The Clash (The Permutation Archives Book 5)

by Kindra Sowder

  My heart felt like it could explode, and each nerve fiber within my body sang with sweet electric agony. Glass shattered around me, sending shards and pieces through the air, scratching my skin and taking residence in my hair as even more tinkled down to the floor around my feet. With one final jolt that sizzled from my head and down into the floor, my legs gave out completely, and I fell to the ground, tiny shards of glass digging into my already tender flesh. Every sensation felt like a thousand needles jabbing me, almost like when your foot falls asleep, but a million times worse.

  Blue light that rivaled the stars exploded in the darkness that overtook me, but I could still hear. I was still aware even though I could barely move and barely think. All I could feel was the pain nearly burning me alive from the inside out, and the pounding in my chest as my heart threatened to punch through my ribcage.

  “Oh my God,” I heard Gaia shriek.

  Her cry was followed by a multitude of rushed footsteps crunching over glass. Fingers, soft and gentle, peeled the electrodes off my forehead and temples, dropping them to the floor with a plastic clank. I didn’t have to see them fall. Hearing it was enough to send a fresh wave of tears sprouting from my eyes. Another pair of fingertips pressed against my throat just under the jaw, feeling for my pulse. After a few hushed heartbeats, I heard a feminine gasp of shock and relieved laughter.

  “She’s alive. Oh my God, she’s alive,” Gaia said, breathless.

  Rough, masculine hands pushed my hair away from my sweaty forehead as lips tenderly caressed my temple. Ryder. That had to be Ryder, but I couldn’t open my eyes to see. I could barely do anything. Forcing air out of my lungs, I groaned, which sent another thrill through everyone surrounding me. As if they didn’t expect me to make it out no matter what they did.

  “Let’s get her out of here,” Julius stated. “Before anyone decides to come down here.”

  My entire body went numb as I was lifted from the ground. Within seconds, I felt nothing except the pain and overwhelming exhaustion. Before we even hit the steps, I was pulled into unconsciousness where not even the pain could reach me.

  Chapter

  TWELVE

  The only thing I remembered from the nightmare that followed was a blast of blinding blue light that shocked every inch of my body with electricity. My heart hammered in my chest again, but I was wrapped in a cocoon of warmth, one hand grasped tightly. Fluttering my eyes open, I blinked past the dim lights – still too bright for my frayed retinas to process anything. I moaned, and the presence at my side left, setting my hand down on the bed only to turn the lights down even further and come back to take my hand once again.

  When I was able to see, I noticed that the room was filled with far too many people for me to be comfortable. All people I loved, but still too crowded for what I had just been through. Ryder held my hand with lips pressed against my cool skin, Gaia stood on the other side of my bed, John Baker hovered over her with concern, Julius stood at the bottom of my bed, and Caius and Ajax sat on the far side. Doctor Aserov stood in the doorway with arms crossed over her chest as if waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  What had she expected when I woke up? Had she expected something violent? Screaming? What?

  My vision could barely adjust to my surroundings, everything that wasn’t easily recognizable fuzzy and surrounded by an aura. I was surprised I could see anyone’s face clearly, but faces were so much easier to make out than anything else at the moment. I was in a new place, and there was no telling what King’s serum and the reactor had done to me. Even I knew we wouldn’t see the full effects of what he had done until I was recovered enough to attempt more than opening my eyes.

  My throat was scratchy like I had swallowed the same glass that rained around us in Washington D.C. I swallowed and opened my mouth to speak, but only a croak came out. Clearing my throat, I swallowed again and made another attempt at speech.

  “Wh…where….?” I began.

  “Shhhh, don’t try to talk,” Gaia whispered as she leaned over me, gripping my wrist in her hand in reassurance. “Just rest.”

  “Wh…where…am I?” I asked, forcing the words from between my chapped lips. They hurt, and I felt the cracks in them.

  How long had I been asleep?

  “You’re in Dead End,” Ryder paused. “Kansas. Our last stronghold.”

  I took a deep breath that ached from deep within, much like the rest of my body. If it weren’t for the pain, I would’ve never believed what had just happened to me. I had been shoved into a machine meant to harness the energy from my ability to create a nuclear reaction as only I could produce. One that would have turned every person in Washington D.C. into a shadow.

  “King?” I choked out.

  “He got away, but we’ll get him, M,” Julius responded with fervor in his voice.

  He meant the words. I could feel it in the air as I lay there, squeezing my eyes shut and listening to the world around me. It was oddly quiet except for everyone’s breathing, but I could feel how uncomfortable they were as they watched me and waited for whatever would happen next. Even I was skeptical about my recovery considering I still felt the tingle of my nerves, the hum of something much deeper, and the writhing pain I fought with all my might.

  I opened my eyes in just enough time to see Doctor Aserov come into view. I hadn’t even heard her move across the room. She reached out and touched my arm gently, her eyes filled with pity as well as concern. I didn’t need either. All I wanted was to get better, figure out a plan, and take King down with every bit of power and force we had left, which made me think about my own ability. Would it come back? What would happen once the serum left my system? If it ever did? Taking a deep breath, I wanted to ask, but I barely had the energy to keep my eyes open or force the words from my lips.

  My nerves barely registered the prick of the needle in my arm. Doctor Aserov’s movements had indicated it even though I didn’t see the needle itself – missing small moments of time with my exhaustion.

  With a slight turn of her head, she said, “We should all let her rest. Let’s leave her be. I’ll keep an eye on her for the time being, and then send Rayna in. All of you need your sleep as well. I suggest you get some while you can. She’ll be up and running in no time.”

  Swiftly, I reached out with both arms and took Gaia and Ryder’s wrists, letting them know I wanted them to stay without so many words.

  “Please,” I breathed.

  “I’m not leaving my sister,” Gaia said, looking to Doctor Aserov and John who still stood behind her – protective.

  “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll pull up a chair and sleep right here,” Ryder continued, clamping his free hand over mine and giving it an encouraging squeeze.

  I nodded and swallowed, wanting so badly to reach out to Julius and let him know that I wanted him to stay as well, but I had a feeling the good doctor would only allow so much in my current state.

  “Julius,” I coughed past my dry throat.

  “I’m here,” Julius stated, shuffling closer.

  He moved into my line of sight, and Ryder passed my hand over to him. His palms were sweaty and warm, but comforting, almost as if I could rewind the hand of time and live my old life again. My lids were heavy, and my entire body felt as if it were weighted down with the fatigue I felt leaching every bit of strength from my muscles.

  Before I could even attempt to speak again, I felt as if I would collapse even though I was laying down. Julius seemed to understand as my eyelids trembled with tiredness. His smile warmed, and his eyes grew hot with determination – his muscles tensing with the need to release the rage I knew built up inside him. Much like everyone else in the room. I hadn’t paid much attention to anyone else, but I knew they would understand. If anyone in my presence could, it would be Caius. He had fallen victim to a similar serum five years ago.

&n
bsp; “Later, okay? Sleep,” he suggested as he softly pat my hand.

  My breath pushed heavily from my lungs, as if in a sigh, and I nodded – closing my eyes. In that instant, I felt relief beyond measure. Like the same hand of God that had reached down inside me and caused such anguish was finally granting me respite.

  Just like that, everything fell away. I slept harder than I had my entire life, allowing the darkness to envelop me in its soft warmth.

  As I drifted off, I felt as if I was swimming, nothing penetrating the dream state beside what little I perceived. Which was nothing beyond the darkness tinged with red light piercing my eyelids, and the heat of the blankets wrapped around my body. Then I felt like I was falling, much like Alice had when she reached too far down into the rabbit hole.

  Blue light shattered the darkness, and when my eyes snapped open again, I was back inside the dome of the reactor. Panic struck in the dead center of my belly, my heart pounding just as it had before – on the verge of exploding. The light bounced off the tiled walls, muting all other colors so I couldn’t tell what was brown or green or any other hue beside the blue that shocked my system over and over again. The water continued to run between the two panes of curved glass, moving through the metal tubes below my feet, and into the reactor behind me as it hummed continuously. The floor was cool under my bare foot, causing a shiver to run up my spine.

  This time, there was one major difference in the sensations running through my body. There was no pressure of impending electric surge or seizure.

  Just past the streaming water and glare, a figure stood beyond the barrier that separated us, blurry – but I recognized it instantly. Blonde hair fell past her shoulders, and her pale skin stood out, cast in the beautiful glow of the pulsating machine. Her palm was pressed against the glass as if calling out to me for contact. But she was gone. I couldn’t feel her, not really. So, this dream – or vision – was all I had. Either way, it didn’t matter to me. She was here now, and this was the closest to her. I’d ever get again.

  Closing the distance between myself and the glass, I reached out and pressed my own palm against it just opposite of my mother’s. Tears burned and welled up in my eyes, spilling over and down my cheeks as the grief of losing her took hold. Gaia looked so much like her – even down to her sparkling wit and determination. Even though the image of her face was fuzzy, I watched her lips spread in a soft smile that spoke volumes without a word having to be said.

  “I don’t know if I can do this without you,” I sobbed. “How am I supposed to do this? I can’t win this war.”

  Her smile widened, and she opened her mouth to speak, tone reassuring.

  “My darling daughter, you are much stronger than you think. You can win this,” she paused, her brow knitting together as if confused, “and you will. But at a cost so much greater than any you have suffered.”

  I scoffed at the notion. “Losing you wasn’t enough? Losing my leg from the knee down wasn’t enough? Being forced to kill Cato wasn’t enough? If that isn’t, then what else is there? What else could I possibly lose than what I have?”

  She didn’t reply, only stared at me through the sheath of rolling water between us. My mind flitted to another question that had been pushed to the back of my thoughts considering my torture and impending doom.

  “Why didn’t you tell me King was my father?” I questioned nervously.

  Sadness seemed to overwhelm her as soon as she heard the question, her gaze falling away from me and to the floor with obvious shame. Frustration and anger flooded formed a solid pit in my chest where my heart should be.

  “Mom, please, why didn’t you tell me?”

  I began to sob. The water between us began to boil around my fingers in its prison, heat spreading outward from my open palm.

  “This changes everything. How can I fight him?” I cried. “I just want to know why.”

  “I tried, but…”

  “But what? You should have tried harder. Told me before all of this. Maybe that could have made a difference. Maybe it would have changed how this turned out.”

  My mother shook her head fervently.

  “No, Mila, it wouldn’t have. King has always known about you, and you see how he continues his tirade.”

  “He’s always known,” I laughed, the bubbles in the water growing almost past the glass’s capability to hold them in. “Then why didn’t I? Did Dad know?”

  This was it. This was the fight we needed to have. It may have all been in my head, but I didn’t care about the outlet I had to take. I felt as if I would explode if I didn’t say the words — get the answers. They may have been a figment of my unconscious brain, but maybe there would be some semblance of truth hidden there.

  “He did,” she said with a nod. “He promised to never tell you. You are his daughter, and he believed that regardless. It was never the right time to tell you. I hoped you’d never have to find out.”

  “But I did, Mom. Fairbanks set your dirty laundry out to dry, and if it’s even possible, I hate King more than I ever thought I could.”

  My mother’s face hardened then, and her icy blue gaze settled on me, filled with the same hatred I felt. It permeated every crack and filled every void until all empty space was occupied. It was as if she was a physical, mirror image of every emotion that ran through me.

  “Use it.”

  Even more, confusion than I already felt flooded my mind, nearly taking what was left of my sanity with it. Use what? How could I use anything? All I had at my disposal was the Fallen Paradigm’s meager remains, and there seemed to be much less than I had hoped for.

  My brow furrowed as frustration uncoiled in my stomach. “Use what, Mom? I have nothing left.”

  My mother looked miserable, almost to the point of grief, but her eyes brightened with the pulsating light behind me. I turned, and the reactor looked much like it had when I had been trapped in it. Bright blue pulsing light burned my eyes, causing them to tear up. If the same electric shocks had moved through my body, I would’ve sworn this wasn’t a dream. Their absence and my deceased mother’s presence confirmed that for me. When I looked back at her, her eyes were alight with the heat of all the wrath one human being could muster. If not more.

  “Use what?” I repeated, shouting.

  “Use your anger and your hatred. Use my death, your father’s and Cato’s deaths. Use all of your wrath as fuel. You are more powerful than you believe yourself to be. Especially with a new ally. Use yourself. Use John Baker. With both on your side, you can win this war.”

  Her gaze leveled on me and sparkled.

  “You will win this war.”

  “How do you know?”

  Her warm smile was easily visible past the flashing blue light and swirling water.

  “I know you.”

  The same familiar hum began to grow behind me, and I turned, my eyes burning as the light began to grow even brighter. My hand raised out of instinct to block it, but it did no good.

  “Mila,” I heard my mother’s voice echo through my mind. “My dearest girl.”

  When I turned back to face her, her face nearly touched the glass, her hand still opposite mine and touching the smooth surface as it warmed. My skin began to blister. I felt it as my hand glided over it, the water swirling even more violently than it had been. I waited for the electric current, but it never came.

  “I love you,” she said.

  “I love you,” I replied, one solitary tear rolling down my cheek as my eyes burned with even more that were ready to fall.

  I felt the heat and saw the flash as the reactor exploded, pulling me back into the waking world with a start, my heart racing almost the point of leaping from my mouth. I jolted upright and sucked in a deep breath. My hand went to my heart instantly, like I could physically hold it in its cage forever.
>
  Strong hands gripped my shoulders, and when I finally focused on my surroundings, I was greeted by a dark room and equally dark eyes and flesh.

  Fairbanks had survived, sporting at least a week’s worth of scruff on his jaw and filthy clothes. The same ones he had been wearing the last moments I saw him.

  “It’s okay, you’re safe. We’re safe,” he breathed, seemingly just as terrified as I was.

  I shook my head and looked deep into his eyes.

  “No, we’re not. Not until that bastard is dead.”

  Chapter

  THIRTEEN

  It didn’t take long before I was placed in a room for debriefing. Fairbanks and the Fallen Paradigm needed to know what I had seen while kidnapped by King and his band of psychopathic doctors. Doctor Tee, the man I had met mostly in the confines of the lab on the plane, worked for Fuji-O’Hara Industries who, in turn, worked for King in the private sector. Their specialty?

  Medical weaponry.

  This ranged from the serum developed to concentrate my power – the same that had been used on Caius five years prior – and the NanoTech that had brought John Baker into being.

  The room reminded me a lot of the conference rooms that had been used on Kiawah Island, but the chairs were much less comfortable and the setting much less modern than the rebellion’s headquarters outside the Wall. Unfortunately, inside its confines, it seemed we were able to make use of a lot less of our resources. It made me wonder, but that was something I could tackle at a later date.

  If there was a later date.

  The room was filled with only those that mattered, which consisted of myself, Fairbanks, Gaia, Ajax, and Ryder. Those that had always worked within my mother’s ranks that could be trusted. Granted, the rest had been brought along with me, or as a result of King’s actions, but Fairbanks felt that this was how it had to be. It was how it had always been done. If my mother were alive, she would be included in this group as well, which brought a pang of regret and grief – stabbing my heart with the familiar pain. The doctors were busy, and I had yet to actually make any further contact with anyone outside of this room. I guessed that made perfect sense in the grand scheme of things, even though the thought of not having Julius or Cecilia around made me fidget slightly in my metal chair.