[Measure of Devotion 03.0] Measure of Peace

by Caethes Faron

  “Have a good time. Are you going to be coming back for lunch?”

  “Yes, if this one ever gets hungry again. If nothing else, I want to check in.”

  They all stood and walked together to the stairs. Jason brushed his lips against Kale’s and squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry about me. I promise I’ll let you know when I need you.”

  “All right. Focus on the good. And don’t hesitate to get me. Have someone shoot up a flare, and I’ll be back in minutes.” Kale watched Jason ascend the stairs. It tore at him, knowing the pain Jason faced. All Kale could offer was his love, and he hoped it would be enough when the time came.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Jason had tried reading, but ended up staring at the pages of his book. Eventually, the weight in his hand grew cumbersome, so he abandoned the pretense. Sadie sewed in the corner. Demetri sat in his chair at the foot of the bed, watching Robert as intently as Jason did. The steady rhythm of Robert’s chest rising and falling entranced Jason.

  “Is there anything I can do for you, sir?” Demetri asked periodically, clearing the oppressive atmosphere.

  Jason shook his head. Robert’s labored breathing was the only sound in the room. Over time, it became almost unbearable in its monotonous drone, like the ticking of a clock.

  “You love him, don’t you?” It was a question Jason had pondered for some time. There was no harm in asking Demetri now.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Like a father?”

  “No, sir.”

  “More than that?”

  Demetri hesitated.

  “I’m not asking if you love him more than I do. Do you love him the way I love Kale?”

  “Not as intensely, sir, but it’s closer to that. More companionship than passion.”

  Jason was glad. His father needed someone. “Were you lovers?”

  “For a time, but he put a stop to it, sir.”

  “Why?”

  “I was becoming too attached.”

  “Then why did he keep you?”

  “It wasn’t a problem of him returning the feeling. He didn’t want to hurt me by making me believe I could be anything other than his slave.”

  “Typical.”

  “His way of caring for me, sir.”

  Loyal to the end. Jason had never heard a critical word about his father from Demetri. He doubted anyone had. “Thank you for taking such good care of him. I won’t forget it.”

  “It’s been a pleasure, sir.”

  Silence resumed. Jason’s eyes remained riveted on his father’s face. It was so different than the face he associated with the man. Hollow shadows took the place of cheeks. Bruise-like circles darkened his eyes. Wrinkles crossed his face, and skin sagged. As a boy, Jason had never thought of his father getting old. As a man, he hadn’t cared. As a grieving son, he ached to see his father so frail and weak and mourned the vigor that would never again fill his father’s face.

  Jason noticed a slight hitch in the rhythm of Robert’s breath. Just a cough. They were becoming more frequent, but this one persisted. Robert’s eyes fluttered open, and Demetri joined Jason in helping him drink and clear his throat. Demetri wiped the spittle from Robert’s chin with a handkerchief.

  “Jason?”

  “Yes, Father? I’m here.” Jason clasped his hand.

  “I love you, Son.”

  “I know. I love you too. I should have said it more.”

  “Shh. I knew. A father always knows his son.” There was a pause. Jason wondered if he would say anything else. “Demetri?”

  “Master?”

  “Come here.” Jason made room, never loosening his grip on his father’s hand. Demetri came to Robert’s side, leaned over, and grasped Robert’s other hand.

  “What can I do for you, sir?”

  “Nothing more. You’ve done enough. I couldn’t have asked for a more loyal slave.”

  “It’s been an honor, Master.”

  “Help Jason and John. They’ll need you.”

  “Of course, sir.”

  “Jason?”

  Demetri knelt at the bedside, still holding Robert’s hand, giving Jason space to see Robert’s face.

  “Yes?”

  “Be happy. It’s all I ever wanted for you. You’ve made me so proud. You grew into such a fine man. I couldn’t be prouder.”

  Jason’s heart burst. They were the words he had always wanted from his father, but he’d never thought to hear them under such circumstances. Jason would give them back a thousand times if it meant keeping his father. If he tried to speak, he wouldn’t be able to control the tears, and he didn’t want Robert to see him that way. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed his father’s forehead.

  “My watch.”

  Jason didn’t know if he heard him correctly, but before he could ask, Demetri was moving. “Here, Master.” He placed Robert’s open pocket watch in his hand and positioned it where he could see.

  “Lena.” Robert gazed at the miniature of his wife. A peaceful calm entered his eyes, and they slid shut.

  “I love you.” It emerged as barely more than a whisper even though Jason wanted to shout it.

  Sadie leaned over the bed and felt for his pulse. “He’s gone. I’m sorry.”

  Jason felt the tears pooling in his eyes and slowly spilling down his cheeks. He took a deep breath, needing to control his voice. “Get Kale.”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  “How do you like Jason?” Kale rode slowly alongside Thomas. Kale didn’t particularly want to go anywhere. The goal was to be outdoors with Thomas where no one could bother them.

  “I don’t believe he’s as rich as you say he is.”

  Kale smiled. “I know. No one would ever guess. The money doesn’t mean much to him, except that it facilitates us being able to live together without financial stress.”

  “So what is it you do all day when you’re at home? I haven’t the least idea what I would spend my time doing if I were free.”

  “We keep busy. Jason still runs Arlington Steel, though it doesn’t take up nearly as much time as it used to. We’re both politically active. Jason does a lot of charity work. I manage our household. There’s a flower garden and vegetable garden that I tend. I also do art commissions to help out financially.”

  Thomas’s eyebrows shot up. “He makes you earn your own money?”

  “No. It’s a point of frequent disagreement between us, actually. I don’t like him having to take care of me. I didn’t become free just to live off another man’s money.”

  “I see they didn’t beat the pride out of you.”

  “They did. It grew back.” Kale chuckled.

  “Is that what Jason was talking about? When you cut him off earlier?”

  Kale realized his mistake. “That was nothing.”

  “Don’t lie to me. I’d expect that from a master, not from my brother.”

  Kale sighed. It was a part of his life he wasn’t proud of. He didn’t want Thomas knowing, but honesty was an important part of building trust, and Kale needed Thomas to trust him. “I left out a few years when I was telling you what happened to me.”

  “I figured that.”

  “For a few years, I was owned by a labor firm. It’s not a big deal.”

  “Not a big deal? Sure, after being trained and raised to be a valet, I’m sure it wasn’t traumatizing as hell to be sold to a place where the average life expectancy for a slave is five to ten years.”

  “It wasn’t that bad.”

  “I’d bet your back has a different story to tell. Just because you survived doesn’t mean it wasn’t that bad. What did you do, just shut down your mind?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “When in your story does this fit in? I didn’t notice any missing time yesterday.”

  “It was in the middle of my time with Jason. It didn’t quite work out the way I told you.”

  Thomas grit his teeth, and a red flush crept up his neck. “He sold you to a labor firm? And now you’r
e with him? What kind of twisted relationship are you in?”

  “It’s not like that.”

  Thomas didn’t let him explain. “I’m going to beat him bloody.”

  Kale grabbed his horse’s reins. “No, you’re not. It’s in the past. Trust me, the physical pain I underwent is nothing compared to what he did to himself. You’re not going to mention a word of it to him. The last thing he needs is old guilt right now. I’m serious, Thomas. If you can’t hold your tongue around him, then you turn and walk away when you see him.”

  “Is that an order?”

  Things had turned ugly fast. Kale considered his options. Concern for Jason outweighed his brother’s feelings. “Yes. If you need it to be an order for you to follow it, then yes.”

  “So that’s how it is?”

  “Thomas, he is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He didn’t just free me; he saved me. Maybe someday I’ll tell you the story, but you won’t understand until you fall in love with someone. The past is the past. We both made mistakes, and we paid for them. I won’t have you digging up long buried trouble.” Kale held eye contact with his brother until he gradually saw the fight leave him.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just that after everything Mama did for us, everything she taught us, for you to end up as a labor slave tears at my insides. That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

  “It all worked out for the best. I wasn’t supposed to end up free either. You take the bad with the good.”

  Thomas smiled. “Do you remember the time Mama caught you eating blueberries from Monroe’s blueberry bushes?”

  “Yeah, she took a switch to my backside for it.”

  “And then you went right back the next day and did it again.”

  Kale chuckled. “Yeah. What made you think of that?”

  “You don’t remember what you said to me when I asked you why you did it after you got switched again?”

  Kale searched his recollection. The only thing he could remember was the pain of the switching and the taste of those blueberries. “No. What’d I say?”

  “You shrugged and said it was worth it, that you take the bad with the good. You figured Mama was going to switch you for something, you might as well get something good out of it.”

  Kale laughed. “That sounds like me.”

  “Whatever got you to stop stealing those blueberries?”

  “I’d rather not say.” That particular incident was vivid in his memory.

  “Come on, Kale. I’ll tell you one of my secrets.”

  Kale considered it. It would be worth it to know something more about his brother. “All right. I started hiding them away to eat them all at once. I figured it’d be harder for Mama to catch me if I was careful one time rather than count on her not noticing every day, and I would get the same number of blueberries either way. One day, I ate my whole stash. My stomach got upset, and I crapped purple. Scared me witless. I ran to Mama and told her everything. I thought I was dying. She looked at me real solemn and said the master had found out about it and poisoned them to punish me. She told me the only way to get better was to take castor oil. That stuff was awful. I swore up and down that I would never steal from the master again. I couldn’t so much as look at a blueberry for ages after that.”

  Thomas guffawed. “You really thought the master had poisoned you?”

  “You would have too. When I figured it out, I was so mad at her, until I saw what Monroe really did to thieves.”

  “Yeah, castor oil didn’t seem so bad after that.”

  “No, it did not. Now what secret do you have to share with me? It’d better be good.”

  Back and forth they reminisced. It surprised Kale the things Thomas remembered that he didn’t and the things he could picture so clearly in his mind but Thomas had no recollection of. The easy banter was what Kale had envisioned when he’d dreamt of finding his brother.

  Thomas was recounting the time he had fallen in the pond trying to catch a fish when Kale caught a flash of color in the corner of his eye. He whipped his head to the side, startling Thomas into silence. A red flare.

  “Jason.” Kale took off at a gallop. When he reached the yard, John and Billy were running toward him. Kale leapt off the horse and threw the reins to Billy. “What’s happened?”

  John matched him pace for pace as he hurried to the house. “It’s Robert. He passed a few minutes ago.”

  Kale barged in the house and took the stairs two and three at a time. When he burst into Robert’s room, he found Jason sitting by the bed holding his father’s hand, tears streaming down his cheeks and looking like the faintest touch would shatter him.

  Jason made no indication that he heard Kale enter. Only knowing that Jason needed him, Kale knelt beside him, hesitant to touch. Jason appeared to be in shock. “Jason?”

  “He’s dead, Kale.” Jason’s face crumbled, and he fell forward out of his chair, his hand slipping from Robert’s. Kale caught him and pulled him to his chest, wrapping his arms around him as tight as he could.

  “It’s all right. Everything’s going to be all right.”

  “No, it’s not. I’m never going to see him again.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Jason hadn’t been able to fix it when Kale had discovered his mother’s death, and Kale couldn’t fix this for Jason. “I’m so sorry, Jason.”

  Tears soaked Kale’s shirt. He had never felt so helpless in his life. All he could do was hold Jason as he cried, so that was what he did. He lost all sense of time.

  When Jason’s sobs quieted to simple tears, John whispered in Kale’s ear, “The undertaker’s here.”

  Kale nodded. The last thing Jason needed was to see his father’s body taken away. Kale stood, lifting Jason. Immediately, Jason’s weight sagged against him. Kale put an arm under his knees and one behind his back, hoisting him up. He wasn’t an easy load to carry, but Kale could manage the short distance to their room.

  Outside Robert’s door, Thomas waited uncertainly. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “Ask John what he needs help with. We’ll be in our room.”

  Thomas followed Kale to their room and opened the door for him. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Thank you, Thomas. He’ll be all right. He just needs some time.” Kale took Jason to the bed and set him down, not letting him go as he climbed in next to him. The door clicked shut behind them.

  Kale didn’t know what to say. He simply held Jason and let him cry until he fell asleep.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Jason’s breath came in shudders, the same as a baby’s after a crying fit. He would only sleep for a few minutes at a time and then wake up, eyes wide with fear, as if a nightmare chased him, and then burst into tears that turned into violent sobs until his body succumbed to sleep again.

  Kale reached behind him and tugged on the bell pull. Less than a minute later, a slave knocked and entered. Kale put a finger to his lips to indicate silence and waved the slave over. When he was close enough to hear a whisper, Kale said, “Get me John, please.”

  The slave left. Kale didn’t know what John would be able to do, but he knew he needed help. Too many hours had passed without any improvement. Jason’s face looked as distressed in sleep as it did awake. The usual childlike countenance of his slumbering form was gone. Before him was a man who appeared as if Death was chasing him into Hell. Kale worried Jason wouldn’t recover.

  “You wanted me?” John entered the room.

  “Yes. I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t stay asleep any length of time, and when he is asleep, he’s like this.” Kale gestured to Jason’s twitching body.

  “The nurse left a couple of doses of sedative in case we needed it. Said it would knock someone out for several hours. Let me go get it.”

  “Thank you.”

  “It has to be dissolved in a drink. Do you want me to put in a cup of tea?”

  “That’ll be fine.” Kale nodded. He hated to sedate Jason, but he needed to break the cycle.
>
  When John returned with the tea, Jason was still sleeping. Kale hoped, as he did every time, that it would last. “I brought you a cup of tea as well.”

  “Thanks.” Kale made no move for the tea.

  “Don’t forget that you need to take care of yourself as well.”

  “I can’t do anything until he’s sleeping more peacefully. When he wakes, he’s in a terror. I can’t leave him until he’s really resting.”

  “Do you want me to stay and help you get him to drink it?”

  Jason wouldn’t want anyone to see him in his current state, but Kale could use the help. He didn’t know how easily Jason would drink what was offered him. “Thanks. I don’t know how he’ll react.”

  “No need to tell him there’s a sedative in it.” John pulled the desk chair near the bed and sat.

  Kale nodded. Jason’s health outweighed honesty.

  A few minutes passed before Jason’s grip tightened on Kale’s shirt. Kale braced himself.

  Jason’s eyes flew open, pupils dilated, irises darting from left to right too fast for him to be able to see anything. “Kale?”

  “I’m here. Shh.” He ran his hand through Jason’s hair.

  Just as before, Jason’s face twisted, and his body convulsed with sobs.

  “Jason, please calm down.”

  There was no response.

  “Jason, I have some tea here for you. Will you drink it for me? Please?”

  Still nothing.

  John leaned forward and placed a hand on Jason’s arm. Jason whipped his head around, startled by the unexpected touch. “Jason, it’s John. Kale and I need you to drink this tea. It’ll help you feel better.” John held the teacup to Jason’s lips.

  “Kale?” Jason looked wildly at his companion.

  “Yes, Jason. Drink it. Please.”

  Jason nodded, his eyes still wide with fear. Kale doubted whether any sedative could calm him. Slowly he drank, never loosening his grip on Kale, letting John control the cup.

  “You need to drink it all, Jason.” John encouraged him when he paused.