'Til There Was You

by Jerry Cole

  Something had snapped inside of Finn. One minute, he was just about ready to declare his love for Austin, and the next he was kicking him out the door like he’d just insulted his mother. It was the strangest of turnarounds which not only confused Austin to no degree, but hurt like a motherfucker.

  What hurt the most was that Austin had guarded himself specifically for this exact occurrence. After that hand-job, he’d convinced himself it was a one-off deal, a slip of the libido, and that nothing would happen between he and Finn again. Fuck, he’d convinced himself that the two might be friends and this was the best-case scenario. He was so convinced of this that he had almost been looking forward to it.

  But then Finn had forced him to lower his guard. Then Finn had made his move, seduced him, taken him to bed, pretended that he too had feelings that rivaled Austin’s and actually for a moment had Austin believing that the two were going to be together... and what a glorious moment that was. Even now, thinking back to those few perfect hours, Austin couldn’t help but smile.

  His world came crashing down soon after, of course. Finn reverted back to his old self, acted like Austin was just a one-night stand and that he was the crazy one for thinking any different, and kicked him to the curb like last night’s dinner. And then, to top it all off, made sure to set up their next session together like it was nothing.

  What had happened? What had gone wrong? Austin could only guess. But every time it did, that stabbing pain came back... so he tried not to. Rather, he accepted his fate, did his best to hide it, and committed himself to suffering through a tortures date with Freddy. The only positive he could glean from the whole ordeal was that at least he had outgrown Freddy once and for all. Surely, that was something?

  “No one,” Austin eventually managed. “Just a friend I was – where is that waitress?” Austin sat up in his seat and hurriedly looked around the restaurant. He didn’t give a fig about the waitress, but wanted to change topics.

  The restaurant was a little café near Freddy’s apartment – chosen by Freddy because it was easy for him to get to, which was typical Freddy. The place was full of hipsters ordering deconstructed meals, coffee that cost too much, and anything and everything meat free. Austin had never liked it here, and the sight of the door had him wanting to leap from his seat and run for it like... like... like...

  Austin lost his train of thought. And the reason for that was the moment he looked to the front door and began to pine after an escape, the door swung open and in walked the last person he ever expected to see.

  “Finn?” Austin said to himself as he continued to stare.

  “Finn,” Freddy cooed. “So, the studalicious has a name. How do you know him? I’d never heard him mentioned before?” Freddy asked with delight.

  “No... it’s...” Austin didn’t finish. He indicated over Freddy’s shoulder to where Finn was now striding across the restaurant toward them. Freddy frowned, turned to see what Austin was indicating... and then turned bone white.

  “Austin.” Finn didn’t even look at Freddy. “I didn’t... I... I had to see you.” He looked flustered. And confused. And completely out of sorts. Really, it looked like he wanted to be anywhere but right here right now... but was forcing himself not to turn and flee. Austin had never seen Finn look this way.

  “Finn.” Austin wished he’d had something better to say. “What are you doing here?” Again, he wished he’d had something better.

  “Excuse me!” Freddy turned to face Finn, and did his best to try and assert his presence over him. It didn’t even come close to working. “If you don’t mind, Austin and I were—”

  “The way I acted this morning.” Finn spoke like Freddy wasn’t there. He was so focused on Austin that he actually might not have even noticed him. “What I said earlier. Or what I didn’t say...” He hesitated, bit into his lip, looked away as if ashamed.

  “Go on...” Austin pressed. He was almost certain what Finn was going to say... but he didn’t want to presume. But even still, his heart was hammering inside his chest like a damn war hammer.

  Finn was sweating now, looking everywhere but at Austin. “I don’t usually... when I have sex with a guy, that’s it. I almost never see him again, or even try and see him again. But with you—”

  “Austin, tell your friend he’s being very rude.” Freddy was fidgeting now as he tried to find a way to insert himself into the conversation. “If he doesn’t stop, I’m going to leave.”

  Austin didn’t so much as glance at Freddy. And Finn positioned himself so as to cut Freddy off even more. The restaurant was full, but in this moment, it was just he and Finn. Nothing more.

  “I was scared. It’s as simple as that. You’re... you’re not anything like the guys I usually go for.” He was still looking down at his feet, but every now and then he would glance up, meet Austin’s eyes, and then look away again. “But that’s a good thing. The guys I usually go for – I want a relationship. I want to be with someone, and I always thought that I was the problem... But maybe it’s just the guys I’m with. With you though... I don’t have to... fuck! Why is this so hard?!”

  Austin was happy to let Finn talk for as long as he needed. But he sensed now was the time to intervene. He reached forward and touched Finn on the shoulder, immediately feeling him calm down. “Finn, it’s okay. Really.” Five minutes ago, the way Finn had acted this morning was about as arrogant and rude as a person could have. Now, Austin didn’t give a shit. “I get it.”

  “You do?” Finn looked up from his shoes, met Austin’s eyes, and held his stare. “I’m a prick.”

  “You are.”

  “I’m an asshole.”

  “You are.”

  “But I want to get better... I want to get better with you. If you’ll let me.” Finn extended his hand out for Austin to take. It was more than just a hand. It was an invitation, one that would let Austin into Finn’s world in a way he once could never have dreamed.

  Austin stared down at the hand. His breathing was heavy, but Finn’s was thunderous. His brow was sweating, but Finn’s was drenched. His heart was beating, but Finn’s was... everything that Austin was feeling, Finn seemed to be feeling it too, only tenfold. This was the definition of putting oneself on the line. How could Austin possibly turn him down?

  So, he didn’t. He quickly glanced over to where Freddy had been sitting, only to see that his ex-boyfriend was now gone. He hadn't even noticed! Then, a final steadying breath and Austin placed his hand in Finn’s. The moment he did, Finn closed his hand and all that tension, all the panic, nervousness and everything else seemed to fade away.

  What was going to happen after this, Austin had no idea. All he knew was that in this very moment, these few seconds, he’d never been so happy. If only it could last forever.

  Chapter Sixteen

  It was Saturday evening, just past six o’clock, and as was always the case now, Finn had plans. Once upon a time, plans on a Saturday usually involved a hot date, a pre-organized sexual encounter, or both! Something promiscuous certainly, and something that would see him cruise into Sunday both exhausted and happy. Finn’s plans tonight could not have been further from this.

  Tonight would start at six fifteen in the evening with his son, Zac, being dropped off at his apartment. That’s right, his son was being dropped off by his mother on her own accord to spend the night. The entire night, from six fifteen in the evening right on through to the next morning when Finn dropped him back off at home, at any time, so long as it was before lunch. He basically had free reign with him, something that would have been unheard of even three months ago.

  Where six fifteen was where the night started, it was at seven o’clock when things really got going. This was when Austin had said he would be arriving, and Austin was never late. His plans tonight with Austin revolved around Zac, of course, but that was the point. The three men would hang out, bond, chat, watch movies, and do whatever the hell they felt like. It was to be a chilled Saturday evening, and God damn,
Finn could not wait.

  Zac arrived a few minutes early, which Finn was grateful for. Any chance to spend more time with his son. Plus, things had been going to well recently that he relished in every extra second he got to spend with his son. He also loved that Zac seemed to enjoy it too.

  “What have you got planned for tonight?” Angela asked as Zac pulled himself free of his mother, pushed past Finn and hurried on inside toward the couch. It was like that now. No awkwardness, no wondering what to do or say. He and Zac were as close as ever.

  “Oh, I was thinking of hiring some strippers, and then maybe a few hours of poker with the boys. That kind of thing,” Finn joked.

  “Funny,” Angela said back with zero emotion in both her face and tone.

  “We’re just watching movies.” Finn held his hands up in defense.

  “And dinner?” she pressed pointedly.

  “Austin is coming around soon, and then we’ll cook – healthy, don’t worry. I want Zac to grow at least a few inches taller than he is now... for the ladies,” he finished with a wink.

  “Call me tomorrow when you know what time you’re dropping him back off.”

  “Will do.” He tried for a smile, to which Angela half-smiled, half-rolled her eyes. The two were closer than they had been in years... but that wasn’t saying much. Although she was much more lax with him and Zac now, she was still ice cold toward Finn. Not that he gave a damn.

  There was once a time where the idea of hanging out with his son alone would have terrified Finn. Now he loved it. For the next forty-five minutes, he and Zac sat together on the couch half talking, half watching tv, half playing with the Nintendo DS he bought for him for his birthday. There was no longer any tension or much of anything. It was the most natural feeling in the world really... well, the second most.

  As much as Finn loved hanging out with his son, he had to admit that he still preferred the company of Austin. That was just a given. And when he heard Austin knocking on that front door, he leapt from the couch like it was on fire and hurried to answer.

  “You’re allowed to use the key,” Finn pointed out as he opened the door and gave his boyfriend a kiss on the lips. Yes, his boyfriend. That was where they were at now. “That’s kind of what it’s for.”

  “Oh, is that what it’s for?” Austin rolled his eyes as he slipped inside. “I thought it was a piece of jewelry. Like for a necklace or something... a really hideous one.”

  “I’ve seen your fashion sense,” Finn shot back. “A key necklace would probably be an improvement.”

  “Someone is catty tonight.”

  “Just happy to see you.” Finn grabbed his boyfriend by the hand and pulled him back into a kiss. It was just a simple peck on the lips, but one that sent his heart soaring.

  “Dad!” Zac suddenly called from the living room. “It’s your turn!”

  Finn pulled himself free. “Coming!” he shouted over his shoulder before turning back to Austin. “The DS. I’ll be one—”

  “Go,” Austin laughed. “I’ll start up in the kitchen.”

  “Oh?”

  “That’s right, baby,” Austin winked. “I had some time today, so I did a little research. Are you in the mood for homemade burritos? Austin style?”

  “Austin style?” Finn raised a condescending eyebrow at him.

  “Cooked from the recipe... but most likely also burned. Hey, give me a break, I’ve only been cooking for two mon—”

  “Dad!” Zac called again. “I’m going to take your turn if you don’t—”

  “Don’t even think about it!” Finn shouted back. He then stepped into Austin, gave him another quick kiss and hurried into the living room. Fuck, he just about danced his mood was that good.

  The next hour was spent on the couch, playing games with Zac. As Finn did this, Austin did as promised and started making dinner. The man was seriously a wonder. Two months ago, he couldn’t boil water, and now he could cook just about anything he set his heart to... within reason, of course.

  Honestly, a lot had changed with Austin since he and Finn had started dating over two months ago. Beside the cooking, there was also his writing. He had since finished writing his book and had self-published it online. That was only last week, and the sales were still slow, but it was something! Plus, Finn had read the book three times and loved it. He told him again and again it was going to be a hit, which he believed. And every time that Austin said this was all thanks to him, Finn rebuked.

  “It’s you, babe. You know it is,” he said.,

  “But I never would have started again if you hadn’t—”

  “What? Told you to.” Finn scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You have the talent. All I did was push you a little.”

  “Plus, those blowjob rewards are great encouragement.”

  “Anything I can do,” he would finish cheekily.

  As well as the cooking and the writing, Austin was now more confident and surer of himself than ever before. He dressed better, he walked with a more powerful gait, he stood out in a crowd and never shied from voicing him opinion. Really, he was almost a new man he had changed so much... but not so new that he wasn’t the same man Finn fell in love with. No, that Austin would always be there.

  As for their lessons? Those no longer took place. Once the two started dating, they seemed kind of pointless. Like Finn had said, he was going to be there to help Austin succeed no matter what. So, he may as well save his money and put it to something useful.

  “More tattoos?” Austin had asked, indicating his first and only, curtesy of that voucher.

  “I won’t complain,” Finn had growled at the time. They were in bed together, so the growling made sense... as did what happened next.

  Once Austin was done in the kitchen – an event that was announced with a loud and triumphant, “Finished!’ -- the three men served themselves up some of Austin’s questionable looking burrito concoction, sat around the dinner table, and just plain old talked. How very boring... only, it wasn’t.

  “... you’re not allowed to like the second part more the first one. You’re just not.” Austin pointed his knife jokingly at Zac, as if threatening to stab him.

  “But Lancer is so cooooool!” Zac protested. “The action scenes are better too!”

  “Pfffftttt! Who raised you – I know it wasn’t him!” Austin pointed at Finn. “The action scenes in two are lazy and too reliant on CGI. This, little person, equals boring.”

  “Na ah.”

  “Ya ha.”

  Finn could have listened to them argue all day; it was literal music to his ears. To watch the man he was starting to fall in love with chat to his son about movies was the embodiment of happiness to Finn. It was a level of happiness he’s never known before, that he’d never known could exist. Just to have gotten along with his son was one thing. But for his boyfriend to also... for him to even have a boyfriend to talk with his son was a miracle!

  “... Finn? Finn?” Austin knocked on the table to get Finn’s attention. “Earth to Finn.”

  Finn blinked himself into the moment. The two were looking right at him and he hadn’t even noticed. “Huh?” he said vaguely.

  “What do you think?”

  “About?”

  Austin rolled his eyes, but Zac answer. “What movie is better, dad? Iron Man one or two?”

  “Oh.” Finn chuckled and went back to his plate of food. “It doesn’t matter because Iron Man three is the best of the—”

  “That’s not an answer!” Austin protested.

  “You’ll see later,” Finn winked at Zac and shoveled a mouthful of Austin’s homemade chicken burrito into his mouth. In truth, it wasn’t actually that bad.

  After dinner, the three men retired to watch a movie, Iron Man three. The reason that they had all been so animated in their discussion of the Marvel films earlier, was because the three of them were currently watching every film in the Marvel Universe together. Zac had never seen them, so both Finn and Austin considered it an honor to help
induct the first timer.

  Once a week, and sometimes twice, Zac would come over to watch one of the movies. Austin had to be there too, otherwise Finn and Zac would wait. They’d then all sit on the same couch, nice and close, and enjoy. And most importantly, and to Finn and Austin’s absolute delight, Zac loved every single one of them. They loved them so much in fact that the three men were even considering planning a Marvel inspired trip away together... assuming Angela would let them.

  To say that things were going perfectly for Finn would be an understatement. Indeed, since that day over three months ago when Finn had summoned what little courage he had, stormed into the restaurant where Austin was on a date, and asked for his forgiveness, everything had been going rather well for Finn. And this trend continued all through the night, right up until the final act of Iron Man three, when Austin’s phone suddenly vibrated across the table.

  “Hold up.” Austin quickly paused the film to check who was calling. When he looked at the number, he frowned. “It’s a random number.”

  “Call it!” Zac demanded.

  “Leave it,” Finn sighed. “Probably a call center.”

  Austin thought for a moment, then quickly answered. “Hello. This is Austin Janssen-Dirk...” He was up from the couch and soon in another room with the door closed.

  “Who is it, dad?” Zac asked as he leaned over the couch to see where Austin had gone.

  “No idea...”

  For ten minutes, Austin was on that call. And for ten minutes, Finn tried to figure out, with some nervousness, who it might be. He knew everyone in Austin’s life, and of anyone that might suddenly call randomly. Definitely not a family member, or anyone he knows. So who was it?

  When Austin did emerge from the spare room, he looked like he’d seen a ghost. His face was white, his mouth hung open, his eyes stared dead ahead with no focus.

  “Austin!” Finn half made to stand as his stomach tried to escape through his throat. “What’s wrong?!”