by Valentina F.
Mark gets in and fastens his seat belt without saying a word.
"You saw them, too, didn't you?" I ask, my voice low, gripping the steering wheel tight, unable to start the engine.
"Yup!" His tone is harsh. He doesn't look at me and he doesn't say anything else.
My hands still trembling, I start the car and pull out of the parking lot, refusing to look in Ben’s direction. He and those stupid games he thinks he can keep playing can go fuck themselves!
As I drive home, a million thoughts flash through my head. Mark is silent and, for once, I'm grateful. I don't want to know what he thinks, because whatever he says, I'll be forced to take it at face value because my head's all over the place.
Casey?
The most insecure part of me tries to tell me there must be a plausible explanation. Who knows, maybe he gave her a ride or maybe he really was telling her he can't see her anymore. Or maybe things are just as they seem. He disappeared all day and then turned up at college with Casey in tow, right in front of me.
I park and get out without even looking at Mark.
"I'm going for a run, see you later, okay?" Without waiting for a reply, I head for the front door, but the roar of Ben's Mustang startles me.
"Ignore him." Mark throws his arm around my shoulders and follows me into the house. "I'll talk to him."
"No!" My authoritative tone startles him. I push his arm away and turn, glaring at him, pointing my finger. "You won't say anything and neither will I. If he wants to tell me, he will, otherwise he can go to hell. He's not my boyfriend and I'm not his property."
"But, Cat..." he starts, but I interrupt him.
"Don't 'but, Cat' me! He knows where I live and if he cares, then he'll come looking for me, otherwise, amen. He doesn't owe me an explanation, he doesn't owe me anything. And you know what? That's fine by me."
It's not, obviously. I want to race out the door and grab him and make him tell me what the hell he was thinking, but good sense takes precedence over jealousy and frustration...perhaps it's the last scrap of dignity I have left in my body that’s stopping me.
The truth is, after all we've said, I have no right to him. He doesn't have to tell me anything about what he gets up to and the same goes for me. Especially when I'm on the phone with Leo for hours on Skype or answering to his sappy text messages.
"You know I don't agree, don't you? I mean, all that shit about trusting him, trying to make you leave your boyfriend, then he sits there, in his car with Casey, knowing that any minute you're going to see him? Makes me want to kick his ass." Mark's face is red with anger and, for once, I feel that he doesn't care about Casey, he's seriously worried about me.
"But you won't because we're going to ignore him." I hug him tight. "Come running with me. We'll go as far as the mall then stop for ice cream and walk back."
He raises an eyebrow. "With marshmallows, whipped cream, chocolate, strawberry sauce, and a million M&M’s on top?"
The thought turns my stomach. "After a five-mile run, you might want something lighter."
23
"I promised Cat I wasn't going to say anything but, damn, Ben! What the fuck were you doing yesterday afternoon? Bringing Casey to college! You know she saw you, don't you?"
I sit up, annoyed. Mark's got to learn to keep his nose out of my goddamn business and let me manage my own life. He doesn't know shit. "I was waiting for Nicholas, she saw me in the parking lot. She got in, five minutes later, she got out." I don't know why I have to explain myself, but at least now I know why Blondie hasn’t replied to my text last night and why she gobbled down her breakfast and bolted out of the kitchen before I could even say ‘good morning’.
I didn't think she'd seen me but we weren't doing anything wrong.
"You should talk to Cat then, because in an hour we're all leaving for Daytona Beach and right now, I think she'd like to gouge your eyes out." Mark heads off to his room and I stand here in the kitchen, a can of Coke in one hand and an idiotic grin on my face.
She's jealous! I could talk with her but I'm curious to see what she'll do, whether she'll confront me or wait for me to explain. Perhaps if she racked her brains even a little, she'd understand how I feel at the thought of her taking time to decide what to do about us.
I finish getting my backpack ready and stow it in the car then set off for the girls' house and enter without knocking. As I stand here in the family room I realize that Blondie and Jessica are both in their rooms with the music at full blast. Jessica's listening to Godsmack's latest album and Blondie's listening to something in Italian.
I walk straight past her closed door until I come to Jessica’s room and, without even knocking, throw her door wide open, which pisses her off every time, but I'm in a good mood and feel like teasing her.
"Every fucking time, Ben! Every fucking time!" she yells, shielding her naked breasts with her shirt. She’s got great tits. She's always had great tits, they just don't do anything for me.
"Like I've never seen them before!" I say arrogantly and throw myself down on the bed.
"You're such a jerk!" She turns away and puts her bra on and then her shirt. "Why don't you go and mess with Cat?" Her irritation amuses me even more. She likes Cat, but she's jealous all the same, like an overprotective big sister.
"Mmm...Mark just told me she's pissed because yesterday she saw me in the car with Casey." I can't help laughing. How she can be so angry is beyond me. Does she think I go around all day dedicating love songs to random girls? I kissed her, I didn't try and get her into bed...what else do I have to do to prove I'm serious about her?
Jessica glares at me. "Watch it there, buddy. She's not like the usual chicks you charm into bed. There's no way she's going to chase after you. The first time you fuck up she'll kick you out on your ass so fast you'll be bouncing for a week!"
"I wasn't doing anything with Casey and she needs to trust me." I'm one hundred percent convinced.
"Yes, sure...King Carter decides Cat's the chosen one and she has to give everything up for him, no questions asked. Right?"
Why's she being such a pain in my ass?
"What's wrong with you? Better watch that tongue or you'll cut yourself!" I pull myself up and sit on the side of the bed.
"Listen, she's a good girl and you're falling for her. If you start playing games and acting like an asshole, she'll laugh in your face and decide you're not worth it. Just so you know..."
What the fuck...
"I'm not playing games. She asked me to give her some space and I am. She's jealous because she's seen me with Casey. I just want to see how jealous she is."
"You're an idiot," she says, closing her bag. We'll be away for just three nights and she's got half her closet in there.
"We'll see..."
It was a bad idea to show off in front of Cat, her entire behavior toward me is frustrating.
She comes out of her room with a beautiful smile on her face, talking to me as if nothing's happened and looks me in the eye without hesitation. I was expecting hateful glares and looks that could kill, but it's as if she doesn't care. I feel I've gone back in time three months, back to when she was kind, but not too kind, when she spoke to me, but not too much and she looked at me, but not too often, and it's driving me crazy.
A second before Jessica gets in the back, I turn to look at her. "Told you so," she mouths and I feel my hackles rise.
Cat wants to pretend nothing's happened? Well, she's more than welcome. Game on.
Just before we pull out of the driveway I press play on the iPad connected to the stereo and the song by Copperman, the one we listened to at the beach, begins to play. Mark looks at me like I've gone crazy, Jessica rolls her eyes, and Cat...nothing. She doesn't even look at me, which pisses me off all over again.
"What is this crap?" Mark groans.
I glance at Cat in the rearview mirror, but her head's bent over her phone and she doesn't give a shit about me, my brother, or the song.
"No ide
a," I reply, feigning indifference. "Don't know how it wound up on my iPad." That should make her react.
Nothing.
Mark fiddles with the screen and “Better Than Me” by Hinder blasts out.
The journey seems endless. The deathly silence inside the car is broken only by the loud music from the speakers. Mark's pissed with me, Jessica is more agitated than usual, and Blondie...is indifference personified. My plan's not working. I'm going to have to change tactic.
What has she been typing for the past hour? She's not looked up from her phone once since we left Orlando. She laughed a couple of times at Mark's stupid jokes but her eyes are glued to that goddamn phone. I want to throw it out the fucking window.
Calm down, Benjamin. Breathe and ignore.
My phone rings in my pocket and I make a face when I see the name on the screen. 'Rachel'. However, I grin like an asshole when I realize what I'm about to do. I know I'll regret it, but it's stronger than me. I need to provoke Cat into a reaction, I need her to speak to me instead of sitting in silence. Her silent treatment is killing me. If she's pissed off or annoyed she should say so, that way we can get over it and make out.
"Hi, baby!" Baby?
On the other end, my warm welcome makes Rachel laugh. I don't blame her. I've never called her 'baby' before. I’ve never called her. Period.
"Wow, that's new," she replies with a giggle. I laugh out loud for no reason, urged on by the fact that the others don't know who I'm speaking to or what she's saying. "Are you going to Daytona Beach?" she asks, getting straight to the point.
"Yup, be there in fifteen."
She sighs. "Shit, I knew I should have called earlier. I need a ride. My brother can't pick me up till tonight."
"I'm sorry. If I'd known I would have swung by and picked you up."
Yeah, sure. That way Jessica could pull her hair out one by one while Cat gouged her eyes out.
"No problem...see you at Frankie's tonight? The guys will all be there."
"Sure, baby. Sounds like a plan. What time?" Have I gone too far?
Mark spins around in his seat and gives me a dirty look. Yup, I've gone too far. I don’t even look in the rearview mirror because if Blondie's watching me, I'll have a heart attack, at least. But I can’t stop myself.
"We'll be there around nine." Rachel's voice is low and sexy. Whenever she asks to meet up, I have to invent a thousand excuses. She must have taken my enthusiasm for interest in her, but she should have known I'd be at Frankie's anyway, regardless. "If we get bored we can go for a walk around the basketball courts."
Roughly translated that means, 'You can fuck me in your car over at the basketball courts.'
She's not a bad girl, we even went out for a couple of months in high school but, and I have to agree with Jessica on this one, she's too easy. Then there’s the fact that Cat, indifferent or not, would rip my balls off. And if she couldn't do it on her own, she'd get my brother to help her and, judging by the way he's staring at me, he can't wait.
"See you later. Ciao, Rachel. I'll text you later." I hang up before she can reply, trying to hide my malicious, satisfied grin.
Jessica leans in and whispers in my ear, "Asshole!"
I roll my eyes casually, but I can feel Cat's eyes boring into me. Yup, she'll rip my balls off, with her bare hands.
24
I'm speechless. Furious doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. Yesterday Casey, today Rachel. I wish I hadn't accepted Jessica's invitation. I should have faked a sudden illness and stayed home on my own. When I can't bear to ignore him any longer, I look up at Ben. Just once, but he's not paying any attention to me.
Anxiety makes my heart pound and I've no idea how I manage to maintain my facade of indifference when all I really want to do is headbutt him, but I refuse to let him see me lose control.
Jessica's home is warm and welcoming and wonderfully perfumed with the delicious smell of freshly baked cookies. Betty, Jessica's mom, is in the kitchen, preparing vegetables. She gives her daughter the kind of loving hug that makes me feel jealous. My mother was never a great cook. I remember those disastrous Christmas dinners when she cooked for the whole family, but I find the smell of sautéed vegetables reassuring, it reminds me of home.
Betty comes over and greets me with another affectionate hug. "You must be Cat. Great to meet you, I've heard so much about you."
I smile politely and follow Jessica with my eyes. The Carter boys have gone over to their house and Jessica motions for me to follow her so she can show me to the guest room.
The house is more like a villa than a family home. Two stories high with an amazing porch that runs all the way around the building and a living room with a very high ceiling. The walls are painted white and covered in modern art, while the furniture is all pastel shades. In the middle of the entrance hall there's a huge marble staircase that leads up to the bedrooms, curving off into two corridors that form a horseshoe-shaped gallery. Before entering my room, I lean over the railing and gaze down at the hall from above. The bedrooms, five in total, are located around the perimeter of the house and my room is at the end of the corridor to the left, directly over the kitchen.
"I hope you like it." Jessica's sweet smile warms my heart. Do I like it? This is a dream home.
The guest room is a corner room and must be at least 200 square-feet with an en-suite bathroom.
"I looove it! Thank you so much for inviting me, Jess." Though we both know she didn't have much choice.
"You're more than welcome, besides, I need you here or my mom will drive me crazy." She winks and walks over to the door. "I'll just unpack then we can go down for tea and cookies, okay? Or would you rather rest up?"
"No way, I want tea and cookies! Knock when you're ready."
She closes the door behind her, her ponytail bobbing from side to side.
Once I'm alone, the first thing I do is look out the window. The neighborhood is elegant and quiet and you can even see the sea. I stand here, my nose glued to the window until I notice him.
His bedroom window is right in front, just like in Orlando. A corner room with a side window overlooking mine. I watch him moving slowly around his room and I know I should look away and ignore him, but it's stronger than me. My heart beats a little faster, my mouth is slightly dry and my body forgets all about the past twenty-four hours whenever he's near.
I force myself to sit down on the bed, pick up my iPhone, and text Leonardo. For the past few weeks I've been so cold to him, the last two days even more than usual. My only consolation is that he's also been strange lately. He answers as soon as he gets my message but he's not his usual, loving self. He hasn't told me he loves me for five days. My heart clenches and I feel like a bitch. If he's forgetting about me then it means I’ve made the right decision after all.
CATERINA: Just got to Daytona Beach and they're waiting for me for five o'clock tea. How are you? What are you doing?
LEONARDO: At home. Need to speak to you.
A shiver runs down my spine. Don’t tell me he wants to leave me?
CATERINA: I'm all ears.
LEONARDO: Not like this. There's so much happening here and I need to talk to you.
CATERINA: Leo, I’m worried. What is it? I can't call you now, just give me an idea of what's wrong.
My hands are shaking and I suddenly notice I'm holding my breath.
LEONARDO: Tata, you're always busy lately, so what's new? When you have a minute to spare for your boyfriend, call me!
Ouch!
I wasn't expecting that. I press call and he makes me wait at least five rings before answering.
"Hello?" He sounds tense and irritated.
"You know I always have time for you," I say, feeling guilty.
Benjamin flings his bedroom window open and leans out, speaking to someone in the garden below. He's bare-chested and I curl up on the bed, putting as much distance between us as possible because I need to focus on Leonardo.
"No, you don't. Anyway
, I don't feel like talking right now…" He sighs theatrically. "Okay, Mom's kicked Dad out," he blurts and I close my eyes. I should be shocked but I'm not. Leonardo's father, the best heart surgeon in Europe, is also a notorious womanizer. Everyone knows about his other women, he has at least one in every city, but Leo's mother has always turned a blind eye. My grandmother, the one with the sharp tongue who loves to gossip, says she doesn't do anything about it because she loves his money too much, while my father, who never gossips, says that you never know what goes on behind closed doors and you shouldn't discuss delicate matters without knowing all the facts.
"Oh, Leo, I'm so sorry. What happened?"
"What do you think?" His sarcastic laugh isn't like him at all. "The bastard got caught. They've been screaming at each other for the past week, my mother's trashed half the house."
I wipe sweat from my forehead. "How do you feel?"
"Tata, please, at least try to be yourself for five minutes because like this I can't take it anymore." His voice drops and I hear him breathing hard against his phone.
"What are you talking about?"
"What the fuck's happened to you, Caterina? You hardly call, you're cold, always busy, I tell you my father's been kicked out of the house and my mother's freaking out and all you can ask is how I feel? I feel like shit. I'm here, lost and alone without you, and fuck, I expected you at least to start yelling about what a dick my dad has always been and what you're going to say when you see him. What's with the liberal attitude? You've changed. I don't recognize you anymore. For months you've treated me like a stranger. You've known my parents for years, I'd hoped at least for a genuine reaction from you." His voice falters and for a second I think he's going to cry.
A tear spills from my eye and I don't know what to say. He's right. I have been cold and distant, I have treated him like a stranger, as if he were already my ex-boyfriend. "It's not like that, Leo. You're on the other side of the world and I don't feel like telling you what an asshole your father is or that you knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Not over the phone, not when we're so far apart. It's difficult for me, too." My voice breaks and I'm barely holding back my tears.