Complicate Me

by M. Robinson

  I lifted my face to look at him but I was too late, he already turned to leave. Jacob hugged me next, tight and securely around my waist and Austin followed suit. They trailed after Dylan toward the pool table.

  I turned to Aubrey when they were out of earshot. “What the hell was that?” I questioned, surprised and utterly perplexed with what just happened in the last five minutes.

  “I wish I could tell you. Dylan has been pissed at me since the accident and I didn’t even do anything. I swear he knows that I knew or something. He smells it on me like a bloodhound.”

  “Have they talked to Lucas?”

  “I mean they have but they haven’t. I don’t know. It’s weird. It’s obvious they know something’s up. I think they’re hurt that they’re just now figuring it out. I’m not really sure, it’s very confusing.”

  I swallowed the saliva that had pooled in my mouth. “What should I do?”

  “Fuck if I know.”

  I shrugged, glancing over at them with her. “I guess I didn’t even notice they had been acting weird toward me. I’ve been too caught up in work and trying to ignore everything else around me. Is it bad?”

  “It’s not good. Maybe talk to Lucas and see where that goes. All I know is they’ve been keeping their distance from him.”

  My eyes widened, stunned. “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I don’t want that. I don’t want to cause a rift between them. Not ever.”

  She nodded. “I know you don’t, but you’ve always been the glue that’s kept them together, Alex, you know that right?”

  I didn’t.

  And it made me feel worse.

  As I looked back over at my good ol’ boys, it was the first time I realized that it wasn’t just about Lucas and me anymore or maybe it never was? It involved all of us in some way, shape, or form.

  I never wanted to come between them and I knew what I had to do.

  Even though the thought alone.

  Nearly killed me.

  It had been a month since the accident and I finally moved around without the crutches. Not for very long but it was progress nonetheless. When I heard the doorbell ring I figured it was the boys. They hadn’t been around a lot since the accident. I figured they were just busy with summer. I didn’t blame them for not wanting to hang out with a crippled that couldn’t leave his house. My mom was out for the day and my dad was at work.

  When I heard the knock on my bedroom door, I realized it wasn’t the boys because they would have just walked right in. That only left one other person.

  “Lily, go away! I’m not playing Barbie’s with you again, that was a one-time thing.”

  The door opened and Alex stepped in smiling like a fool. I hadn’t seen her since the accident. She wore a white crop top with black cotton shorts. Her hair sat on the top of her head in a messy bun with pieces scattered and falling around her face. I knew she didn’t do that on purpose, she probably just slept with her hair like that and didn’t bother doing anything with it when she woke up.

  Her sun-kissed skin and her glossy lips immediately did things to my cock, which had me reaching over to grab a pillow to cover it.

  “Barbies?” she teased with a cocked head and arched eyebrow. “You never played Barbie’s with me,” she giggled, and it felt incredible to hear her laugh again.

  My day drastically changed from bad to amazing.

  “You didn’t have Barbies, but you did play G.I. Joes with me,” I stated, mirroring her smile.

  “That’s because he blew stuff up and it was cool. Barbies are stupid.”

  “In my defense Lily got me at my all time weakness. Being lonely and fucked up on pain medication will make you do things,” I shared as a joke to keep the momentum of our light banter going, but when her smile faltered and she frowned. I knew I fucked it up.

  “I’m not lonely anymore. You’re here now,” I reassured, hoping to see that smile that lights up her entire face again.

  She softly grinned, it wasn’t the one I wanted to see, but she still looked beautiful.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked, walking toward me. I nodded to the place in front of me on my bed. I slid over putting my back against my headboard to allow her more room.

  She climbed up and lay sideways with her head pitched up on her hand, always lying like that. It warmed my heart that she was still able to feel comfortable around me, even though we hadn’t spoken in a month and were nowhere near where we used to be.

  “I’m good. Better now,” I reaffirmed again. I didn’t want to put any doubt in her mind that I didn’t love that she was here with me.

  It’s where she belonged.

  “You look better. I mean not that I know what you looked like before but Lily—”

  “Lily?” I interrupted.

  Her cheeks reddened as she peered down at my comforter. She immediately started to play with the seams, her nervous habit.

  “Oh… well… Lily has been keeping me updated and stuff.” She shrugged. “It’s not a big deal or anything. I was worried about you.”

  If my baby sister were in the room I would have tackled her to the ground and kissed her. I made a mental note to do something nice for her later, even if that meant I had to play fucking Barbie’s.

  “How often do you talk to Lily?” I asked.

  She shrugged again. “Often enough.”

  “Which is?” I added, needing more information than she gave me.

  “Every day.”

  My eyes widened in shock and I couldn’t help the love and fondness that soared throughout my entire body, leaving a sense of longing in its wake. Before I gave it any thought, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward me. She came effortlessly. I threw the pillow and placed her on my lap with her legs straddling my waist, it didn’t help my over stimulated cock’s enthusiasm for her, but I didn’t give a fuck.

  I wanted to hold her.

  So I did.

  I wrapped my arms around her tiny frame. At first she stiffened into my embrace unsure of what to do, but it didn’t take long for her to soften and wrap her arms around me, laying her head on my shoulder and breathing me in.

  I kissed the top of her head like I had done countless times before. It was way too many times to have ever kept count. “God, you feel fucking amazing,” I groaned, smelling her coconut shampoo and sunscreen skin.

  “You do, too,” she sniffled.

  As much as I didn’t want to pull away from her, I did. I looked into her beautiful watery eyes and asked, “What’s wrong?” My heart sped up at lighting speed. Concern and worry were evident in my tone.

  She smiled, the same one that ignited her entire face. “I’m happy,” she laughed out.

  She gazed at me and I knew that look. My brown-eyed girl sat on my lap, placed in my arms, and I couldn’t help myself. I knew there were miles of barriers between us, I knew we had every obstacle under the sun against us, I knew that it may have been wrong, but fuck it, it felt so fucking right.

  She meant everything to me.

  I grabbed both sides of her face, closing the space between us.

  I leaned in and kissed her. At first it started innocently enough, but after a couple seconds she parted her mouth and started to move her lips. Her mouth became more demanding wanting me to respond and I gently started to, which earned me a moan from her lips. She tasted like Cherry Coke and cherry lip-gloss. I couldn’t get enough. It melted my heart that she still drank Cherry Coke and wore cherry flavored lip-gloss, it was always my favorite and she knew it. Her tongue was smooth and felt like silk. I hadn’t kissed her in so fucking long, it felt like it had been centuries since the last time I felt her lips against mine.

  I started to lean forward. I wanted to feel her body beneath mine. The second I was above her, my hand started roaming. It started at her hair and then traveled down to her face. She writhed and moaned beneath me, enticing me to go further. My hand moved to the top of her breast and I could feel her nipple hardening th
rough the flimsy cotton shirt and bathing suit top underneath. She pushed her breast further into my hand and I immediately gripped it harder, earning me another moan.

  It was the first time I ever felt her in this way. I subconsciously rubbed my hard cock against her pussy. My thin gym shorts and her slim cotton ones made it easy to feel the friction that ignited between us, it felt so fucking amazing that I did it again. She followed my lead pretty quickly and started rubbing up against me.

  I kissed her with all the passion and hunger of a starving man. She met each and every push and pull that I delivered. My hand moved under her shirt and I knew I needed to stop, but I couldn’t fucking help myself. I wanted this for so long that I let it take over. At first I caressed on top of her bathing suit but it didn’t take long for me to push the material aside and touch her warm perky breast, which felt fucking incredible against my fingers and in the palm of my hand.

  Everything with Alex was indescribable. It didn’t matter how many girls I had been with nothing came close to this.

  To her.

  It excited me in ways I never thought were possible. The emotions and love I felt for her made everything more real and complete.

  Our movements became headier and more urgent since we were both searching for something. When I pushed her shirt up and kissed my way down to her breast, her back arched off the bed. Her hips moved faster against my cock and I kept up the same momentum. I opened my eyes to look at her. I desperately wanted to see her breasts. I cupped it again and it fit flawlessly in the palm of my hand. Her cream colored nipple was just the right size. It was taut just waiting for me to take it in my mouth.

  I did.

  It was then that I truly noticed how warm her skin felt and how precise her hips rotated against mine. I sucked on her nipple a little harder and she rewarded me with a loud abandoned moan that made me look up at her through my hooded eyes.

  Her mouth was parted, her face was flushed, her chest raised and lifted at rapid speed as she fisted my comforter.

  Shit.

  I immediately stopped and pushed myself off her.

  “What’s wrong?” she said out of breath but not moving.

  “Fuck,” I yelled out, pushing my hair out of my face and holding it back with my hands.

  She inhaled deeply and rapidly, trying to steady her aroused body. “What was that?”

  “Fuck!” I shouted out again, only pissed at myself. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  She instantly froze, as if I had dumped frigid cold water on her. Sliding her bathing suit top over and pulling down her shirt, she closed her eyes tightly as if it pained her to look at me.

  “What?” she softly spoke.

  “Half-Pint,” I coaxed.

  “Was I not good?”

  “Fuck no,” I said too harshly. “That has nothing to do with it. You felt too good.”

  She contemplated what I said for a few seconds. “So did you. I felt like my body was—”

  “I know,” I cut her off. Not being able to hear her say that she was just about to come.

  That I almost made her come.

  I’m a fucking asshole.

  I finally opened my eyes and beheld the ceiling. I couldn’t look at him I was too embarrassed. Nothing even remotely close to that had ever happened to me before. It was like I didn’t have any control over my body, and I rode this high that wouldn’t drop.

  What was that?

  It was the first time I ever felt his manhood. The thought alone caused my skin to burn, igniting the already fuming flames into my bloodstream. Producing a tingly sensation down there, where our most sacred parts had just met. I felt some unfamiliar sensations between my legs. An occasional pulsating in places unexplored. It was also safe to say he felt it, too. The hardness pressing into my ache was a dead giveaway.

  “I’m sorry,” I heard him say.

  “Why are you apologizing?”

  “Because it’s so fucking wrong what I just did. I would never use you like that. You know that, right?”

  I nodded. I did.

  “It takes two to tango, Lucas.”

  “Yeah. But I started it.”

  That made me sit up and look at him. His hair was a mess and his skin was red all over. It was his eyes that struck out to me the most. They looked the same as they did that day on the beach when we were kids. They looked the same after every intimate moment that we’ve had since.

  My heart lifted. He did want me.

  “What if I started it?” I blurted unexpectedly for the both of us.

  “What are you saying?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Half-Pint, you would never do that,” he adamantly stated. “You’re not like that.”

  My face frowned. “Why do you always do that?”

  He shook his head, confused. “Do what?”

  “That.” I stood up and stepped in front of him. “You have put me on a pedestal and you treat me like a doll! You can touch me, I want you to touch me. I am not a child anymore. I want to experience things and I want them to be with you. I’m almost sixteen years old and I’ve only been kissed by you, it’s always been you.”

  His jaw clenched. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Then what? What did you mean?”

  He sighed, pulling back his hair again. It made his arms appear bigger. The ache between my legs once again made itself known.

  “I just meant. You’re different and I love that about you. That’s all. You’re not like the other girls.”

  “But you want those girls,” I justified.

  “No.” He swept a piece of my hair away from my face and tucked it behind my ear. That simple touch had me melting into his hand.

  “I want you,” he huskily rasped.

  I was speechless and by the look on his face he knew it.

  “You have to know that, Half-Pint. All I’ve ever wanted is you. I don’t care about anyone else, nothing compares to the way I feel when I’m with you. Or how your skin feels against mine, or how I live to see your face light up for me. It’s your innocence, it’s your spunkiness, it’s the girl,” he accentuated with wide eyes. “That would try to kick my ass if I ever called her one. The same one who grew up before my very own eyes and turned into the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I fucking love you,” he paused to let his words sink in. “I loved you then, I love you now, I’ll love you always.”

  “Bo…”

  I soaked up everything he had just shared with me. Every last word. It felt like daggers attacked my already aching skin, especially at my heart. Everything in my body screamed, “Yes do it.” It ate me up inside. It was the burden of knowing that if I gave into us, I would be causing a major rift between all of us.

  I remembered the conversation from the restaurant as it was just yesterday. Maybe if I didn’t know, maybe if they hadn’t warned me. Maybe if I wouldn’t of known that Lucas and I being together would cause all of us to drift apart, maybe things could have been different.

  We could have been different.

  But they had warned me. It was my moment of clarity and I wasn’t strong enough to inflict any more pain on my boys than I already had. Then we already had. I continued to let Bo say all the things that I waited to hear for so long.

  I needed that for myself.

  “I’m sorry things got out of hand, but I had to touch you. I had to feel you beneath me. I want to know every part of you, Alexandra. I’ve wanted that ever since I can remember. But that’s not the way it should have happened and for that I apologize. At the end of the day, I don’t care about anyone or anything but you.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “I do. The boys, my parents—”

  I stepped back away from him and immediately felt the loss. “No. Lucas, I could never. I won’t,” I babbled. “I mean. I can’t. I would hate myself if I ever came between you.”

  “What are you talking about?” He stepped toward me.

  “When was the last time
you saw the boys?”

  His eyes moved all around the room and then he nervously laughed. “Come to think of it, I guess a few weeks.”

  “They know.”

  “Know?” he lingered.

  “That’s why they haven’t been around you. They’ve been treating me different, too. Aubrey said—”

  “Aubrey? You know about Aubrey?”

  “Yeah. Do you?”

  He didn’t have to say anything, I could tell by the look on his face. It all made sense now. Especially the times I caught them in deep conversation.

  “You don’t think…”

  I shook my head. “She would never. But she’s right. They don’t like it, and I can’t be the reason that you would lose them. It would kill me.”

  “Alex—”

  “Let me finish, please.”

  He nodded, allowing me to continue with what I planned to say in the first place.

  “All my life, all I’ve ever known is you and the boys. I didn’t care about anyone else other than my boys. You’ve always meant something more to me, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that they mean something to me as well. I love all of you. You’re each apart of me. I’ve realized that this thing between you and I has caused a rift with all of us.” I took a deep breath, willing myself to keep going.

  “I can’t be the cause of that between you boys. Just like you can’t be the cause between them and me. They mean too much to me and I know they mean just as much to you.”

  He bowed his head with recognition that I was right.

  “You boys are my family and my heart and soul, Bo. There is no Alex without any of you. Please tell me you know that I’m right, I need to hear you say it.”

  “I can’t, Alex,” he murmured loud enough for me to hear. “In the back of my mind I know that you’re right.” He peered up at me with so much emotion in his eyes that it nearly brought me to my knees.

  “But in my heart, in my heart I don’t care. I hate myself for that because I should care. I’ve always been a selfish bastard, and the way I feel about you and not caring about them, it proves that. That’s the honest to Gods truth.”