by Wilder, L.
“Yeah, Maverick said he spends most of the day working with some spinal therapist. Apparently, they think she’s trying to kill him,” she laughed.
“I bet Cotton’s loving that,” I told her as I forced a smile, trying my best to disguise the fact I just wanted to crawl into my bed and hide. Luckily, she was too busy gawking at all the flowers to notice the tears that threatened to fill my eyes. Before she figured out I was about to cry, I turned toward my bedroom and said, “I’m gonna take a bath. Go put your stuff away and I’ll be out in a little bit.”
“Okay,” she answered. Before I closed the door, she shouted, “I’ll order us a couple of pizzas for dinner. We can catch up on our shows tonight.”
Without answering, I shut my door and fell face first onto my bed, burying my head into one of my pillows. I tried to block out all the thoughts racing through my head, but it was impossible to stop thinking about Sara’s voice on Cotton’s phone. A part of me knew I was being irrational. Cotton had never given me any reason to be jealous where other women were concerned. From the beginning, he’d made no advances towards anyone, and even when the club girls would throw themselves at him, he’d turn them away. When I asked him about it, he’d laugh it off and say he only had eyes for me. But things were different with Sara. For whatever reason, he’d pushed me away and allowed her to stay there with him. I couldn’t help but feel jealous about that. I’d always tried to be there for the people I cared about, doing whatever I could to help, but Cotton wouldn’t let me do that for him. The day I went to the hospital, I had all intentions of supporting him, helping him… just being there for him, but he turned me away—basically banishing the very part of me that made me the person I am. He didn’t want that from me, and that left me wondering what I was supposed to do.
It was pitch black in my room when I heard Henley shouting for me from the living room, “Pizza’s here, hooker!”
I rolled over, quickly wiping the sleep from my eyes and said, “Coming!”
“I may have gone a little overboard with the pizzas. My eyes were bigger than my stomach,” she yelled.
I opened my bedroom door, and when I found her standing in the kitchen, staring at four large pizza boxes, I said, “Yeah, you definitely went overboard, Lee Bug. There’s no way we can eat all this,” I laughed.
She shrugged her shoulders and said, “I wasn’t thinking. Usually, the guys will finish up whatever I don’t eat.”
She made her plate and walked over to the couch, plopping down in my spot as she reached for the remote. Once she was settled, she said, “Dad’s called a couple of times. He said he tried calling, but he hadn’t been able to reach you.”
“Yeah. I need to call him. I’ve just been busy with work and stuff,” I explained.
“Just give him a quick call to let him know you’re alright. You know how he worries,” Henley fussed. We were both close to our father, and neither of us liked letting him down. He’s never said the words, but I knew he worried about me working at the club.
“I will. First thing tomorrow,” I assured her.
“Good,” she said as she flipped through several channels, searching for our favorite show. “Hey, what happened to that picture of you and me that was beside my bed? You know… the one taken on the day Maverick gave me my property patch.”
“No idea. Are you sure you didn’t take it with you?”
She shook her head as she took a big bite of pizza, and with her mouth full, she said, “Nope. Left it on the table.”
I grabbed a couple of slices of cheese pizza and as I sat down beside her, I said, “I don’t know. It’ll show up.”
“I hope so. I loved that picture of us,” she told me as she reached for the remote. “So, what do you wanna watch?”
We continued to chat and gorge ourselves on pizza while we watched the latest episodes of The Black List. It felt good to have Henley back at home. Her smile and carefree demeanor made me feel like maybe everything would be okay. During the middle of the third episode, Henley fell asleep on the sofa. I covered her up with a blanket and turned off the TV before I went back to my room and went to bed. I woke up way too early in the morning to a loud banging on my front door. Reluctantly, I pulled myself out of bed and answered the door. I found Smokey standing on the other side, holding a box of donuts and smiling like the Cheshire cat. He was wearing a thick, black t-shirt with his Satan’s Fury leather jacket and a pair of old beat-up jeans. Looking more like a rock star than a biker, he wore several leather bracelets on his wrists, and his long, jet black hair only enhanced those beautiful green eyes of his. Handsome or not, it was too damn early in the morning for me to put on a friendly smile.
“Smokey, it’s six fifteen in the morning! What the hell are you doing here?” I groaned.
“Just checkin’ on my girls. Cotton wanted an update,” he smiled. “Brought you some warm donuts.”
Of course, Cotton wanted an update. He wouldn’t need a damn update if he hadn’t been such an asshole. I let out a deep sigh as I opened the door and motioned for him to come inside. Once he sat the box on the counter, I said, “I’ve gotta get ready for work.”
“Go on and do your thing. I’ll make some coffee,” he offered. “Is Henley still in bed?”
I looked over to the sofa, and when I noticed she was gone, I answered, “Yeah. She’s been able to sleep a little later now that she’s doing her last two classes online.”
“Gotcha. No coffee for her.”
“Nope. It’s not good for the baby anyway,” I explained.
He nodded and said, “Oh, yeah. I didn’t think about that.”
“I’ll be back in a minute,” I told him as I walked into my room. After I was showered and dressed, I went back out to check on Smokey and found him sound asleep on the sofa. I decided not to wake him and left for work. When I got down to my car, I reached for my keys so I could open the door, but before I found them, I noticed the door was already unlocked. It wasn’t like me to not lock my door, so I stood there, staring at the unlocked door as I tried to think back through my steps from the night before. I couldn’t even remember parking my car, much less locking the dumb doors. It was just another crazy thing I’d done since I’d come back from Anchorage. I eased the driver’s side door open and peered cautiously inside, but didn’t find anything that looked suspicious. After thinking about it for a second, I convinced myself I’d been distracted and just hadn’t locked it. I’d had a lot on my mind over the past couple of weeks, and I’d just forgotten to do it. Doing my best to shake off my nerves, I got in the car and headed to work. The entire way there, I berated myself for being such a damn mess. I needed to pull it together. I was tired of spending all of my time trudging through the swamps, worrying over Cotton. It was time for me to think about myself and try to find a way to make myself happy, even if that meant finding a way to move on without him.
She was just trying to help, but ended up fucking everything up.
Sara had come by to check in. We’d been talking for several minutes when Dr. Clayborn came in. We were discussing my status, and just as he was about to leave, my phone started ringing. I nodded over to Sara, letting her know to take care of it. But instead of silencing the call, she answered it.
“Hello?” Then she paused for a few seconds. A strange expression crossed her face as she lowered the phone and looked down at my screen. When she read the name displayed, she quickly brought it back to her ear and asked, “Cassidy? Are you there?”
The second I heard Cassidy’s name, I shouted, “Sara, hand me the damn phone!” But by the time she put the phone in my hand, Cass was no longer on the other end. I immediately tried to call her back, but she didn’t answer. I dragged my hand through my hair and groaned, “Fuck.”
“I’m sorry,” Sara told me. “I was just trying to help.”
“No telling what she’s thinking now.”
“She wouldn’t be thinking anything if you’d just been straight with her from the beginning,” Sara sn
apped.
“You know why I did what I did,” I barked.
“Doesn’t mean it was right. Cass had a right to make up her own mind, but you didn’t trust her enough to let her do that.” She stepped closer and said, “You took that away from her. It was selfish, and it isn’t the way love works, Cotton. You have to respect her feelings. They are just as important as your own.”
“I was protecting her!” I shouted.
“Keep telling yourself that, Cotton,” she said sarcastically and then walked out, letting the door slam behind her.
I knew there was some truth to what Sara had said. I thought I’d sent Cass away to protect her, but I never took the time to consider how my actions would affect her. She’d always been a nurturer, always taking care of the people she loved, and it was one of the things I loved most about her. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how badly I’d fucked up. I was more determined than ever to talk to Cass. I’d been trying to call her for two days, but she wouldn’t pick up the damn phone. I was becoming more and more frustrated by the minute, and I was taking it out on everyone around me. Hell, the nurses had all but stopped coming into my room, and Maverick was doing what he could to keep his distance. I couldn’t blame him. Hell, I didn’t even want to be around me. It would’ve been better if I could just talk to her. I just needed to hear her voice, to know I hadn’t lost her by sending her away. I missed her—all of her—and as I sat there alone in that room, thinking of all the things I loved about her, I knew I’d do anything to fix things between us. The only thing that was keeping me going was knowing that the doctors were going to let me go home in a few days, so I wouldn’t have to wait much longer to lay my eyes on her. I just had a few more sessions with Melody, and then I’d be on my way.
When I came in from my workout, I had a ton of emails to sort through. My brothers and mother wanted to hear about my progress, and Guardrail wanted to give me an update on things at the club. He and the brothers had been busy preparing for our Charity Run for children with Down’s syndrome, and he wanted to go over the final details with me. It was just a few weeks away, and I wanted to be there—it was something that meant a lot to me. It wouldn’t be our first charity run, but it held special meaning for us all. When our brother, Skidrow, was killed a few months back, his wife, Dallas, had a hard time getting back on her feet. Her youngest, Dusty, was diagnosed with Down’s before he was even born. Skid had always been there to make sure his son had whatever he needed, and after he died, the club decided to start an annual fundraiser to help families in our area that had children with special needs. We were expecting a large crowd, so hopefully, we’d be able to raise a good deal of money for some pretty awesome kids.
I’d just responded to his email when Maverick walked in with a handful of sandwiches and drinks. Until I saw him, I hadn’t even realized I hadn’t eaten. He set the bag of food down beside me and said, “Figured you might want something to eat.”
“Yeah, food would be good.”
“How did things go with Melody today?” he chuckled.
I shook my head and said, “That girl is going to be the death of me for sure, but I can’t complain. Haven’t had to use that damn walker in a couple of days.”
“Give it a couple more days, and the cane will be gone, too.”
“That’s the plan,” I told him as I reached for my sandwich. “Guardrail messaged me. Things are all set for the Charity Run.”
“Yeah, he’s been busting his ass trying to get everything sorted.”
“Need to be there,” I grumbled.
“We’ll be there soon enough.”
I tossed the bag of food back onto the table and said, “I need to get the hell out of here for a little while. The walls are closing in on me.”
“Can’t blame you there. Hell, I feel like I’ve aged twenty years just sitting in this place over the past few weeks,” he laughed.
“You and me both, brother. I don’t care where we go. Let’s just get the fuck out of here for a few hours.”
“You got it. I’ll let them know we’re heading out. I’ll meet you out front,” he told me as he headed toward the door.
We spent a few hours driving around Chugach State Park. While it was a beautiful place, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I’d rather be at home. I missed my drives along Cape Flattery. I missed the club and my brothers. I missed Cass. When it started to get dark, we headed back to the center. As soon as we got back to the room, Maverick headed out front to call Henley. She’d had a doctor’s appointment earlier, and he still hadn’t heard from her. The room was too damn quiet, and I needed to blow off some steam, so I headed to the gym for an extra workout. I couldn’t get Cass out of my head. I needed to see her, so I could see for myself she was really okay. I felt better knowing the brothers were keeping an eye on her, but it wasn’t the same. It was time to talk to Dr. Clayborn. As soon as I got back to my room, I called his direct line and left him a message, letting him know I wanted to see him as soon as possible. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long for him to show up at my door.
“I just finished my rounds and thought I’d stop by on my way home,” he told me as he entered the room.
“I appreciate that,” I told him. “Wanted to tell you I’m heading home.”
“You’ve done well, Mr. Walker. I don’t have a problem with you taking that next step as long as you can assure me you will keep up with your rehab. I’ll put in some calls and get you lined up with a specialist in your area for further checkups. A few more weeks of hard work, and you’ll get rid of that cane.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes,” I promised.
“I’ll get your release papers ready first thing in the morning.”
“Thanks. I appreciate all you’ve done, doc.”
He smiled and said, “Glad I could help. It’s good to see you back on your feet.”
He shook my hand and headed for the door. I finally felt a sense of relief. I was going home, and once I got there, things were going to change—drastically. I’d made my mistakes, but I wasn’t going to let them destroy what I had with Cass. Come hell or high water, she would be mine again.
By the time I’d gotten home from work, Henley was already gone. She’d promised Dallas she’d look after Dusty for the night, which meant I’d have the apartment to myself if I could just find a way to get rid of Smokey. I’d spotted him following me home from work, so I knew he’d be knocking on my door at any minute. Biding my time, I went to the fridge to grab the pitcher of sweet tea I’d made the night before and was surprised to see it was already gone. Henley didn’t care for sweet tea, so unless her pregnancy completely changed her taste buds, I knew it wasn’t her. That meant Smokey or Clutch had been helping themselves to the contents of my refrigerator again. Assholes. Trying to ignore the empty pitcher of tea that sat in my fridge, I grabbed a bottle of water and headed over to the thermostat. I was freezing, had been all day, and it was only getting worse. I just wanted to lie down for a minute and warm up, so I walked into the living room and set my bottle of water on the coffee table. I reached for the remote before curling up on the sofa with my favorite blanket wrapped around me. I was instantly hit with the strong scent of a man’s cologne. I brought my blanket up to my nose, and sure enough, it smelled like Old Spice and cigarettes. Damn. I couldn’t get away from them. I was just about to get worked up into a real tizzy when there was a knock at the door.
I threw my blanket back and headed for the door. When I opened it, I wasn’t surprised to see Smokey standing there. Before he even had a chance to speak, I stepped forward and poked my finger at his chest as I scolded, “When you drink a gallon of milk or a pitcher of tea, don’t put the empty carton back in the stupid refrigerator.”
“Okay,” he said apprehensively.
I turned and headed back into my apartment. When I heard the door close behind me, I asked, “Are you hungry? We have some leftover pizza in the fridge.”
“Nah, I’m good. I’ve
gotta head over to Mom’s in a bit to check on her furnace. I’ll grab something there,” he explained.
I smiled and said, “Can’t blame you there. Your mom is an amazing cook. I’d wait all day for a piece of her lasagna.”
“You want to tag along?” he offered. “She’d love to see you.”
“Thanks, but I can’t tonight. I have to get some laundry done or I won’t have anything to wear to work tomorrow.”
“Not sure I see that as a problem,” Smokey teased. “But I’ll come back later to help you bring it back upstairs.”
“That would be great. Thanks, Smokey.”
“Not a problem, doll,” he answered as he turned toward the door. “Clutch will be by in a bit. He had to run by the clubhouse to see Guardrail about something first.”
Needing some time to myself, I said, “Tell him I’m fine. There’s no need for him to come.”
Walking toward the door, he laughed as he said, “I’ll tell him, not that it’s gonna matter.”
I locked the door behind him and returned to my spot on the sofa. I started flipping through the channels, searching for something that might be boring enough to let me fall asleep for a little while. I stopped when I came across some old western with John Wayne. Just seeing it reminded me of Cotton. He’d always had a thing for old westerns, saying it was something he loved watching with his dad. It was crazy how some old movie could make me miss him so much. I remembered I’d received several text messages and emails from him over the past few weeks, but I hadn’t read them. I just didn’t have the strength to even look, so I just left them in my inbox. I grabbed my phone and stared at the screen for several minutes before I had the nerve to open one of the text messages. The first few messages were typical, bossy Cotton:
Monday, (two weeks ago)
Cotton:
Answer the phone, Cass.
Wednesday, (two weeks ago)
Cotton:
This is crazy.