[Measure of Devotion 03.0] Measure of Peace

by Caethes Faron

  Kale struggled to muster a response. The only reason it was even possible was because he couldn’t let such a gesture go unanswered.

  “Thank you, sir.”

  “Call me Robert. Hell, you can come give me a bear hug and call me Dad if you want.”

  Jason sniggered. Someone had been telling tales. Kale smiled. “Thank you, Robert. I don’t know how to express my gratitude, and not just for the apology, but for your generosity as well.”

  “There’s no need. You’ve done enough just making my boy happy. I’m glad you gave me the chance to reclaim my family before I die.”

  Robert held Kale’s gaze as Kale absorbed the full meaning of what he’d said. There was a shared moment of warmth between them. A coughing fit overcame Robert, and the moment was broken. Jason was immediately at his father’s side, leaning him forward and patting his back. Robert waved him off. “Don’t fuss. I’m just tired.”

  “I think we all are. Good night, Robert. We’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Good night. That’s a fine brother you’ve got there.”

  “I know.” Kale nodded and ushered Thomas from the room.

  Thomas held himself well. He was the picture of a perfect slave, blending into the background, not bringing attention to himself. Kale found it hard to remember if he had ever been so inconspicuous. Even as a free man, he wasn’t one to draw attention to himself, but he had a strong personality and wasn’t shy about speaking his mind. What kind of man was his brother behind the bland façade? Did Thomas even know? For Kale, the transition from piece of property to valued human had been gradual, supported by Jason who loved him. If Jason hadn’t been there to facilitate his emergence from objectification, Kale didn’t know how he would have done it, or if he could have at all. The fear of freedom—or rather of hoping for freedom—ran too deep.

  “This is mine and Jason’s room.” Kale pointed to their door as they passed. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to come get one of us. Just make sure you knock first. This room here,” Kale opened the next door, “must be the one Robert had prepared.” Kale turned on the lights to reveal a room that was similar in appearance to Jason’s, complete with its own bathroom. A four poster bed dominated the space, and a royal blue comforter added color to the dark wood. The fireplace shared the same chimney as Jason’s. There was a sitting area with two wing-back chairs on a carpet that matched the comforter and a desk complete with paper and a few books. It had been dusted and aired, but it still held the smell of a room that hadn’t been used in years. Kale doubted Thomas would mind.

  “Stay right here. I’ll be back in a moment.” Kale dashed to his room. It occurred to him that his brother didn’t have any clothes other than what he wore. Kale’s would be too large for him, but they would be a better fit than Jason’s who was much more slender. It took just a minute for him to grab one of the outfits he was used to wearing back home and a robe. Kale had never understood the fascination with robes. He was always either naked or dressed and saw no need for one, but he wanted his brother to have the option.

  “Here, you can wear this tomorrow, so we can have your clothes laundered.” Thomas hadn’t moved a muscle. He stood in the middle of the floor with his mouth slightly open. At least his head was raised. “You can have a seat. It’s what they’re there for.” Kale placed the clothes in the wardrobe and sat in one of the chairs. Only after Kale was seated and had gestured to the chair opposite him, did Thomas sit.

  “Thank you for the clothes. I can get a few more days wear out of these before they need to be washed.”

  “No. I want them laundered.” Kale didn’t want anything from Mr. Conroy’s house here, but he couldn’t exactly burn the only clothes his brother had. The next best thing was having the smell of that man’s house washed off of them. “Mine will be a little big on you, but not much. We’ll buy you some new clothes when there’s time.”

  “I’m sure yours will work just fine.”

  “As you saw, Robert’s not doing well. He’ll probably pass in the next couple of days. When he does, I’m going to have to spend almost all my time with Jason. Things will get pretty hectic around here. I wish it could be calmer for your first few days, but I wasn’t about to wait to get you.”

  “I won’t be in the way.”

  “Oh, I’m not worried about that. You can do what you like. Spend your time in here where you know you won’t be disturbed. Look around the house. You can even help out the slaves if you need to keep busy. I can imagine how confusing this must be for you, and I know how unnerving having to make decisions can be, but I really want you to do what’s best for you. I want you to be entirely selfish.”

  Thomas nodded. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

  “I understand. You know I own you on paper only. I don’t expect any subservience from you, but if it will make it easier for you to have me give you orders, let me know. I don’t like the thought, but I suppose most boys do boss their kid brothers around, so I’ll try to think of it like that.”

  “Thank you. I honestly don’t know what to think right now.”

  “Doesn’t surprise me. It’ll take time for your mind to adjust to the new situation. It’ll be harder than your previous transitions since these are entirely different circumstances. Don’t fight it. Don’t worry about how long it takes. There’s no right or wrong. I have all the time in the world.”

  “I can’t imagine ever getting used to the fact that my brother’s free. I’ve never even thought about what it would be like. Does it feel different?”

  Kale grinned. “Gods yes. Even though things didn’t change much for me on the outside when I was freed, since Jason already spoiled me, there was something on the inside that changed. I can’t describe it. You have to feel it for yourself.”

  Thomas started to speak and then stopped.

  “I already told you, you can ask or say anything. Nothing you do could offend me.”

  “Are you planning on freeing me?”

  “Yes,” Kale stated as firmly as he knew how. “We don’t have the details worked out yet, but Jason and I are friends with some very powerful people. It’ll most likely happen the way it did for me. As long as we’re in Arine, I can’t free you. You have to appreciate the irony of a country that will allow me to kill you if I like, but not to free you.”

  “Can’t be giving the slaves any hope, now can we? Then they all might waste their days dreaming of a long lost brother coming to buy them up, take them away, and free them. Couldn’t have that.”

  Kale chuckled. “Nope.” The atmosphere relaxed, the silence between them more natural than it had been in the car. “I’m glad to see you did well for yourself. A registered valet. I don’t think Jason ever registered me. Never thought to ask.”

  “No, he just gave you your title.”

  “Yes, that he did.” Kale nodded. “You should be proud of yourself. I worried you might not have listened to Mama.”

  “And get a switch to my backside? That woman beat me more than all my masters combined. Bless her for it.” Thomas smiled, the first real smile Kale had seen. It suited him.

  “Yes, bless her.” This was as good an opening as Kale was going to get. He had avoided the subject since he’d seen Thomas, but it would only be harder the longer he waited. “Did you hear what happened to her?”

  Thomas sobered. “Yeah. I was still in the area at the time, and word got to me. When did you find out?”

  Kale relaxed further into his chair. At least he was spared that unpleasant task. “Two days ago.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You didn’t kill her. There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.” The silence dragged on between them until Kale stood, and Thomas followed suit. “You should go to bed. I know how hard it is to sleep in a new place. You’ll be surprised how long it takes to get used to sleeping on a featherbed.”

  “You really didn’t have to put me in such a nice room.”

  Kale hugged Thomas on his way to the door
. “Yes, I did.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Robert fell back to sleep soon after Kale and Thomas left. Jason gave the nurse instructions to wake him if anything changed and went to his room to wait for Kale. It was difficult to pull himself away from his father’s bedside, but he needed Kale. He was wearing thin. At the prompting of Demetri and Darlene, he had attempted to take a nap earlier in the day, but it had done nothing to refresh him. If anything, it had made him feel worse simply by revealing how bad off he was. It seemed natural to feel strained at his dying father’s bedside, but it was disturbing that he couldn’t find any rest in sleep.

  Kale was the answer. He always was. Whenever Jason was overwhelmed or his mind spun away from him, Kale’s strong presence brought him back to himself.

  Jason was sitting in front of the fireplace when Kale finally joined him. It couldn’t have been a very long wait, but Jason’s time alone stretched on for longer than it was.

  “How is Thomas settling in?” Jason rose from his chair to meet Kale and help him undress.

  “It’s hard to tell. He appears fine, but if he’s anything like me, he’d appear that way even if he was terrified. He’s been all alone in the world for a long time.”

  “Well, he’s not going to be anymore.” Jason removed Kale’s shirt and then his own, throwing them across the chair he had vacated. “I’m exhausted, and I’m sure you are too. I was worried that you might not make it back tonight.”

  “I should have called, but we never stopped anywhere with a telephone. I didn’t want to spend time searching for one when we could be on the road.”

  “Don’t worry about it. You’re here now. I feel like I could shatter at the slightest touch, and I need you to hold me together.” Jason slid naked into bed alongside Kale.

  “I think I can manage that.” Kale lifted his arm and gestured for Jason to assume his usual spot, nestled in the crook of Kale’s shoulder against the flat of his chest. When Jason was settled into the warmth of Kale’s side, he shivered. “What was that?”

  “Nothing. It’s just a relief having you here. I don’t know how I could get through this without you.”

  “You don’t have to, so don’t waste any energy thinking about it.” Kale lightly caressed Jason’s arm, sending chills through his body.

  It felt so nice. Jason hadn’t realized how tense he was until his muscles slowly relaxed, giving up the struggle to stay strong. As his body released the determination to remain together, tears flowed. Everything he’d held at bay all day so he could be there for his father crashed down on him. The pain, the regret, the hurt, the sadness, added up to a tidal wave of emotion. He buried his face in Kale’s chest, not wanting his lover to see him fall apart. Jason’s hand crossed Kale’s abdomen to grip his side, nails digging into the skin as he tried to pull him closer than he could ever be.

  Kale’s only response was to turn on his side and gather Jason into his arms. Jason let himself accept the comfort, grateful that Kale wasn’t pushing for words or an explanation. Inside his head, voices of regret—the should haves and could haves—drowned out any attempts to silence them. “Why, Kale? Why is it only now that I’m getting to know him? Why when it’s too late? I wish I had never come. It would be so much easier if I could just keep hating him.”

  “Yes, it would be, but I never took you for a man who avoided something merely because it’s difficult.”

  “I’m such a wretched man. You didn’t even have the chance to know your father, and you were taken from your mother. You didn’t have a chance to see her before she died. Not only did I choose to not have a relationship with my father, but I also had the opportunity to make it better, and all I can do is complain about it. How can you stand me?”

  “My situation has no bearing on yours. You’re allowed your feelings. There’s nothing wrong with them.”

  “But how can you love me?”

  “You make it incredibly easy. Your actions are what matter. You came, even though you didn’t want to. You put in the effort to get to know your father, even though you knew it would make what’s coming more difficult. If you want me to stop loving you, you’ll have to come at me with more than that.”

  “No, please don’t ever stop loving me, Kale.”

  “I couldn’t.”

  Jason clung to Kale even harder. Somehow, with all the challenges that had been put in their way by themselves and fate, Jason had ended up with a man who both knew him and loved him, a man who was strong when Jason was weak, proud when Jason was shamed, and steadfast when Jason faltered. Jason wanted him, needed him. With the realities of life swirling around him, he yearned to retreat into the heady space he and Kale could create in their passion for one another.

  Jason hardened, craving the comfort of sex, the intimate exploration of familiar places, the renewed connection with a man Jason could scarcely believe was his, the spent bonelessness that came after the physical exertion, the drowsy fog that would lull him into contented sleep surrounded by the proof that he was loved. He wanted it all.

  But it wasn’t his to take. It was only Kale’s to give, and Jason knew Kale was not able. Guilt stabbed Jason’s heart. It had scarcely been two days since Kale had discovered his mother was dead, and his lost brother had been found only hours ago. Jason knew it all weighed on Kale. He had his own guilt and pain to sort through, and for some reason, sex didn’t play a role in it. Jason couldn’t be so selfish as to demand what Kale was not prepared to give him.

  Kale rose from the bed, the sheet falling away to reveal what Jason already knew: Kale wasn’t interested in sex. Jason couldn’t blame him for leaving. It no doubt made him uncomfortable to feel Jason’s erection against his leg when he didn’t reciprocate the feeling. “Where are you going?”

  “To get some oil from our luggage.” Kale proceeded to the wardrobe and rummaged around for the bottle.

  “No, Kale.”

  “Why not? You’re aching for it.”

  “You know my reasons. I won’t, not if you’re not enjoying yourself.”

  “Your reasons are stupid. I choose to ignore them. One of the benefits of being free. I want to do this for you.” Kale returned to the bed with the oil in hand.

  “I appreciate it, Kale, but you don’t have to.”

  “Yes, I do, Jason. What kind of man am I if I can’t comfort my lover when he needs it? I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to.”

  “I won’t enter you.” Jason was adamant. Never again would he breech Kale without knowing for certain Kale consented and enjoyed it.

  “I don’t need to be hard.”

  “I don’t care. I won’t do it.”

  “Fine. There are other ways I can make love to you. Just because I can’t get sexual release right now doesn’t mean you shouldn’t, and I’d rather take part than have you take care of it yourself. I still desire you. I can still take pleasure in your body and in giving you pleasure. Please don’t take that away from me. It’s bad enough that I feel betrayed by my own body’s failure. Don’t make it worse by denying me.”

  Jason pushed aside his own desires in order to observe Kale with clear eyes. Nothing in his demeanor belied his words other than the lack of arousal in his prick. Nothing scared Jason more than the thought of taking Kale against his will, but Kale was eager, and Jason knew that if he were in Kale’s position, he would be the same. He knew he could make love to Kale without being aroused himself and even take pleasure without a climax to finish the experience. “All right. But don’t feel obligated to finish what you start if you don’t want to. I won’t demand anything from you.”

  “I know. Trust me.” Kale rolled Jason onto his stomach. It was unexpected, and Jason had to adjust himself to get comfortable. Kale’s hands descended on Jason’s shoulder muscles, slick with oil. Jason groaned with the pressure as knots loosened. “You need to relax.” Kale’s voice tickled his ear, as did the lick Kale applied before he pulled away.

  Kale’s hands slid all over the back of Jason’s
body. Nothing was left untouched. Arms, legs, neck, buttocks, all luxuriated under the steady pressure and growing warmth. After only a few minutes, Kale rolled him onto his back. It was over all too soon, but upon the sight of Kale naked above him, all longing for the massage fled in favor of more expedient matters.

  “It’s been too long since I’ve touched all of you. I need to get reacquainted.” Kale repeated the exercise on Jason’s front, using slightly less pressure. Jason couldn’t agree more and reveled in Kale’s touch. He expected Kale to skip his protruding cock and return to it later, so Kale’s hands encircling his cock and balls with the same touch he’d used everywhere else was a shock. The oddly asexual caress elicited a shudder from Jason. He yearned for more attention to his straining erection, but Kale acted oblivious.

  After every part of Jason’s body had felt Kale’s touch, Kale slid his hands down Jason’s sides and rested his weight on top of him. Jason reached up and stroked the delectable curve between Kale’s shoulder and neck, craning his head to kiss it. Kale obliged, moving his shoulder to within kissing distance, taking the opportunity to bestow some kisses himself on Jason’s neck. The inside of Kale’s lips was soft against Jason’s skin, a thrill after his earlier firm touch. When Kale was done kissing, he moved lower, seeming not to care that Jason wanted to taste more of Kale’s skin, wanted to suck that delectable bit of flesh into his mouth and then lick the mark he’d left behind.

  Kale devoured Jason’s chest, lips and fingers roaming across his torso. Jason arched to meet Kale, wanting each kiss—each touch—to last longer. His cock ached with need. He wanted Kale. He wanted release. He wanted love, and he wanted the pain to go away. Once again, tears erupted.

  “Let it all out.” Kale continued his ministrations while Jason quietly sobbed. He yearned, he wanted, he needed, he craved. So many things. When the tears were spent, Jason was left with nothing but the unbearable tension. Kale’s touch was all over him, but it wasn’t enough. If only the tension would snap, Jason felt sure peace was on the other side of it.