Insufferable Weight of Silence

by Huggins, Carrie

  "Amity and Declan will now exchange rings to symbolize their commitment."

  "When did you...." I cut him off by covering his mouth with my hand.

  "Hush, we're in the middle of getting married." I smile up at him.

  "By sharing your vows and exchanging rings here today you both have decided to share the rest of your lives together. You are no longer two separate people but one couple together with two beautiful daughters.

  "Amity and Declan you have professed your love by exchanging your vows. You have symbolized your commitment by exchanging rings. With all of this there is just one more question I need each of you to answer and then you're off to start your lives as one.

  "Amity – do you take Declan to be your husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?" The judge asks.

  "I do."

  "Declan – do you take Amity to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

  "You're damn right I do!" He chuckles. I reach up and smack his arm causing everyone to laugh.

  "By the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife. Declan you may kiss your bride."

  He wraps his hand around the back of my head and his other hand behind my back, he twists me around in front of him and kisses me passionately while releasing my head and pushing his fist in the air. Everyone cheers and claps.

  "It’s my great honor and privilege to be the first to finally present to you Mr. and Mrs. Declan Everett Xylander!"

  He rights me into a standing position with a huge grin.

  ******

  I take my seat next to Amber as nervous as I'll get out. I keep twirling my rings around my finger wondering what the hell I'm doing here. I could have stayed home. I should have stayed home. Even after talking to Dex and him trying to calm me down I still don't feel any better. My right leg is involuntarily bouncing up and down, I'm shaking like a leaf, and I'm sure I may just vomit.

  "He'll be fine." Amber whispers.

  "I can't help it. This isn't okay with me. Do I look pale? I'm gonna pass out." I confide. She places her hand on my leg and forces it down.

  "Seriously relax, you're going to give me an anxiety attack." Jason takes his seat beside me and puts his arm behind me on my seat.

  The lights shut off and music starts to blare so we all quiet down. From the far corner a single light is shown on Mathewson as he enters the arena. He boxes the air and jumps around with determination. He doesn't look like the same man I saw in so many of his videos. He's bulked up. I turn to Jason who sees it also.

  "Jason!" I squeak panicked. He squeezes my shoulder and turns back to Mathewson as he comes closer. I grip my knees feeling sick. He's been training, not just training but really preparing for my husband. "When was his last fight?" I ask trying to force my self to remember.

  "I'm not sure." Jason replies.

  "Does Dex know? Someone should tell him. He hasn't trained in at least a week and he didn't sleep last night!"

  "Relax." Jason whispers in my ear. "Your husband is a bad ass. Whether he knew what to expect or not he's prepared for anything." I swallow hard when Mathewson stops a few feet away from me. He stands in front of the ref and the fight doctor. He takes his shirt off showcasing his massive muscles. He's far more fit than before. I dig my fingers into my thighs as he's being assessed and then enters the cage.

  Both Amber and Jason grab my hands as the lights shut off again. I look to the left where I know Dex will be entering from. A bright light shines on him whose posture is rather sanguine he's trailed by Jeremy, his trainers, and his coach. He has a black hoodie on with the words American Psycho scrawled across the chest and he's wearing black and red trunks. His hood is pulled up over his head and his hands are wrapped as Mathewson's are. I begin to feel dizzy and squeeze my hands tightly digging my nails in.

  "RELAX!" Both Amber and Jason shout at me. Amber peels my hand off hers, I look at her apologetically. Jason squeezes back so I relax my hand a bit in his.

  Declan strolls confidently towards us and stops right in front of me. Without looking in our direction he begins removing his baseball cap, hoodie, and shirt. Why won't he just look at me and tell me he's ok? I'm a train wreck here. The doctor checks behind his ears, down his neck and in the palms of his hands making sure the gloves are fine and he's not hiding anything.

  "Guard?" The doctor asks. He turns to Jeremy who's holding a small box, he takes the mouth guard from inside it and pops it in his mouth then shows it to the doctor. "Clear!" The doctor yells.

  Dex finally turns to me and signs, I love you.

  This is why I never came back. This is why I didn't tell you I was pregnant. I can't handle the fighting. I don't want you to do it and I didn't want to give you the ultimatum knowing your parents needed the money, I sign needing to get it off my chest, he needs to know. I can't keep secrets from him. I try not to show my worry but who the hell am I kidding? I'm a hot mess. He tilts his head and glares at me.

  You're really telling me this as I'm about to enter the cage? He asks with a sly grin. I look around the arena and to his opponent knowing this is all too late. He won't turn back now and I'm an idiot for blurting it out like I have.

  “I can't do this.” I mouth tearing up.

  Breathe, I got this. We’ll talk later. He chuckles before turning and walking into the cage. He's awfully calm even after what I just said, I hope Mac was right when he said it's because he knows he's going to win without a challenge.

  "Ladies and gentleman boys and girls, welcome to the fight of the evening! To the left of me," the announcer points to Mathewson. "In the blue trunks fighting out of Chicago, Illinois with a record of 8 wins 2 draws and 3 losses. He stands in at 6'2", 245 pounds, with a 74 inch reach please give it up for Jonathan 'The Marksman' Mathewson!" He booms loudly over the speakers. The crowd goes nuts lots of cheers and hype which makes me cringe in my seat. I feel like they all know something I don't.

  "To the right of me in the red and black trucks, fighting out of your hometown Bryan, Texas with a record of 16 wins 5 of them being TKO's, 0 draws and 0 losses. He stands in at 6 foot 5 inches, weighs 245 pounds and has an astonishing reach of 79 inches. Please give it up for your boy Declan 'The American Psycho' Xylander!"

  I look around to the crowd everyone is ecstatic standing on their feet screaming and yelling cheers for my husband, Jason and Amber included. If I could I probably would too but I'm worried I may just pass out if I move. I can't keep my eyes off him or Mathewson. They're both standing toe to toe in the center of the cage with the referee between them. The announcer places the microphone up to the Referee's mouth as he begins to speak.

  "I want a good clean fight; you know the rules." He points to Mathewson, "you ready?" He nods. The ref points to Dex, "you ready?" He nods in response. "Judges are you ready?" The announcer clears the arena. The ref throws his hand down in front of both of them.

  "FIGHT!" He shouts as he raises his arm and jumps back.

  Without even a warning both of the men charge at one another throwing lefts and rights to fast for me to count. Mathewson falls on his face and Dex takes an opportunity to send an illegal punch to the back of his head.

  "No, Dex! What the hell are you doing? That's illegal" I scream. Jason looks at me and laughs. I roll my eyes at him then focus on the fight again as the referee rushes between them to stop Dex. He pushes him away allowing Mathewson time to stand up. The ref asks, Mathewson if he's ready to precede. He nods dizzily and then the fight continues again. Declan charges at the still dazed Mathewson sending blow after blow and then a powerful uppercut. Mathewson falls to the ground again.

  "Yes, baby! That's it!" I utter excitedly. The ref stops Dex before he m
akes his way over again for more illegal blows.

  Mathewson is back on his feet. He rushes Dex who meets his face with a knee. He falls back and Dex straddles him sending blow after blow to his face. Mathewson struggles to fight back but Dex rears back and with one final punch to the face knocks him out. The ref pulls Dex off as cheers erupt around the arena. I jump to my feet and start screaming and all too excitedly pulling on Jason's arm to my left and jump on him excitedly. Dex has become a better fighter than anyone I've ever seen before. He's certainly more conditioned than when I had gone and seen him the last time as well.

  "I told you there was nothing to worry about." He laughs.

  He places me back on my feet as the referee grabs both their hands, "ladies and gentlemen I give you the reigning title holder. Your hometown warrior Declan 'the American Psycho' XYLANDER!" He raises the tired arm of Dex. Both of them are ushered out of the cage. He confidently saunters over to me with a huge grin on his face and picks me up for a sweaty hug, I wrap my legs and arms around him.

  "You all better now?" He asks muffled. I pull his guard from his mouth and kiss his busted lip.

  "I'm better than better. That was awesome!" I grin up at him. He's sets me down on my feet and grabs my hand. As he pulls me through the crowd I hid behind him while the over the top event goers pat him on the back, shake his hand, and congratulate him.

  We finally reach the holding room he pulls me in, we're followed by his trainers, a medic, his coach, and all our friends. He already knows the routine so he takes a seat on the examining table. The medic assesses him, cleans his cuts, and dresses what needs be. I'm happy to say he'll have a bruised cheek and busted lip but he's no worse for wear. Everyone in the room is talking over everyone else excited for the win. I take a seat in the far back corner feeling like I'm finally able to breathe.

  I catch Dex looking over his phone while simultaneously nodding along and occasionally saying something in response to someone else. He motions for Jeremy to come over to him. When he does he whispers something only Jeremy can hear. He in turn says something to Amber, she nods at whatever but doesn't say or do anything else.

  "Alright, everyone out!" Dex shouts above all the people in his room. I stand thinking he probably wants to clean up and change. He catches me by the arm and presses me between him and the wall.

  "I don't think so, Mrs. Xylander." He smirks as he pushes his hips into me. He kisses up my neck and across my jaw to my lips. "We’re going to get pregnant tonight." He teases.

  "Sounds like a plan to me." I smile across his lips.

  "I have to make a stop on my way home first." He informs me.

  "Ok, don't take too long. I'm really anticipating our wedding night." I pull him to me and kiss him one last time. Ugh, I wish I hadn't driven my own car. Yes, I still have to drop off Amber but I'd rather be riding alongside my sexy beast of a husband.

  "It's a tradition that I always go get more ink after each win with the guys." He smiles down at me.

  "Ooh. Ok yea. Then please go do your macho tradition thingy, celebrate with the boys." I stand on my tip toes and kiss his neck. "I love you!"

  "You don't want to go?" He asks.

  "Mm, no! Hard pass. I'll see you at home. I'm going to stop by and see the girls first. Let them know their daddy is just fine." I say. "Have fun, beast." I open the door to his room and look back at him before I leave. He's got that look of wanting to ask me something but doesn't know how to or he's scared of the answer.

  “Just say it.” I tell him. He lets out sigh and goes for it any way.

  “Would you have stayed if I stopped that night?”

  “Yes, you were everything to me but I couldn't ask you to do that after you told me your parents depended on you financially and I couldn't stick around to watch to harm yourself like that. This sanctioned stuff is different, I see that now, it's tough still but there are rules.” She answers feeling a hundred times better finally having got it off her chest.

  “Do you still feel the same way?” He asks worried.

  “I'm really proud of you, Declan but I'm going to need time adjusting to this lifestyle choice you refuse to give up.” She smiles and watches the tension ease from within him.

  Chapter 14

  There's a knock at the door. Delaney comes rushing into the living room where I am to, I'm sure, answer it. I rush past her making a race of it to get there first. The knock comes again a bit more impatiently. I reach for the knob sticking my tongue out at her who in turn sticks hers back and runs off giggling. When I yank it open I'm shocked to see 3 burly police officers standing in my door way. I tense and freeze where I stand. "Can I help you?" I ask them.

  "Miss....?" The man in the front asks.

  "Xylander." I utter. "Mrs. Xylander. How can I help you officers?" I say looking at each of their stone cold glares.

  "I'm Officer Hayden with the Bryan Police Department. Can you go get your husband for me please. We need to have a word." Hayden asks coldly. I gesture for them to come in.

  "Can I ask what this is about?"

  "No, ma'am. We prefer to speak to him only."

  "One second, I'll go up and get him." I say. The three of them enter the house looking around from the threshold. I close the door behind them.

  "I'm going to take my daughters upstairs, then I'll make sure he comes down. I'll be right back." I say nervously to them. I have a feeling this won't be good.

  "Delia, Delaney come with me please." I walk over to them at the kitchen table. Thank god they both do as they ask without argument. I walk them through the living room, they stop when they see the cops. "Are y'all Aunt Hadley's fwiends?" Delia asks them. They kindly reply the smile.

  "No, honey we're here to see your dad." One of the men who hadn't spoke before chimes in. I glare over at them.

  "If you won't talk to me, I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk to them." I reply coldly. I grab both their hands and usher them up the stairs.

  I take them to their room and get them busy playing with their dolls before I tell them not to leave their room. Once they both agree and know I mean business I go into mine and Dex's room. I let him sleep in because of his fight last night. I shake him.

  "Dex wake up." I panic.

  "Mmm." He grumbles.

  "Declan wake up, now. I'm not playing. There's three officers down stairs looking for you." I say still shaking him. He turns to me unabashed.

  "Fine, I'll be down in a second." He replies as he throws the covers off and gets out of bed stretching his aching muscles. I hand him a shirt and once he puts it on as well as some jeans we walk down the stairs together.

  "What's going on Joe?" He asks walking over to shake one of the other officer’s hands.

  "Oh same old, same old." He replies. "Congrats, I heard you got married. Already met the little firecracker." Joe jests. Declan reaches over and shakes the other two officer’s hands.

  "Mr. Xylander, want to step outside? I'd hate to anger your wife again." He smiles over at me.

  "Funny, but I don't exactly know why you're here. So I'm sure you can understand my apprehension." I reply snarky. "Whatever you have to say to my husband you can say in front of me, Joe." I add dragging out his name.

  "I'd rather we do this outside on the porch, Dex." Joe says apologetically. I walk over to the door and yank it open.

  "After y'all!" I say annoyed and waive my hand outside. The four of them step past me and I step outside with them pulling the door shut behind me but not closing it completely.

  "Mr. Xylander how did you get all those cuts and bruises?" The third officer ask. I roll my eyes at him.

  "I'm an MMA fighter. I had a sanctioned fight last night at the Bryan Arena in town. I'm sure Joe can fill you in since he was there. He's one of my trainers." Dex replies calmly. I look up at Joe and realize I had seen him there but he looked so much different in civilian clothes last night.

  "What time was that?" Hayden asks.

  "I was in the door at 5:30 training and d
idn't leave until after my fight at 9 so I guess 5:30-9:30. Joe can vouch for that as well." Dex answers calmly.

  "Mr. Xylander do you know a Brody Jensen?" Hayden cuts in. My breath hitches in my chest and I look over at them hopeful for the first time.

  "No I don't personally know him." He replies.

  "I do." I answer.

  "How so?" One of them asks. Dex turns and glares down at me with a shut your mouth glare.

  "He's my ex boyfriend." I mutter wishing I hadn't spoke up. Joe adjusts uncomfortably behind officer Hayden and covertly shakes his head as he looked down at me.

  "Are either of you aware that Brody Jensen died last night?" Hayden asks.

  I look at all four of their faces. I don't know if I'm relieved or not. Dex has mentioned time after time if he got his hands on Brody it wouldn't be good. "What does my husband have to do with that?" I ask feeling unsettled.

  "Be quiet Amity, they're just doing their job. Joe as well as Hadley is an officer I requested for your case, it's a precaution."

  Suddenly I'm pissed off they're here because they think he had something to do with it. He deserved it but Dex wouldn't do that, would he? Officer Hayden steps forward and reaches for his handcuffs. "Declan Xylander, your under arrest for the suspicious death of Brody Jensen. Please put your hands behind your back."

  "What? No!" I scream looking at them confused. "What are you talking about? He didn't kill anybody! Take me. He abused and raped me. Why is my husband of interest? He has a lock tight alibi that includes one of you officers standing in front of us."

  "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have a right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Mr. Xylander do you understand your rights and acknowledge them as I have recited them to you?” Officer Hayden asks completely ignoring me.

  "I understand and acknowledge my rights." Dex replies passively.