Love Changes Everything

by Love Changes Everything (retail) (epub)

  ‘I don’t know, perhaps you’ll tell me some time.’ He grinned. ‘Come on, then.’ He moved off, holding Cilla’s hand and listening to her chattering away about what sweets she liked best.

  It was almost twenty minutes before Trixie spotted Andrew leaving the bank. He was so engrossed talking to some of his colleagues that he would have walked right past her if she hadn’t called out his name. Then he stopped in surprise and, frowning, excused himself from the group and came over to her.

  ‘Is something wrong?’

  ‘Yes, in a way,’ she said hesitantly. ‘We talked about me moving in with you and . . .’ she hesitated, feeling shy of actually asking him outright. Then a vivid picture of Daisy wielding the rolling pin at Cilla flooded her mind and she took a deep breath and rushed on, ‘and I wondered if it was all right to do so right away.’

  Andrew chewed his lower lip, avoiding her eyes. ‘This is a bit sudden. I thought we agreed that it would be after Christmas. I told you I needed time to make some arrangements.’

  ‘I know, but I can’t stay at Virgil Street with Daisy another minute because things there have got so bad.’ She indicated the bag at her side. ‘I thought it would be all right, so I’ve brought all my clothes and everything.’

  ‘Well,’ he gave a reluctant smile. ‘In that case, then I suppose I’ll have to say yes, but—’

  ‘Great. Look, I have to go to work right now but tell me the address and I’ll come there as soon as I finish at eight o’clock. I’ll have to go and collect Cilla first; we bumped into Jake and he’s taken her to buy some sweets and then he’s said he’ll take her home with him till I finish work.’

  ‘Cilla! You’re planning on bringing Cilla with you? You mean that if you move in with me she’s coming as well?’ Andrew frowned.

  ‘Surely you knew that? I wouldn’t dream of leaving Cilla behind, she’s the main reason why I’m so anxious to get away from Daisy. She’s still convinced that Cilla had something to do with Jimmy’s death and she’ll half kill her if she gets the chance. That’s why it’s so important for me to move out as soon as I can. Only today . . .’ Trixie stopped as she realised Andrew wasn’t listening to what she was saying. His whole demeanour had changed.

  ‘What’s wrong, Andrew? You must have realised I would have to bring her.’

  ‘It’s rather difficult,’ he said stiffly. ‘I was about to tell you that because of my promotion I will be moving away from Liverpool. It’s a great career move and if it was just the two of us then you would be able to come with me but I couldn’t take Cilla along as well . . . that would be impossible. The bank wouldn’t like it.’

  Trixie looked puzzled. ‘Why on earth does the bank have to know?’ she asked in a bewildered voice.

  ‘For security purposes, of course,’ he snapped. ‘They have to know where I’m living.’

  ‘I can understand that but they don’t have to know who is living with you, surely.’

  ‘I’m afraid they do, which is why it’s not going to be possible to take Cilla, Trixie. I’m sorry and all that, but you must try and understand my position.’

  He started to move away but Trixie grabbed hold of his arm and stopped him. ‘Hold on, Andrew. A couple of minutes ago you were all prepared to let me move in with you, so how come everything’s changed in a matter of minutes?’

  Andrew looked uncomfortable. ‘I was waiting to find out about my transfer; that’s what I meant when I said I had some arrangements to make first.’

  ‘That’s a load of nonsense,’ she refuted. ‘You only changed your mind when I said that Cilla would have to come as well. Admit it; you don’t want her with us, do you?’

  He hesitated for a minute, chewing on his bottom lip. ‘If you really want the truth, then the answer is no, you’re quite right and it is better if you realise that right from the start, Trixie. As I told you, I want you to come and live with me, that’s fine, and—’

  Trixie didn’t wait for him to finish. Turning on her heel she walked away, half blinded with tears. She’d thought that Andrew’s love for her was strong enough for him to accept how much her sister meant to her and to understand that she would always be responsible for her, but now she knew she had been under an illusion the entire time. He wanted her but he was not prepared to take Cilla as well.

  As she walked towards the O’Malleys’ house the other thought that came into her head not only stunned her but also made her feel ashamed; Andrew had never once mentioned anything about them getting married.

  He probably had never intended that they should, she thought miserably. He was prepared to have her living with him, sleeping with him, probably cooking and cleaning for him, but he didn’t want her as a wife, she thought bitterly.

  Jake had been right when he’d warned her not to believe everything Andrew said, she thought grimly, and she wondered what he would say when she told him about what had happened now. He’d probably be as understanding as he usually was, she reflected gratefully.

  What was she going to do now? she asked herself. By this time Daisy would probably have discovered that she’d taken everything she owned when she’d left the house with Cilla and so she probably wouldn’t let her back into the house.

  Not that she wanted to go back there, but where else was there for her to go? She would have to wait till Daisy and her dad were home, in bed and asleep, and then hope she could get in without waking them.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Trixie breathed a sigh of relief when she arrived home and found everywhere was in darkness. She whispered to Cilla that they mustn’t make a sound in case they disturbed Daisy or their father. As they crept into their own bedroom she hid the bag with their clothes in it under the bed. She’d sort that all out in the morning before Daisy was up and then no one would be any the wiser about what she’d been planning to do.

  Cilla was almost too tired to even undress herself and Trixie had to help her. Within a few minutes, though, they were both in bed. Cilla fell asleep almost immediately but Trixie lay there going over and over in her mind the events of the evening.

  She felt humiliated by Andrew’s attitude and the way he had walked away from her. She felt embarrassed by the way she’d clung on to him all this time, hungry for every kind word or smile that came her way. Most of the time he’d probably been laughing at her, she thought bitterly.

  She’d been so convinced that he had the same sort of feelings for her as she had for him, yet now, when she looked back, she realised what an utter idiot she had been. It was so obvious that his interest in her was centred on one thing only. He didn’t want someone like her as a girlfriend, not when he had so many other really lovely girls all vying with each other for his attention.

  She’d made it so obvious that she was ready to do anything at all he asked of her that she couldn’t really blame him for taking advantage of the fact. She was the one at fault and she felt dismayed that she’d expressed her feelings so openly.

  Perhaps if her mother had still been alive and she’d had someone close to confide in about such things then she would have realised the truth. She’d been so hungry for love and affection that she’d built Andrew up into something he wasn’t.

  Now, for the first time, she realised that he was selfish, egotistical and interested only in himself and his achievements at the bank. If she had gone to live with him she would have been little more than a live-in housekeeper. He’d probably still have gone off gallivanting with his friends and left her on her own most evenings.

  He had certainly made it quite plain that he didn’t want anything at all to do with Cilla and in that respect he was no better than Daisy.

  She turned on her side and put an arm round Cilla, cuddling the thin little body close to her. What she felt for Cilla was more than mere affection, more than sisterly duty. It was a deep, lasting bond and, whatever happened in the future, Cilla would always come first. If it meant that Trixie had to work for the rest of her life to look after her then that is what she’d do
.

  Cilla was growing up, she would never be normal, but already she was able to understand a great deal of what was going on in the world around her. She’d carry on helping her to read and write and teach her to do jobs around the home so that she could look after herself if she ever needed to do so. Soon, quite soon, Cilla would be old enough and sensible enough to be left on her own. Trixie was confident that once she was able to take on a full-time job she’d be able to support the pair of them.

  She’d always promised herself that 1927 would be a turning point and the year when she’d make a break from Daisy and her dad. Even though they’d still have to stay with them for a while longer she fully intended moving into a room of her own as soon as she could do so.

  It wouldn’t be a very momentous Christmas, but they’d manage to get through it somehow and next year would be very different, Trixie vowed.

  She was still scheming and planning for the future when she fell asleep. Next morning as she helped Cilla to dress her head was buzzing with good intentions but Daisy put paid to those. She had a list of all the extra cleaning she wanted doing before Christmas; unnecessary things such as taking the curtains down and polishing all the brass rings they hung on, as well as turning out all the kitchen cupboards and giving the range an extra polish.

  There were so many jobs that Trixie couldn’t see how she could fit them all in and do her two jobs as well. It would be Christmas in less than a week’s time and there was so much extra cooking to do as well as everything else.

  With Christmas Day 1926 falling on a Saturday at least it meant that Steve would not be opening his snack bar that weekend. Trixie had been looking forward to being able to take things easy, but now with all the extra jobs Daisy had insisted must be done it looked as though she’d be working harder than ever over Christmas.

  Still, she reflected glumly, there was precious little else to do. Daisy and her father spent more time at the pub and when they were at home they both had a hangover and they were either bickering noisily or else snoring their heads off.

  Ella had invited her to come round there on Christmas Day, but in her present mood she felt it would be intruding and she also felt embarrassed because Jake knew what had gone on between her and Andrew.

  He must think I’m a right idiot chasing after Andrew, she thought bitterly. Thinking back, she could see that Jake had several times tried to warn her that Andrew was more interested in all the new friends he’d made at the Bank than he was in either of them. She didn’t think Jake would have gone to Andrew’s party if she hadn’t been so keen to go and had begged him to go with her.

  Constantly chastising herself for being so foolish was getting her nowhere, she decided. Perhaps buckling down and doing all that Daisy wanted to have done was not such a bad idea; it would at least keep her from dwelling on what could never be. She’d let Cilla help. It would take longer but it was better than letting her sit in a corner and watch.

  Christmas Day was as disappointing as Trixie had anticipated. Although she cooked a traditional meal of roast chicken with Christmas pudding to follow Daisy and Sam were too hung-over to fully enjoy it, although Daisy insisted it was what they must have.

  I could have served up sausages and mash for all the appreciation I got, Trixie thought resentfully as she cleared everything away afterwards and listened to the pair of them snoring.

  Once she’d finished the washing up and Cilla had helped to put the dishes away they went round to Horatio Street. She’d bought a pretty little shawl for Cilla to give Ella, one that she could wear indoors or wear as a scarf under her coat when she went out.

  Ella was delighted with her gift and when Cilla opened the present that Ella gave her and found a lovely red jumper, she was equally pleased and hugged and kissed Ella enthusiastically.

  ‘You need to thank Jake as well,’ Ella told her.

  With a beaming smile, Cilla bestowed a big kiss on Jake’s cheek and received a bear hug in return.

  Jake also had a present for Trixie but he waited till they were on their own before he gave it to her.

  She gasped with pleasure when she saw the heart-shaped silver locket and then felt overcome with guilt because she hadn’t bought him a present after all he’d done for her.

  ‘I didn’t expect one; you’ll need all your money for when you set up home with Andrew,’ he told her. ‘I thought this might be the last chance I have to give you something,’ he mumbled.

  Trixie felt the hot blood rush to her cheeks. ‘That won’t be happening,’ she confessed. ‘You were right when you said he doesn’t always mean what he says.’

  ‘Really!’ Jake looked at her questioningly.

  ‘I’ll tell you all about it some other time when we are on our own,’ she promised, ‘but will you continue looking for a room for me and Cilla?’

  Ivy and Hadyn were there and as they all sat round drinking tea and eating mince pies Trixie listened enviously as they went into details about their forthcoming wedding and all their plans for the future.

  Although she tried hard not to think about Andrew, she couldn’t help doing so. She wished that she was able to tell Ivy that she was also hoping to get married very soon but she knew that all the plans she’d once had were now mere figments of her imagination.

  Instead of wasting time thinking about them she’d concentrate on encouraging Cilla to be more independent so that in time it would be quite safe to leave her on her own once they moved into their own place.

  She’d enjoyed not having to work at Steve’s place over Christmas although it did make a dent in her savings. She wished now that she hadn’t spent out on new clothes for herself and Cilla, although she had to admit that Cilla had loved wearing her new dress and having it admired by Ella and Ivy.

  The following Saturday was New Year’s Day and she wondered if Steve would decide not to open then as well because he would have had such a late night on the Friday with it being New Year’s Eve. He certainly looked very tired when she arrived.

  ‘I’m going home as soon as Sylvia arrives,’ he yawned. ‘She went home just after midnight so she’s hoping that the two of you can manage without my help here for a couple of hours while I catch up on my sleep,’ he told her.

  ‘If you want to go right now and not wait for Sylvia, I’m sure I can cope,’ Trixie told him.

  He looked doubtful, and then shrugged. ‘I’m pretty sure there won’t be many people about first thing,’ he agreed. ‘They’ll all want to sleep off the food and drink they indulged in at parties last night. You two are both looking very fresh,’ he added, patting Cilla on the shoulder, ‘didn’t you stay up to see the New Year in?’

  Trixie shook her head. ‘No. I decided there was no point in doing so,’ she admitted. ‘Like Cilla, I was tucked up in bed well before midnight.’ What she didn’t add was that she had been woken in the early hours of the morning by her father and Daisy when they’d come home roaring drunk. They’d been singing at the top of their voices and crashing into every piece of furniture there was. When she’d heard Daisy yelling her name and shouting that they wanted her to make them a hot drink she’d cowered down under the bedclothes and hoped they’d go off to bed and not come banging on her bedroom door.

  They’d still been sound asleep when she and Cilla had left that morning but the place had looked a shambles. All her hard work at cleaning and making it look nice over Christmas seemed to have been wasted.

  The morning at Steve’s Snacks was so uneventful that Trixie found herself telling Sylvia all about what had happened between her and Andrew. She even told her how he had invited her to go and live with him then rescinded his offer when he knew it would have to include Cilla as well.

  ‘I think you have had a lucky escape, my girl,’ Sylvia told her severely. ‘You are right when you say that all he wanted was someone to look after him without any obligation on his part. It’s lucky for you that you discovered what he’s really like before you left home.’

  ‘I know that, but
I still have to get away and find a place of my own. I’m more convinced than ever that Daisy is going to do Cilla some harm.’

  ‘As long as she is with you all the time then I don’t think she’s going to have much success, do you?’ Sylvia smiled. ‘Keep saving and looking for a room you can afford. One will turn up, never fear. I’ll ask around as well.’

  ‘Jake says there wasn’t much point in doing so over Christmas but that now the holiday is over he’ll start looking again,’ Trixie said hopefully. ‘He really is a very good friend and I do appreciate the way he takes Cilla out and about while I’m working here.’

  Sylvia nodded but before she had a chance to say anything they had a stream of customers and for the next couple of hours they were so busy serving mugs of steaming hot tea, coffee and cocoa that there was no time for talking. Very few people seemed to be hungry; they were all demanding hot drinks because it was such a cold day.

  Even Cilla was complaining about being cold which was very unusual because normally she didn’t seem to notice what the temperature was. By the time they were ready to go home she was shivering uncontrollably and when Sylvia put a hand on her forehead she found it was burning hot.

  ‘Cilla’s running a temperature,’ she warned Trixie. ‘The best thing you can do is get her home and to bed right away. Have you got a lemon? If so, give her some hot lemon and put a dash of whisky in it if you have any. Nip it in the bud before it turns into something serious.’

  They spent a restless night, Cilla was tossing and turning and complaining that her throat hurt and so did her chest. Trixie was up several times making her drinks and trying to soothe her.

  By the morning it was quite obvious that Cilla was far from well. She not only had a head cold but a sore throat and a cough as well and was feeling very sorry for herself. It was quite clear that she wasn’t well enough to go out. What worried Trixie was that it meant leaving her at home when she went to do her cleaning job.

  She wondered if she could manage to go to work without Daisy knowing that Cilla was there on her own or whether it would be better to tell Daisy that Cilla was ill and warn her to stay away from her in case she caught whatever Cilla had.