Is he going to dump me? Kick me out of the apartment and leave me homeless? Ugh, I’ll have to move all my stuff back over to my tiny place and I really don’t want to have to do that. No, he wouldn’t do that, would he? Good lord almighty Harmen calm down and listen to what the man has to say before freaking out. Okay, deep breathes.
After taking a couple deep breaths I look up at him and says, “Okay, what’s going on?”
“Nothing’s going on, I just wanted to talk to you about something if that’s okay?”
“Of course that’s okay.” I try to answer with a smile even though on the inside I’m dreading this conversation and currently trying to hide it.
He looks hesitant as he says, “So I’ve been thinking lately and I think some things need to change.”
Oh shit here it comes, my head drops as he finishes. I knew it! He’s going to kick my sorry ass out on the street and I’ll have nowhere to go. I’ll have to crawl back to my hole in the wall apartment while carrying my belongings on my back like a pack mule. And Grey claims I’m dramatic? Bull shit, I’m just realistic. I try my best to control the horror that’s most likely written on my face and stay quiet hoping he will continue.
“I think we need a change of scenery.”
My head snaps up so fast I’m pretty sure I just pulled something in my neck, but this is too exciting for me to care right now. “Change of scenery? Do you want to move or something?”
His shoulders shake a little as if he’s laughing, now I’m just completely lost. “No Harmen, I don’t want to move. I was more thinking along the lines of us taking a vacation. Getting out of here for a little bit to get away from everything and everyone just for a little while,” he says while smiling sweetly.
“Wait, so you want to go on a trip? When? Where would we go?” He softly puts his hands on my shoulders.
“Breathe Harmen, it was just an idea. If you don’t want to we don’t have to, I just thought it could be good for us to get away for a little while and focus on each other instead of everything going on around us for a change.”
Nodding I ask, “Okay, when would we go and where were you thinking?”
“I was thinking we could leave in a week and the destination will be a surprise. Do you trust me?” he asks with the most sincere look on his face I’ve ever seen. He looks like he is waiting for me to either make or break his world. This is a lot of pressure. Deep breathes.
As confused as I am I can’t help but realize that this is everything I’ve ever wanted from him. How could I say no to a trip with my boyfriend whose been there for me through some of the toughest times I’ve ever been through? I just can’t do it and why would I even want to. But, do I trust him? I feel like that’s the million-dollar question after the day I’ve had.
Before I even know what’s happening I hear myself answering, “Yeah, I do.” Again, my mouth has a mind of its own, but this time I’m happy with its response.
Chapter 11
Grayson
I can’t help but reread the text I got from Harmen about an hour ago over and over again. I haven’t replied because how do you reply to a message from the woman you’re in love with, saying that her boyfriend said he’s going to take her on a vacation in a week. I should be happy for her. Key word being should. Yet, I’m not.
I’m livid and keep feeling like I’m going to throw up because of the information I found today at work and still haven’t told her about. I’ve never lied to her before, or at least she doesn’t think I have. Everything I’ve ever kept and still am keeping from her is for her benefit. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
Harmen and I have always been honest with each other even when it comes to embarrassing things. To this day I have only lied to her once and I thought it was for the best interest of our friendship. When Harmen told me she had feelings for me in high school that were more than just friendly feelings, I froze.
For as long as I can remember I have been in love with Harmen. When we were younger I probably didn’t fully understand the concept of love, but as we grew up and over the years there’s never been a question in my mind and in my heart that I love her with everything I am.
In high school I was too much of a pansy to do anything about it when she told me to my face how she felt. And unfortunately, it wasn’t until Brett came into the picture that I realized just how much I really did love her, but by then it was too late.
I thought it would be best for our friendship, because I’d always told myself that I’d never be able to tell her how much I want her but that I was going to do everything in my power to make sure I always had her in my life one way or another. Even if it was just as a friend. I would deal with it, because the thought of not having that girl in my life one day makes me feel like my world wouldn’t go on. So I told her what I thought would save our friendship at the time, that I thought we were better as friends and that I hoped it never changed.
To this day it’s my biggest regret in life. I had her, the most amazing girl in the world, right at the tips of fingers but I was too much of a coward to reach out and grab her. Now I have to live with her being someone else’s, even if it’s only for the time being it’s still almost as painful as not having her in my life at all.
Unfortunately it’s a decision I made and it’s one I will have to live with until the day comes where life gives me a second chance to reach out and grab her and I can promise, I will not miss it a second time. Nothing is going to stop me from making sure she knowns the true Brett, even if it breaks her heart. I just hope she’ll let me be the one to put it back together afterwards.
That’s why it is getting harder and harder for me to keep what I’ve found out about Brett from her. I just hope she believes me when I finally do tell her. I tell myself once I have more information I will tell her everything, I just hope she doesn’t hate me when that time comes.
“Focus Gray,” I mutter quietly to bring myself back to the dilemma at hand. The damn text message.
How the hell am I supposed to respond to it? I hate lying to her but I don’t want to tell her anything until I know more. So it looks like I’m just going to have to continue the role of supportive best friend for the time being. Lucky me.
I don’t get why he has the sudden need to go on a vacation? That’s what confuses me most. Harmen’s never even mentioned that they’ve talked about going on one or anything, so why now? Why so suddenly? The only thing I can think of is that my conversation with Brett the other day had more of an impact than I thought. Maybe he really does have something big he’s hiding and this is his plan to run from it and keep it away from Harmen as long as he can.
Shitty for him, but I’m going to make sure I find out everything he’s hiding before they leave in a week. I’ll make it my mission; she’s not going anywhere with that lying piece of dirt without knowing the truth first if I have anything to do with it. And that’s a promise. So time to figure out how to stop this before it’s too late.
I decide it’s probably best for now to play the ever supportive and encouraging best friend and text Harmen back. “That sounds like it will be a lot of fun Har, I’m excited for you.”
There, done.
I pull up the pictures I took of Brett’s file up on my phone and flip through them. The age and law school transcript baffle me, but what really does me in is the emergency contact he has listed. All it has is her name, phone number and supposed address, but according to Harmen he has no living family so who could this woman be.
Sally Long, what a generic name, but then again she doesn’t have the same last name as Brett, which is Worthington, so maybe she’s a distant relative on his mom’s side? I know I thought of all of this before, but I just can’t get it out of my head. Whenever Harmen talks about Brett and his family she makes it seem like he has absolutely no one, distant or not.
I grab my laptop from my backpack that I left beside the couch and pull up a search engine. First things first, I need to know who this woman
is. I type ‘Sally Long’ and her address into the search bar and pray something comes up. It shows she still lives at the same address, lucky for me, but it doesn’t show any additional information like a spouse or her name that may be helpful.
Against my better judgement I pick up my phone and dial the number written down on the sheet of paper I found in his file before I can talk myself out of it. I can’t believe I’m doing this! I’m not the type of guy to meddle in other people’s business, unless of course I think they may harm someone I care about, especially the woman I love more than life itself. Then their business becomes my business no questions asked.
Before I can get too far into my head and hang up, I hear the phone connect on the other end. Holding my breath, I wait for someone to say something, anything. After a few hesitant seconds I hear the fragile voice of what sounds like a timid woman fill the deafening silence.
“Hello,” she asks in a whisper, almost like she’s afraid to answer the phone.
“Hello, is this Sally Long?” I ask after trying to silently clear my throat.
After another uncomfortable silence I get the answer I was hoping for. “Yes, this is she. W-who is this,” she asks with a shaky breath.
“Hi ma’am, my name is Grayson Beck and I was wondering if I could ask you a couple questions about Brett Worthington,” I ask cautiously. After I say his name I hear a quiet gasp on the other end of the phone.
After a long pause I ask, “Hello, Sally, are you there?”
What feels like a lifetime later, Sally finally speaks but in a voice so very different than the one she greeted me with when she first answered the phone. “Yes, I’m still here sorry about that I dropped the phone.”
Umm, okay. It sounded like she had the phone the entire time, I mean I would’ve heard something other than silence if she had dropped it right? Instead of speaking softly and almost timidly like she did before, now she sounds like any middle aged woman on the phone. Her voice is strong and full of confidence, which is quite a contrast to the quiet woman I talked to not long ago.
Clearing my throat again I say, “Okay, so can I ask you a couple questions about Brett Worthington?”
With her new stronger voice she answers, “I’m sorry, I don’t know who that is.”
“You don’t?” I ask hesitantly then continue, “He has you down as his emergency contact at Peskin University, so I guess I figured you would know him if he put you down as his contact.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t know a Brett Worthington. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help,” she mutters hurriedly before hanging up.
After listening to the silence for too long I sit back on the couch and stare at the phone in my hand. She just hung up on me. What the ever living hell just happened? I did not see the call ending that way. I feel like I talked with two completely different women in the three minutes I was actually on the phone with her. When she answered the phone she seemed almost scared to do so, but after I mentioned Brett’s name she came back sounding like a completely different person.
She sounded so confident and like she was used to people asking her questions over the phone. Then not even a minute later after I mentioned Brett again she couldn’t get off the phone quick enough. I feel like I have whiplash from our short conversation. What the hell did I miss.
I know I’m not a detective or anything but I can’t get rid of the feeling that she knew him and was scared to admit she did. Why would he have someone down as an emergency contact who was afraid to talk about him and not just that but deny knowing who he is? It just makes no sense to me. I have this feeling that she is hiding something big that will bring all the pieces together for me.
If she isn’t willing to talk to me over the phone maybe, I should just go to her and see her in person. Can I really do that, just show up at her front door and demand answers? No probably not demand, but I can try and use some of my charm Har is always bitchin’ about and see if I can get some answers out of her that way.
I stand up and march to my room with more determination than I had before. I start throwing things into a bag unsure of how long I will be in Los Angeles. After zipping my bag, I take a deep breath and sit down on my bed. Resting my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees I can’t stop the thoughts running through my mind. Am I really going to drive all the way to Los Angeles by myself and march up to this strange woman’s door for answers? Answers that I don’t even know she has. This so isn’t like me. But I guess what they say is true, some people will do anything for love.
I can’t just stand by and wait to see if something happens to Harmen or if Brett ever decides to grow some balls and confess what is really going on. I can’t sit by and let my best friend possibly be blindsided by something she may never see coming. And I know she won’t see this coming when I do get a chance to tell her, but the idea that she may never actually find out about the things he is hiding from her makes me sick. I couldn’t live with myself if I just sit back and watch Harmen be lied to and be taken advantage of, especially if there’s something I can do to try stop it.
With the decision made I stand up and walk out of my room with everything I need to go to Los Angeles and get answers for Harmen and myself. Let’s just hope when I get there that I’m greeted with a different reaction than I was on the phone and that Brett doesn’t pull anything while I’m gone. But I guess that’s just a chance I’m going to have to take.
Chapter 12
Grayson
Last night when I got into Los Angeles it took me a couple hours to find a reasonably priced hotel room. It appeared everyone wanted to charge me like I would be staying in the pent house even though most of them were run down and looked like they had seen their better days. Finally, I found an available room at an off brand version of a Super 8 that seemed close to the address I have for Sally.
I find myself waking up in the morning to a rumbling sound trying to figure out where I am, I reach over and grab my phone off the night stand to see I had just missed a call from Harmen. Scrolling through my phone I see that it wasn’t her first attempt to reach me, nope. Actually it was her 11th. Damn, this girl. She really is one of the most persistent and stubborn women I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. It’s great for the most part, until I am trying to hide something from her or get away from her, in that case they are by far her worst qualities, well at least according to me.
Not only did she bombard me with phone calls all throughout the night but, I think she also literally tried to blow up my phone with text messages too. Ranging in levels of anger from, “Gray why aren’t you texting me back?”
To the last one, “Grayson Allen Beck you answer your effin phone right now or so help me God!!!”
There’s the fire breathing dragon I know and love; I was starting to miss her. Oh and her love for cuss words kills me every time. You know she’s pissed when she lets one drop, and yes, effin’ is a cuss word in her book.
Clicking on one of the many missed calls I figured it’d be best I talk with her over the phone to try get her off my back or I know she’ll just continue to pester me, which I really don’t need right now.
After the first ring she picks up and sounds like nothing other than my favorite fire breathing dragon ready to tear me apart. “Where the hell have you been? Are you dead? You better be dead or close to dead or there is no other reason I can think of for you not to answer your damn phone Grayson,” she yells at me through the phone.
“Hellooo Grayson! Answer me you dumbass, I know you’re there!” Okay so maybe I didn’t miss the fire breathing dragon after all.
Calmly, which I know will just piss her off more, I answer, “Hey Har, what’re you doing?”
Just like I assumed, that really set her off. Oops. “What am I doing? WHAT AM I DOING? REALLY GRAYSON! I’m trying to find you’re annoying ass since you decided to not answer any of my texts or phone calls. What the hell is wrong with you?”
My oh my, she must be in a nasty mood this morning with all
the swear words she’s throwing my way. I’m going to have to cover my ears pretty soon to keep them from bleeding due to all this profanity.
“I don’t think anything’s wrong with me, I was busy last night that’s all.”
“What do you mean you were busy last night? You’re never too busy to answer my messages,” she says with a huff then continues to berate me before I can get a word in. “Were you with a girl? Really Gray, you were too busy with a girl to at least let me know you weren’t dead so I could stop losing my mind.”
Huh, would you look at that. I wasn’t sure what I was going to tell her I was doing because I know the second I told her I was down in Los Angeles she would go off the wall wondering what I was doing here and why. But looks like my lovely best friend just gave me the perfect excuse for my silence and she doesn’t even know it.
“Okay yes, I’m sorry. I had a girl over last night and got a little distracted and left my phone in the kitchen all night so I didn’t hear or see your messages till now, I’m sorry,” I say with as much conviction as I can muster.
Then I hear her sigh in response and know it worked. Whenever I hear her sigh I know I’ve broken her down and have gotten rid of the dragon, it’s her tell.
“It’s okay I get it, I’m sorry I freaked out so much I was just scared when you weren’t answering your phone once you stopped answering my texts. I hope I didn’t ruin your date,” she says sarcastically.
“No you didn’t ruin anything, you never do. Sorry I didn’t respond or answer my phone sooner; I hate making you worry.”
“I know you do, but it’s okay you know I forgive you. On a different note, now that I know you aren’t dead on the side of the road somewhere, we should go eat at the diner today.”
If Only I Knew Page 8