Crushing Misery

by Kinsey Taylor

“Introducing your fighters for the Fight Club Tour 2013, in the blue corner, mastering in freestyle and mixed martial arts. Eight wins and no losses, standing at six feet and weighing in at one hundred and eighty-five pounds. Our returning UFC Champion, don’t let the pretty face fool you, he’ll wreak havoc on your soul, ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, Kage ‘The Wrecking Ball’ Von.” The song “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus comes blaring through the speakers.

  You have got to be fucking kidding me.

  Out hops Kage, and the greedy ass smile he sports irritates the fuck out of me.

  Oh, I’m going to enjoy wiping that shit-eating grin off your face.

  “In the black corner, mastering in freestyle and mixed martial arts. Standing at six feet, two inches, weighing in at one hundred and eighty-five pounds.”

  I move jumping on the balls of my feet again, looking like a true fighter, not like a fucking wind up jackrabbit the way Kage did.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, watch out for this Casanova. He will steal your woman out from under you, crushing her heart and yours. Let’s hear it for the returning Champion, Corbin ‘The Core Crusher’ Nash.” ‘Heretic’ by Avenged Sevenfold comes blaring through the speakers. I never smile; I wear a cold dead stare, letting no emotion show through.

  The ref calls us both over, and we stare each other down, Kage never wipes that stupid fucking grin off his face. He calls out, “Clean fight!” and that is it, I dig in, spin on the ball of my left foot and connect with his face. Yep, that grin’s now a distant memory, and I fucking love it.

  Chapter Five

  Kennedy

  I’m hanging out with Justeen today, bringing my camera along to take a few photos for the brochure I’m designing for her business. I crouch down on the floor, moving in different positions and angles to capture the correct lighting. I know how important the start-up of her career is to her, and I want to showcase the perfect flyer to catch a ton of attention. I want it to pop with the color of the bright fruits and vegetables around the meal prep showcase she’s put together for me.

  “I think I got enough photos here to make you half a dozen brochures.”

  “I was going to yell at you and give you a hard time, but you were so into your element¸ I didn’t dare interrupt you.”

  “I know how important this is to you, to get your business up and running. I want it to be perfect and draw in as many clients as possible.”

  “I know, I’m only teasing you. You have always had an awesome creative eye with your camera and everything you edit comes alive.”

  “Awe. Thanks, sis. The meals you prepared are works of art. This is your calling Justeen, just as photography is mine.”

  “Agreed.”

  Vivacious, thriving, these were all words I wanted people to see me as, however, even with my fake smiles and flat laughter, deep down I know I’m not fooling anyone. I still put on my façade faking that everything is peachy keen. I’ve become the victim, something I promised myself I would never allow myself again.

  “Earth to Kennedy. Hello.”

  I jump when I feel the sting against my ass cheek.

  “Huh?”

  “What has you off in la la land, girl?”

  “Oh, nothing. I’m off day dreaming.”

  “You still thinking of Corbin?”

  “Ha, ha. No, I wish that’s what I was thinking about.”

  I close my eyes and feel the bite of the cold surface press hard against my face. The pressure from Troy’s arm holds me firmly against the back of my neck; my face smashed against our cold bedroom wall. I heard the familiar click of the cap followed by the bang of the bottle hitting the floor beside me. His firm hand smearing the wet liquid between my legs as the tip of his dick pushed inside my folds and then the assault began. I cried out feeling the sting of pain shoot deep inside my abdomen as he pounded in and out of me. The friction burned deep inside as the sting hit every nerve ending.

  “Please, stop! You’re hurting me, Troy.”

  He pulls away; fingers dig gripping my hips as pain bites into my skin, and he slams inside even harder. It’s too much. I shake uncontrollably, vomiting from the agony. The next thing I know, I’m waking up on the floor next to my bed.

  “What the hell has you so frightened, Ked? You’re shaking.”

  I open my eyes remembering where I am. Tears prick my eyes, but I refuse to release even one drop.

  “Troy and I had a huge fight.”

  “Did something happen? You look like you were about to cry.”

  “No, I’m still upset is all. Replaying the argument over in my head. You know us. We always work it out,” I lie.

  “I’m here if you ever need to talk.”

  I walk the short distance to Justeen’s restroom, close and lock the door. I sit down on the toilet and wish I could muster up the courage to leave Troy. He’s the sole provider in our house. I worry I won’t be able to make ends meet on my salary alone. I could move back home with Janice and Bruce, but I’m too ashamed to ask.

  I’m a coward.

  Chapter Six

  Four months later…. Kennedy

  Running upstairs trying to ready myself for the day, I rush to curl my hair in dire need to be back with Ashlynn.

  “Look what you did you useless little brat,” I hear coming from Troy’s mouth downstairs.

  Oh My God! Did he just say that to her? I ask myself. That’s it; I’m done. I can’t take any more of this. I rush full speed down the stairs, coming around the corner to an abrupt halt when I see my terrified daughter hiding under the table from her father.

  “What’s going on Troy?”

  “Your little brat spilled milk all over the goddamn table, that’s what.”

  “It’s only a little spilled milk for goodness sakes. Stop talking to Ashlynn like that.”

  “Who the fuck do you think you are, talking to me like that, huh?” he asks, getting right up in my face. Grabbing me by the front of my shirt, he brings me to his chest. My eyes go wide as a flashback of my father’s grip on my dress that night hits me. Troy releases me as I see a flash of hurt briefly wash across his eyes.

  “I’m sorry! I’m here now, and I’ll take care of cleaning this up,” I say to him.

  “You bet your ass you will,” he says. He exits the kitchen, and Ashlynn scurries out from under the table and leaps straight into my arms, sobbing into my chest.

  “I’m so sorwwy mommy. I wreally didn’t mean to.”

  “Oh, baby. It’s okay.” Brushing her shoulder length blonde ringlets to the side, I reach up with my thumb wiping away the tears falling down her sweet little face. Casting a glance into her large, crystal clear, blue eyes, I say, “Mommy knows it was an accident, baby.” Holding her tightly to my chest, I wipe the rag along the table to finish cleaning up the milky mess.

  I carry her upstairs and gather our things the fear is starting to take over inside me, spiking my already high anxiety. The tingling feeling starts shooting around my lips, as the numbness spreads to my fingertips, taking over accelerating the spike of my heart rate. I sit on my bed, bringing Ashlynn closer to me as I try to pull myself together. While I focus on Ashlynn’s tiny hand running through the length of my long wavy blonde hair, my anxious filled path begins to lessen.

  We head out the door on our way to swing by and pick up my mom, Janice, to head over to Cinderella’s Closet, in Oak Harbor. It’s our last fitting before Jagger and Paige’s wedding. I chose a dress very similar to the bridesmaid dresses in Paige’s wedding party, but in a style I feel more comfortable wearing. I am a little more excited about today’s fitting, as my hard work and all of Justeen’s help has paid off. I have lost a total of thirty pounds since I started four months ago. Only five more pounds to go, and I will be back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I am in way better shape than I’ve ever been. This weight loss journey has made me stronger than I ever thought possible. Now, if I could get my mind to catch up with the rest of me.

  Ashlynn has been aske
d to be the flower girl by her Uncle Jagger. She will walk down the aisle with the ring bearer, who is the cutest little boy with dark blonde hair and a spunky, fun personality. The dress Paige picked out for Ashlynn is a long, beautiful, full-flowing white with a tulle overlay that wraps and ties around the neck with a big white flower on the left breast. It's very similar to Paige’s wedding dress.

  I can’t get over how perfect and beautiful the dress is on Ashlynn, and boy does she love to twirl around, letting the skirt spin and swish like a bell. When we finish, we decide to run out for a quick bite to eat for lunch, and then I drive my mom back to her house. I know she senses something is wrong. She’s been eyeing me all afternoon. I tend to fidget when I’m nervous, and that’s all I’ve been able to do since I left my house today. I’m going to break the news to Janice and Bruce tonight.

  I’m leaving Troy.

  Chapter Seven

  Corbin

  I decide after I finish at the center this afternoon, I’m going to head out to have a little fun. Racing home, I jump into the shower and change quickly. The excitement is already running fierce through my veins. I head out into the garage and pull back the black cover on my bike. Besides my Mustang, this is my ultimate love. I remember the day I bought her and drove her off the lot. Her crisp body under my weight was pure heaven and feeling her weight move underneath me as the wind whipped around my hair sent a powerful thrill shooting through me.

  I stand back, taking in the sight of my ride. Her sleek black body is as dark as my soul, with a weathered skull design encased at the heart of the gas tank. Chrome wraps around every last inch of her. The spokes are custom, built to look like swords fused around the wheels. Strapping my helmet on my head, I straddle the bike between my legs, start her and listen to her purr.

  I head through the windy roads, pushing the speed to a radical high, so desperate to feel the charge inside. I head up the mountainside until I reach my destination. It’s a spot I found a few years back. It’s serene and has an incredible view of the ocean below. It’s where I come to think, reflect, and talk to Landry as if he were here sharing my thoughts and fears. In the past I’ve considered driving off this cliff and no one would ever know where I was until they found my body. Well, unless I became fish food. My dark thoughts lately haven’t been as dark since Kennedy re-entered my life.

  Tonight, I tell Landry about Kennedy, how she invades my every thought, and how I might like her even enough to be with only her. Saying it out loud scares me and intrigues me because I have never wanted any woman as much as I do her. People think they know Corbin Nash; they know the person I want them to know; the playboy image is all a fabrication of the real me who hides himself away from the public eye. Seeing Kennedy again, changed all that, sparking something inside me back to life.

  Heading back down, I stop at the Death Grip Pub for a drink before I head home. While here, I hope to provoke a local biker to race down the mountain. I look around for an empty stool and sit down. The bartender Jeff nods in my direction. Since I’ve been training, I hadn’t been in for a while.

  “Haven’t seen you around lately. How you been, man?”

  “Good, and you?”

  “Can’t complain. Congrats on your win, that was sure some fight.”

  “Thanks. That it was,” I say with a smirk.

  “Cocky fucker,” he laughs out.

  “You got that right. Wiping the smile off his face was the first thing I did.”

  “Yeah, that shit was badass.”

  I shake my head yes in agreement.

  “Let me have a Black Raven Wisdom, please.”

  “You got it.”

  I watch on as he pours the beer into a frosted glass and sets it down right in front of me. The taste of the brew is fantastic, pale ale being my beer of choice. It’s from a local brewery here in Washington - who also sponsors me; their logo is throughout my garage. I turn looking around taking in my surroundings. There aren’t many people in tonight, but I take note of a couple guys in the back corner playing pool, throwing glances my way. I turn, laughing to myself. It isn’t long before more people start showing up. I see brunette hair fan out and over the curve of my shoulder landing close to my neck. The female it belongs to reaches around me, placing her arm on my shoulder.

  “Haven’t seen you around here before, I’m Roxy,” she holds out her other hand to me.

  “Hi, Roxy. I’m Corbin. Pleased to meet you, love.” I take her hand watching as the smile broadens along her face. She leans into me as her tits press up against my arm. I look down into her cleavage and look back up and wink at her. She giggles in response; it bugs me, but I play along. I’m used to this reaction from the female species.

  “Buy a girl a drink, would ya?”

  “Sure, love.” I motion over to Jeff.

  “What will it be?” he asks. I look over at her.

  “Well, what would you like to drink Foxy Roxy?” he teases.

  “Bud Light and a cum shot, please,” she sings out.

  Oh lord this chick.

  Looking over at her, I raise my eyebrows in question. She shrugs and blows me a kiss.

  Come on, play a little hard to get. There’s no fun in just serving it up on a platter. Some women have no class. Jeff comes back with her drinks. She takes the shot and eyes me, then picks up the beer.

  “You look familiar. Where do I know you from?”

  “I get that a lot. No clue. We’ve never met before.”

  “You want to go for a drive?” she asks.

  “Nah, I’m good right here, love.”

  “Oh come on, let’s go have some fun.”

  “I’m good right where I am, Roxy. You go on and have some fun. I’m going to head home shortly anyway.”

  “Want some company?”

  “No. Not tonight.”

  “You got a girl or something? Is that why you’re blowing me off?”

  “No, I just don’t want any company tonight.”

  “Your loss, Corbin!” she sings.

  I just smile and pick up my beer, lifting it to my lips. She walks away and goes over to a small group of girls in the back, close to where the guys are still playing pool. I hear them talking, but I ignore them and go back to finishing my beer. Maybe tonight I won’t be racing after all. By now, some drunken asshole would have already been talking his shit to me because his girl was flirting with me. That or someone would have recognized me and wanted to see if I am as tough in person.

  Getting up, I throw down my money to settle my bill and as I turn to walk towards the door, I hear a female voice yell, “Wait.”

  Turning, I look over my shoulder and watch Roxy run over in my direction. I turn back around and keep walking. Heading out the door, she grabs my arm.

  “You weren’t even going to say goodbye?” she questions.

  “Roxy, this isn’t a date. I was out going for a ride and stopped for a drink. Nothing more. You have a good night.”

  “Will I see you again?” she yells out after me.

  I keep walking to my bike; I sit down pulling on my helmet as a firm hand grabs at my shoulder.

  “I told you…”

  A large, tall man stands over me with a scowl on his face cutting me off. Standing up, I pull off my helmet and place it down on my bike.

  “What?” I snap.

  “What’s your problem guy? Roxy was trying to be friendly. Why are you blowing her off?”

  “Not interested man.”

  “You’re a little bitch.”

  “I’m a bitch for buying a girl a couple of drinks and heading home alone? Seriously, fuck off man.”

  Turning, I look over my shoulder and notice we have an audience.

  “Come on, man, let’s settle this.”

  “You obviously don’t know who I am because if you did you wouldn’t be challenging me to a fight.”

  “Oh , now that I think about it. You do look oddly familiar.”

  “Yeah, try UFC Champion. Ring any bells?” I l
augh out.

  The dude stands there dumbfounded like the puzzle pieces are landing one by one in place slowly.

  “No way. Fuck! It is you. Corbin Nash, right?”

  I nod.

  “Now if you wanted to challenge me to a race, I’m down.”

  “Fuck, yeah!”

  “Corbin!” Jeff calls out. “You sure about this?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Alright, man. Your death sentence.”

  “Take it easy, man. It will be okay. Nice seeing you.”

  He lifts his arm as to say goodbye.

  Pulling my bike forward towards the road, I point in the direction I want to go. He nods in response. The guy pulls up next to me on his bike and revs up his engine as I pull on my helmet and do the same.

  Roxy walks up in front raising her hands above her head. We both rev up our engines as I watch the guys close to the road waiting for the coast is clear signal. When she drops her arms, we both take off.

  We are even for a while until I see the cars stopping up ahead as I veer to the right and head around the truck blocking their way. I hear his tires squeal in protest as he slams on his brakes. I look back as he drops his bike, but he’s standing, so I know he’s okay. I let out a laugh and keep going.

  Tonight I go to bed feeling pretty good. Replaying the thrill racing gives me, it is such a rush. Then Kennedy enters my mind as I wonder what she is up to tonight. I lie there for hours replaying her reaction at the gym. I wonder if she remembers me the way I remember her.

  Finally, I am tired enough to close my eyes, and that’s what I do until the darkness overtakes me.

  Chapter Eight

  Kennedy

  I walk into the church with Ashlynn in tow. She squeals the minute she lays eyes on her Momo. Janice Finley may not be my biological mother, but she is the only one who counts in my book. She is the best grandmother I could have ever asked for, for Ashlynn. I let my squirming girl down before she jumps out of my arms. She makes a straight shot to her Momo. I love that she has family and knows people who truly love and adore her. Coming over, Janice throws her arms around me and kisses me on the cheek with a bouncing Ashlynn in her arms.