by Bella Jewel
And yet he’s drawing me to him like a magnet. I want to know what went down. I want the story. I want answers. I need my closure. I don’t know what happened to Axel, or why he needs this USB, but I want to. I should hate him for killing my father, and part of me does, but part of me knows there’s so much more to it than I could ever imagine.
And until I can understand that, I don’t want to leave.
So I keep playing this silly little game. On the night of day four, I’m curled up in my little spot in the corner, ignoring the ache in my thighs and legs from sitting too long. Axel gets me up, and moves me around, but I spend most of my time here, chained up, as if I am a wild animal. He’s trying to break me. I’m not stupid. My wrists are chaffed from the cuffs, and my body is weak with dehydration. I feel exhausted, and yet sleep most nights is non-existent. Instead I listen to Axel sleep, and dream.
He dreams a lot.
I hear the door creak open, and I move my eyes up to see Axel walking in with those lazy, heavy eyes. I slowly lie down and close my eyes, once again too tired to deal with his shit. I hear him shuffle across the room, and then I hear him stop in front of me. I peek through my lashes to see him kneel, and stare down. His eyes hold something I’ve not seen before. It’s compassion. A certain level of gentle I didn’t think he had left.
God, what is he doing?
He leans down, stroking a finger across the hair covering my face. I try not to shiver. Why is he touching me like that? I swallow, and try to keep as still as possible. Axel leans over me and I hear him rattling the chains. He unbuckles them, and hooks his arms under me, lifting me off the ground. I barely have the strength to open my eyes, but I do, staring up at him. His are heavy and sleepy as he looks down at me.
“What’re you doing?”
He doesn’t answer me. He just walks me over to his bed and pulls back the covers, putting me in. He grips my wrists, unchaining them. My chest swells with hope until he takes my hand, and pulls a set of cuffs out of his beside table. He raises my hand above my head, and cuffs it to the bed. He leaves the other free. Then he moves down to my feet, and he untangles them from the chains.
I watch with complete confusion as he walks around to the other side of the bed, and removes his shirt. I feel my lips part, and suddenly they feel dry. His body is amazing. He has a tattoo across the top of his back, and one down the side of his ribs. Otherwise, his skin is clean and perfect. He lowers his pants until he’s wearing only his boxers, and he climbs into the bed beside me.
Why is he doing this?
“Axel?” I whisper.
“Hush,” he orders, and moves closer to me, so our bodies are just touching.
I’m pretty sure he’s lost his mind.
I wait, sure he’s going to realize what he’s done and throw me out, but instead, his breathing becomes deep, and I realize he’s drifting off to sleep. The moonlight from the window behind his bed shines in, illuminating him, and he looks so breathtaking it makes my heart ache for him. He’s beautiful in the kind of way most people aren’t. His beauty is dark and broken.
I feel my eyes growing heavy, and I fight to stay awake, scared to fall asleep next to a man who I know hates me. I can’t fight it, though. After days of being on the hard floor, the soft mattress is heaven. It’s those little things you take for granted, and sooner than I know, my eyes are closed, and my own breathing is becoming shallow. I yawn, and find myself sinking into the pillows. Maybe I’ll give in...just for one night.
~*~*~*~
“Fucking stop!”
I hear the pained bellow beside me, and I jerk awake. What the hell? I feel Axel’s body thrash beside me, and I turn my head to see him convulsing in the bed. His jaw is tight, and his body is covered in sweat. His back is arching, and...oh...oh my God. He’s got his fingers wrapped around his cock, and he’s stroking, hard and fast.
“Don’t,” he growls. “Don’t cry, I’m fuckin’ sorry...”
His hand works faster, and my eyes widen. I can’t move my eyes from the thick length in his hand. He has four piercings going around the base of his head, and his shaft is thick, long, and straining. I bite my lip, but his cries have my eyes moving back up to his face. Something is destroying him. A dream. Something dark inside his soul.
“Don’t make her,” he roars. “Don’t...oh God...”
“Axel?” I whisper softly, knowing that you’re really not supposed to wake people during a nightmare.
I reach over with my free hand, and I place it on his chest. His skin is smooth and bronze, and it’s covered in a fine layer of sweat. His hair is stuck to his forehead, and I can hear his teeth grinding, he’s got his jaw so tense. His hand works faster, and the muscles in his arms strain and pull. I run my hand over his chest, feeling the tension there.
“Axel,” I whisper again.
He groans when my fingers glide over his skin again. His hand is jerking so hard that his body is bowing.
“Axel,” I say, a little louder.
“Fight me, goddammit, fight,” he moans throatily.
Fight? What is he dreaming about that would involve fighting and...sex? I hate to think of the reasons why he might be so traumatized, and I know, whatever it is, it’s not simple. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. He’s empty. I move my hand down his belly further, and he groans deeper. “Yes, oh, God, yes.”
I clench my legs together, and guilt swells in my chest. He’s having a nightmare, I should be waking him up, not touching him...but it seems to soothe him. His body isn’t rigid anymore, and his hand has slowed down. I move my hand in a small circle over his belly, feeling the hard bulges of muscles beneath my palm. His body relaxes even further.
“Please,” he rasps.
Is he awake? I peer over, and see his eyes are still closed. I slide my hand further down, biting my lip as I feel his hand graze mine. I also catch a feel of the silky head of his cock sliding past my hand as he slowly jerks it. Guilt swells in me again, and I shake my head, pulling my hand back. What the hell am I doing? What sort of sick am I?
Axel’s hand lashes out suddenly, and he takes my wrist, pulling my hand back. I flinch, and struggle against him.
“Yes,” he rasps. “Fight me.”
Is he still asleep? I don’t know. I can’t tell. I pull my hand again, and he groans. He likes me fighting him. I feel a bolt of pleasure shoot right into my pussy at the thought of that. I don’t understand it, and I’m not even sure I want to. I can’t face that I might be as crazy fucked up as this man is. He tugs my hand toward his cock, and I squirm beside him.
“God, yes,” he says with a ragged breath.
He puts my hand against his cock, and I feel the pulsing length against my fingers. It’s rock-hard and warm from his own hand working it. He twists my wrist, and places my hand around his cock. I curl my fingers around the length, and I squeeze. He hisses, and his back arches. Oh God. I shouldn’t be doing this. What if he’s still asleep? That would make me twisted...
Wouldn’t it?
He wraps his hand around mine, and he begins stroking, up and down, using both our hands. The pulsing between my legs is verging on being painful, and I so desperately want to release the pressure. Axel begins moving our hands fast, and his back starts arching again. I smother a moan as his cock tightens in my hand.
“Fuck, oh God, fuck,” he roars as the first spurt of his release hits his belly. I watch the white strands settle there, and more pleasure shoots to my groin. I squeeze and then release, and a warm trickle slides down my hand.
God, this is so wrong. So wrong.
When I feel Axel’s cock beginning to soften, I try to move my hand but his grip tightens. Oh God...he’s awake?
“Axel?” I whisper.
He doesn’t answer me, and it’s then I notice his breathing is deeper again. Oh. My. God. He’s asleep. He’s...not...awake. I try to gently pull my hand away, but he won’t let it go. He moves our hands off his cock and up onto his chest, and there he holds my hand,
refusing to release me. I realize it’s comforting him somehow.
So I close my eyes, and I let him keep it.
CHAPTER 8
AXEL
I’ll haunt you right until the end, you’ll never escape me, my friend.
I shift, and groan. That’s when I feel the warm flesh in my hand. I open my eyes, and turn my head to see Meadow cuffed to my bed. I’ve got her hand firmly in mine, and it’s pressed to my chest. What. The. Fuck? I slowly uncurl my fingers, and she groans, turning her head and letting her lips part with sleep. She’s so fuckin’ perfect.
I move my hand¸ and it swipes through something damp. My heart stammers and I look down to see a damp patch of seamen on my belly. What...the...hell? I move quickly after that, jerking out of the bed and stumbling as I land incorrectly and go crashing into the bedside table. Where are my fuckin’ pants? Oh fuck. I had a nightmare. I put her in my bed, and I had a nightmare. Fuck...I came on her.
I storm into the bathroom, but not before glimpsing her on the bed, eyes open, watching me. Nothing is showing on her face: it’s blank and emotionless. Maybe she was asleep when...it...happened? I glare at her, and then I slam the bathroom door, and start shoving things off the counter, sending them smashing onto the floor.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I grip the sink and drop my head, panting. Why the fuck would I pull her onto the bed? Why the fuck would I do something so stupid? God, I was probably high. I don’t remember how last night went down. I went out, I had a few drinks, a joint, and then I woke up with her in my bed. Fuck. I lift my hands and tangle my fingers in my hair and pull. The sharp pain snaps me back into reality.
No more.
~*~*~*~
I tuck my knees up to my chest and peer at the bathroom door, wondering what he’s breaking in there. I’ve heard things smashing, I’ve heard him cursing, and then it all fell silent. Did he realize what he did? Did he remember? It’s obviously affecting him quite badly, so maybe it’s best if I play dumb, and don’t let him know that I was fully aware of what happened.
I hear the bathroom door creak open, and he walks out, bare-chested. I feel my eyes widen slightly, hating that I want to look, yet not being able to stop myself. I slowly move my eyes down his body, then back up again until I meet his seething eyes. He’s angry, again. It’s nothing new to me, but I thought...I guess I’d hoped...God, what was I hoping? That he would wake up after last night and feel something? I’m a fool. That was never going to happen.
“Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed,” I say meekly. “I had the best sleep. I didn’t move all night.”
It’s a lie, but I see instant relief flood his features. He replaces it quickly and nods his head harshly before leaning down and taking hold of a black shirt. Then he turns and storms out the door, slamming it loudly. Well, that went well. I lean back against the headboard and pull the cuffs. They’re not going anywhere, and neither am I. Sighing, I close my eyes and lean my head back.
I just want answers. I need to know what happened to my dad that day. I need to know why Axel did it, and I need to know what the information on that USB stick is. I can’t keep running around in circles, but until Axel is willing to speak to me, I just can’t give in. So I’ll continue to sit here, cold, starving, and empty while I wait for one of us to break.
It’s not going to be me.
It’s never me.
CHAPTER 9
MEADOW
Your words won’t break me, for you will never take me.
I hear the door creak, and I snap my head up. I blink rapidly, trying to get the sleep blur from my vision. I see Colt step in, and his eyes dart around the room before falling on me. He gives me a sympathetic smile, and slowly walks in, stopping at the end of the bed.
My arm is aching from being cuffed upright, and I want so desperately to move it. I need to stretch.
“Hey, Meadow,” he says, leaning his hip against the post.
“Colt,” I mutter in an angry tone.
He sighs, and sits on the bed, staring over at me, his eyes pleading to understand. “He’s my boss, I had to do it. If he found out I’d employed you and didn’t tell him, he would have killed me. You don’t know what Axel is like.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Colt,” I growl, my voice seething out through clenched teeth. “I do know what Axel is like.”
“Then you understand that...”
I cut him off by sticking my free hand up. “I don’t need your apologies, and need for my forgiveness. In the end, I’m here, and there’s nothing I can do about that.”
“I’ve tried to talk to him,” he says, giving a weak smile. “He won’t fuckin’ budge.”
“He wants something I have, and until I give it to him, he won’t let me go.”
His eyes harden a little, and he mutters, “Then give him what he wants...”
“It’s not that easy,” I say, staring at my lap and the one free hand that’s moving in tiny circles over my thigh.
“Why?”
I snap my eyes up, and stiffen. “Why is none of your business.”
He sighs angrily, and his eyes narrow. “Is there really any need to be like this? Fuck, Meadow, I said I was sorry.”
“I thought I’d finally found a friend, Colt,” I say, hearing the pitiful cracking in my own voice.
He shuffles closer. “You did, but...this club is all I have. Axel comes first. When all this is sorted, we can be friends again. I like you Meadow, and I don’t wanna see any harm come to you.”
I turn my eyes away because they’re welling with tears, and I want no one to see any weakness from me. “Just leave, Colt,” I whisper.
He’s silent a moment, and then he slides a power bar toward me. “He doesn’t know I gave you this. Give him what he wants Meadow, and free yourself.”
Then he gets up and walks out, shutting the door quietly. I blink rapidly, trying to remove the tears so stubbornly welling under my eyelids. I hate that I’m crying. I’ve been through so much, and I didn’t cry, but now I’m breaking, slowly falling to pieces. I pick up the power bar, and my heart swells with gratitude. It overpowers the anger I hold toward Colt.
I unwrap the packet, and I take a bite.
Who knows when I’ll get fed again.
~*~*~*~
AXEL
“Where are they?” I bark, slamming my drink down onto the countertop in the bar.
Cobra shrugs, and Jax gives me a skeptical look. “No idea, but they’re around.”
“They know we’ve got her, and they’re goin’ to try and find a way to make sure they get their hands on her before the USB is given.”
Cobra turns, staring at me with an intense expression. “Then we need to get that information from her.”
“I don’t fuckin’ know how to get it from her. She’s more goddamned stubborn than anyone I’ve ever met.”
“Is there anyone close to her? Someone we can use against her?” Jax asks, lighting a joint and inhaling for a long, dragging moment.
“No, her parents are dead, she has no siblings.”
Cobra scratches his chin. “There’s gotta be something that’ll break her.”
And just like that, it hits me.
Fuck.
It’s me.
I’ve been living in some stupid fantasy where I thought I could break her with my cruel acts, but all along, she’s been hanging on to the one thing that she needs before she’ll hand that information over. She’s holding hope that there’s something inside me she can save. She’s hoping that there’s some way she can understand what happened. So, the answer is simple, really.
I have to break her. I have to be the one to send her over the edge.
I have to install a fear so great in her that she can’t turn me away.
I have to show her how cold I really am.
~*~*~*~
MEADOW
I’m starving.
There’s just nothing I can focus on right now, I’m so hungry.
All I want and need is food. I haven’t eaten since Colt gave me a power bar this morning, and I’m beginning to feel the affects of not being fed. My body is weak, my head is pounding, and I’m utterly exhausted, even though I haven’t moved. My eyes are heavy, and I feel lethargic. My nose is throbbing, and nothing I do will take the pain away.
This can’t go on.
“Decided to change your mind yet?”
I hear Axel’s voice, and I lift my head to see him standing in the doorway. He’s got a cigarette in his hand, and an empty look on his face.
“No,” I croak.
“I will win this battle, Meadow.”
I blink, trying to stop my eyes from burning. “I need food, Axel. Please.”
He stares down at me, as if he didn’t hear me.
“Did you hear me?” I hiss. “I need food.”
He crosses his arms, looking at me expectantly. He wants me to give him something in return. The USB. Anger swells in my chest, and desperation takes over. I yank the chains, and I begin screaming as loudly as I can muster. “Just give me some food, goddamn you, just give me some fucking food!”
I thrash my head from side to side, squirming in my chains. Axel is beside me in a split second, clutching my arms tightly. “Enough,” he warns.
I don’t stop.
I kick out at him, and my foot connects with his thigh, hard. He groans and drops to his knees, and I lash out again, hitting him right in the face. I hear the sound of his nose popping, and his roar of pain as blood spurts out and runs down his face. It’s still swollen and tender from when I hit it a week ago. I guess now he most certainly knows how it feels. He launches himself off the floor just as my foot lashes out again, and he tangles his hands into my hair, yanking me close to him.
“So help me God, if you ever fuckin’ kick me again I’ll make you pay in the worst possible way you can imagine. You think of your worst nightmare, and I’ll make that look mild.”
“I hate you,” I spit. “I cared about you. Once, you were everything to me. I adored you. I trusted you. How can you do this to me?”