by Abigail Agar
More than likely, she had been responsible for this. She probably did it as a warning to him, as a way of initiating the process of separating herself from him. It made sense, even if he was bitter and angry about it.
Jonathan did not know why his mother could not simply accept him and give him her approval. He was her son and he had done nothing wrong falling in love with a woman who was not of nobility. Surely there could be nothing wrong with caring for someone who was still a good woman.
No matter how hard he fought to be with Miss Windsor, no one else seemed to approve. He could hardly stomach any more of this and had to take a stand against his mother for behaving this way.
“Thank you, Simon. I had no idea that she was going to take it this far. Honestly, I know that my mother is very eager to see me married to the daughter of one of her friends, but I think a greater part of her is simply angry that I have fallen in love with someone outside of our society circle,” he said, trying to understand her reasoning.
“So, you think she will ever come to understand that this is what makes you happy?” Simon asked.
“No, I do not. She has already made up her mind on the entire issue. I know what she wants for me and it is not what I wish for myself. For some, strange reason, my mother believes that this is a great offense and nothing can help her to understand that it is perfectly reasonable for me to be happy without her approval,” he said.
“I am sorry, Jonathan. I know you like this woman. I cannot understand it all, but I do recognize that your mother has been wrong in her response to you,” Simon said.
“Yes, she has. If I can never live my own life and have my own happiness, I do not know what I shall do. She is furious if I even try to be content with what I want,” he said, the rage burning under his skin.
Just then, Jonathan saw his mother’s coach approaching the house. He sucked in a breath and gave Simon a look of warning.
“I shall go, but if you need anything at all, you may come to me. I wish you all the best. Just be honest with her. And…and try to be patient. She is in the wrong, but she does want what she believes to be the best for you,” Simon said.
Jonathan barely heard him. He was far too busy trying to figure things out on his own and he needed to confront his mother immediately.
As she stepped out of the coach, he rushed to her, waving the society pages in his fist.
“Is this what you think I deserve for having a heart? Is this my punishment for loving a woman outside of your ideal?” he demanded.
“Good heavens, Jonathan! Calm yourself! The coachman and the maids might see you acting like this foolish, wild man. What are you doing?” she asked.
“Answer me, Mother! Why would you do this? Why would you insist upon trying to ruin me, your very son, purely because I have fallen in love with a young woman you deem unworthy? You do not even know her. She is a marvelous woman with the most incredible beauty and sweetest demeanor I have ever known. You do not even know her and yet, you force me into this position of having to choose between her and you?” he asked.
“You, Jonathan, are to be silent until we are alone in the drawing room,” she said in a clipped manner.
“You think the staff cannot hear us in the drawing room? Are you really that foolish, Mother? They can hear us in there just as easily—if not more so—than out here! What is the matter with you?” he demanded.
“Me? You are the one acting like a madman! Do not yell at me or treat me with this level of disrespect, young man. I have no intention of giving into your every whim and you had best behave if you are going to have even a penny remaining from your inheritance,” she said.
It was a senseless threat. Not only did Jonathan control all the family’s wealth, but he did not care about it. His mother was desperate, grasping for whatever she possibly could in order to threaten him. It was pathetic and Jonathan was not going to fall into her trap.
“Why are you doing this, Mother? I have had enough of it. I cannot help loving this young lady and you had best get used to it! I am going to marry her whether you approve or not,” he said, determined to have his way.
“Ha! Next thing I intend to do is speak to the young woman’s aunt and uncle, or whomever her guardians are that you mentioned. I shall see to it that they do not trust you, that they will not allow her to come anywhere near you,” his mother said.
“You do not even know who they are. How are you going to convince them to keep her away from me? Once you tell them that I am a duke, do you really think they will disapprove?” he asked, finally realizing that he may have an advantage in those terms.
“Once they learn that you have been sneaking about with her, they will never let the two of you be together,” she insisted.
“They already know. And you do not even know who they are. How are you going to manipulate them into casting me aside for your own sake, Mother? What do you plan to do?” he asked.
“If they know about you and yet you are not already engaged to her, then I think it is clear that they, too, disapprove of you. You have to accept what you have done and the fact that you are not going to get around this, Jonathan. You have ruined every opportunity which has been presented to you. I am not going to allow this to go any further,” she said.
“How do you expect to find her?” he asked, throwing it in her face that she knew nothing about Miss Windsor.
“I am investigating. I am not a fool, Jonathan, and I know exactly how to find out these things. You may wish that I could be nonsensical enough to allow all this, but that is never going to happen. Whatever hopes you once had, I assure you that, henceforth, you shall be completely without this young woman in your life,” she said.
“You do not understand! Why will you not just listen, Mother? There is nothing about your behavior which evidences your station in life, nor your nobility. You are making yourself out to be perfectly dreadful,” he said.
“And you are being a boar and a half, Jonathan. I cannot comprehend how my own son has become this horrible creature, this young man with no sense of right and wrong or good and bad. You are every bit the fool and I am not going to pretend otherwise,” she said.
Unable to stand for any further insults, Jonathan turned from her, storming away to get his horse.
“Jonathan! You get back here! I will not stand for this!” she called after him.
But it was too late. He was finished listening to her and trying to reason. She would not hear him out and there was no longer any reason to fight for himself and for Miss Windsor. Instead of fighting, he was better off just doing what he knew to be the right thing.
His mother had already begun dragging his name in public and he understood that she was going to do whatever she felt necessary to wound him. Rather than being upset about it and trying to fight against her decision, Jonathan was ready to find Miss Windsor and marry her.
For now, however, he had his own investigating to do. He, too, needed to find out the names of her aunt and uncle if he was going to find her and beg her to marry him. For now, he would stay in the cottage home of her family. If he was lucky, she would be able to return and they would speak, but he doubted that she would ever be allowed to leave the home again.
Instead, he would simply make every effort to be ready for her when he did get to see her. He would ask around, learn everything he could until he knew where she lived with her aunt and uncle and how he could best approach them and ask to marry her.
If it meant leaving his title and wealth behind, he would, but he knew that those things would always be his. His reputation might be destroyed if his mother continued insinuating improper things about them, but what could he do about that? All he could think about was being with her again.
Jonathan reached the house and went inside. He took a deep breath and looked around, knowing that this was where he belonged.
Chapter 30
Ellie sat with her legs crossed on Katherine’s bed. Her aunt had given her just the littlest amount of freedom n
ow that everything was arranged for the wedding on Saturday.
Certainly, Ellie had no desire to remain there, trying to convince herself that everything would be perfectly fine. She knew that it was far from fine. Her heart was aching and she still hadn’t been able to see Mr. Potts.
“All right, just let me cheer you up. Believe me, you are going to enjoy this,” Katherine said.
“And what is it that I am meant to be enjoying, hmm?” Ellie asked, curious.
“We shall go through the society pages. You know how entertaining they can be, surely,” Katherine said.
Ellie winced. She had no idea how entertaining they could be. She had scarcely ever read through the society pages because she simply cared nothing at all for the men and women who were gossiped about. What did she know about young ladies being caught with paste pearls or gentlemen discovered with gambling debts?
“Katherine, what is so entertaining about those? Do you really think we need to be entertaining ourselves with such drivel?” Ellie asked.
Katherine simply raised an eyebrow at these questions and got on with her work, opening to the gossip pages.
“All right, here we are. Oh! It appears that there is a paragraph regarding Lady Chutton. You know, she is the one who was caught with one of the footmen who works at her father’s estate? Oh, it was all manner of drama, Ellie. Absolutely atrocious! The girl actually considered it acceptable to fraternize with someone who worked for them at the estate,” Katherine said.
Ellie was hardly impressed. She simply felt sorry for Lady Chutton for having her name dragged out like this when, more than likely, she had fallen in love with the young man. And he was utterly disrespected through these pages!
“Oh, and what about this one? The Earl of Luckhall has been discovered to have an illegitimate son! Can you believe it? How shocking! I imagine that he shall face some very dire consequences once his mother and father are through with him. Oh, why do these fools make such decisions?”
“Perhaps he loved her, and his mother and father did not allow them to be together?” Ellie suggested.
“Then he ought to have listened to them. There is a reason our mothers and fathers make these decisions on our behalf,” Katherine said. She sounded just like her mother and Ellie felt awful for Katherine, trying so hard to be exactly the sort of young woman that her mother wanted her to be.
“Perhaps, but do you not think that he deserves to be happy? I mean, I should think that it is very well for him that he might have the opportunity to marry her as opposed to being gossiped about by all of London,” Ellie said.
“Oh, Ellie, you are trying so hard to think positively, but it is not how it is done in London. Surely, you must know that by now. I mean, really! Think about it!”
Ellie pursed her lips, trying to think of a world in which this was all acceptable. She just wanted everyone to be kind to one another. Was it really so hard? When she thought about her own circumstances, she knew that it was, but that did not mean she should always have to be subjected to these things.
The way Katherine was so amused by it only served to dishearten her further. She knew that Katherine was a good woman, but she still fell prey to the enticements of popular society and that was a fairly unfortunate occurrence. It was evidence to Ellie that no matter how close she could try to be to Katherine, there would always be this between them. They were different women with different goals and priorities.
“Oh, good heavens, three weddings? Have you seen this? It is not even the season for weddings yet and we already have three taking place. Lord Heathridge and Lady Simpkin. Oh, and the Baron of Berkshire and Lady Thompson, I do love her sense of taste. Have you seen the burgundy crepe gown she wore? All the shops are trying to copy it, she truly is ahead of our time,” Katherine said.
“I fear that I have not seen it,” Ellie said.
“Truly? Oh, Ellie, sometimes I forget that you miss out on the most splendid things. You must see this gown. Honestly, there is no equal in the entire country. If you saw it, you would know at once that it belonged to a woman so fashionable, she could hardly be known for anything different. My own mother was overcome, and you know that she is not quite so fashionable as I,” Katherine said with a mischievous giggle.
Ellie tried to smile at this shallow behavior, but she was feeling self-conscious about her own clothing. Although she was not bothered by fashion or appearance, she was aware that it was truly difficult to keep her clothes clean and she also knew that Katherine judged her for not being more fashionable.
Yet, how could she be? She had no money of her own and could not buy fancy dresses. Her aunt was hardly going to give her anything to do so. Why would she waste money on Ellie when she had Katherine to worry about?
Was Wendell Carruthers going to buy her things like this? Did she even want them?
But Ellie also recognized that, love or not, she would have to look her best for Wendell. It was her duty to ensure that she presented herself in such a way that he would be respected because of having such a lovely wife. Was that not the purpose of marriage for most men? Would he not demand such a thing?
Ellie wanted to be the best wife she could be, whether Wendell demanded it or not. She hoped that he would see her for the woman she was and that he would appreciate her regardless of her lack of fashion or her low station in society. It was unfair that she should be judged by anything else and all Ellie wanted was to be noted as a good woman with a good heart.
“Anyway, her likeness has been captured more than once for the beautiful gown. And it appears as though her cousin, Lady Minchin has also married, to Lord Edgar Cunningham. Oh, he is as handsome as they come. You have never seen a man like him, Ellie. I do hope that I should find someone as lovely someday.” Katherine sighed.
“I have no doubt that you shall, Katherine. You shall find someone better, I expect,” Ellie said.
“Do not tease me, Ellie. I could never find better than a man like him, but it is all right. I know that there are plenty of gentlemen out there who would be happy to have me. It is just that I have not yet found the right one.”
“Precisely, but you shall,” Ellie said, trying to encourage her.
“Anyway, I do find it funny sometimes, when we read through the society pages. I always expect that I am going to feel better about my own life, about what I do not have. When I read the gossip, I hope that I shall just be glad that I am not being discussed,” Katherine said, disappointment evident in her voice.
“And you do not feel that way?” Ellie asked, hopeful that her cousin was growing a new conscience and she would be able to set aside her folly for the sake of understanding how unfortunate it must be for some of these men and women to be so poorly discussed.
“I do not. It is a shame, because I should dearly like to appreciate my life more, but when I am overcome by the reality that I have none of these things—neither dresses nor gentlemen nor the thrill of a love affair—I simply must accept that I live a boring, humdrum life, wherein my mother gets to make my decisions,” she complained.
“It does not have to be that way, Katherine. You can still take hold of your own life, demand what you really want,” Ellie suggested.
“That is easy for you to say, Ellie. You do not have a mother to pull you this way and that,” she hissed.
The sting of her words struck Ellie. No, indeed. She had no mother. It was a painful fact that she would have given anything to forget. Her own mother was lost to her, long-since deceased. There was nothing Ellie could do about it and the reminder was painful and cruel.
Katherine was clearly unaware of her own callous words, but Ellie tried to push past them. She had no choice aside from brushing beyond the harsh reality she was faced with.
“Anyway, I think that it is entirely unfair that you are going to be married before me,” Katherine said, shifting into a teasing giggle. “Now, I know that you are not in love, but Wendell is a good man and I really am eager to see whether or not the two of you start
to get along as more than just two people forced to marry one another. Perhaps he shall be able to find me someone decent whom my mother shall accept and then I may marry as well.”