Fianna Kelly Versus the Jeebees: A Collection of Steampunk Stories

by Harry Dodgson

  He said, "I am guessing your previous plans involved procuring a wagon so you and your automaton could go riding about the country. Perhaps one like we have here."

  "That's right."

  "This will serve us well for the first place we need to check on, but I have another idea."

  "Before you tell me that, you need to know that my job is to eliminate the jeebees quietly. I don't want children to be afraid to get into bed at night because the monsters are real. I hope your idea goes along with that."

  He said, "My idea does not involve scaring children. I recall you arrived in London via rail. How about we arrange passage? There are many routes starting and ending at Amsterdam. We could cover the country in less time that way."

  "Can we stop the train when Bradan senses any jeebees?"

  "That should be no problem. It is normal for our engineers to make unscheduled stops to pick up or drop off passengers. They even have reserved cars just for that purpose."

  I said, "That is a great idea then! Bradan can sense them from over a mile away when he is trying hard so we should find routes that work with that."

  He asked, "What were you planning to do if you found any? Were you going to charge in with guns blazing, as Jim would put it?"

  I replied, "I hadn't thought that far ahead, but Colonel Reynolds advised me to hide behind something solid and shoot them when they poke their heads out."

  "You had to have someone tell you that?"

  "Well... The barricade was in my way."

  "If there's nothing else nearby, hide behind me. Major Meyers tells me that I am as thick as a rock so I should be solid enough for your Colonel." We laughed at that.

  There weren't any jeebees near the underground base and none near the train station and none on the ride out. Eric told me about his country as we travelled through it. He pointed out landmarks and places he had been. Bradan was doing whatever he did to locate jeebees. It was very nice until...

  INTRUDERS 350 YARDS

  I asked, "How many are there?"

  SEVEN

  I looked to Eric, but he was already signalling the engineer to stop the train. We jumped out and the train continued on.

  I asked Eric, "Shouldn't we send a telegram to the Major and get a few of his men?"

  He said, "For only seven of them?"

  "Okay, you can be my dashing hero on his white steed today," I said. "Bradan, please point out which direction they are."

  I don't know how far we went back along the tracks before Bradan pointed at a windmill in a small clearing. We found a spot to hide and checked it out.

  Eric said, "This doesn't look good."

  "Why? I've always wanted to see the inside of a windmill and there are only seven jeebees."

  "You'd like the inside of most windmills. They pump water or grind grain. This one is part of our coastal defence and is stocked with explosives."

  I said, "We'll have to invite the jeebees out to play then." I put on my new goggles and smiled at him.

  I closed to about 50 yards and fired a shotgun shell to make a respectable hole about 15 feet up. I ran back to where we were hiding and reloaded.

  He scolded me. "Promise me you won't do that again."

  Two jeebees ran out from the left side and tried to find something to hide behind. We didn't give them the chance. They were just decoys though as three others fired at us from the right side.

  "Damn, that burns!" he exclaimed.

  "Yes, it does. If you're a good boy, I'll kiss it and make it better."

  He stayed on one knee and shot two jeebees in quick succession while I shot the third one.

  "Really?" he asked.

  "No," I said. "Touching the burns make them hurt worse. I'll find someplace to kiss that doesn't hurt instead."

  "By my count, there are only two left."

  I said, "We need to hurry before they run away. Be extra careful if you see one wearing robes."

  We closed in on the windmill, being very cautious since we had nothing to hide behind now.

  He said, "They know we are here so there's no need to sneak around. We just need to be difficult to hit."

  I drew my pistol and cocked it. He insisted on going first and I let him. We went around the left side of the windmill. He went down on his knees and counted down from three on his fingers. We both moved in front of the open door at once. I saw the jeebee first and shot it.

  I whispered to Eric, "The last one is likely a commander. Do you want to talk with it?"

  He replied softly, "Yes, I would."

  We cautiously searched the windmill for the last one. Eric kept me behind him. I kept my pistol pointed up for safety. There were many dark places where a jeebee could hide; too many. We approached them slowly. I heard the sound of a jeebee rifle and Eric slumped to the floor. I aimed my pistol where I saw the sparks and fired. It was just a graze, but the jeebee dropped its rifle and stumbled into the light. I ran over to it and kicked its legs until it fell down. Then I put my pistol to its head and said, "Stay down or I'll shoot you some more."

  I sat down by Eric, smoothed out my skirt, and placed his head on my lap. When I felt him stirring, I bent over and kissed him.

  "Doesn't the story go that the handsome prince kissed the beautiful princess to awaken her from her forced slumber?"

  "Sometimes the stories get it wrong," I replied. "I was overconfident and I'm sorry you were shot."

  "It's not all your fault. After hearing the tales from the soldiers, I figured that seven jeebees were merely target practice."

  "Could you drag the one below us outside so Bradan can bury it and bring back something to tie this one up with?"

  "I have the worst headache ever. Can it wait a few minutes?"

  "They aren't getting up and walking away. I can promise you that."

  "I know you detest them, but you sound more upset than usual."

  "Would you be upset if I was shot and fell at your feet?"

  "Without a doubt I would be angry enough to rend one apart limb from limb from limb with my bare hands."

  "I love you too," I said.

  If it had been some other time and place, I would have enjoyed this closeness, but I had to keep my eyes on the jeebee. A few minutes later Eric got up, careful not to get between me and the live jeebee. He brought back some heavy chains and bound it so it could not move.

  Bradan was burying the dead ones, but the wind was blowing in the wrong direction. I hurried off as far as I could manage, hoping it was far enough that Eric did not see me. I used my skirts to clean off again before coming back. In that short time, Eric had chosen a large tree and chained the jeebee to it.

  "What was that about?" he asked.

  "It all about the jeebees. Seeing them close up makes me nauseous. The reek of a dead one upsets me so much that I cannot keep my lunch inside of me. I prefer to shoot them when they are far away. Bradan has his own reasons for burying them and I'm thankful that he does."

  "If they make you sick with every encounter, why do you hunt them?"

  I said, "I feel that I have to. It has to be done and I don't know of anyone else."

  "I won't say that I understand, but I would like to help you regardless."

  "It would be for the best if you questioned it here. If we take it back on the next train, people will see it and ask embarrassing questions."

  "And when I finish, you will kill it and let your automaton bury it with the rest?"

  "I will and without the slightest hesitation... If you don't mind, I'd like to sit upwind of it."

  I found a nice spot where I could neither see nor smell it while Eric had his conversation.

  Eric walked over to me and said, "It told me to send my officer over. Seeing as there are only two of us, that must be you."

  Begrudgingly, I went over to it. I gave it another kick in a leg because I felt like it.

  I asked it. "Why won't you talk with him?"

  It said, "It is a waste of time to talk with Lowers. They have
no minds of their own."

  I had to think fast. My next question could determine their opinion of us. It might have gotten the impression that men were inferior to women. Perhaps it concluded that I was royalty and Eric was common. I decided not to contradict it, but let it tell me why it thought the way it did.

  I asked, "How did you determine he was a Lower?"

  It said, "You tried to fool us by covering your Lowers, but we are smarter than that. Just like us, you provide your Lowers with weapons inferior than your own. You send them out into battle in advance of yourself. We could also tell you were an officer like myself by your appearance."

  So he considered me to be his equal. We were like two generals from opposing armies. If I was careful with this conversation, I could learn much about them while continuing their misconceptions about us.

  "I see I have not fooled you in the slightest... What were you doing here?"

  "Why do you ask questions that you already know the answers?"

  "I need to see if you will answer my questions truthfully."

  "Only those I choose."

  "Are there more of you in this country?"

  "Sadly, I am the last officer here."

  "Do you have more Lowers here?"

  "I only grew one batch. You ruined them."

  "I've noticed most raids are one batch. Are they easier for you to control?"

  "You have seen the more Lowers we control, the less we can get them to do. We have seen that you have exceptional control over your Lowers. You seem able to control as few as one to as many as fifty with equal skill."

  I was trying to figure them out. It must think that we were almost like them. Since I looked different from the soldiers, I had to be an officer and they had to be my servants.

  "Do you know how many of your kind I have killed?"

  "Yes, you have killed two of us."

  "Are you sure of that number?"

  "Yes, we sense each other."

  "What were those two that I first encountered. They looked like Lowers, but thought for themselves."

  "That is what we call them: Lowers that think. They occur when two grow near each other. We send them away from the rest."

  I asked, "Do you know how many Lowers I have killed?"

  "They do not matter. We can grow many more."

  "Let's get to the important questions. Where do you come from?"

  "That does not matter. We are the last and we cannot return there."

  "How many more of you are on my world?"

  It was silent.

  "What do you do with those you abduct?"

  It stayed silent.

  "It appears the only questions you'll answer are those I know the answer to. What do you think I'll do to you if you don't answer my questions?"

  It said, "You will kill me like you did my two fellow officers."

  "Do you want to die?"

  "No."

  "Then tell me what I want to know. I am going to walk away for a moment to give you time to think. Perhaps you'll be more talkative when I return."

  I walked over to Eric. He said, "I'm not sure what you were discussing."

  "That's because you are only my mindless drone. It thinks you are like the six jeebees that we shot."

  "Why would it think that?"

  "Because it can see who is giving the orders and who is following them. Now be a good servant and reload my pistol while I think of more questions that it might answer."

  We returned to it and I resumed my questions. "I will not enjoy seeing you suffer. Tell me how to kill you quickly so it does not hurt."

  It was silent. It knew I was asking for a vulnerable spot.

  "Will the other officers feel your suffering?"

  "No, they have deserted me. I am less than a Lower now."

  "How long does it take you to grow one of your Lowers?"

  It was silent again. I was doing this the wrong way. I took off its helmet. "If you are less than a Lower, you do not deserve this."

  It screamed and yelled and made strange noises that I could not understand. I shouted over its wailing, "If you want to die wearing this, then answer my questions!"

  It said, "I cannot answer your questions. I want to very much so you will kill me with my helmet on. The others have taken my memories. I no longer know the answers you seek. Please give back to me what is mine."

  "Why should I do this for you? You can't give me what is mine. Your kind has taken my kind."

  "It does not matter to you how I die; just that I do. It matters to me that I am not seen as a Lower when I go before my god."

  "If your god is the same as my God, he will see beyond your coverings and send your soul to Hell. If it makes you feel better, I will allow you to be buried wearing your helmet."

  "You are a merciful being."

  Eric handed my pistol to me and I shot it like I had the first of their officers. He said, "I shouldn't have asked you to spare it and you shouldn't have had to talk to it."

  I said, "I feel like I did something wrong, but it knew that I was going to kill it." I tossed its helmet at its feet so Bradan could bury them together. About an hour later, we flagged down the next train and returned to Amsterdam.

  • May 5

  Today we were going to take one of the longest train routes out from Amsterdam and back. I sought to blend in with the women who lived here and planned my dress accordingly. When I arrived at the castle, Major Meyers was astonished by the way I looked.

  He said, "Eric is expected back shortly. Sit quietly over there and don't let him see your face. We shall see if he can recognise you."

  As usual, when one is waiting for another, the time goes by very slowly. The Major had work to occupy his time, but I had none. My Mother would quietly knit in these situations, but I found knitting tedious and repetitive. Eric came striding in, obviously pleased about something. He just glanced in my direction and continued to where he usually sat.

  Eric asked, "Who is that you have waiting?"

  The Major replied, "She is a good friend; a comrade in arms if you get my meaning."

  "Ah. I believe I have said before that you have a good eye when it come to the fairer sex."

  "Yes, you have. I think this one has eyes for you instead of me."

  I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was taking another look at me. He said, "Though she is quite attractive, my eye is on another."

  "Are you speaking of that young Irish woman? I have heard stories being passed around this morning of you two dancing late into the night. "

  "Yes, Fianna is the one I speak of. Have you seen her this morning?"

  The Major said, "You are a lucky man; twice so today."

  I turned toward him and said, "And to think that yesterday I was unforgettable. The Major has seen me today, and like you, he approves of my appearance."

  Eric turned a deep shade of red. "Were you two working together?" he asked?

  "He directed me to sit quietly and shield my face from you. Had I known his plans, I would have been a willing accomplice though."

  He said, "I knew it was you all along."

  "'Tis good for you or I might become jealous of myself; that you prefer me more today compared to me yesterday."

  "There are some qualities of you today that are desirable. Especially if the basket you carry contains a pie."

  I laughed. "You have talked to my cousin and learned how to make me laugh, haven't you?"

  "I admit only to paying attention to the way you two talk, not to taking him into a secluded area and asking about you at length."

  "There is a pie in this basket and we should make haste to the railway station so we will be at our destination by lunchtime. Otherwise, you must wait until dinner for it... If the jeebee was not truthful with us, God only knows when we will share it."

  I tried to run out to the wagon and found that wooden shoes were awkward to run in. They kept sliding around. Eric laughed at me and said, "We normally wear two or more pairs of thick
socks with those. I'd also be careful about how you step. It is not uncommon for wooden shoes to shatter if abused and they frequently do during klompen dances."

  We boarded our train and I was thankful I was with someone who spoke the local language. Around the exhibition everything was printed in multiple ones and most people, if not fluent in English, spoke enough to get their meaning across.

  I cannot say if it was good or bad luck that we did not locate any jeebees today. I can say it was a pleasant ride, a relaxing lunch, and a nice return trip. The highlight of the day being that I finally was given a tour of a working windmill. This particular one was turning grain into flour. At Eric's suggestion, the miller showed me how everything connected from the sails down to the grindstone. I was as fascinated as a little girl and Eric just smiled while watching me.

  While walking me back to the guest house, Eric said, "I believe the jeebee was telling us the truth and it was the last one in my country."

  I said, "It might be a good idea to talk with the people at your defence posts more often lest they sneak into one again."

  "I was thinking of something similar, but more extensive."

  "How extensive?" I asked.

  "There is a new device being shown at the exhibition called a telephone. People can talk with each other at any time and any distance."

  "I haven't seen that yet and you have made me curious." I stood in one spot staring at him while swinging my dress back and forth. It took him some time before he understood.

  He asked, "Would you like to accompany me to the exhibition tomorrow and see this marvellous invention?"

  I replied, "'Tis so kind of you to ask. I would love that."

  "Shall we say eleven o'clock?"

  I asked, "Eleven is wonderful... Did you invite the Dutch-looking woman or the Irish one?"

  "I believe I invited both and I will surely be perplexed if they are both waiting for me in the morning."

  "I promise you that come tomorrow, I will be unforgettable again.

  • May 11

  I looked by the small hill for a door leading to my airship. I laughed at myself for thinking that a secret underground military base would have a door that anyone could walk through. I went to the security office in the castle next. The Major and Eric were there as I expected. I said, "This last week has been wonderful, but once my airship is ready, 'tis time for us to go home."