The Alias Men

by F. T. Bradley

  “Man, this is so cool.” Mike was following along from the driver’s seat. He was wearing his prom tuxedo and was ready to drive us for our red-carpet arrival. Ben and I were both in Chaplin costumes and Savannah was in her 1930s dress—courtesy of Kurt the costume designer, who’d jumped into action when he heard we were going to the Academy Awards. Of course, he thought we were going there to promote the movie to get funding back. Lucky for us, word of Kate’s criminal enterprise as Ethan Melais hadn’t made it to the crew yet.

  Henry was happy to stay behind. “I’ll monitor the TV feed, in case stuff happens. You know.”

  “Perfect.” I knew Henry didn’t like to be out in the field. “We need you here,” I told him.

  Henry looked happy to hear that.

  “When do we go?” Ben asked. He pushed the fake mustache down on his upper lip. “Aren’t we going to be late?”

  “We want to be the last to arrive,” I said, reminding him of the plan. “That way Kate will already be inside, and we surprise the audience.” I held up the Double Detector, the device we’d used to find the evil Mona Lisa on my first mission, in Paris. “I’ll be able to spot Kate with this.”

  “It should work.” Henry sounded nervous. “The Dangerous Doubles all have a heat signature of twenty-point-two degrees Celsius when exposed to light. At least that’s my theory.”

  “It’ll work,” I said. I wasn’t sure if I was just making Henry feel better, or myself too.

  “Hey, cuz,” Mike called from the front. “Watch the TV.”

  “Well, that just about wraps up our red-carpet preshow.” Skylar hesitated, glancing at the street.

  “We have to go,” I said, and we all buckled into our seats. Mike drove the few blocks to the Chinese Theatre, where the Oscars were held, and Savannah told the security guards who we were. We pulled past a couple of roadblocks and past the paparazzi.

  The place was packed. There were cameras all over the place, limousines pulling up or leaving, and lots of famous and not-so-famous people in fancy dresses and tuxedos. Suddenly I got really nervous.

  I was at the Academy Awards!

  “Awesome,” Mike muttered in the driver’s seat. He pulled up to a crowd of photographers on the red carpet. A lady wearing a silver dress and very high heels was talking into a microphone in front of a camera—Skylar Brooke.

  I wiped my palms on my Chaplin costume pants and put on the bowler hat.

  “And here they are!” I heard when I got out. I opened the back door so Savannah could exit the car. Ben was right behind her, and I realized that I looked like the limo driver or something.

  TV show host Skylar Brooke interviewed Savannah, just like we’d planned. A bunch of paparazzi crowded us, pushing us out of the way to catch a picture of Savannah. So much for us being the famous Hollywood kids.

  Ben and I slipped past the photographers and hurried down the red carpet. We passed all these celebrities posing for fans and photographers as we moved toward the entrance of the Chinese Theatre. I wish I could have stopped to take it all in, but we were on a mission.

  “Let’s get inside.” I was about to push past the security guard, holding the Double Detector in my hands. But then one of the dudes grabbed me by the arm.

  “No tablets or electronic devices allowed,” he said in a burly voice.

  46

  SUNDAY, 5:05 P.M.

  WITHOUT THE DOUBLE DETECTOR, WE had no way of knowing where Kate was.

  This was not good.

  The guard was muscular and looked like he was going to rip out of his black polo shirt if you ticked him off.

  “I won’t turn it on,” I said. “Promise.” I needed this gadget.

  The guard shook his head—just once, but that’s enough when you’re buff like that. “Give it to me; I’ll make sure you get it back when you leave.”

  I felt all my hopes sink as I handed over the Double Detector.

  Ben was stressing out. “We’re deviating from the mission plan,” he whispered once we were inside.

  “Stuff happens,” I said. “We’ll find her some other way.” But I felt worried, too. Without the Double Detector, I couldn’t spot Kate. She could be anywhere.

  A couple of butler-looking guys ushered us to the entrance of the actual theater. A lady in a black dress checked her guest list and then pointed to the very, very back of the theater.

  “This is good,” Ben said as we were put in our back-row seats, the only spots left at such short notice. We both took off our hats and held them in our laps. “We can observe the whole theater,” Ben said, and started with his mission right away, scanning the crowd.

  Like we’d actually be able to see Kate. Although I knew she was here, right now. I could feel it. Or maybe it was Ben’s tension messing with my senses.

  “Dude, you need to relax,” I said. I leaned away, trying to distance myself. “Let the plan work.”

  “But what if it doesn’t?” Ben gave me a stressed-out look. “We already lost the Double Detector. What if Kate doesn’t show up?”

  “She’ll be here,” I said, sounding more confident than I felt. “And Savannah is in place as we speak, ready to swap the envelopes.”

  “But what if—”

  “Just trust me,” I hissed. Thankfully, the theater lights dimmed. I couldn’t wait to lose my annoying look-alike.

  Ben asked, “How long before they announce the award?”

  One time, Mom roped me and Dad into going to see this really long movie—an epic saga, it said in the commercial. Epically boring was more like it—only this Oscar ceremony was about a thousand times more snoozeworthy than that. First there was the screen test; then there were the awards for Best Grip or something.

  “If Kate is around,” I muttered, “maybe she’ll fall asleep and lose the hat.”

  “This is excruciatingly dull.” Even Ben agreed.

  Of course, it was pretty cool to be there in this old theater filled with movie stars. If I hadn’t been there to catch a bad lady to keep my family alive, I probably would’ve enjoyed it more.

  Onstage, a guy in a suit droned on about the importance of makeup artists to the movie industry. “And the nominees are . . .” Everyone looked up at the TV screens on both sides of the stage.

  “That’s our cue,” I whispered as I put my Chaplin hat on my head. Ben and I got up.

  We had one shot at this. When Kate walked up to the stage, she’d have to lose the Dangerous Double’s invisibility powers. It was our only chance to steal the hat. Ben and I rushed to the front, then inched closer to the stage steps, him on the right, and me on the left. If Kate was here, she’d be coming this way.

  “And the winner is . . .” The dude in the suit opened up the envelope.

  For a split second, I worried that maybe Savannah’s switching of the envelopes had been foiled. But I didn’t need to worry.

  The guy opened up the envelope and smiled, quickly hiding his surprise. “Katherine Freeman!”

  Music got loud, and the cameras swooped in. Ben and I exchanged a glance and then started to look for Kate. Trouble was, she was like a ninja—only worse. She could come from anywhere in the audience.

  The audience started looking around too, and so did the dude in the suit. What if Kate didn’t show up? What if our character profile was wrong and she didn’t care about the Oscar? What if she was already on her way to Las Vegas?

  “There she is!” the guy on stage exclaimed with a relieved laugh. But Ben, Savannah, and I were far from relieved.

  Because Kate was already walking up to the microphone.

  She’d been hiding backstage all along.

  47

  SUNDAY, 6:25 P.M.

  THIS WAS REALLY, REALLY BAD. OUR best chance to get the Dangerous Double was when Kate walked from the audience up onto the stage. And now she was already there!

  Ben and I looked at each other, but there was nothing we could do but listen to Kate thank the studio. She wore a tuxedo, only it was made for a woman. Probably
to make the Chaplin hat appear like it was part of the look.

  She spoke softly, “There have been a lot of obstacles in my way over the course of my career. This award means a lot to me. Getting recognition from my peers is priceless.” Kate held the award in her left hand and the Chaplin hat in her right. She looked up at the audience on the balcony of the theater, and was silent for what seemed like forever. Her eyes were wet. “Thank you.”

  Kate moved to walk behind the stage, where she’d come from.

  “Now what?” Ben mouthed.

  There was only one thing to do. We had to follow Kate backstage!

  Apparently Ben had the same idea, because he rushed after her, clutching his Chaplin hat. Savannah was waiting in the wings. Music sounded overhead, and some voice-over talked about Kate winning her first Oscar.

  Ben and I made it backstage before any of the security dudes could stop us. Kate was walking down some steps. We couldn’t let her get away!

  Ben elbowed me, like I needed a hint. I knew this was our last chance!

  But Savannah was way ahead of us. She hurried after Kate, then tapped the bottom of the Dangerous Double out from under Kate’s arm.

  Sending it flying high in the air.

  Savannah jumped to catch it, so she now held two bowler hats.

  Kate spun around to snatch it back, but Savannah did one of her pirouettes to get out of Kate’s reach. Around us, backstage TV crew looked surprised, but then smiled. They thought this was a joke. The security guards that had followed us backstage looked confused.

  Savannah tossed a hat to Ben. Ben tossed one to me. I passed one back to Savannah.

  “Give me my hat back, or I’ll—” Kate realized she was surrounded by a bunch of bystanders, and shut up.

  But I didn’t. “It’s kind of hard, isn’t it, now that you’re not wielding a frying pan!” I tossed a hat back to Ben.

  “Give me my hat!” Kate screamed, not caring who heard.

  Ben passed a Chaplin bowler to Savannah. Beforehand, at Kurt’s costume trailer, we’d distressed the costume hats so it would be impossible to tell which was the Dangerous Double. Just in case we needed to make a quick swap.

  Kate looked furious as her eyes darted between the three of us. “It’s mine! I deserve this recognition!” she hollered, waving her Oscar statue, “and that!” She charged toward Savannah.

  Ben and I both jumped to cover Savannah, right before the double doors opened with a bang behind us.

  “LAPD! Nobody move!”

  48

  SUNDAY, 7:05 P.M.

  AND JUST LIKE THAT, THE PLACE WAS crawling with dudes and ladies with guns, looking super gung ho to take down Katherine Freeman, aka Ethan Melais. Ben, Savannah, and I made sure we stayed out of the way. The TV crew stepped back, after one of them pried the Oscar statue from Kate’s fingers.

  I tossed my costume hat aside and clutched the Dangerous Double. Kate may have thought Savannah had it, but it had wound up in my hands. No way I would let go of it now.

  Agent Stark zoomed by me and managed to cuff Kate before the police officers took over. I swear, I saw a smile on Stark’s face as she secured the handcuffs—a real smile. She’d gotten her bad lady and set things right. “Not so tough without your makeup and disguise, are you, Ethan Melais?” Stark said to Kate.

  Kate just gave her a nasty look, before Stark handed Kate over to one of the police officers.

  “How did you know to come here?” I asked Stark.

  Stark said, “Black and I were nearby, hoping Kate would show up. We figured it might be a last opportunity to catch her. Then we saw her accept her award on TV—and so did the LAPD. Is that the Dangerous Double?” she asked, pointing at the Chaplin hat I had clutched against my chest.

  “Yes. But I want to get it to Albert Black.” I’d completed the mission. And I wanted to get the credit for completing the mission, even if my family would never know I’d saved their lives.

  Stark understood. She nodded, and glanced around. “We need to leave before our law-enforcement friends start asking too many questions.”

  Stark flashed her badge and whisked Ben, Savannah, and me out through the double doors.

  Once we got to the lobby, Savannah grabbed my hand. “I have to get back to my mom and dad,” she said softly.

  I glanced over my shoulder, with the Dangerous Double tucked firmly under my arm. Agent Stark and Ben were waiting near the exit. “I have to finish this mission.”

  She smiled. “This was fun. Scary, but cool, too.”

  “I know.”

  Savannah let go of my hand and pulled a white business card from her pocket. “You can have your people call my people.”

  I laughed.

  Savannah put the card in my palm and folded my fingers around it. Then she left to go back inside.

  Stark escorted us out. “Black is parked up the street,” she said as we passed more police officers. They were busy creating a perimeter, holding back the paparazzi, camera crew, and fans.

  The three of us hurried down Hollywood Boulevard. I felt kind of conspicuous in our period costumes. Ben and I both wore our bowler hats, the ones with Made in China embroidered on the label inside the rim.

  I held the Dangerous Double tight. I couldn’t wait to leave it with Black, let me tell you. Stark ran ten feet ahead, with Ben on her tail. Once we reached the van, Henry opened the door on the passenger side.

  I sat down on the bench, catching my breath.

  Henry asked, “Is that the Double?” He pointed at the bowler hat in my lap.

  I nodded.

  Albert Black held out a hatbox, and I put it inside. It was like a giant weight lifted off my shoulders.

  “Nice work, you two,” Black said, turning in the driver’s seat. “Another Dangerous Double secured for Pandora. We confiscated film footage of The Hollywood Kid, so Agent Green’s cover remains intact. The defense summit is secure now that Ethan Melais and the Dangerous Double are no longer a threat. Our job here is done.”

  I cleared my throat. “Well, I guess I should go,” I said. “My cousin is waiting a block away.” I didn’t want to leave. Sure, these missions were deadly, and I was happy we’d secured this Dangerous Double. But I would miss being a temporary junior secret agent with Pandora. It was the only time my troublemaking talents were appreciated.

  I knew it was time to go.

  “Thanks, Linc,” Black said. Ben gave me a wave, and Henry did a fist bump. Stark gave me her signature nod while she opened the van’s sliding door.

  I got out and walked away, toward the alley where I’d told my cousin we would meet. Behind me, I heard Albert Black rev the engine and drive away. I forced myself not to turn around, because that would be wimpy, right?

  I knew this was it. My Pandora days were over.

  EPILOGUE

  PLACE: MY HOUSE

  TIME: SOMETIME IN MAY

  STATUS: BACK TO BEING A REGULAR KID

  AFTER THAT, IT WAS BACK TO NORMAL for me. Back to early-morning skateboard rides to school, getting in just before the bell. Sometimes, when I saw a black sedan, my heart would freeze. But after a few weeks, I knew: Pandora was never coming back for me. I’d had three cool missions. Time to leave the junior secret agent craziness to Ben. I told myself it was better that way.

  A few weeks after my mission in LA, I heard that Ava Stone was funding Nigel Floyd’s The Hollywood Kid. Shooting would start fresh, with Savannah cast as the only kid—pretty cool, I thought. Savannah got an Xbox for her birthday, and would message me sometimes.

  Months passed, and I stopped looking for dark sedans. Then on Friday, a few weeks before summer break, Mom knocked on my bedroom door. I was just about to level up on my new game, Racing Mania Ten, so I may have sounded a little snappy. “Yeah?”

  Mom turned off the gaming console. Not cool.

  But I bit my tongue just in time. “Sorry, Mom. What’s up?”

  “There’s someone here to see you. An adult, Linc.” She smiled, then left
my room.

  Uh-oh. As I put the controller away, I tried to think of what trouble I’d been into lately—let’s face it, I was good at that. But aside from an incident involving the teacher’s pens and superglue, I couldn’t think of anything that would warrant an adult coming to see me.

  So when I walked into the living room, I felt kind of nervous. And then I saw her.

  “Linc,” Mom said. “This is Anna Waters.”

  It was the lady with the gray pixie cut, the one I’d seen on my first day in LA! She smiled and shook my hand. “Nice to meet you, Linc. Of course, I feel like I already know you.”

  Dad spoke up from his spot on the couch. “Ms. Waters has been following your progress, ever since that class trip you took to Washington, DC.”

  Grandpa sat in his ratty recliner, doing his crossword, but I could tell he was listening in.

  “You were checking up on me,” I said to Ms. Waters, before I could think. And I knew by the way she moved, by the black lace-up shoes she wore: Ms. Waters was actually Agent Waters.

  Everyone sat down in the living room.

  Agent Waters smiled. “We do a background check on all our prospective students. You’ve changed quite a bit during the past six months.”

  I’d been diving from an airplane in Paris, defusing a bomb in the White House, and hanging off a Ferris wheel after bad dudes tried to kill me. That was bound to change a kid at least a little.

  “We think so,” Mom said. She held a brochure.

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  Agent Waters said, “I’m a representative from an elite training academy.”

  “Ms. Waters is offering you a full scholarship, Linc.” Mom looked nervous. She handed me the brochure.

  Dad said, “It’s up to you, buddy. I’d sure love your help around the shop, but . . . this is an incredible opportunity.”