’t recognize. The comfort in her tone brought me to my knees and I flipped out. Of course that caused her to flip out.

  “Lucas? Lucas, honey, is that you?”

  “Mom, I’m in trouble.”

  “What do you mean you’re in trouble? What did you do?”

  “I hit the pier with my surfboard,” I explained with nothing but dread in my voice.

  “Why were you under the pier with your surfboard?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged even though she couldn’t see me. “I’m sorry.”

  “Lucas, where are you?”

  “At the beach, by the restaurant. The ambulance is on its way.”

  “Ambulance?” she shrieked. “What’s going on? Oh my God, Lucas, never mind. I’m on my way.” She hung up.

  I handed the phone back to Alex’s mom still not meeting her intense judgment.

  “Cole, you need to call your parents.” She handed the phone to him next and I immediately saw the fear in his eyes.

  “He doesn’t need to call his parents.”

  They both looked over at me, shocked and dismayed.

  “I’m hurt, he’s not,” I simply stated.

  “Lucas, he needs to be punished for his involvement in this. You both do.”

  “I’ll be fine. No need for both of us to get in trouble.”

  She nodded in understanding. “Okay. I’ll go wait for your mama out front.

  She left and the boys instantly hovered above Cole, who still hadn’t moved from his spot on the sand.

  “You better stay the fuck away from, Alex,” Jacob warned, ready to strike if needed.

  “Leave him alone.”

  They all turned to me. “You can’t be serious?” Dylan chastised.

  “I am. Leave him alone. It’s between him and I. Now give us a few minutes before my mom gets here and I’m grounded for the rest of my life.”

  They all shot him dirty looks but took in my request and left.

  “Man, I appreciate—”

  “Shut the fuck up,” I interrupted, catching him off guard. “I don’t like you, you don’t like me. That much is obvious. I didn’t do this for you. I did it for Alex. As much as I hate it, she needs you in her life. You’re her friend in ways that I can’t be. At least not now.”

  “I love her, Lucas.”

  I nodded. “Me too. I hate that you’re around. I hate that she relies on you and no way am I saying I want you anywhere near her. And trust me when I say I don’t fucking like you, but who knows when I’ll be allowed to see the light of day again. So, take care of her this summer.”

  “You have my word.”

  “Now get the fuck away from me before I change my mind.”

  He stood, peering down at me with one hand behind his neck. Rubbing the tension and anxiety that radiated off of him. “Lucas… I didn’t… I mean… I was running on pure adrenaline. I never thought… I mean…” he paused, trying to find the words to say to me. When he finally breathed out, “I’m sorry.”

  I nodded again and with that he left.

  I sat there thinking.

  Not about Cole, or the pain I was in, or even how much trouble awaited me.

  Alex and how everything she said.

  Was right.

  I didn’t give Cole the approval to be with her. I would never do that, but for the first time I thought about what she needed and right now.

  She needed Cole.

  End of story.

  I stood there on the sidelines with my heart in my throat. I had never been so scared before. I knew when Cole left to go back into the ocean something was bound to happen. I felt it. I never thought that he would be the one to initiate it. He seemed more mature than that. When I watched him go straight to Lucas as soon as his surfboard hit the water it was like watching a train wreck happen right before my very own eyes. I couldn’t look away, even though everything in my mind told me to.

  It played in slow motion, each second worse than the last.

  I watched them fight for my attention and now I watched them fight for my love. How did things get so complicated? I never thought that I led Cole on. I was always honest with him. We were friends. He was what I needed this last year. I didn’t have to share him. I didn’t have to argue with him, and I didn’t have to explain anything to him. It was easy. We were simple. That was the beauty behind us. As I watched him provoke Lucas in ways that he knew he wouldn’t back down, I felt as though I failed. I couldn’t keep any of the men in my life from chaos.

  And it made me wonder if I was the hurricane not Lucas.

  The more they ambushed and goaded each other, the worse the winds picked up around me. Like the Universe insinuated what I felt, was right. The boys paddled out of the water and came running directly toward me. In that second I didn’t have to wonder if they knew.

  They just proved it to me.

  They hovered around me like I was a glass doll that was about to break. Each of them offering reassurances that it would be okay, but I knew in my heart.

  It wouldn’t.

  My heart dropped when I saw them paddling toward the pier, nothing good could come of it. I swear I stopped breathing the moment Lucas jumped off his board to avoid hitting Cole or worse the pier itself. My whole life flashed before my eyes.

  A life without love.

  A life without happiness.

  A life without Lucas…

  It took everything in me not to run to him. I was terrified he wasn’t going to come back up, that the treacherous waves had taken him under and I was never going to see him again. That this was the end of our story. When I didn’t even feel like it started in the first place.

  I was in a daze when I watched him ride the white water back onto the shoreline. The boys ran to him and I should have too, but I couldn’t get my feet to move from the place in the sand where I stood. It offered a false security that if I moved I would crumble.

  Right then and there for everyone to see.

  When I heard the doctor say he needed stitches and an ambulance had been called it added to the worry and hurt that I felt all around me. Hearing the boys yell at him that he could have died, that it was so dangerous, what was he thinking…

  It reaffirmed all my fears that flashed before me in the blink of an eye. Everything hit me at once. All the emotions that I felt throughout the years erupted and crashed into me, exactly how the waves did to him. It was one right after the other. I drowned in them.

  He lay there trying to catch his breath and calm his surroundings. I ached the same way.

  I never felt so exposed, so vulnerable and I hated it. At that moment, I hated him.

  For everything he had ever put me through and for everything he still hadn’t…

  When my glare shifted to Cole, he hovered above Lucas with worry, concern, and guilt written all over his face. I just reacted. I let my emotions completely take over and I booked it. I ran as fast as I could toward him with all the strength I could muster and I pushed him. The way his large frame fell into the sand mimicked the way my heart dropped when I thought I would never see Lucas again.

  The words spewed out of my mouth, one by one, and I had no control over them. They came off my lips effortlessly with tears fast accompanying them. It infuriated me further that I broke down in front of my boys, and a bunch of people I didn’t even know.

  Adding to the pain they both caused me.

  I said my peace to both of them and ran. It was fight or flight and once the fight was over, I fled. I ran away like the scared little girl they made me feel I was.

  “Half-Pint, slow the fuck down,” Aubrey yelled from behind me.

  I immediately ceased, dead in my tracks. She lost her footing, almost falling o
ver me from my sudden change of pace.

  “Don’t call me that,” I immediately reprimanded.

  Her eyes widened as she steadied herself and found her composure. “Alex,” she coaxed with sad eyes and a frown on her face.

  “Why would he do that to me, Aubrey? Why?” I pleaded while my heart broke into a million more pieces.

  “Oh, Alex, come here.” She pulled me into a tight hug and I let her. It was nice to have someone comfort me for a change.

  “They’re just being stupid fucking boys. That’s all. They would never want to hurt you.”

  I fervently shook my head on her shoulder, fresh tears falling down my face. “That’s not true! Lucas hurts me all the time. When is it ever going to stop, Aubrey? When is it going to be enough?” I sobbed.

  “Oh, Half-Pint,” she wallowed.

  “Please don’t call me that anymore, it hurts so much when you call me that.”

  She rubbed my back, trying to soothe me. “Shhh… it’s okay, it’s over now. He’s fine. Lucas is going to be fine.”

  “It doesn’t matter, nothing is going to change. Not one thing. I hate Cole for what he did to him. I hate him so much right now. I hate both of them.”

  “I know and you have every right to. But it will pass, I promise.”

  “It doesn’t feel that way,” I bellowed as the hurt in my chest dispersed throughout my entire body. I couldn’t stop crying, my body shuddered with tears.

  I hated that the most.

  Aubrey just let me cry for as long as I needed. When I finally opened my eyes, lifting them up, I locked intense gazes with Cole. Who appeared exactly the way I felt.

  I pulled away from Aubrey and she combed her fingers through my hair, away from my face. Her eyebrows lowered and her lips pursed when she met my eyes, following my stare that was locked with Cole’s. She looked back and forth between us and I nodded my head, giving her silent approval to leave. She did but not before she kissed my head and warned Cole with an angry glance that had him wince and nod his head.

  We stood there staring at each other for I don’t know how long. Time just seemed to stand still for a minute.

  “I fucked up,” he confessed, breaking the silence. “I fucked up really bad. I’m sorry, Alexandra.”