The Honeywood Files

by H. B. Creswell

  A lead waste carried diagonally over the head of garden entrance and across to the gully receiving the vertical waste would, however, meet the case.

  We shall be glad of your early instructions.

  Yours faithfully,

  A lead pipe trailing conspicuously across the wall in close proximity to one of Spinlove’s architectural prettinesses, and reaching out frantically to the gully, would be a calamity. Such botches are unworthy of a competent speculative builder—they disgrace an architect.

  This letter is an example of the disinterested solicitude of Grigblay for the success of the work. Few builders would lay the matter out so fully, but would either put the work in hand, or say they could not go on and ask for instructions. It also displays in a remarkable manner how the carefully contrived economies of means to ends and neat perfections of a skilful design may be cast into hopeless confusion by merely one act of capricious interference. However, here is some more of it!

  SPINLOVE TO GRIGBLAY

  Dear Sir,5.9.25.

  I was dumbfounded to learn that you have allowed your foreman to pull down and alter the work in face of my written instructions to the contrary. I tried to get into touch with Mr. Grigblay on telephone to-day. Will he please ring me up without fail to-morrow morning?

  I confirm my telephone instructions that no further alterations are to be made except by my explicit directions. I am at a complete loss to understand why it should be necessary for me to remind you of so well-established a rule. It will certainly be necessary to put the work back as it was before, and I must look to you to do so, but kindly note that nothing is to be done until I am in a position to give complete instructions. I shall see Lady Brash on Saturday and will write to you next week.

  Yours faithfully,

  GRIGBLAY TO SPINLOVE

  Dear Sir,5.9.25.

  Since we wrote yesterday we have heard from our foreman that her Ladyship has referred to hot and cold water to be laid on to the drawing-room. We know nothing of this, and ought to have instructions at once as the service pipes are being got out and this will mean a change in the layout, as it is a long run for the pipes and we do not quite see how we are going to get proper circulation. We understand her Ladyship intends an aquarium to stand in bay, so there will have to be a gully to take waste, and as the Surveyor may object to this being treated as rain water [Sure to do so!], we shall have to lower the top manhole. [So that the extension may drain to it.] We were about to build this manhole, but have stopped the work and also that on drains beyond, as levels and falls will have to be altered, and it is no good doing the work twice over. We think the Surveyor will insist on a vent pipe by gully. [The extension is at the top end of drainage system and a vent pipe is required in that position.] Would you wish this on the gable beside the bay window, which seems the best position? We shall be obliged by your immediate instructions.

  Yours faithfully,

  Spinlove, we may be sure, has exercised his best ingenuity to arrange that this unsightly 4-inch pipe running up walls and sticking up above eaves of roof, shall be hidden away; and the prospect of its becoming the salient feature of the most sappy part of a studied elevation will cause him anguish.

  GRIGBLAY TO SPINLOVE

  Dear Sir,6.9.25.

  We write to confirm and record statement made to you by Mr. Grigblay on telephone this morning that he acted in accordance with your instructions (see your letter of 30.8.25) to “go on with the work,” which we naturally read to mean to do the work ordered by her Ladyship. Our understanding that the partition between Nos. 5 and 6 was intended, was, we hold, confirmed by your letter.

  We note that no further work is to be done until we have your explicit directions, but must point out we are being stopped and that we shall not only have to claim extension of time as well as the extra, but shall have to compensate heating and other sub-contractors and ask you to consider our own position, as we have had to pay off labourers and drain-layers, and we may have to send away plasterers shortly, and these are difficult to get. We shall be glad of a certificate for £2,000 further on account.

  Your last certificate, dated 6.8.25, has, so far, not been honoured. If you can help us in this matter we shall be obliged.

  Yours faithfully,

  Lady Brash, at a touch, has not only brought confusion to the work, but has given both the architect and builder sore heads. Grigblay has been indefatigable in good offices, but the dislocation of his organization is a serious matter for him and he evidently has no intention of being victimized. He is entitled to look to his architect to protect him.

  LADY BRASH TO SPINLOVE

  Dear Mr. Spinlove,Wednesday.

  The men took away the wrong wall!!! It really is all most trying and difficult and so very vexing when they will not do what they are told and putting it in all little squares one cannot see out of and the servants cannot clean properly because of the corners and complaining about it. The men have made a path through the wood all along where the bluebells come for a short cut through the hedge instead of going out at the gate, what Sir Leslie will say when he comes back I really do not know and I thought I should never get the dust out of my eyes they are quite sore still. The man who came about the chimneys complained that Mr. Bloggs was very rude and would not let him because he did not want him to find out and he says because the chimneys are made crooked and cannot get a brush up to sweep them and perhaps the house will be burnt down. If I had any idea what a trouble it was all going to be I would never have consented, but Leslie will not listen to a word I say and the factory chimney was smoking yesterday and all blowing across and I knew what it would be and if they don’t put a proper water-pipe it means the garden hose through the window like we had at Pilchins Drake though I am sure I shall never like the house as much as Pilchins and the fish dying. Really I feel so worried with it all I scarcely know where I am. Phyllis is still away she is always such a comfort.

  Yours sincerely,

  The poor woman has made herself ill in her anxiety to see matters right, and I feel sorry I have said such savage things about her. She opens her heart to Spinlove in a way that shows she has a friendly liking for him and understands he is on her side, although she does not at all understand that the builder is working under his direction. Spinlove ought to have no difficulty in establishing her peace of mind and guiding her to a wise decision if he relies upon her confidence in his good offices and her obvious liking for him, and avoids any assumption of authority. Apparently, however, the receipt of this letter and Grigblay’s by the same post have made him again lose his head.

  SPINLOVE TO GRIGBLAY

  Dear Sir,7.9.25.

  I cannot accept the position you take in your letter, but agree you had grounds for misunderstanding. Later on I will discuss the question with Mr. Grigblay and come to some arrangement; in the meantime, I will do my best to get a decision from Lady Brash.

  I have wired to Sir Leslie Brash, which will, I hope, help matters, and I am writing to him. He is still in Scotland and will, no doubt, pass you a cheque on his return. Your application for certificate has my attention.

  Yours faithfully,

  SPINLOVE TO TINGE, QUANTITY SURVEYOR

  Dear Mr. Tinge,7.9.25.

  I enclose particulars of the state of the work and of certificates granted. Grigblay has asked for a further £2,000. You will see he had £3,000 only four weeks ago.

  Will you let me have an estimate of value of work done.

  Yours truly,

  (TELEGRAM) SPINLOVE TO BRASH

  7.9.25.

  Brash, Achoe, Glen Taggie, Inverness. Work held up urgent writing Spinlove.

  It is difficult to see what purpose Spinlove had in sending such a telegram except to put Brash off his aim for the day.

  SPINLOVE TO LADY BRASH

  Dear Lady Brash,8.9.25.

  I came down expressly to see you on Saturday, as arranged, and was disappointed to find you out for the day. I have this morning received you
r letter.

  I am very sorry to know you are so worried, but the alterations you want involve all sorts of difficult questions which cannot be settled except at an interview, and your letter makes allusions to matters of which I know nothing. If you will make an appointment, I will gladly come down and settle things with you. Perhaps you could telephone. I rang up and left a message for you this morning, but have heard nothing.

  It will not do to delay, as the builder has already had to send away some of the men and the works will be in part stopped if something is not decided at once.

  I have received a rather stiff letter from Mr. Grigblay pointing this out and, of course, it all means extra expense.

  I could come down to-morrow afternoon if you will telephone before 11, or early on Thursday. I shall not be in town on Wednesday, and have an appointment in London on Thursday afternoon.

  With kind regards,

  Yours sincerely,

  P.S.—As I have already mentioned, you need have no anxiety about the chimney flues. I will see they are all right.

  It is difficult to imagine a much more tactless letter. Spinlove asks the poor soul not to worry and then tells her of various causes for worry of which she is happily unaware.

  SPINLOVE TO BRASH (INVERNESS)

  Dear Sir Leslie Brash,8.9.25.

  I wired to you last night—“Work held up urgent writing” as I am in a quandary, and Grigblay has been obliged to send away some of the men and others will follow them unless I can at once give directions. As perhaps you know, Lady Brash wishes the partition between bedrooms 8 and 9 moved so as to make the dressing-room bigger, and it was taken down without my knowledge, as also partition between 5 and 6, by an error. There are numerous minor alterations and serious displacements involved in the alterations and I feel sure if these were understood you would wish the partition restored. There is also certain other work Lady Brash wants altered but I have not been told what exactly is required. I have, however, stopped part of the work including the drains or this might have to be done all over again.

  I feel it is difficult for you to come to any decision from such a distance but think you would wish to know what is happening as, besides extra cost of the alterations, there may be claims for interference with the work and, of course, time allowance will have to be given. The plastering and some other work is going on as well as circumstances will allow.

  Yours sincerely,

  What sort of an answer Spinlove can expect to this letter it would be difficult to imagine. If he could not set out definite points for Brash to decide—and it is difficult to see how he could do so—it would have been better for him to confine himself to saying that alterations have been ordered which make it important for Brash to be on the spot as soon as possible. However, this letter will give Brash some idea of what is happening.

  LADY BRASH TO SPINLOVE

  Dear Mr. Spinlove,Sunday.

  I really do not know why all this worry with Mr. Blogs not doing what I said and so many questions going on and on and Phyllis away and Leslie and the man about the chimneys again because now is the time and not wait till the house is finished and perhaps have to be pulled down he says. I want the wall moved but not the wrong one they have pulled down and the men all smoking and whistling instead of attending and the extra expense which I know Leslie will not pay when he always said the house was for me in case he died first and not for Mr. Grigby to stop the work and do what he likes and make the stairs not wide enough with all the trouble we had at Pilchins over again taking the window out to get it in [? the wardrobe] and such small ones [? windows] when I wanted them big and not with little squares all over, but Mrs. Spooner says they will do it and you can get in quite easily by cutting the squares with a pen-knife and perhaps be murdered so I shall never feel safe in the house when Leslie is away and you cannot have bars in case of fire she says. If I had known that it meant I never never never would have agreed with the papers all saying how ugly factory chimneys are and ought to be stopped but I knew what it would be and how am I to get others now the cook and second housemaid have given notice because a new house is damp though I told Leslie all along I could not live in a damp house and the trouble of moving in and the carpets not fitting and things getting broken!!! If Phyllis was here I could get a little sleep and not lie with it all going round and round in my head and how it will all end I really do not know.

  Yours v. sincerely,

  MISS PHYLLIS BRASH TO SPINLOVE

  Dear Jazz,10.9.25.

  I skipped home last night. What have you been doing to my poor little Mum? She has made herself ill over this wonderful house of yours. Why cannot the poor thing have clear glass and an Aquarium—she has had one since she was an infant—and the wardrobe that belonged to her grandmother? I know the poor dear is apt to get into states and we have to take care of her, but building without tears is surely poss? Anyhow, come and be nice to her. It’s no earthly writing letters and it is very bad for her to be distressed—and what does the dam house matter anyway, you fussy old Architectooralooral Jazz?

  Dad jumps in on Thursday week—eight days! Great rejoicings—my sire has slaughtered a nine pointer! Not nine pointers, thank goodness. Been staying with Snooty and her lot at St. Austell and doing the Daily Mail dry bathing girl stunt all day. No great larks, but a lovely time.

  Pud

  P.S.—Be sure and phone train. I will pick you up at station for yap before you see M.

  “Pud” is clearly the daughter, Phyllis; not at all the sort of daughter one would expect the Brashes to produce. “Jazz” is perhaps derived from Jas. or the initials J. S.

  (TELEGRAM) BRASH TO SPINLOVE

  10.9.25.

  spinlove, architect, ranger house, mayfair, london, w.1. Your telegraphic and written communications received stop desist from all alterations stop returning next Sunday prox ends brash.

  Brash seems to be a good customer of the Post Office.

  BRASH TO SPINLOVE

  Dear Mr. Spinlove,13.9.25.

  I arrived home to-day and am greatly gratified with the considerable advance in progress during the interim of my absence. I shall be gratified if you will use your best endeavours to come down here as early as possible to-morrow as the requisite haste brooks no delay. Kindly telephone approximate hour of your probable arrival.

  I was so fortunate as to secure a fine trophy, though not a “Royal,” to my rifle while in the Northern Highlands of Scotland. This I intend shall be affixed over the fireplace in the interior hall and will augment the embellishments of the apartment, which unless my apprehensions mislead me, I anticipate may be a little plain in decorative accessories.

  Yours sincerely,

  Nothing much wrong here apparently—nor even with the tautology! We do not know what happened at Spinlove’s interview with Lady Brash but we may guess that the buoyant vitality of Pud has made all sweet and secure.

  SPINLOVE TO BRASH

  Dear Sir Leslie Brash,15.9.25.

  I write to confirm instructions you gave me yesterday in conversation, as follows:

  Breeze partition between bedrooms 8 and 9 to be restored but to have door opening between the rooms.

  Partition to bedrooms 5 and 6 to be refixed so as to make dressing-room 1’ 9” wider and doorway to be closed up.

  Leaded glazing to be fixed as already supplied.

  Hot and cold service and waste connection for Aquarium to be fixed in front hall window.

  I yesterday gave directions to this effect and the work is going ahead. I am grateful to you for giving way on the matter of the glazing, and I am sure that after the house is finished you will have no cause to regret your decision. You would soon gather from the comments of your friends that sheet glass was a great shortcoming in such a house and in time you would be likely to have it taken out and lead glazing fixed.

  I enclose receipt for cheque which you handed me on Monday and for which many thanks. I note you are sending cheque to Grigblay. With kind regards to
Lady Brash and yourself,

  Believe me,

  Yours sincerely,

  In these matters one can never tell how the cat will jump but here is a happy ending indeed! When motives are ingenuous and methods frank, a tough dispute often clears away distrust and establishes a higher mutual respect and a deeper sympathy and liking.

  As usual, Spinlove has said more than is necessary. By repeating the adroit argument that appears to have won the day for him he is rubbing in his victory which is the last thing Brash wishes to be reminded of.

  TINGE, QUANTITY SURVEYOR, TO SPINLOVE

  Dear Sir,15.9.25.

  Yours faithfully,

  As more than half the work is done the maximum retention of 10 percent of contract, has accumulated.

  A STORM IN A PAINT POT

  BRASH TO SPINLOVE

  Dear Mr. Spinlove,18.9.25.

  An influential acquaintance is financially interested in a new novelty super-paint which will shortly, he informs me, replace all other surface coverings now on the market. It is called Riddoppo and is a super-paint giving a most dainty and fascinating interior surface to the inside of houses, as it is free from any odoriferous effects, cannot be scratched by the fingernail and is capable of receiving a high polish. It is elastic so that cracks do not permeate through it and it is also non-inflammable and operates as a fire-proofing coat to both joinery and walls. I should not be doing justice to the merits of Riddoppo if I did not add that it is acid proof, is compounded of entirely new secret elements and that a jet of boiling water or super-heated steam may be directed to impinge upon it for some minutes without deleterious effects occurring. The colours obtainable are very exquisite and varied and we have provisionally selected tints which we desire embodied in the decorative embellishments of the apartments of Honeywood Grange—as we anticipate naming the mansion; these will be known as the Pink Room, the Yellow Room, the Blue Room and so forth and the tints available will make it possible for each door to be identified by its independent colour.