Love by Night

by SK Williams

  I’ve ever known

  You trust me

  with the things

  you don’t trust yourself with

  You treat me

  better than

  you treat yourself

  You love me

  in all the ways

  you can’t love yourself

  Maybe someday

  we can see ourselves

  the way we see each other

  She

  makes forever more than a word

  makes tomorrow something to

  look forward to

  makes meaning from nothing

  makes the moon magic

  makes everything the way it should be

  the way it was always meant to be

  She is darkness

  and light

  and everything in between

  He

  knows just what to say to make me okay

  knows how to hold me tight

  and tell me everything will be alright

  knows how to show me he loves me

  in all the little ways

  I never knew mattered

  knows the color I like my coffee

  knows how I like to be wrapped up

  like a blanket burrito

  He is everything

  I never knew that I needed

  and I can never ever

  do without

  I want to do more

  than make it from day to day

  than close my eyes and steel myself

  than shut out the voices saying

  “you aren’t good enough”

  I want to do more

  than this

  I want to cross oceans

  dance among the stars

  and have dinner by candlelight

  on mountaintops

  I want it all

  and I’m so sick of anything less

  I don’t dance much,

  but with you

  I have just enough courage

  in the kitchen,

  when the right song comes on,

  and nobody else is around

  I don’t cook much,

  but with you

  I’ll peel every potato,

  shred every block of cheese,

  and wash every dish

  when we’re through

  I don’t sleep much,

  but I think I could

  fall asleep next to you,

  into deep dreams

  where I can be again

  with you

  I don’t need much

  but I really need you

  There will be those hard days and nights

  we spend apart

  when the only part of us together

  is our heart

  I will still be there when you wake

  I will still leave you notes in secret places

  I will still love you from afar

  It is a comfort

  that when we are missing each other

  even miles apart

  we both look to the skies at night

  and see the same stars

  I find you in the songs

  I find you in the trees and all the little leaves

  I find you in the words of everything I write

  I find you in the beads about my wrist

  I find you in the sweet smells of flowers

  I find you in the tender glow of the moon

  And I find you in my loneliness

  where only your kind words and

  splendid memories

  keep me going on to brave the

  emptiness –

  the time we are apart

  Your clothes are bigger than me

  but they fit just right

  your pillow smells a little like you

  but a little’s not quite enough

  your laugh makes me smile

  but I need your lips right now

  your arms hold me up like the world

  but without you here, I’m crumbling

  come back to me

  when you can

  because this life is just too hard

  without you

  How many nights will we stay up all night

  lying in bed

  talking to each other

  about anything and everything?

  How many nights will we stare at each other

  until sleep takes us in

  and we fade to dreams

  with our hands blindly clasped

  tight together?

  How many nights will we spend

  in these four walls

  before we take ourselves somewhere better

  where we know we belong?

  How many nights will we share together?

  I hope there are too many to ever know

  their number.

  Laughter wore us down

  our mouths grew sore

  and our eyes impatiently tired

  but every ache is lovely

  and I’m not ready to fall asleep

  weary but not yet ready –

  to let you go from my eyes

  Night Beasts

  Our clothes hung from lamps

  and backs of desk chairs

  turned away from us

  Our drinks at the edges of the nightstands

  absent from our hungry eyes

  feasting on each other

  spent

  but still –

  wanting nothing more

  than more

  of each other

  You sleep

  so beautifully

  nestled in clouds

  fingers curled up

  mouth softly smiling

  to wondrous dreams

  There are billions of stars

  with dozens of planets

  and handfuls of moons surrounding them

  There are a trillion comets

  There are supernova explosions

  and new planets being formed

  Maybe there are countless peoples out there

  or maybe we’re alone,

  I don’t know

  But I know one thing for sure:

  There is nothing

  in the universe

  like you

  It’s nights like these

  twinkling twilight up above

  our tangled forms

  pointing out the constellations

  and making our own

  talking in dreams

  and letting ourselves wonder

  What we will be

  when we crumble

  into stardust

  and hoping

  that we’ll still be

  together

  Your fingertips

  traced along my scars

  in search of the pain

  which lies just beneath the surface

  ready to tear through the skin

  And maybe

  you knew then

  you were the only thing

  keeping my broken life stitched together

  I want to nestle

  into the nook of your armpit

  and breathe in the scent of your chest

  I want to see the world with you

  from our window

  I want to watch the sun fall from the sky,

  the twinkling twilight light
up the night

  I want to trace the snowflakes

  that gather on our windowsill

  and draw you near when the cold

  creeps through

  I want to see the tree leaves turn

  from green to brown to bare

  and back into bloom again

  I want to see the rays of light

  tracing our plants along the walls

  in shadow

  I want to wrap our bodies up close

  in soft blankets and warm skin

  I want to let our minds wander together

  telling stories

  recalling memories

  painting dreams

  and our lips drawing together

  I want to stay here forever

  I grow weary of the days we spend apart

  the cold in my heart from each goodbye

  the silence that fills your laughless air

  the tapping of moth wings against

  the windows in all the empty rooms

  the sleep that fills the time between

  each of our meetings

  One Hundred Days & One Night

  I waited one hundred days

  for one night

  to spend eternity with you

  And in that one night

  everything changed between us

  everything became more

  everything became better

  than it ever could’ve been before

  And now, I can never go back

  to the life I used to live

  because the rest of the world

  is nothing like the taste

  the touch

  the smell

  of the moon

  We begin and end

  only ever at night

  in the darkness

  in the twilight hour

  When the rest of the world sleeps

  we lie awake

  between the sheets

  and beneath the stars

  Your lips spoke my name

  and I came into being

  in a way

  I had never been before

  It feels so good

  to be here with you

  It feels good

  to be me

  It feels like I belong here

  where I should have

  always been

  Tempers flare

  Anger bubbles up from my

  stomach to my mouth –

  the searing words burn my tongue

  waiting to spew out on you

  a moment of silent frustration

  sits thick in the air

  your scowl softens

  the words on my tongue

  fall back and become a ball in my throat

  together, we manage

  “I’m sorry.”

  There are some days I sound like a jerk

  or you say something that makes me

  feel stupid

  but when we stop and slow down

  and remember to lay down our knives

  and put down our defenses

  we talk through it all and always seem

  to make it work

  I would take every day with you

  even the ones when we fight

  over days spent feeling numb and empty

  because often when we fight, it’s because

  we care so much

  and sometimes we can’t find

  the right words

  There will still be those days

  the voice in the back of your head

  makes you feel small

  and takes you over

  Those days

  you want to run away

  to push me away

  to cry those tears

  and strike yourself

  We will work through these days

  together

  I will be with you

  to make sure my voice

  is louder than the lies

  you may tell yourself

  lies like “you’re not good enough”

  because you are

  and you’ll always be

  Find me

  in that dark place

  you’re spiraling toward

  I’m a dim light

  a faint glimmer

  a starlight

  but I’m down here with you

  Find me

  and come back to yourself

  I’m here with you

  When you’re cold

  I’ll wrap my arms around you

  When you fall down

  I’ll help you back up again

  When your heart is broken

  I’ll show you how to put it back together

  When you feel alone

  I’ll watch the sun come up beside you

  When your eyes are filled with tears

  I’ll kiss them away

  When it feels like everyone has left you

  I’ll be here

  Walking with you

  into the darkness

  You Are More

  You are more

  than the word beautiful –

  which was made to describe someone

  far simpler than you

  You are more

  than this world

  has to offer

  You are more

  than I could ever deserve

  to be with

  You do not think you are enough

  but you are wrong –

  you are more than you know

  and more than enough

  A life without the moon

  is a life without light

  in darkness

  It is unbearable

  and frightening

  and filled with terror

  But a life with the moon

  is a life filled

  with beauty

  and wonder

  and love

  There will be better days than these, my love

  When we will stay in late

  and cuddle up close for hours on end

  maybe we will go for a long drive

  through the mountains and the woodlands

  to pebbled shores

  where I can teach you to skip stones again

  and we’ll trace each other’s palms

  as we sing songs or read books

  on the drive home

  but we’ll go home together

  and put on a movie

  so we can pause it every couple minutes

  to talk about ourselves

  and each other

  maybe we’ll grow anxious

  and want to stretch our legs

  and so we’ll stroll the streets by sunset

  arm in arm together

  as the cold night nears

  and we’ll point out the houses

  we want to live in

  There will be better days, my love

  she’s that little ray of sunshine

  she’s that spring in my step

  she’s that glass of wine

  at the end of a long day

  she’s that gas pedal to the floor

  she’s that beginning to a new day

  she’s that song you can’t help

  but sing along to

  she’s that bed of warm clean sheets

  she’s that summer when school gets out
<
br />   she’s that smile you just can’t hide

  I can’t see too far ahead

  I don’t know if someday

  I’ll have a great big house with many rooms

  or just a little house

  a little bigger than a room

  I don’t know if I’ll want

  one kid or two – or maybe none at all

  I don’t know if I’ll work this job forever

  or if my fondness for it will wither away

  I don’t know if here is where

  I want to grow old

  or if my restless bones

  will seek somewhere new

  I don’t know if all my words

  will take me anywhere

  or if you’ll be the only one

  who reads them

  I don’t know a lot of things

  but there is one thing I know for certain:

  through all these times

  and all these choices –

  some are mine, some made for me –

  I know that I want you with me

  Soft and warm

  tingles rippling down my spine

  sudden and unexpected

  but soothing

  Kisses like raindrops

  Bare and vulnerable

  beneath the moonlight

  Fingers trembling

  heartbeat racing

  and lips quivering

  you took my hand

  in yours

  you whispered

  something sweet

  and I took you

  Like a television left on

  far too long

  with the picture burned in,

  I can still taste your lips

  on mine

  You make it so hard

  to do anything

  at all

  but think

  thoughts of you

  Running my fingers

  through your hair

  reading the pages to you

  while you drift off into dreams

  I hope you’re exploring new lands

  running barefoot over beaches

  “Goodnight”

  you say to me

  as you close your eyes

  “I will see you soon.”

  And it’s true

  as soon as I close my eyes

  there you are

  in my dreams.