Chasing After Destiny

by Emma Easter

  Jude got into the elevator with Edith and rode it up to the top floor. When they exited, they walked straight through a long hallway into the office of a grumpy-looking middle aged woman sitting behind a desk, speaking on the phone. As they came to stand in front of her, she looked up at them and pointed at the sofa across from her. Jude tried to speak, but she shook her head and held up her hand. “I will be right with you,” she said firmly, and turned away from them.

  They both sat, and Jude tapped his feet impatiently, clenching and unclenching his fist. Sofia, please hold on. God, please don’t let her hurt herself. He looked at the secretary who was still on the phone and forced himself not to yell at her.

  She finally got off the phone, and he stood up and walked over to her again. “We need to see George Davidson, now.”

  She arched her brows and stared at him and Edith. “George Davidson does not work here anymore,” she said angrily.

  Jude blinked. “We were told this was his office…”

  The woman cut in. “This used to be his office.” She pointed at the door to her left. “But as I said, he doesn’t work here anymore.”

  Jude groaned. “Do you know where he lives?”

  “No!”

  “What about a phone number?”

  “I’m sorry, but I cannot help you!” the woman said belligerently. She turned away from him as her phone rang and picked up the receiver.

  Jude turned to Edith. “Where are we going to look for her?” he asked as worry flooded him. “Should we go to the police?”

  “She has not been missing for twenty-four hours,” Edith said. “I don’t know if the police will be of much help.”

  “I think we can call and file a report,” he said.

  She nodded as they left the angry secretary’s office and went to the end of the hallway to place the call. She came back to Jude a minute later, and he asked, “Where else can we search for her?”

  “I am out of options,” Edith answered.

  They asked a few other employees rushing past them if they knew where George lived. Everyone looked like they were in a hurry and none of them had George’s address or offered a phone number. Jude finally left the office building with Edith.

  Outside, Jude stood in front of the building, his arms folded across his chest, his heart beating wildly with fear. “This is not good, Edith.” He shook his head slowly. “This is really not good. What did the police say?”

  “That they are on it.”

  “That is all?” he frowned. “Maybe we should actually go to the police station. They might take our report more seriously if we come in person.” His phone rang, and for a brief moment, hope soared in his heart. He plucked it out of his pocket and answered immediately.

  “Jude, where are you?” Ben’s voice came over voice the line. “I’m at Samuel’s, and he said you left the house, just like that. You need to get back here.”

  “Ben, Sofia is missing. I am looking for her now. I cannot come back until I find her.”

  “Jude, I’m sorry about that, but you have to get back. We have to leave for the airport or you will be late for your flight.”

  “I can’t come right now, Ben. I’m sorry.”

  “What are you saying, man? You know you have no choice. We have to leave for the airport this minute. Remember what will happen if you don’t leave the country. It’s only a matter of time before you get deported.”

  “I cannot leave without making sure Sofia is okay,” Jude said.

  “Jude, listen, you cannot afford to be arrested by ICE. I hear that some people are detained in jail for weeks on end before they are finally deported back to their countries. You don’t want that to happen to you.”

  Jude shut his eyes and shook his head. “I’m not leaving until I find Sofia.” He ended the call and stuffed his phone into his pocket. It rang again, but he ignored it.

  “Let’s go to your house and see if we can find any clues to where Sofia might have gone,” he said to Edith.

  They got into Edith’s car, and he began to drive to her house. His phone rang again, and he took it out of his pocket and turned it off. He was well aware of the risks he was putting himself in by staying in the United States, but Sofia was more important than any of those risks. Right now, he did not care what happened to him as long as he knew she was fine. That was all that mattered.

  They reached Edith’s house and went straight to Sofia’s tiny bedroom. They searched everywhere for any clue that could lead them to where she was, but they found none. They went around the whole house searching, but they found nothing. At last, Jude stood in the middle of the living room, his hands propped on his waist, troubling thoughts racing through his mind. They were out of options. The only thing they could do was go to the police in person. He told Edith what he was thinking.

  She opened her mouth to say something, but he shook his head. “I know you have already filed a report police, but as you said, she hasn’t been missing for more than twenty-four hours. They might not take your report seriously and we cannot stay here with our hands folded, doing nothing.” He pressed his lips together as another wave of terror went through him.

  Sofia might be seriously hurt. He did not want to say it out loud, but she might be dead. He felt like weeping, but he knew he had to hold it together.

  “I am going now,” he said to Edith. He strode to the door and then turned around when Edith did not follow. “Are you coming?”

  She sighed loudly and then followed him out the door.

  Chapter 19

  Sofia slowly sat on the old couch in the run-down apartment she had rented yesterday. She stared at the bottle of pills for a full minute and then poured a handful into her palm. She lifted her hand to her mouth to swallow the pills and then put her hand down again. She looked at the pills in her hand once more and glanced at the bottle on the couch. The last time she’d taken some pills, she had not succeeded in killing herself. She had to take all of them and hope this time she would not awaken.

  She emptied the entire bottle into her palm and once again raised the pills to her mouth.

  Don’t do it, Sofia!

  She inhaled and stifled the warning voice inside her. It hurt too much to be alive. She had to end the pain. There was nothing to live for. She had made a complete mess of her life. But worse than that, she had made a mess of the lives of those around her — George, his wife, their kids... Jude... She cried out as she thought about Jude. Overwhelming shame filled her, and she felt even more determined to end it all. She lifted her hand with the pills and opened her mouth to swallow them. Her phone rang and she jumped, causing the pills to spill to the floor.

  She blinked in surprise and stared at her phone on the coffee table. She had switched it off yesterday when she’d left George’s office and she was certain she had not switched it back on. How on Earth was it ringing now?

  She groaned as she looked at the pills that had fallen and were scattered across the floor. She looked at her phone again and frowned. Moaning, she began to gather the pills from the floor, placing them in her palm again. Just as she finished gathering them, her phone rang again, startling her and causing the pills to spill right back to the floor. She screamed in rage and frustration and then grabbed her phone from the battered coffee table in front of her. “Yes, who is this?” she asked in annoyance.

  “Sofia, is everything okay?”

  “Lily!” She immediately gathered herself together. She’d been trying to call Lily to talk to her for a long time without success.

  “Sofia, how are you? Are you okay?”

  Sofia slipped down to the floor, her heart aching and tears falling down her face. Maybe Lily was right all along. Maybe there was a God above who truly cared for her, because what were the chances of Lily calling her right when she was about to end it all? And her phone being on when she was certain she’d turned it off was inexplicable.

  “Sofia, are you there?” Lily asked. “Are you okay?”

  Sofia could no
t hold back anymore and she blurted out, “No, Lily. I’m not okay.”

  “I knew something was wrong,” Lily said, sounding worried. “Taylor and I arrived in Fallow Creek yesterday. This morning, I felt a constant urge to call you. Tell me what’s wrong, Sofia.”

  Sofia gripped her phone. “Everything is wrong, Lily,” she said. She began to tell Lily about her first break up with George; how his wife had come to her apartment, kicked her out, and fired her from her job. Shame flooded her as she said, “You warned me about George, Lily. I should have listened. I should never have ignored your words.”

  She continued to talk about the pain she’d felt after she and George had broken up.

  “No, Sofia,” Lily cried when Sofia told her she had tried to kill herself after George had left her the first time. “You did not!”

  “My friend Edith came just in time, or I would be dead,” she said. She continued on about getting back with George.

  “Sofia, you went back to him? Why?”

  “I feel so stupid now,” Sofia said. She talked about George; how she’d found out that he had lied to her. She could not bring herself to tell Lily about Jude. It felt too painful to talk about him and what she had done to him. Most of all, she did not want Lily to judge her because she had chosen to marry Jude for money or to judge him because he’d planned to marry her to get a Green card. Lily would not understand that things had changed later on and that they had developed feelings for each other. She didn’t want Lily to think badly of Jude in any way.

  “When I confronted George in his office, he told me he was sorry, but he had not left his wife because he did not want to lose his job and everything that mattered to him. I was so mad at him that I told his wife everything he had said to me. His wife asked him for a divorce right there. At first I felt great about that, but later on I just felt awful.”

  She told Lily about trying to swallow a fresh bottle of pills. Her break up with Jude was a big part of how she felt and why she tried to kill herself now, but she still could not talk about him with Lily.

  “Sofia… no! No, you did not try to kill yourself again.” Lily sounded on edge.

  Sofia began to sob. “I feel so empty… like I have nothing to live for anymore.”

  “Listen, Sofia,” Lily said, still sounding worried, “I know you’ve never wanted to hear me talk about Jesus, but you know He loves you. If you give your life to him, you will have something to live for. Now and for the future. You will have someone who loves you unconditionally and completely.”

  Sofia shut her eyes and listened as Lily talked about Jesus and his love and offer of salvation. She drank up everything Lily said, desperate for hope; for true love and for redemption. She sobbed loudly as Lily asked if she wanted that love in her life — a Father who would love her unconditionally and would always be there.

  “I do, Lily. How do I receive His love?”

  “By asking Jesus to come into your heart. Would you like to pray and ask Him into your heart?”

  “Yes. I would like that,” Sofia said, and then prayed with Lily, repeating the words that Lily told her to. She asked Jesus into her life and then her heart began to feel as though someone was opening it up and taking out all her despair and sorrow and the sins she was terribly ashamed of. Even those she had told no one about. Hope like she had never felt before descended on her, and then overwhelming joy flooded her. She could not stop crying. Not from sorrow this time, but from overwhelming happiness.

  Lily stopped talking, and Sofia laughed out loud. “I cannot explain how I feel, Lily. I feel as though I could take on the whole world and that no matter what happens from now on, I will be okay.” She laughed again. “No, not okay. I will be glorious.”

  Lily laughed. “Glorious! This is the first time I’ve heard you use that word.”

  “I don’t know why I said that,” Sofia chuckled. Her heart felt as light as a feather.

  “Sofia, I will come and see you as soon as possible,” Lily said, sounding worried again. “Please, don’t ever try to hurt yourself again.”

  Sofia stood up, held out her hand, and spun around, laughing. She held the phone to her ear and said, “I would love for you to come and visit me, Lily, but I won’t try to kill myself again. You don’t have to worry about that.”

  “Are you sure?” Lily asked.

  Sofia gathered the pills from the floor once more, but this time she put them all inside the bottle. She walked to the tiny bathroom in the single-room apartment, poured the pills into the toilet, and flushed them down. “Did you hear that, Lily? I flushed all the pills down the toilet. I’m too happy to even think properly, let alone try to kill myself.”

  Lily chuckled, but she still sounded uncertain as she told Sofia that she would come to Tucson to see her as soon as she and Taylor could get away. “We still have a few things to do in Fallow Creek, but hopefully, since we are in Arizona I can convince Taylor to come to Tucson with me so we can see you before we go to California.”

  “Okay, Lily,” Sofia said. She asked if Lily had found her parents and sister, and Lily said she hadn’t.

  “There are a few trails we are following up,” Lily said, “but I’m not sure they’re going to lead to anything. Josh will soon start school, so we have to get back to California as soon as possible. After he’s enrolled in school, we will continue to search for my parents and my sister.”

  “I hope you find them soon,” Sofia said. “Don’t worry, Lily. I’m sure they’re safe wherever they are.”

  They changed the subject and started to talk about Taylor’s kids. Lily could not stop talking about them and about Taylor. Sofia could hear how excited she was to have a new family of her own in spite of her worries about her parents and her sister. She felt thrilled for Lily.

  A sliver of envy went through her as she thought about Jude. She could have been looking forward to starting a family with the man she loved if she had not messed it all up. She took a deep breath as she realized she had finally admitted to herself that she did love him.

  “Sofia, are you still there? Are you sure you’re okay?”

  Sofia smiled as a heart flooded with joy again. “How can I not be when Jesus is in my heart now?” she said. “I’m so happy you have a family of your own, Lily. I knew that Taylor was a keeper when I first met him.”

  Lily laughed. “And I’m happy for you too, Sofia. You’re now a part of God’s forever family, and I can truly call you my sister now.”

  Soon, they changed topics again and talked about Sofia’s present situation. She told Lily she had temporarily rented a tiny apartment and she had begun to try to find a job. Lily felt sorry for her, but Sofia told her not to. “I feel so happy, I might as well be living in a palace.”

  Lily chuckled.

  They kept talking about Sofia’s plans for the future and then the call finally ended. Sofia bent over the sink and washed her face, wiping away the tears that streaked down her cheeks. She stared at herself in the mirror. She looked a total mess, but she could not help smiling.

  You need to call Edith.

  She blinked. The words she’d heard now had been her thoughts, and yet they felt like they weren’t. She sighed. She definitely needed to call Edith. Her friend would be wondering where she was and worrying. Edith was the one who had found her lying on the floor when she’d tried to kill herself. Maybe she was afraid that the same thing had happened to her.

  She went to the living room again, sat on the couch and dialed Edith’s number. An otherworldly peace settled in her heart as Edith answered on the first ring.

  “Sofia, where on earth are you?” Edith exclaimed. “I’ve been trying to reach you. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” She gave Edith the address of her new apartment.

  “I will be right over,” Edith said before Sofia could tell her not to worry. Edith clicked off and Sofia put her phone aside and raised her eyes to the ceiling.

  “Lord, what now?” she stood up and walked aimlessly around the
tiny apartment. There was really not much to look at. It was just the single living room with a small kitchenette at the far end and a bathroom to her right. There was no bedroom. Still, she could not help smiling. She had rented the apartment with the little she had. Hopefully, it would be a temporary home. If things went well, she would soon get a job and save enough to rent a better apartment.

  She suddenly remembered that Lily had spoken often when they lived together about studying her Bible, but she had no Bible. And then she recalled the day Lily had told her she wanted to read her Bible only for her to pick up her phone. Sofia had asked where Lily’s Bible was. She had not been around any Christians for years, and she was surprised when Lily told her she had downloaded the Bible app on her phone.

  Sofia picked up her phone, went on the internet, and then found a Bible app that looked appropriate. She downloaded it on her phone and then gleefully started to read from the very beginning. She was fascinated by the creation story. She hadn’t read it since she was a child, and now that she had invited Christ into her heart, she felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and awe that the God who had made the whole world was now her friend and father.

  She was on the fifth chapter of Genesis when a loud knock sounded at her door. She stood up and went to open the door knowing it was Edith. And then she gasped. Jude was standing right next to Edith! Her pulse raced.

  She looked down in shame and then started in surprise when he grabbed her and hugged her. He let her go and she bit her lips.

  “I was so afraid that something bad had happened to you,” Edith said.

  Sofia let Edith pull her into the apartment, but her eyes stayed on Jude as he walked in and closed the door behind him. She was surprised he was here and had even hugged her, but she bowed her head in shame, knowing that nothing she said now would ever make up for what she had done to him. She had done the same thing as his ex, leaving him so close to their wedding. He was too good for her. She knew he was here because Edith had probably told him about her first suicide attempt and had made him come here to see her. Even when she’d hurt him, he still cared about her. He might never take her back, but she hoped that one day he would forgive her.