All the Reasons I Need

by Jaime Clevenger

  “Just so you know, I like you exactly the way you are. In my book, bi people are perfect.”

  “There’s a chance you’re biased,” Kate said.

  “Pun intended?” Terri grinned.

  Chapter Nine

  Kate expected Mo to be testy when she got back from the lunch date. That’s how she’d always been whenever she got back from a date with Ethan. This time, she surprised her, however. She was sitting on one of the chairs in front of their bungalow and hopped up with a big smile when Kate walked up the path.

  “You’re back! How’d it go?”

  “Fine. What happened to your Ping-Pong plans?” Kate didn’t want to talk about her date with Terri—at least not with Mo. Everything had gone well, but she needed some time to rehash her feelings on it. But by the excitement in Mo’s voice, she guessed she wouldn’t be pressed for details anyway. Something else was clearly on her mind.

  “I decided I was good enough with a paddle and didn’t need the extra practice.”

  “I’m so beating you at that tournament.”

  “We’ll see.” Mo opened the door to the bungalow and then waited for Kate to walk in first. “So the date went well?”

  “It did.” Lunch had been perfect, and yet she’d felt as if she was bonding with a new friend—not on a date at all. She still wasn’t certain if that was a problem.

  “That’s great.”

  Kate crossed her arms when Mo had closed the door. “You’re up to something. What am I about to agree to?”

  “You know me too well.” Mo chuckled. “But did you know that they rent scooters at the front desk?”

  “I’m not doing it.”

  “I haven’t even asked you yet.”

  “But you’re going to and you know how I feel about two-wheeled vehicles.”

  “Come on, it’ll be a blast. And we’re talking about scooters, not motorcycles,” Mo argued. “It’s basically a lawn mower engine. We aren’t going to be flying down the highway on a Ducati.”

  “I don’t know what a Ducati is, but I wouldn’t say yes to that either.” Kate set her purse on one of the chairs as Mo gathered up a towel she’d tossed there along with a wet bathing suit and a pair of goggles. “Mo, you’ve seen me on a bicycle. One little rock and I’m kissing the pavement.”

  “This is going to be way more fun than a bicycle.”

  “Fun doesn’t always have to involve the risk of death. Do you know that motorcycle riders account for nearly all the organ transplant donors?”

  “Scooters,” Mo said, drawing out the word. “Not motorcycles. And we’ll wear helmets. The guy I talked to at the pool swore this was the best way to see the island. Plus the rental fee is cheap.”

  “Great. So we’re talking about a cheap death trap. That makes me feel so relieved.” Kate shook her head. “I’m not doing it. I don’t want to crash on a scooter in Mexico. I’d never hear the end of it from my mom.”

  “You can ride with me. Scooters have two seats. And we won’t tell Eileen.” Mo held out the brochure with a picture of a scooter perched on a slope overlooking a turquoise bay. “We can circle the island in a couple of hours and make stops wherever we want. You know we’ll have fun. Please?”

  “I always have fun with you. It’s the broken bones I’m worried about. Remember that parasailing adventure?”

  “No one broke any bones. Besides I was the one with the ice pack on my butt. And this time we won’t even be leaving the ground.”

  Kate smiled, thinking back to the pack of ice chips Mo had sat on for the evening. “You also had a big bruise on your shoulder and you could hardly walk for two days.”

  “Pretty please?” Mo held up the brochure. “I really want to do this with you.”

  “How’d I get so lucky?” But even as she said the words, her tone filled with sarcasm, she felt her resolve crack. She took the brochure from Mo and flipped it open, briefly scanning the map of the island along with a description of points of interest. Mo’s words repeated in her mind. Maybe Mo was jealous of the lunch date she’d had with Terri. Was that why she was asking her to spend the day with her tomorrow? Mo’s jealousy flared up in weird ways. Or maybe Mo only wanted to go on a scooter ride around the island with her friend.

  “Okay, fine. But you’re driving and I’m only doing this if they have good helmets.”

  Mo clapped her hands together. “We’re going to have so much fun! Thank you for saying yes.”

  Kate closed the brochure, knowing that she shouldn’t be feeling a surge of excitement at the thought of spending the day alone with Mo. She should be thinking of Terri.

  “Oh, I almost forgot. The front desk called while you were out. Your luggage arrived and someone left you a message.”

  “That’d be my mom.” Eileen didn’t trust cell phones. It was only one of her quirks. “At least I get my luggage.”

  “You don’t want to have a mom chat on vacation?” Mo chuckled.

  “I wouldn’t mind chatting with your mom. Mine? Not so much.”

  Luis, the same concierge from the day before, was working the front desk, and Kate waited for him to finish helping the one guest ahead of her before approaching the desk with a cautious smile. She knew how Eileen could be on the phone, and Luis was doubtlessly not looking forward to dealing with her again either. “I’m hoping you have my luggage. Apparently it was dropped off here?”

  “Ah, yes,” Luis said, coming out from around his desk and leading the way to a locked door opposite the entrance.

  As Luis wheeled out the suitcase, Kate felt a rush of relief. At least she would have clean underwear and all her clothes. The rest of the trip might not pan out as well, but this was some saving grace. She passed Luis a good tip, and his smile widened as he handed over the suitcase.

  “And a phone message was left for me as well?”

  Luis led the way back to his desk and then pulled out a slip of pink memo paper. “From your mother, I think.”

  “She doesn’t like cell phones.”

  “No? My mother loves cell phones. She calls me every day. Sometimes I wish she didn’t like her phone so much.”

  Kate handed Luis another tip and then pointed to the phone on his desk. “Would it be okay if my mom called your line? I promise it won’t take long.”

  “Of course.” Luis pushed the phone across the counter and Kate quickly read the number listed on it. She texted the number to her mom adding the international code and then waited. Her mother fell for every conspiracy that smacked of government oversight and at the moment she was convinced all cell phone conversations were being recorded. Why landlines had escaped this threat, Kate hadn’t asked.

  The phone rang and Luis answered, but a moment later, he smiled and handed the receiver to Kate.

  “Mom?”

  Eileen sighed heavily, “Thank God. You’re alive. They say you can’t even eat the salad there. I hope you haven’t been robbed.”

  “It’s lovely here.” Kate glanced over at Luis and smiled. Everyone with an overbearing mother shared a certain understanding, but she was glad Luis couldn’t hear the other end of the line. “How are you?”

  “Oh, I’m fine. I had to start on a new medication for my blood pressure and now I’m constipated. They say it’s hereditary so you better get yours checked.”

  “Good advice,” Kate said, stopping short of asking if she meant her blood pressure or her butt. Eileen didn’t appreciate humor. “Anything else?”

  “Gary can’t figure out that FitBit that you sent him. You need to give him a lesson. I’ll get him on the phone.”

  “Now isn’t the best time, Mom. I’m using the resort’s phone…” Kate leaned against the counter and gave Luis an apologetic look. “Is there anything else? I don’t want to hold up the line.”

  “Stick to bottled water. I had a friend who came back from Mexico with diarrhea for a month. And I hope you aren’t making international calls on your cell phone. You never know who’s listening.”

  When Ei
leen hung up, Kate pushed the phone back across the counter to Luis. “Thank you.”

  “Of course. Everything okay?” Luis asked.

  Kate nodded. She reached for her purse to give him another tip, but he held up his hand.

  “I understand how it is with mothers,” Luis said.

  Kate took her time wheeling the suitcase back to the room. Between the birds chattering in the trees and the flowers everywhere, her frustration with her mom dissipated and her thoughts turned to Terri. She knew she should have felt a spark. Without that, she wondered if she should have told Terri straightaway that it wasn’t going to work. And yet she liked Terri, so maybe it was okay to not shut anything down yet. She didn’t think about Mo until she turned down the path to the bungalow.

  Mo was standing by the window. Her back was to Kate, but it was obvious that she was on her cell phone. If Mo was talking to her girlfriend, it would be awkward to walk in and hear any of the conversation. Then again, Kate didn’t want to stand there waiting and have Mo think she was watching her.

  Finally she decided to go in and act as casual as she could. Mo turned to look at her as soon as she opened the door. Kate held up a hand in a little wave and then pulled her suitcase into the room. As soon as she’d opened her suitcase, Mo stepped outside with her phone. The way Mo switched her phone from one ear to the other, avoiding Kate’s eyes, suggested that her girlfriend was indeed on the other end of the line.

  Several minutes later, Mo came back into the room. Kate was still putting away her clothes, but she stopped in the middle of hanging up one of her dresses to glance at Mo when she heard her deep sigh.

  After tossing her cell phone on the dresser, Mo sank down on the bed.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Not really.” Mo rolled onto her side. “The good news is that Chantal’s happy.”

  “What’s the bad news?”

  “I’m ninety percent sure she’s in love with her boss. That’s who she’s in London with at the moment. I’ve never heard her this happy.”

  “Mo, I know how you get. But maybe you shouldn’t jump to conclusions this time. She’s on a work trip. Chances are there’s nothing going on.” Focusing on the dress she was holding, Kate finished looping the spaghetti straps over the hanger and then hung it on the rack before going back to the suitcase to fish out a wrinkled blouse. She didn’t know why she was standing up for Chantal. When she looked over at Mo, she was surprised to see a pillow over her face.

  “How happy are we talking about?”

  Mo pushed the pillow up enough to say, “Real happy.”

  Kate closed the suitcase and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Do you know much about her boss?”

  “Only that she’s attracted to him.”

  “She told you that?”

  Mo nodded and the pillow moved up and down with her head.

  “Okay, that’s weird. Why would she tell you that?”

  “She asked if I’d ever be up for a threesome.” Mo tossed the pillow aside. “She’s totally sleeping with him, isn’t she?”

  “You don’t know that for sure.” Although Kate had to agree that the optics weren’t good.

  “Fuck. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Well, you could just ask her.”

  “Straight up?” Mo shook her head. “So…‘Hey, babe, how’s London? And another thing…are you sleeping with your boss?’”

  “Well, worst-case scenario, the answer’s yes and you find out that she’s not the right woman for you. You tell her that you need someone who’s loyal and move on.”

  “What’s the best-case scenario?”

  “Best-case scenario is that you’re wrong about this hunch and she’s only on a business trip. But if that’s the case…she’ll be upset that you asked. Cheating’s a big deal, and you accusing her will probably be an issue going forward. Plus she’ll probably feel like you’re overly controlling.”

  “Because I want to know if she’s sleeping with her boss? I give up,” Mo said. “No matter what, I’m screwed.”

  “Not if you don’t ask. But then you have to decide if you trust her. She told you that she’s attracted to him, but that doesn’t mean she’ll act on her feelings. Plenty of people have attractions they never act on.”

  “I don’t think I can handle not knowing.” Mo leaned across the bed and reached for a bottle of water. After she’d had a drink, her jaw muscles clenched. She shifted back against the headboard. Her high cheekbones and sharp jawline were something out of a superhero comic book. More than once, Kate had imagined tracing that jawline with her fingertip. If Chantal was sleeping with her boss, she was making a big mistake.

  “Remember McKenzie?” Mo looked over at Kate, and when she didn’t nod, Mo said, “I dated her for a while at the end of our freshman year.” Mo crunched the plastic bottle and then let go, watching the shape slowly returning. “She was the first person who cheated on me. When you met her you told me that she wasn’t good for me. I should have listened.”

  Kate remembered McKenzie then. But she hadn’t known about the cheating. Mo had never mentioned that. Mo had invited McKenzie to a party that their dorm floor had hosted. There was no doubt Mo was smitten, but Kate had picked up on McKenzie’s wandering eye right away. Although her hands were all over Mo, it was clear she was looking for her next play even then.

  “After her, all these insecurities I didn’t even know I had came up. I didn’t want to have a serious relationship with anyone. I didn’t feel like I was enough.”

  “You’re more than enough.” Kate went over to the bed. Being close wouldn’t help dial down the longing to wrap her arms around Mo, but she didn’t want the distance between them either. Mo shifted over to make room for her.

  “So you don’t think I should ask Chantal if she’s cheating on me?”

  “You have to do what feels right. But if you do ask, we’re going to have to work on that verbiage.”

  “I could send her a text. You could help me write it.”

  Kate shook her head. “Ask her over the phone. And only if it’s going to drive you crazy not knowing.”

  “I hate being this person,” Mo said. “Why do I get so jealous? If Chantal and I break up, can you make me take a long break from dating?”

  Kate patted Mo’s knee. It was the safest place she could touch, but even that contact sent a flare up to her brain. Mo dropped her head on her shoulder and murmured, “Thanks for being here.”

  Kate fought the urge to snuggle closer. She squeezed her hands into fists and reminded herself of her resolve. Friends. In that moment, she understood how Chantal could have been tempted to act on her attraction to her boss. It was hell denying your body the one thing it wanted most.

  “You know what we should do tonight?” Mo asked. “Try out that dance class. No one can be depressed dancing to salsa music.”

  “I don’t think that’s been scientifically proven,” Kate said. But she couldn’t hold back a smile. “And as I recall, you need to beat me at Ping-Pong first.”

  “Oh, right. That.” Mo grumbled. “I was hoping you’d forget.”

  Kate pointed to her chest. “Me? Forget?”

  “You’re like an elephant. You still remember what I was wearing the day we met.”

  “You bet I do. Yellow tank top, blue gym shorts, and red boxers.” They’d had this conversation before and Kate had managed then to make it seem like it was no big deal that she remembered what Mo was wearing that day. Now she added, “Julia was wearing that black skirt she loved with a maroon top.”

  “There might be something wrong with you,” Mo said.

  “Oh, there’s a lot wrong with me,” Kate returned. “But when it comes to clothes, I remember everything.”

  “Too bad there’s no good use for that skill.”

  Kate stuck out her tongue, and Mo continued, “I still think it’s hilarious that you remember the color of my boxers.”

  “If you wear shorts that low, I’m going to notice your und
erwear. Besides you were the first girl I’d ever see in boxers.”

  “You saying I made an impression?” Mo’s voice held more than a hint of her old flirtatious tone.

  “Something like that.” Kate hoped Mo wouldn’t read anything into the way her own voice sounded then. They’d joked plenty of times before about this, but now, with Mo’s arm against hers, she felt like her eighteen-year-old self on shaky ground.

  “Please, can we go dancing?”

  “Well, we both know I’d kick your butt in Ping-Pong anyway.” Kate rocked her head side to side, considering. Dancing didn’t seem like a good idea, but she wanted to say yes anyway. Then she remembered Terri and the tentative plans they’d made to meet up after dinner. “I did sort of suggest that I’d hang out with Terri tonight.”

  Mo’s face dropped. “Oh right. Terri.” She tried to recover with a quick smile, but Kate recognized the mask she’d put on. “We can do another night…”

  “Or we could all take the salsa class together.” Kate knew that with Mo there it would be harder to focus on Terri, but she didn’t want to leave Mo out.

  “I don’t want to step in on your date.”

  “Or are you worried that I’m gonna show you up in that salsa class in front of Terri?” Kate teased.

  “No chance. I’ve got the moves, remember?”

  “Then let’s all take the class together.”

  Mo hesitated. “Let me think about it. I’ve got a lot on my mind with Chantal.”

  After their talk, Mo sent a few texts to Chantal and then turned on the television. She kept picking up her phone and staring at the screen, but Kate could tell there’d been no response. For her own sanity, Kate didn’t ask what Mo had said or asked in those texts. She didn’t need to wade any deeper into their relationship, and she got a sense that Mo was done opening up on the subject anyway. When she announced that she was thinking of going down to the beach to read, Mo only turned off the TV and mumbled that she was going to take a nap.

  Kate had packed more than one paperback, guessing that she might need to fill some time alone, but she’d only brought romances. She regretted that decision now as she sorted through her options. It was ridiculous to feel intimidated by imaginary characters that had more experience with love than she did, and yet even the covers made her feel a little insecure. Falling in love was mostly dumb luck, but the rest of it… She eyed Mo stretched out on the bed. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she wanted her own happily ever after. Finally she picked the book that seemed to promise the most angst.