'Til There Was You

by Jerry Cole

  Both Angela and her “partner,” Garry, had been shocked when Finn had turned up at their house, unannounced. Angela had conveniently forgotten to remind Finn that it was Zac’s birthday, and had probably been hoping he would forget. But to her credit, when Finn had told her he just wanted to give his son a gift, and then he’d be on his way, she’d agreed. No doubt she thought he would blow it.

  Even Zac didn’t appear too excited by the idea of his father giving him a present. He had been in the middle of eating a piece of birthday cake at the dinner table – just a family dinner tonight, with the party being on the Saturday – and trudged begrudgingly to the living room to accept his gift.

  Obviously, his mood was quick to change once he saw what Finn had brought him. Even Angela, the always morose and negative, couldn’t help but be slightly impressed.

  “A gaming system was low on the list of things Zac needed... and I didn’t want to imposition you.” Angela had explained her reason for not buying one for Zac. “They cost quite a bit.”

  “Imposition?” Finn blew through his lips and waved her down. “For my son, I’d buy the world.” He beamed down at Zac, who was now on the floor quickly unpacking his new present.

  “All right, all right,” Angela rolled her eyes at Finn. “No need to go overboard – and, Zac, back to the dining room to finish your cake first. Then you can play.”

  “But Mooooooom,” Zac moaned. “I want—”

  “Now.” Angela pointed her finger back toward the dining room until Zac groaned, pushed himself to his feet and skulked reluctantly back to the dining room to finish his birthday cake.

  That’s right, he was actually complaining about having to eat his own birthday cake, such was his excitement for the gift. Finn could scarcely believe it.

  “Must have been a pretty lousy cake,” Finn whispered out the side of his mouth to Angela. He had won. He had actually won a moment between he, Angela and Zac. This was probably the first time that had ever happened, so he figured it was okay to be a little smug this one time.

  “You did good.” Angela then reached out and actually gave Finn’s arm a squeeze. As she did, she smiled across the room at her son, looking happy to see her own flesh and blood so joyous on his birthday. “You did good.” It was small bit of encouragement, but Finn knew how hard it must have been to say to him. This day could only be counted as a win.

  From there, the day only got better. Finn didn’t want to push his luck and try and hang around, so he opted to say goodbye and leave while he was still on top. As he left though, Angela actually asked what his plans were for the weekend and if he wanted to spend a day with Zac.

  “Really?” Finn had asked skeptically. He had been standing on the other side of the door, and half expected Angela to laugh in his face and slam the door closed.

  Instead, she rolled her eyes. “Yes, really. I think you’ve earned it – one sec.” She looked over her shoulder and shouted out, “Zac, you’re seeing your father on Sunday!”

  “Okay!” Zac yelled back.

  “There.” Angela pumped her eyebrows once. “Done.”

  Finn could scarcely believe it. What was more shocking, Angela asking him outright if he wanted to spend the day with Zac? Or Zac, so eagerly and willingly saying yes? It didn’t really matter. Both were transcendent and both had him skipping down the driveway and into his car. Finn didn’t even remember how he got home that night as the entire drive was spent in the memory of what had just happened. It was unbelievable!

  It was the next morning when Finn realized that he was being a tad selfish, taking all the credit for Zac’s gift and the good graces he now found himself in with his ex-girlfriend. Yes, Finn had remembered, somehow, that it was his son’s birthday. But the gift idea was Austin and Austin alone. Finn would have never come up with such a perfect present and he knew right away that he was going to have to say thank you.

  The thank you couldn’t wait either. And a simple thank you would not do. Finn’s mood was such, and his gratitude was even more, that he decided the only way he could really thank Austin was by buying him something. Just something small, something that said, ‘I owe you one.’

  Truth be told, Finn didn’t even stop to think how it might look, or if there was a chance Austin might be creeped out by the gift. He was just too happy. And maybe even a little excited to see how blown away Austin would be when he saw what Finn got for him... whatever that ended up being.

  What Finn found to be the most peculiar though, and revealing, was how easy he found it to pick out a gift for Austin. Seriously, he drove back to the same supermarket the two had shopped at a couple days previously and automatically spotted about a dozen things he knew he could buy him... and that was just because they were a dozen things he would have liked to have received himself.

  In the end, Finn picked out the perfect gift. The perfect gift! Once paid for, he thought for a fraction of a moment if it would make sense to wait until their next session in five days to give it to him. This thought lasted about five seconds before Finn waved it down. He wanted to give the gift to Austin now! And so, he did.

  ***

  Finn was a ball or nervous energy when he knocked on Austin’s apartment door, and he wasn’t sure why. He told himself it was because he was nervous about the gift he was giving. Was it weird that he was giving one in the first place? And what if Austin didn’t like it? And why did he care so much anyhow?

  Finn almost never got nervous. That just wasn’t him. He was a serial dater who had put himself in that many awkward situations by now that he’d kind of warn himself out in regard to panic. This was actually one of the reasons he made such a great life coach, as he had long since done away with that voice in his head that warned him against making risky decisions. Risky decisions were where the money almost always was!

  And yet here he was, standing outside Austin’s apartment with literal butterflies flapping in his stomach. They only got worse too when he heard footsteps approaching the door! For the barest of moments, that voice reappeared and told Finn to bail and wait for next week when he would be seeing Austin anyway... but then the lock on the door started to click open and he had no choice but to stay where he was and hope he wasn’t making a complete fool of himself.

  “Well, well, well. You do not look at all like your picture online. But honestly, I’m okay with it. You dish.” It wasn’t Austin on the other side of the door, but a very short, balding man with a peculiar looking face and a level of self-confidence that Finn could only dream. “So long as you promise to do everything you said you would,” he then growled.

  “You must be Cassidy?” Finn tried to keep himself from laughing.

  “The very same,” Cassidy then purred. He was dressed in a white bathrobe, undone just enough to imply full nudity underneath. “And you’re Lance, yes? Oh my, we are going to have some fun.”

  “As much as I hate to ruin your day, I’m afraid not.” Finn’s body was shaking now from inheld laughter. “Is Austin home?”

  Cassidy’s face dropped. “Oh... you must be Finn?” A moment of depression, but then his eyes widened and his frown turned into a cheeky grin. “I’ve heard all about you—”

  “Finn!” Austin called from inside the apartment, his voice filled with panic. “What are you doing here?” Austin rushed to the door and barged Cassidy out of the way. “Will you—!” He snapped at his roommate before turning back to Finn. “Sorry. I don’t know what Cassidy said – it can’t have been good, is all.”

  “It was fine,” Finn assured him. “Confronting... but ultimately fine.” He watched as Cassidy sulked and slunk back into the apartment, feeling little pity. Surely, this Lance would turn up soon enough and turn his day around. He could only imagine what Cassidy had in store for him too.

  “You’re here?” Austin said stupidly. “I mean, of course you’re here. I can see you.” A nervous laugh. “Why are you here – not in a rude way,” he then said quickly. “I’m just surprised, is all. Hey,” he then f
inished as he attempted to straighten himself up and not look so panicked.

  Finn was weirdly grateful for Austin’s obvious nerves. It went some way toward calming his own, and told him that he at least had some level of control in this situation and that maybe his turning up out of nowhere wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever done.

  “Hey,” Finn said back. He paused for a moment without even realizing, as he took in Austin, looking so good right now. He was dressed down in an old pair of torn jeans and a basic black t-shirt, but his hair was styled, and he stood with more confidence. “I just wanted to let you know that I gave Zac his present,” Finn rushed when he realized he was staring.

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah,” Finn continued, now starting to find his rhythm. “Stopped over last night to drop it off.”

  “And?” Austin pressed.

  “He fucking loved it. Seriously! I don’t think I’ve ever... like I never dreamed he’d like it so much. I can’t even... like, fuck.” A sudden desire to hug Austin was quickly suppressed.

  “Amazing,” Austin beamed. “I’m glad. Like, I was pretty sure he’d like it... but who really knows with thirteen-year-old boys.”

  “You do, apparently.”

  “Apparently.”

  Another silence, this one more pronounced. Austin obviously had no idea what to say or do in response to Finn’s thanks, and Finn wasn’t sure what he should say either. How to transition? How to tell him about his gift? Again, he thought that maybe a gift was a stupid idea and that he should just leave... but again he really wanted to give it to him.

  “So...” Austin started. “Do you want to come in or—”

  “I bought you a present!” Finn shouted, before quickly calming down. “I mean... I wanted to say thank you for your help. And then I was going to just say thanks, but then I thought that might be a bit lame, so I bought you something,” he was rambling. Oh boy, he was rambling. “But now I’m thinking that I’m an idiot and I should take a long walk off a short—”

  “You got me a gift?” Austin perked up. “What is it?” He scanned Finn in search of a package.

  “Nothing...” Finn bit into his lip and looked away in embarrassment. “It’s just... here.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small gift card. “I remembered us talking about you getting a tattoo and how you wanted one but needed a push and I thought... well, yeah.”

  Austin accepted the gift card gingerly, looked it over and beaming his delight. “You got me credit for a tattoo?” He sounded like he could scarcely believe it.

  “It’s dumb.” Finn went to snatch the card back.

  Austin held the card out of reach. “It is not. It’s... wow. It’s perfect, Finn. Seriously, you didn’t need to.”

  “You like it?” Finn asked hopefully.

  “A little too much,” Austin said seriously. “Although now I have to figure out what to get.”

  Finn pressed his lips together to stop himself from smiling. “Oh, I’m sure I can help with that.”

  A third silence, this one the most pronounced by far. Austin bit into his lip as he looked from the gift card in his hand to Finn. He appeared grateful, and a little surprised.... but there was something more. No doubt his mind was buzzing as he tried to figure out what this gesture meant.

  And what did it mean? Finn had told himself that it was just him being grateful, that it was no more than what any friend would do. But was that true? He thought back to when he bought the gift and how elated he had felt knowing that Austin would love it. He thought to the feeling that had overtaken when he had knocked on the front door, when he had considered fleeing, when he had worried that Austin might not like the present! He thought of Austin’s cock, how good it had felt in his hand, how big and perfect it was...

  And now Finn could feel himself blushing. The silence was thick, it was enveloping, it was smothering. Austin clearly had no idea what to say and Finn, for the first time ever, was the same. Worse too that if Austin suddenly grew some balls and made a move, Finn wasn’t even sure he’d be able to resist.

  “I’ve got to go,” Finn suddenly blurted. “I’ve got a... a thing,” he lied.

  “Right.” Austin shut his eyes tight and shook himself back into the moment. “Yeah, of course.”

  “But I’ll see you next week,” Finn then assured him.

  “Looking forward to it.”

  “Good.” He smiled and nodded once. “Me too.... bye...” Finn half waved and turned to leave.

  “Oh, and Finn,” Austin reached out and touched him on the elbow. It was a touch that sent a literal lightning bolt through his entire body, “Thanks.”

  Finn couldn’t even respond. He smiled, nodded again and then just about sprinted from that hallway. And it wasn’t until he was outside, in the fresh air, that he took his first breath in what felt like an age. He doubled over, clutched at his chest and breathed and breathed and breathed.

  What the hell was that? It was a sensation Finn had never felt before. Ever. Sure, he’d had similar feelings, usually on dates with hot men he knew he’d be bedding sooner or later. But this was something else. This was... was it possible that Finn was starting to develop feelings for Austin? There was just no way.

  But again, based on all the evidence, and everything Finn had read about developing feelings – he himself had never really had them – it appeared that for the first time in his life, Finn was smitten. What the hell was he going to do now?

  Chapter Thirteen

  Austin made sure to arrive at the park early. Fifteen minutes early, in fact. Theoretically, this would allow for him to get a handle on the surroundings, to center himself, to give him a leg-up on the situation and not be behind the eight-ball from the get-go. But as said, that was all theoretical. Typically though, when Austin did wander into the park some fifteen-minutes before he was meant to be there, he realized that he could have shown up an hour early and it wouldn’t have made a difference. Austin was a ball of excited energy and nothing was going to change that.

  What a week it had been. Well... five days actually, but it felt like a week. Fuck, it felt more like a month. Each day felt like it dragged for forty-eight hours, and each night of sleep was a mass of tossing and turning and waking up every hour with a raging erection, a light sweat, and a pounding heart. The fact that the day was finally here was a miracle unto itself. Austin truly thought it would never arrive.

  The day was a nice one too. The weather was warm but not overly so, the sun was shining, there were few clouds in the bright blue sky, and even the birds seemed to be singing in harmony with one another. The gaggle of children that Austin saw were quiet and playing among themselves, and the usual riff-raff that hung around the park asking for spare change were nowhere to be seen. Yes, the day was perfect.

  And Austin looked good too, if he did say so himself. His hair – his bangs especially — was slicked back and held down with a black hair band. His jeans were purposefully torn at the knees and up the thighs. His shirt was a black short-sleeve button down that was undone to his stomach, and his shoes were a pair of blue and red colored Nikes that he had bought online. He looked cool, he thought and hoped that Finn thought so too.

  It was all for Finn. The long week, the sleepless nights, the clothing choices and even the weather. Everything today was about Finn, which was why Austin had to get to that park early and set himself up.

  Now that he was here, he needed to prepare himself. What would he say when he saw Finn? How would he act? A handshake? A fist bump? A hug? A casual nod? And what would his tone be? Would he be too-cool-for-school? Would he be friendly, charming, funny, casual? God, it was all too much! Austin knew he was overthinking things... but he also didn’t care.

  It was the gift that did it. Before Finn so generously bought Austin that present, he was willing to put their relationship down to a working one with the outside possibility of friendship down the track. And yes, there was that hand-job, but that might have just been a slip-up, a small transgres
sion. Finn had all the power here and Austin just hadn’t been sure he was in to him in the same way Austin was. But then... that gift.

  And it was nothing major either. But that didn’t matter. The gift was so personal, and so thoughtful. And when he gave it to him there had been a moment. It was small, subtle, almost not there at all. But it was something. Austin didn’t want to read too much into it, but five days later and that was all he’d been doing.

  Still standing in the middle of the park, Austin did a quick time check; ten minutes until they were supposed to meet and he still hadn’t decided how he was going to behave. In his hand he fiddled with a small USB which he pocketed, and then pulled out and started to flick between his fingers again. He was a nervous wreck!

  The USB contained the first finished draft of Austin’s book. That’s right, in the space of two weeks, Austin had managed to finish his novel! The one that had taken him years up to this point had only required a few weeks of actual work to get finished. When he had sat down to look back over it, he was actually surprised how much he’d written. At the time he thought a couple more months would see it through. But two weeks?!

  Once again, Finn was the reason Austin had so easily been able to polish the novel off. Not only had Finn demanded that he quit his job so he could focus more on his writings, but he was also Austin’s muse. Furthermore, writing was a great way to pass the time and was pretty much all he had been able to do this week --

  “Austin?” The voice that called out his name was as familiar to Austin as his own. “Austin? Is that... no?!” It was Freddy, dressed in his brightly colored workout gear and power-walking just a few meters down the park, now headed straight for Austin.

  Austin blinked back his surprise. The sight of Freddy appearing so unexpectedly was... well, to be honest, it was nothing. “Freddy. Hey,” Austin offered with a smile.

  “Look at you!” Freddy moved into Austin and pulled him into an awkward hug. It felt strange somehow, like it was their first hug ever. In fact, everything felt strange. Freddy smelled different, and looked different, and even seemed to act a little different, not as cool somehow. Was this the same man?