Drive

by Stephanie Fournet

  Rainey quickly shook her head. “It’s just a surprise. A very happy surprise.”

  “You understand, right?” Holi asked, pinning Rainey with her gaze. “We don’t know what’s going to happen. But we’re making the most of what we have and hoping for the best.”

  The lump in Rainey’s throat quadrupled in size and tears leaked from her eyes. For a moment, all she could do was nod. “I understand.”

  Chapter 29

  “I can’t make it tonight, Rainey,” Jacques spoke over the phone, his voice heavy with disappointment. “I’m so sorry.”

  Her afternoon had been a whirlwind of planning and phone calls. Holi and Ash might have been satisfied with a wedding without any fuss, but Melinda and Rainey took it upon themselves to make a little fuss. The wedding, at the very least, would have flowers, champagne, and a cake. And with a party as small as theirs, why not have Ruffino’s, Holi’s favorite restaurant, cater?

  “Oh, my gosh,” she gushed, still adrenalized with happiness. “It’s no big deal. You won’t believe what’s happening here. Holi and Ash are getting married — Saturday!”

  “W-wow!” she heard him splutter. “As in this Saturday?”

  “Yeah, I know. Pretty sudden, right?” She hadn’t stopped beaming because Holi hadn’t stopped beaming. She almost looked healthy again. Rainey knew the exhaustion would catch up with her, but for now, the household hummed with joy. “Do you guys have a show? Can you make it? It’s going to be super small, but I’d love for you to be here and—”

  Rainey gasped as the most amazing idea took form in her head.

  “Wait a minute! If you can make it, would you be willing to play something? For the ceremony, I mean? Is it weird that I’m asking? If it makes you feel awkward, please just say—”

  “Rainey.”

  She halted her litany of questions, realizing she sounded like a maniac. “Yes?”

  Jacques cleared his throat. “I wish I could be there. Truly. But the reason I can’t come tonight…” He paused.

  She heard him breathing. It was a sound she realized she loved. She’d heard him breathing for three days and nights, and the rhythm now felt like home.

  “We signed the contract.”

  Her heart bubbled over with genuine glee and more than her fair share of pride. “Jacques, that’s great!” she cheered.

  “Yeah, yeah it is.”

  She could hear the satisfaction in his voice, but his tone held an edge, too. A little hesitation. A little doubt.

  “It’s just… They want to get things moving right away. We’re flying out to L.A. tomorrow for two weeks to shoot three music videos and do photoshoots for the album and the media kit for the tour—”

  Rainey’s mouth fell open. “The tour?” she heard herself ask.

  “Yeah.” Jacques chuckled. “The contract is for distribution of the album we cut, plus a second album to be released later this summer, and a ten-city tour. Can you believe it?”

  Rainey blinked. He was going to L.A. ahead of a ten-city tour. “Yes,” she said emphatically. “Yes, I can believe it.”

  She heard him laugh, the sound happy and loose.

  “Well, that makes one of us.”

  Rainey willed herself to overcome her shock, but she couldn’t help the sobering of her voice. “Jacques, I’m so, so happy for you.”

  He was quiet for a moment. “Aw, Rainey…” It was almost a moan.

  “What? What’s wrong?”

  He sighed. “I really want to see you tonight, but I’ve got a million things to do, and our flight leaves at 5:20 tomorrow morning.”

  Rainey steeled herself against disappointment. “Is there anything I can do?”

  Jacques hesitated. “You’ve got your own stuff going on. I’m not going to ask you to drop everything and come over.”

  Rainey was about to tell him that, indeed, she could — if he didn’t mind her riding her bike, which she knew he would — when he spoke.

  “Would you…?”

  Her heart leaped. “Would I what?”

  His voice was soft, low. Almost liquid. “Would you leave your door unlocked so I can slip in tonight and at least lie with you for a few hours before I have to leave?”

  Taking a cue from his voice, her bones softened too. “Yes,” she answered, the word breathy and low. “Yes, of course.”

  “Mmm…” His deep voice rumbled into her ear and tickled all the way down. “…good. Good. I don’t know when I’ll get there, but I’ll get there.”

  Not that she expected him to, but he didn’t get there by dinnertime. And he didn’t get there hours later, when her fingers were too tired to crochet, and the words of her latest Kristen Ashley novel started to swim together.

  She sat bolt upright to a pitch-black room what felt like hours later. She searched the bed with her hands and found only Archie and empty sheets. The clock read 1:12 a.m., and she flopped back on her bed, heavy with disappointment. The house was completely silent. No hushed latching of the front door or welcome masculine footfalls on the stairs. She stared up at the ceiling, wide awake. His flight would leave in just four hours. He’d have to be at the airport in three.

  He wasn’t coming.

  Rainey reached for the phone at her bedside. Jacques would have texted if he’d realized he couldn’t come.

  Her home screen stared back at her completely free of messages. She toyed with the idea of texting him to see if he was okay, but then she forced herself to set aside her phone. Rainey knew she’d never survive the next two weeks — much less a ten-city tour and whatever came after that — if she let herself start chasing him down for contact now. She closed her eyes and willed sleep to come…

  And then the mattress sunk beneath her, and Jacques’s arms wrapped around her.

  “Mmm… you feel so good.”

  Rainey woke up smiling, gripping Jacques’s shoulders. “What time is it?” she whispered.

  He nuzzled her neck, pulling her closer as he stretched out beside her. “It’s a little after two. I have to go in a couple of hours, but I needed to see you.” His voice was gravelly, and he sounded exhausted.

  She rubbed a hand down his back. “Have you slept?”

  “Not yet. It’s been crazy. That meeting took hours. I’ve never signed my name so many times.” Jacques gave a sleepy chuckle. “Then Kate wanted to squeeze in a rehearsal since we hadn’t played together in a few days, and she didn’t want us to be rusty when we got to L.A.”

  Jacques let out a half groan, half yawn and ran his hand up and down her side. “Then we packed up our gear. I went home and brought Pal up to speed… made sure he’d be set for a couple of weeks… talked to my dad… showered… packed… then I came here.”

  Rainey kept rubbing his back. “You need to rest.”

  He kissed her neck and then kissed her lips. “I’ll sleep on the plane.”

  Despite his words, Rainey could feel the heaviness in his limbs. She rolled into him so that he moved onto his back and she draped herself across his body. Jacques heaved a great sigh, his arms settling around her waist.

  “Rest,” she ordered.

  She felt him nod, and in a matter of seconds, his breathing evened out. When she was certain he was asleep, she reached across to her nightstand, picked up her phone, and set a two-hour timer so he wouldn’t miss his flight. And then she settled onto him again, the solid warmth of his body the most welcoming of beds. She lay wide awake, feeling the rise and fall of his chest and listening to his breath, doubtful that sleep would return before her alarm rang.

  He had come to her. Just as he’d said he would.

  And based on his account of the evening, he’d come as soon as he could. Jacques had chosen her over sleep. With a day full of travel ahead of him.

  Rainey rested her hand on his chest and felt the beating of his heart. His true, loving heart. And sleep took her.

  She awoke to full sun, a hungry and impatient Archie, and an otherwise empty bed. Frowning, Rainey picked up her pho
ne. It held two texts from Jacques. The first was received at 4:07 a.m. The second at 6:30 a.m.

  Jacques: You are so beautiful. I can’t bear to wake you, but I promise, I did kiss you goodbye. I love you.

  Jacques: Just landed in Houston. Our flight to L.A. boards in 40 min. I’ll text when we land. Love you.

  Her phone told her it was five minutes to eight, so chances were his flight had already taken off, but she replied just in case.

  Rainey: You are a scoundrel for not waking me up so I could kiss YOU goodbye. I’ll forgive you this time. Have a good flight. I love you, too.

  To Archie’s obvious relief, she flung the covers aside and followed him downstairs to his food bowl.

  A shower and a cup of coffee later, Rainey tackled the job of placing the catering order for Saturday night and finding a florist who could do a bridal bouquet, a handful of boutonnieres, and a few arrangements for the house on short notice. The first florist told her he couldn’t possibly squeeze them in for Saturday, but the second was only too happy to oblige. She even directed Rainey to the shop’s website where she could choose her design and place her order. So, Rainey and Holi spent an hour doing just that.

  “Ash already bought the rings,” Holi said when they were done. She sat on the couch next to Rainey, her eyes turning wistful. “I just wish…”

  Rainey’s ears perked. “You just wish what?”

  Holi shook her head. “It’s not important.”

  “Um, Holi, if it’s about your wedding, then it’s important.” Rainey said, all seriousness.

  Her sister studied her for a moment, seeming to debate whether or not she’d share what was on her mind.

  Rainey let out an impatient huff. “Would you tell me, already?”

  Holi stared at her, both startled and amused. “Something’s different about you,” she said, narrowing her eyes at her sister.

  It was Rainey’s turn to look startled. “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” Holi said, the corners of her mouth turning up in a smile. “It’s like you’re gone for a few days, and you come back ready to kick ass and take names.”

  “What?!”

  “Yeah, like yesterday, when I told you Ash and I were going to have a simple ceremony. No cake. No flowers. No nothing,” she said, her smile growing. “You wouldn’t hear of it. You were like a woman possessed, laying out plans, ordering a cake, getting a stylist to come to the house Saturday to do our hair and makeup—”

  “Well, you’re getting married,” Rainey defended “You deserve to shine on your wedding day. If you feel like I’m meddling—”

  Holi’s hand closed over hers. “I don’t feel like you’re meddling. I feel like you’re taking charge, and I love it.” Holi’s eyes were wide and clear, and she held Rainey’s gaze with unyielding focus. “I don’t know what happened to you on that road trip. I don’t know if it was admitting to yourself that you’ve fallen for that hunka-hunka-hotty-rock-star or if it was you swooping down on Dad and telling him what a sack of shit he is, but something about you has changed. And it’s changed for the better.”

  Rainey could only swallow. If she’d changed, shouldn’t she feel different? Did she feel different?

  “I don’t know, Holi,” she hedged. “I still feel like me.”

  Holi studied her for a moment. “Maybe it’s too soon for you to see it,” she said gently. “But I see it, and it’s a welcome sight.”

  The force of Holi’s gaze made her feel like a butterfly specimen under glass. She shook off Holi’s hand. “Okay, whatever. Enough about me,” she said, wanting to move the attention off her. “What were you about to say? What do you wish you could have for your wedding day?’

  Holi sat back, looking contemplative. “It’s not really for me. It’s for Ash.”

  “What?” Rainey pressed.

  “I want—” Holi bit her lip. “—I want to surprise him with something.”

  Rainey felt herself smile. “Tell me. Maybe I can help.”

  Holi drew up her knees onto the couch and turned to face Rainey. “Well, you know what we always say to each other?”

  Rainey bit her lip to keep from giggling. “You mean when he says, ‘I love you, Holiday,’ and you say—”

  “‘I love you back, every night and every day,’” she finished, blushing now. “Yeah, that.”

  Rainey let herself giggle then. “What about it?”

  The wistful look returned to Holi’s eyes. “I wish I could put that inside his wedding band.” Then she shrugged. “Not the whole thing, but maybe just the ‘every night and every day.”

  “Oh, my God!” Rainey crowed. “That’s so sweet!”

  For the first time, Holi looked doubtful. Rainey couldn’t remember the last time she saw her sister looking doubtful. “You think so?”

  “Of course!” she shouted. “He’ll love it!

  Relief stole over Holi’s features, but she quickly bit her lip again, looking hesitant. “I know it’s asking a lot, but could you help me do it?”

  Rainey gripped her sister’s hand. “Holi, of course I’ll help you do it. I’ll take it to a jeweler’s today. Surely they’ll be able to have it ready by Saturday.”

  “Thank you, Rainey,” Holi said, her eyes softening with emotion. “This means a lot to me.”

  Rainey wanted to tell Holi that she’d do anything for her, but she knew they’d both end up in tears if she went there, so instead she kept her words practical.

  “Where’s the ring?”

  Rainey helped Holi up the stairs and to her room. When she took the black velvet box from her dresser, Holi hesitated again before handing it to Rainey.

  “Are you sure you don’t mind? Even if you go to Buttross Jewelers, you’d have to wait for the bus both ways,” she said, wincing. “It would take like an hour.”

  Rainey snatched the box from her. “I don’t mind setting off on a romantic mission for my sister,” she said smirking with mischief. “Besides, maybe I’ll walk there and catch the bus on the way back.”

  Holi tried to protest. “Rainey—”

  “It’s like a mile and a half. I’ll probably beat the bus.”

  Holi sat on the edge of her bed. “I hate being sick. I’m too tired to argue with you.”

  Rainey tossed her head back with a laugh. “Then don’t argue with me and get some rest. I’ll be back before you know it.”

  Ring box in hand, Rainey left her sister to rest and headed downstairs. She stopped at the hall tree that stood by the door to collect her purse and sunglasses. The walk would be sunny and warm, so she didn’t want to carry more than was necessary. Just her phone and her wallet.

  When she turned to the door, her eye fell on the brass, wall-mounted key rack. Rainey stopped and stared. Holi’s car keys hung next to her house keys.

  Rainey stood perfectly still. The hairs on the back of her neck and down her arms rose. A pulse of energy moved down her spine all the way to her heels. Her feet felt grounded.

  Not stuck. But steady.

  No one else was around. No one would know if she tried and failed.

  Before she could think twice, Rainey grabbed Holi’s keys and walked outside. She descended the porch steps and found herself standing in front of Holi’s Cooper. It was a hardtop four-door. Pepper white. As cute as a car was allowed to be.

  She’d ridden in it — both shotgun and in the tight back seat — countless times. But now, she tiptoed to the driver’s side and gripped the door handle. It was warm from the late morning sun, and the warmth felt reassuring.

  Rainey pulled the door open and stared at the steering wheel. The driver’s seat. The brake and gas pedals. Holi had renewed her driver’s license online three years ago when the Office of Motor Vehicles had mailed Rainey the renewal form. Rainey had thought it was a waste of the thirty-five-dollar fee at the time, but now she was grateful to her sister for being so pushy.

  I can just get in. Nothing wrong with just getting
in.

  She raised a foot and lowered herself onto the black leather seat. She placed her hands on the leather steering wheel as the driver’s seat seemed to hug her. The wheel felt molded to her grip, yet supple.

  She tugged the door closed and for a moment allowed herself to listen to the insulated silence of the car’s interior. Even the sound of her breath seemed to be muted. And that was a comfort because her breath was steady.

  Rainey realized she felt no fear.

  What she felt — aside from an awareness that was so acute she thought she could feel each cell in her body hum with life — was fear’s absence. As though the place it used to be was hollowed out. Like a lost tooth.

  And it was just as fascinating. She wanted to probe the empty space like a six-year-old with the tip of her tongue, but even in the absence of fear, on the periphery of her awareness was something shadowy and immaterial. That, she knew instinctively, was the fear of the fear. The feeling that although it slept now, the fear could return if she wasn’t careful. But if she was careful, she could sneak past it.

  With this thought, Rainey pressed the ignition button.

  After three days in the Impala, the purr of the Cooper was so gentle, Rainey pressed the gas to make sure it was really running. The engine revved obediently, the sound, she found, surprisingly satisfying.

  She laid her right hand over the gearshift and saw that her fingers trembled. Again, she had the wherewithal to understand that it wasn’t fear but adrenaline that made them shake. Moving it down one notch, the car shifted into reverse.

  All you have to do is let up on the brake, and you’ll be driving.

  Her heart, now an excited flutter in her chest, made itself known like an untrained puppy wishing for attention. Ignoring it, she eased her foot off the brake, and the Cooper rolled back slowly.

  It was then that the pores over her temples opened. On instinct, she checked the rearview and saw that her path was clear. A quick glance over each shoulder told her that the road was free of oncoming traffic. With shaking hands, she coaxed the steering wheel 120 degrees and reversed neatly onto Oakview.