[Measure of Devotion 03.0] Measure of Peace

by Caethes Faron

  The horse on the page was complete, or as complete as Kale was going to make her. It was good. If he’d been in a different mood, he might have spent more time emphasizing her musculature, but he didn’t have the patience for it at the moment. Another flip of the page, and fresh emptiness stared at him.

  Kale looked around for inspiration. A tree would be nice, but there were none interesting enough or in the shapes he wanted. Perhaps he could draw an image from his own mind. Closing his eyes, Kale tried to empty his head so inspiration could come. What flashed before him was the picture of his mother mending his brother’s trousers while Thomas sat at her feet. Kale pushed the image away. There was too much pain and longing in his chest to draw such a thing.

  His hand began to glide across the pad. The pain and longing were exactly why he needed to release the image onto the page. Arms and legs took shape. A chair, the fireplace, a crackling fire, feet, heads, hair. It all poured out. The torn trousers, a needle and thread piercing the fabric, deft hands mending a tear. Kale shaded with meticulous precision, pulling out every shape. When there was nothing left, he regarded his work: a beautiful portrait of his mother and Thomas, faceless.

  Closing his eyes again, he struggled to pull their faces into focus. He could feel what it was like to have his mother smile at him, but he couldn’t recreate it. All he had was blurry perception. Kale had told Jason once that it wasn’t about the details, that people rarely remember them, that art was about perception and evoking feelings. All well and good, but this was his family. Every time he tried to focus the image, he was left with the unsettling realization that it wasn’t quite right.

  The blank faces stared at him. It was disturbing. Holding the clearest picture in his mind that he could, he filled in the eyes, nose, and mouth on each face. He remembered to sprinkle freckles on the bridge of Thomas’s nose. He didn’t forget the wrinkles around his mother’s eyes or the scar that cut through her right eyebrow. Little details, but it was the whole he couldn’t see. The result was an intricate drawing of two people who looked similar to his mother and brother.

  Kale cursed himself for not drawing them earlier, for failing to capture their images when they had still been fresh in his mind. His fourteen-year-old self wouldn’t have been up to the task. And even if he had been, he wouldn’t have been able to keep the drawing through the years. When he had been sold, he had known he would never see them again. He’d found no point in torturing himself with their likeness.

  He could draw nothing else after that. Kale gathered up his supplies and placed them back in the saddlebag, withdrawing a book. He still had a good hour before hunger would drive him back to the house, an hour he could spend lost in another world where none of his problems existed.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “A rancher from up north has inquired about purchasing a bull.” John lifted the letter in question. “I’ve never heard of him, though.”

  “Does he know how much our bulls go for?” Robert puffed his cigar from the brown leather armchair where he was propped up behind his imposing, walnut desk. As a boy, Jason had been afraid of that desk and, more often than not, the gruff man who sat behind it. Jason had abandoned such fear long ago and now sat across from Robert next to John. He had wanted to spend time with his father, and apparently this was what his father did. It wasn’t a bad idea to start showing some interest in the family business.

  “He sounds like he does, but who knows? I hate selling to someone we don’t know.”

  “I agree. See what you can find out about him, and let me know.” Robert exhaled the smoke and surrendered to a coughing fit. Jason didn’t know how his father could maintain such a dreadful habit when he sounded likely to cough up a lung.

  “I’m confused. If he has the money, why does it matter?” Jason couldn’t understand the business logic in that. He had been in the study for hours, listening to talk of things he didn’t comprehend. This was at least something he felt knowledgeable enough about to ask a question.

  Robert still struggled with the cough, so he motioned for John to answer. “Our value comes in our reputation. Wadsworth bulls produce high-grade cattle. It takes work to maintain that standard. If we sold to anyone who asked, it would diminish our value.”

  “So you work on exclusivity?”

  “It’s not being exclusive we’re after. It’s quality. Say we sell to this fellow and it turns out his cows are sick, ugly things. They pass their bad breeding on through one of our bulls, and we’ve got subpar cattle roaming around sired by a Wadsworth bull. When he goes to sell his miserable offspring, he’s going to brag about it being the product of a Wadsworth bull. His buyer’s going to take a look at the scrawny calf and think there must be something wrong with Wadsworth cattle. Our bulls produce the best because they’re only allowed to breed to the best. You understand, boy?”

  Jason nodded. “I guess so. It’s a different business than steel.”

  “Of course it is. We’re dealing with living animals here.” Robert had overcome his cough and settled back in his chair. “If someone wants a Wadsworth bull, they’ve got to show that they’re committed to the same quality we are.”

  “Well, not quite the same. No one has the quality your daddy does.” John nodded to Jason and grinned with pride. Respect shone through his eyes when he looked back at Robert.

  Robert chuckled. “All right, but close. That’s why we only enter Cattleman’s Roundup. It’s the most exclusive auction in the country. If this fellow is contacting us by letter, it probably means he doesn’t meet the standards to be allowed in to the auction, or he doesn’t know about it. Neither one is a good sign, but I’m not against helping another man get a start as long as he can prove himself.” Robert coughed again.

  “Why don’t we take a break? I need to see if the boys have come back from checking the northwest fence and see if that herd got moved.” Robert nodded as he continued to cough. John stood, and Jason followed him. Demetri stepped forward from the corner where he’d been silently standing and gently patted Robert on the back. In the hall, John closed the door after Jason.

  “You did well in there. It means a lot to Robert that you’re taking an interest, even if he doesn’t show it.” John nodded to him and left before Jason could even respond.

  The study door opened, and Demetri emerged. “Is there anything I can get you, sir?”

  “No, I’m fine, thank you. And thanks for taking care of my father so well.”

  “It’s my pleasure, sir. It’s an honor to be here for him when he needs me.” Demetri lifted his eyes to Jason’s, and the clear blue orbs confirmed the truth of his statement.

  Jason had been a fool to think he could have taken Demetri away from his father. All he had known was that Demetri was more upper-class than any of the other slaves on the ranch. Jason had been enthralled with his tales of his previous master’s household where he’d served nobility. “Why did you seem disappointed when Father didn’t give you to me to take to Perdana? You clearly belong with him.”

  Demetri lowered his eyes in the subservient way slaves were accustomed to. “I felt slighted that he didn’t think highly enough of me to give me to his only son. I was insulted that he had chosen to buy Kale instead. It was wrong of me, and I apologize.”

  “What? I always thought you were so smart when I was younger, but you sure got that one wrong. You’re invaluable to him.”

  “Thank you, sir.”

  They stood in awkward silence. Jason wondered what Demetri could be waiting for. Then it dawned on him. Demetri had come out to see if Jason was gone so he could carry Robert to his room. Jason should have realized sooner. “I’ll be in my room, should anybody need me.”

  Demetri lifted his eyes once again. “Thank you, sir.” Jason caught the understanding in his gaze. He knew Jason had been letting him know that he wouldn’t be on the path to Robert’s room, and that was what he thanked him for.

  Up in his room, Jason removed his vest and unbuttoned the top two butto
ns of his shirt. Picking up his mother’s journal from the table, he positioned himself in the chair by the fireplace and lost himself in her writings. Even the most mundane entries held his attention. Each word was a comforting reminder of the woman who’d been the center of his world. He didn’t stop until Kale walked up behind him.

  “I thought you were supposed to be spending time with your father.”

  Jason tilted his head all the way back over the chair, forcing Kale to lean in for an upside down kiss. Satisfied with the greeting, he marked his place in the book and set it aside. “I was, but he’s resting now. He can’t get through much. What are you doing back so early?”

  “Early? I thought you’d be worried about me. I got absorbed in my book.”

  Jason glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was already almost three o’clock. “Me too. More time passed than I thought. You want to eat lunch?”

  “That’s what brought me back.” Kale tossed his art supplies on the bed and headed for the door.

  Darlene fixed them some sandwiches, and they ate together in the dining room. It was nice to eat with just the two of them. Jason didn’t know if his father had woken up and eaten or if he’d slept through lunch. He didn’t want to disturb him if he was still sleeping, but he also wanted Robert to know he wanted to spend time with him. Maybe he would see if he could find Demetri after he finished eating.

  “How was it with your father this morning?”

  Jason nodded. “It was good. I wouldn’t say we’re chums now, but I sat in on a meeting between him and John. It was quite illuminating. They have their own way of running things, and it seems to be working. He’s right, I’ll bungle the whole thing if I don’t learn.”

  “No, you’re smart enough to take the advice of those around you. John will stay on, I’m sure. He won’t let you ruin it. I’m glad to hear things went well.”

  “How was your day? Did you bring me back any pictures?”

  Kale shifted in his seat. He was going to try to hide something. “Nothing interesting.”

  “Really? So if I walked upstairs right now, there’d be nothing that would catch my eye?”

  “Don’t, Jason. I’ll show you when I’m ready.”

  The curt tone clipped Jason’s retort. Kale was always protective of his art, but this was more than the usual shyness. With all the upheaval of the last few days, it wasn’t entirely surprising that he was drawing things he didn’t want Jason to know about. It put Jason at a disadvantage. He always used Kale’s drawings as a barometer of his feelings. They were a useful tool in deciphering his often silent lover.

  Jason reached across the table and rested his hand on top of Kale’s. “You don’t have to worry. I won’t go snooping. Just know that I’m always here when you’re ready. There’s nothing you could show me that would make me think less of you.”

  Kale peered at Jason, his lips pursed in thought, and nodded. Jason pulled his hand back, and they resumed eating.

  When they were almost done, Demetri entered. “Excuse me, sir?”

  “Yes, Demetri?”

  “Your father wanted me to invite you and Kale to play cards with him in his study.”

  Jason bit back the question that sprang to his mind. Demetri would have, of course, seen to it that his father had eaten. “Thank you. We’ll join him as soon as we’re done. Shouldn’t be more than a few minutes.”

  Once Demetri was gone, Jason turned to Kale. “I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all. I think it’s great. Gives me something to do.”

  In the study, Robert was in the same chair as earlier. The desk in front of him had been cleared of everything except a deck of cards and rack of chips. “Have a seat, boys. I thought we’d play some draw poker before dinner.” Robert tapped the ash off the end of his cigar into the ashtray on the corner of his desk.

  Kale took the seat on the left, leaving Jason the one on the right.

  “Do either of you know how to deal?”

  “Kale’s better at it than me.”

  “Go ahead then.” Robert nodded to Kale. Kale picked up the cards and shuffled, letting Jason split the deck. While Kale dealt, Jason passed out the chips.

  Poker had never been Jason’s game, but he knew Kale had played it when he was a slave. They were more inclined to play billiards together. Robert had loved billiards as well, and the house even had a billiards room. That was the game they should have been playing.

  Robert coughed, choking on the air he breathed. Of course they couldn’t play billiards. Jason’s father had just as much chance of running a foot race as standing at a table.

  The hand passed in silence except for the bidding, as did the next and the next.

  “Stop holding back, boy.” Robert growled after Kale folded for the second time on the fourth hand.

  “Sir?”

  “Don’t give me that. You think I’m too old and sickly for you to beat? If I wanted to win every hand, I would have just had Jason come.”

  Jason caught the twitch in Kale’s lips. “All right. I’ll see you then.” Kale threw his chips in the pot. “What you got?”

  “A flush.” Robert laid down five clubs.

  Kale nodded. “That’s good.”

  “Not good enough, is it?”

  Kale tossed his hand on the table. A full house.

  “Don’t be scared to beat me again.”

  Kale nodded as he stacked his chips. “I won’t, sir.”

  For the next few hours, Jason watched them play. He found it fascinating watching these two men size each other up and call each other’s bluffs. While Jason played each hand, he was really no more than a spectator, and he was perfectly fine with that. Seeing Kale and his father together gave him hope. Robert finally treated Kale as he would any other man. Any hope at a relationship with his father was doomed as long as Robert couldn’t accept Jason’s relationship with Kale, making this a promising sign.

  A shrill ringing, muffled by walls, pierced the air. Jason eyes snapped to Kale. Robert rarely, if ever, used the telephone, so this was likely the call they’d been waiting for. A minute later, a slave Jason didn’t know entered the room.

  “Sir, there’s a telephone call for Mr. Kale. A Mr. Grimlock.”

  Robert nodded to the slave. “Thank you, Billy.”

  Kale didn’t even look at Jason or Robert before following Billy out the door. Jason turned to his father. “This is what we’ve been waiting for.”

  “Go on, then. It’s not like there’s much of a game without Kale anyway.”

  Jason was halfway to the door by the time his father finished speaking. When he reached Kale, he was already talking to Martin. Hearing only Kale’s side of the conversation wasn’t very enlightening. Jason tried to read Kale’s face for any sign of what was being said, but Kale seemed as calm and composed as usual.

  “Thank you, Martin. This has all been very helpful. Give my love to Sophie, and Jason’s too.” Kale nodded, even though Martin couldn’t see him. “Goodbye.” Kale leaned against the wall, deflated and seemingly exhausted.

  “So?” Jason came to Kale’s side.

  “Martin and Mr. Smithson were able to track down court proceedings regarding some unpaid debts. Just like George said, they didn’t want to give up their land—it’s been in their family for generations—so they sold off their slaves to pay the debts, and then just left because they couldn’t keep up the place without the slaves. They’re living in a cousin’s property in Shalae County on the outskirts of Rushing. The court allowed them to sell their slaves at auction in Shalae County since it’s more affluent there. There’s no record of which slaves were sold or even what auction house they went through. My family could be anywhere.”

  Kale’s voice broke at the end. His calm exterior showed signs of cracking: tight lips, tense muscles around the cheeks and eyes. “Let’s go upstairs.” Jason wanted to get Kale to a place where he could break down if he needed to. Kale didn’t resist when Jason guided him to their room wit
h an arm around his back.

  “They could be anywhere, Jason.” Kale looked up at him from the bed where Jason had sat him.

  “We’ll find them.” Jason sat next to him and grabbed his hand.

  “Will you come with me? I hate to take you away from your father, but I don’t know if I can do this without you.”

  “Of course. You don’t even have to ask. We’ll leave first thing in the morning.” Kale’s eyes looked pained. “You know we’d leave now if it made sense, but there’s no way we can reach Shalae County tonight.” That wasn’t Jason’s only concern. Kale looked as though he would fall apart if a draft blew through. He needed sleep.

  “You’re right—”

  A knock on the door interrupted Kale.

  “Yes?” Jason called.

  The door opened to reveal Demetri. “Excuse me, sir, but your father was worried about you.”

  “Oh, yes.” Jason turned back to Kale. “Why don’t you get ready for dinner, and I’ll be back in a moment.” He had completely forgotten about his father. Jason followed Demetri downstairs to where his father still sat in his study.

  “I’m sorry, Father. I didn’t mean to leave you for so long.”

  “Was it good news or bad?”

  “A little of both, I suppose. We found out Kale’s family was sold off, but we have no way of knowing who to.”

  “Well, don’t feel like you need to make an appearance at dinner on my account. You can have something brought to your room if you prefer. He probably doesn’t want to see anyone.”

  “Thank you, Father. I think we’ll do that.”

  “Have a good night, then.”

  “You as well.”

  When Jason got back to their room, Kale was exactly as he had left him, staring vacantly ahead. “Do you want me to have dinner brought up? There’s no need to go downstairs.”

  “I don’t know if I can eat. My stomach’s in knots.”