What is Love?

by Saks, Tessa

“I tried to tell you, God knows how much I tried to tell all of you. Everyone thought I was crazy, remember? You thought I was crazy. Patty, even you didn’t trust what I was saying.”

  “Do you blame us? That’s the most insane thing anyone could say.”

  The conversation died as everyone took in what all of this meant, the full weight of the lies. They looked around at each other for several minutes, the only sound the soft jazz playing on the stereo.

  Finally Patty broke the silence. “So who gets Jonathan?”

  Everyone laughed.

  “You can have him,” Ellen said, unable to hide her grin.

  Patty looked at Ellen. “So should I call you Ellen or Sam?”

  “Good question. The more important question is could there be a way to switch back?” Ellen grabbed Patty’s hands. “I am sorry I lied to you, sorry about everything I have done to everyone, especially Sam, er, Ellen over there.” Ellen pointed to Sam. “I want to try and fix this. Did you get any extra powder, or do you know anyone who has some? Perhaps we could copy the formula and try and get someone else to fill it.”

  “I have my doubts there is any left or that anyone will admit to having any with the lawsuit and criminal charges underway.”

  “Just curious, which one did I take—the suicide or cancer? I thought it was suicide, but I barely remember that night.”

  “Suicide. It was definitely suicide. In fact, they were both suicide.”

  “Both? One was for the cancer.”

  Brianna and Beth looked at them, horror stricken across their faces.

  Patty moved closer to Ellen. “I pulled a little deception of my own. I knew that cancer would never be enough to keep Jonathan, so I filled two of the same suicide bottles. I never told you because I thought you weren’t in any position to decide. You needed something drastic.”

  “You don’t consider cancer drastic?” Beth asked.

  Patty turned toward Beth. “Not when your husband is about to walk out on you. That might stall a few months. Suicide was the only way.”

  “And look how well that worked out,” Brianna added. “What is wrong with you two?”

  Ellen looked over at Brianna. “You’re right, I never should have done it, don’t blame Patty, I wanted to do it. It was all my doing. I never meant to hurt anyone. I certainly never expected anything like this.”

  “How could you?” Rory added. “It sounded like a big personal gamble. Who knew what else might have gone wrong.”

  “Yes, well, I realize this all a little too late. What can I do to fix it? I just wish we could get some of that prescription.”

  “And the psychic’s powder,” Patty added. “Better get some of that.”

  “What are you talking about?” Ellen asked.

  “I played another deceptive card. Remember those pills the psychic gave you?”

  Ellen sat back, “Yes, why?”

  “I opened them and added them to your prescription powder. Patty held out her hands. “Hey, I thought they were harmless. I thought they might add a little boost. Remember, she said they would give you whatever your heart desires, whatever you held in your mind and heart.”

  “Creepy,” Sam said. “She told me I would become Mrs. Horvath and I would have money and live in the big house as his wife, with lots of money. How deeply weird.”

  “I was to lose my husband and become poor, but he would love me again. That is weird.”

  “What did you think about when you took the powder? Do you remember?”

  Ellen tried to think back to that fateful night filled with anguish. “Yes, I wanted you to feel my pain, to lose his love, to lose everything and to know what it was like to suffer as I did.”

  “Ouch!”

  “And I wanted to feel loved by Jonathan, desired the way I once was. To have him touch me again, make love to me as if I was young and beautiful.”

  “This is creepy,” Sam said.

  “I guess we’ll never get that powder again. She’s long gone,” Patty said, shaking her head.

  “Who?”

  “That psychic.” Patty frowned. “Passed away shortly after the event. I went to see her and was shocked to discover— ”

  “Oh no!” Ellen sat back and rubbed her stomach. “That leaves us unable to change … I honestly hoped we could try it again. It’s too bad you got rid of all my shoes.”

  “Why just the shoes?” Sam smiled. “You should be royally pissed at me for getting rid of everything—”

  “Which shoes?” Brianna asked Ellen.

  “It doesn’t matter. I put the extra vial in a box of silver dancing shoes.”

  “I have those shoes … and a vial.”

  “A blue glass vial,” Ellen said as her heart raced, “almost heart-shaped?

  Brianna walked over to the shelf by the window. She picked up a bottle and brought it toward Ellen. “Is this it?”

  “Unbelievable. Any chance of an iridescent powder inside?”

  “I never opened it.” Brianna handed the bottle to Ellen.

  Ellen stared at it. “I’m almost scared to open it.”

  “Open it!” Patty and Sam yelled.

  Ellen twisted off the top and smiled. “It’s here. I can’t believe it … it’s the same powder.” She turned to Brianna. “So why would you have it?”

  “Mother … er, Samantha over there, was purging the closets and getting rid of your things. I told her I would take them to a charity, but I kept a bunch of sentimental pieces for myself. I always remember you holding the shoes and telling me about your magical honeymoon. The bottle was a bonus. I set it on the shelf and forgot about it.”

  “Bless you.” Ellen touched Brianna’s cheek.

  Brianna held out her hand to stop her, then stopped. “I’m sorry, this is still strange.”

  “What now?” Patty asked, taking another sip of wine. “What on earth can you do now? You’re pregnant.”

  “I don’t think it would work if I took it, I think she needs to do it.” Ellen pointed to Sam.

  “I don’t know … what if …”

  Ellen nodded in agreement. “I know. I know. I thought about that. It’s entirely up to you. I want to switch so you can decide what to do about this baby. You should experience this pregnancy if you decide to keep the baby.”

  “I’m not so sure I want Johnny’s baby,” Sam said, folding her arms across her chest.

  Ellen sat forward, clasping her hands. “It isn’t Jonathan’s.”

  Everyone turned and looked at Ellen. She gave a sheepish grin. “It’s Rory’s.”

  Rory turned to Ellen. “You weren’t going to tell me? I have a right to have a say in this.”

  “Yes, but so should Sam.”

  “I’m confused,” Patty said, setting her wine glass down on the coffee table. “So Rory, you are going to marry this one over here …” She pointed to Sam. “And have a baby with this one over there …” She spun around and pointed to Ellen.

  “Exactly.”

  Patty shook her head, holding it in her hands. “Talk about Peyton Place …”

  “What’s that?” Sam asked.

  “An old soap opera filled with scandal and deception.”

  “Yeah, that about sums this up,” Ellen agreed.

  “So what now?” Patty asked.

  They looked around the room, studying each other’s faces, waiting for someone to speak.

  “Well, I for one, think I’ve had enough of this body and want mine back,” Sam said.

  Ellen walked over to Sam and held her hand. “And I want to give it back to you, I just wish there were another way, a less risky way. It may not work and then …”

  “I’m willing to try. I was willing to commit suicide this morning, remember?”

  “You wouldn’t have done it, would you?” Rory asked, standing beside her.

  “Yes, I was …” Sam stopped and closed her eyes. “I had it all planned, the plastic bag—”

  “I can’t believe you could do it … I don’t want anyt
hing to happen to you. We can—”

  “We can what, Rory? Let her have our baby?” Sam pointed to Ellen.

  “We could.”

  “It would be safer,” Ellen added. “Then I could take the powder after I have the baby.”

  “No, I want to try this. I am willing to try. I want a chance to right everything, to live life as I should have. I can’t explain but I’m not afraid of death, I’m afraid of never having lived. I know what I want and Ellen, if you’re willing to try, so am I.”

  “I am, as much as I enjoyed being young, I feel like it’s a lie. I can’t have this baby without knowing I tried to make this right. If it doesn’t work, the worst thing might be that we are stuck like this … but—”

  “No … you’d be dead.” Rory put his hand on Sam’s hand. “That’s the worst thing. Think about this, Sam. It’s far too dangerous.”

  Sam looked up at his pleading eyes. “You’re right, I’m in no condition to try anything now, I’m still too sick … and I’m so bloody tired, I’d probably never wake up.”

  Silence fell upon them. Brianna and Beth stood. “I think we can sleep on this, there is no need to do anything. Feel free to stay tonight.”

  “She’s right,” Rory said. “I have to go, but I will be back first thing tomorrow. Sam, you’ll be okay for tonight?”

  “No problem,” Sam said. “I have two good nurses and I’ll see the doctor tomorrow.”

  He leaned down and kissed Sam on the lips. “Bye, Princess.” Then he turned to face everyone. “Hey, Patty, need a ride?” Rory asked. “Or you, Samantha-Ellen?—you staying?”

  “It’s been a long day. Sam, I’ll go home and come back tomorrow,” Ellen said, as she walked over and stood beside her. “I think you should rest, too. I imagine you are exhausted.”

  “Yes, I had quite the day.”

  Ellen grabbed Sam’s hand and squeezed it, then kissed her on the cheek. “I’m glad you are alive, and getting better. I hope everything can work out after the baby is born, that we can fix this and make things right. I want you to be happy. I want you to have your life back.”

  “I want you to have yours back, too,” Sam said with a laugh. “Nice of me, huh?”

  As they said their goodbyes, Ellen put her arms around Brianna and said, “I am sorry for my failings as a mother, I hope you can forgive me.”

  Brianna looked at her a moment, then looked at Sam. “This is still so weird to get used to. But you were a good mom, I didn’t help any.”

  “Brianna, you have the prettiest mom I’ve ever seen,” Patty chuckled.

  Ellen reached over and put her hand on Beth’s arm. “I hope we can become friends.”

  Beth nodded and put her arm around Brianna’s waist. “I guess we have a lot of changes to get used to.”

  Ellen nodded, fully aware that it wouldn’t be easy for any of them.

  Then Ellen, Rory and Patty walked down the stairs and onto the street, waving goodbye and wondering what the future would bring.

  CHAPTER 38

  Ellen awoke slowly, in a foggy haze. Her head was humming, but she could hear voices in the distance, as well as a loud thumping and the drone of mechanical air conditioning. She tried to open her eyes. A warm hand closed around hers with a reassuring squeeze. Ellen could feel the weight of a blanket on her immobile body.

  “You’ve been in a coma,” Brianna’s voice spoke softly beside her.

  Ellen tried again to open her eyes. They opened, blurry at first as she looked around the room and at Brianna, sitting beside the bed.

  “You’re in the hospital. We found you on the floor and called an ambulance.”

  Ellen raised her hands to look at them. They were her old, familiar hands. “I’ve had the strangest dream,” she said. “You wouldn’t believe it.”

  Brianna smiled. “The doctor said that you might have vivid dreams.”

  “How long have I been out?”

  “A couple of weeks. You really had us worried.”

  “I can’t believe how real my dream was. It was crazy. It felt like it lasted for months, and so many strange things happened. You would never believe what happened in it … Where’s Jonathan?”

  Samantha Miller entered the room and Ellen stared at her, unsure what to say.

  “Hey.” Samantha smiled, placing her hand on her belly.

  “You’re pregnant?” Ellen asked.

  “Yes, I thought you knew.”

  Ellen stared at Sam. How did she know? The foggy dream was materializing. “What has happened? Why are you here?” Sam remained motionless. “You’re keeping Jonathan’s baby?”

  Sam took Ellen’s hand. Ellen glanced at the ring finger on Samantha’s hand, at an engagement ring. “That’s not your ring from Tiffany.”

  “No.” Sam smiled as she touched it, then held it out for Ellen to see. “Rory gave it to me. It was his grandmother’s.”

  Ellen touched the ring and let go of Sam’s hand. She covered her eyes. “And Jonathan?”

  “Dumped him weeks ago, while you were out—in the coma, I mean.”

  Ellen looked at Samantha and then Brianna. “What aren’t you telling me? Did we switch bodies and live each other’s lives, and then switch back? Was all this real?”

  Sam smiled. “Yes, it was real. We weren’t sure if you would remember anything after the switch and the coma. Brianna and I decided not to say anything, to just let you tell us.”

  Ellen reached out and touched Sam’s stomach. “The baby? Is the baby okay? The switch—were you sick or in a coma as well?”

  Sam shook her head. “No, just another fever for two days. Sienna found me, or at least found this body, on the floor, and called an ambulance. I went into the hospital but I don’t know when the actual switch happened. I was delirious for two days, then released.”

  “How did this happen? I went home, in your young body, to the apartment and went straight to bed. The next thing I know, I’m here.”

  Brianna stood and gave Ellen a hug. “I better go, see you both later.”

  Sam hugged Brianna as well, then pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat. “That was me. I did it. I knew you wouldn’t want me to, but I was willing to try. I should have told you, but I didn’t want you to feel bad in case I didn’t make it.”

  “Incredible. I can’t believe it worked. Are you sure the baby is all right?”

  Sam stroked her belly. “Healthy as can be for fifteen weeks.”

  “What about the hit? Who did it? Did they catch anyone?”

  “You remember that calcium you always took? Well, they tested all your pills and found it in them. Apparently each capsule was opened and the arsenic powder was added. Some had more in them, which explains the changes in the symptoms and the timing of everything.”

  “But how? … surely not Maria.”

  “No, sorry about that, I goofed big-time on that. Johnny did hire her back, with extra pay. Leo investigated and found a guy who worked on the paint crew that helped with the renovations. He joined The Painters Who Paint Crew and, coincidently, also got a job as a janitor at the mental hospital shortly after you were admitted. He was brought in for questioning and fessed up to everything. The trial for sentencing will be in a few months.”

  “Amazing.” Ellen sat motionless for several minutes, allowing the shock to settle. “I’m almost afraid to ask—what is Jonathan doing now?”

  “Licking his wounds,” Sam laughed as she spoke. “I think he was relieved that the baby wasn’t his and that I wanted out. He’s all yours now.”

  Ellen shook her head. “I’m not so sure I want him anymore.”

  Sam patted her arm. “I wouldn’t blame you …”

  Ellen lay back and touched her hands. “I’m me again—only better, an improved model. Remodeled and repaired. There are so many things I want to do … like start my own business, a real business. I love designing and creating my jewelry. I honestly think I would be good at it and eventually successful. What about you?”

  “I
’m going to be a mom soon. I might move home with my mom until the baby is born. I get maternity leave but I haven’t decided yet. But I do know that I want to be a good mom. I started reading books on babies so I won’t make the same mistakes my mom made.”

  “Like marry for love?”

  Sam laughed. “That’s one mistake I will definitely make. No, I mean all the bad stuff I had to endure. I want a good home with a stable family life and I want to raise this baby properly, give it what I never had.”

  “With Rory?” Ellen asked.

  Sam smiled and nodded her head.

  “He’s a good man. I hope you will be happy.”

  “It’s funny. I’m not scared. I had so many doubts about a future with Rory, about being a mom, of settling down without money—but now they’re all gone. I guess I should thank you.”

  “What on earth for?”

  “For helping me see who I really am.”

  “Actually, that’s what I should be thanking you for. I not only feel better about myself but—this sounds silly—I feel young again.”

  Sam glanced down. “Sorry about all the surgery. I did get a bit carried away.”

  Ellen touched her face. “I think I can live with it. Maybe tone down a few things.”

  “And about all your stuff. I never should have—”

  “My social diva days are behind me. Besides, furniture can be replaced. People can’t. I want better relationships with Brianna and Brandon. And I want real friends.”

  “Like Patty?”

  “Yes, I’m grateful to have a friend like Patty.” Ellen smiled. “And love … I want to find love again, real love—like what you and Rory have, what Jonathan and I used to have.”

  “So you’ll go back to him, forgive him?”

  Ellen shrugged. “I can’t see that happening. No. I think I need to be on my own—travel. I might rent a house somewhere, Italy maybe. I want an adventure, a challenge. I want to live and be happy, and I don’t think Jonathan fits into any of that, not now, maybe not ever. And I’m okay with it.”

  “He might be crushed.”

  “He’ll be just fine. There are plenty of women out there looking for a sugar daddy.”

  Sam smiled. “Yes, there sure are.”

  Ellen looked up at Sam. “Do you wonder how this all happened?”