Long Time Running

by Foster, Hannah

He continued to move his hand in tiny, comforting circles on her back as he stared at her. "It seemed like you were having a peaceful sleep" he observed.

  The corners of her mouth turned upwards into a shy smile, both her hands resting on his chest. "I was. First one in a while. I guess it's...." Her voice trailed off.

  "You guess it's what?" he prodded curiously.

  She dropped her gaze, her cheeks reddening. "I guess...I feel safe here. With you."

  The admission stirred something inside him unexpectedly. He slid his finger under her chin. "Look at me" he demanded softly when she still would not raise her eyes.

  Slowly, almost painfully, she lifted her eyes. Her breathing was shallow as they continued to stare at each other and then with infinite tenderness he closed his mouth over hers, their breath mingling.

  He reluctantly let go and traced his thumb along her bottom lip. "I have missed you" he whispered. It was as full an admission as he was capable of making at the moment.

  "Oh Eric" she sighed her hand darting underneath his t-shirt, grazing the bare skin of his stomach.

  If he were being sensible, he would disentangle himself from her and move from the couch. If he were being sensible he would suggest they go back to the hospital or talk further. If he were being sensible he would recognize how incredibly dangerous it was for both of them to give in to any passion. But he did not want to be sensible. He wanted to get lost in her, he wanted to feel once more the way only she could make him feel.

  Dipping his head again he caught her lips with his own and gently rolled her on to her back. His hands roved underneath her shirt, reacquainting themselves with her body. She moaned as he teased the curve of her breasts. She whispered tiny kisses along his neck before bringing her mouth to the hollow of his neck and sucking softly on the delicate skin.

  Eric threw his head back and moaned loudly. Even after all these years she knew exactly how to touch him and where to set his nerve endings on fire. He pressed into her, his arousal clearly evident. His finger curled around the hem of her shirt and tugged it upwards over her head. Letting it drop to the floor, he turned his attention back to her and stared longingly at her.

  She was thinner than when she had left, almost too thin. Her golden skin had a dusting of freckles along her shoulders and her neckline and her small, pert breasts stood at attention.

  Nathalie sank back into the couch and shyly brought an arm across her chest. Eric looked at her in confusion, unsure of her posture. Shy had never been an adjective to describe Nathalie, in or out of bed. It had been her strong passion for everything she did that had been one of the reasons he was attracted to her.

  "Nat?" he queried. "Do you want me to stop?"

  She shook her head in denial and smiled nervously. "No. It's not that. I want, no - need you to touch me. To make feel whole again," she whispered. "It's just...it's been a long time since you've seen me-"

  He tenderly pulled her arm to the side and smiled at her. "You are still the most beautiful woman I know" he said huskily, cupping a breast with his hand. "I love your body."

  It was the confirmation that she needed. Throwing her arms around his neck and threading her fingers through his hair, she kissed him hungrily as she pressed herself further against his hands. She slung her leg over his hip as their caution gave way to passion.

  His hands slid over her behind and as he unsteadily got to his feet, she wrapped her legs around his hips as he carried her down the hall to the bedroom. They kissed until the need for oxygen broke them apart. Breathless, he deposited her on the bed and she kneeled up, pulling impatiently at his shirt. Smiling at her eagerness, he reached behind him and slipped it over his head, tossing it to the side. Her hands fervently ran over his broad chest as she placed a series of small kisses along his smooth skin. He gasped as she closed her mouth over a nipple and worked it with her tongue.

  Stepping away from her he quickly undid his pants and let them drop to the floor; his boxers followed suit and he stood naked before her, her affect on him clearly evident. Nathalie felt herself wet at the sight of his long, lean body. He was more muscular than he had been when they were together and as she drank in the broadness of shoulders down to the narrowness of his hips she was reminded that she had never wanted anyone the way she wanted him.

  "Eric" she rasped extending her hand to him.

  "Are you sure?" Thinking clearly was an Olympic effort at this particular moment but he wanted - needed - to be sure that he wasn't taking advantage of her.

  "Very" she answered raggedly, her own desire threatening to consume her. She moved her hands to unzip her jeans but he shook his head.

  "Let me," he told her as he crawled towards her.

  She melted back against the pillows as his fingers curled around her waistband and made quick work of her zipper. Slowly, languorously he peeled them from her body, his lips following the trail down her legs where her jeans had just been. As her jeans landed on the floor and he pulled her panties away and added them to the pile, she swallowed thickly. He kissed his way back up the length of her legs before settling at the apex. His finger traced the outline of her sex while his tongue curled around the sensitive bundle of nerves.

  Every cell in her body had come to life and she found it difficult to imagine how she managed to go for so long without feeling this way.

  "Please Eric," she panted. "Don't make me wait."

  Pulling himself up alongside her, he cupped her cheek with his hand and kissed her passionately. Rolling over to the other side of the bed, he reached inside the night stand and retrieved a condom. She peppered his shoulder and chest with kisses as he sheathed himself.

  Their eyes locked on each other as he eased himself on top of her. He covered her neck and shoulder with urgent, needful kisses as his erection trailed along her inner thigh. She spread her legs and bit down on her lip as he entered her. They both moaned loudly from the contact.

  Unable to hold back any longer, overcome with desire, he thrust inside her. Her hands flew to his hair and she could feel his pulse pounding in his throat as she covered his neck with kisses.

  "Eric," she cried.

  Eric found her mouth, his tongue thrusting inside in rhythm with their movements. As they built towards their climax they were a tangle of limbs and their cries of pleasure filled the air. The years apart had done little to dampen their need for each other, if anything it heightened it.

  Nathalie shuddered, crying out his name as a wave of pleasure crested over her. Eric followed her over the edge before collapsing breathless and exhausted against her. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly to her, not quite ready to let him go just yet.

  #

  As Eric slept soundly beside her, Nathalie quietly pushed back the covers and swung her feet to the floor. Bending down, she picked up his t-shirt and held it to her nose, inhaling his familiar scent before pulling it over her head. Crossing the room she sat down on the overstuffed chair and tucking her legs underneath her, watched him sleep.

  Her feelings for him had not changed since she left Chicago on the rainy, spring day almost eight years earlier. He possessed her in a way that no other person had before or since. And she trusted him with her whole heart, a difficult feat for her under any circumstance but more so after the night the village was destroyed. They had made a baby together and that realization left her breathless with both love and remorse.

  Her thoughts turned to Jack. The sound of his voice calling her 'Mom' echoed loudly in her ears and there was a part of her that wanted to run to the hospital and scoop him up in her arms and hug the stuffing out of him. But that wasn't who she was to him. Despite having given birth and risked her own life to save him, she was a stranger to him. Her sister was the only mother figure he really knew. There was a strong temptation to run from this reality.

  Eric's hand swept across the bed and when it met nothing but open space he sat up in a panic as his eyes darted around the darkened room.

  "I'm right here"
she called softly to him.

  Looking over to the chair his shoulders sagged in relief. "Are you okay?"

  She nodded. "I am. I was just thinking. And watching you sleep," she added with a smile.

  Eric gave her a cautious look as he lifted the covers. Reaching to the floor, he grabbed his jeans and pulled them on before sitting down across from her on the end of the bed. "What were you thinking about?"

  "That I still love you" she told him unashamedly. "I...I know you can't love me and I'm not asking you to say anything but I am still completely in love with you." Her green eyes shone in the moonlight room.

  Leaning forward he reached for her hand and curled his fingers through hers.

  "I wish you had called me. If you had called I would have come."

  She fought her instinct to pull her hand away from his. It was easy to be defensive but she understood that she had to let him tell her how he all of it had affected him.

  "Don't you think I wanted to?" she asked softly.

  "I have no idea Nat," he answered truthfully. "All I know is if you had called I would have come."

  Taking a deep breath she tried to calm her instinct for flight. "Giving you up and giving Jack up were the two hardest things I have ever done."

  "If you had called then you wouldn't have had to give him up. I would have taken him. I would have brought him home," he told her emphatically. "And I wouldn't have given you up either; I would have helped."

  Nathalie studied him carefully. It was completely normal for people, when hearing of an inhuman situation, to think somehow they could have altered the outcome.

  "You would have now," she corrected him gently. "But if you're honest I think you'll admit that you wouldn't have rushed to my side to claim a son you didn't want."

  "That I didn't know about," he repeated.

  Nathalie pulled her hand away. "I have a lot of responsibility for the situation we are all in," she told him tightly, "but I didn't get us here on my own. You had a role too. You made your opinions very well known and you were quite clear about your inflexibility when it came to those opinions."

  "You never gave me the chance!" he protested. "You never gave me the chance to step up to the plate."

  "It was never a question that you would step up to the plate," she corrected. "It was whether or not you would hate me and our baby as a result. God Eric! Do you have any idea what kind of fear that was for me? Do you?"

  "How about me? Do you have any idea what your disappearance did to me? How I felt? I was sure you had been kidnapped or something. You ran and I lost everything."

  Scoffing she sprang to her feet. "You? You lost everything? Is that really a conversation you want to have with me?"

  "You gave him up," he said flatly as his anger and hurt roared to the surface. "You thought strangers would be better than me. You thought giving him away was easier than telling me the truth."

  Nathalie took a step back, her green eyes blazing angrily. "Easy? After everything I've told you, you really think there is anything in this that was easy? I couldn't pick him up, Eric. I couldn't even look at him - my own son - because every time I did I saw blood and limbs and images no person should have in their brain." Her hands trembled. "Admit it Eric, it's your ego that's hurt. That I believed you to be who you said you were and therefore uninterested in being a parent is what is pissing you off."

  "Don't you dare make this about my ego!" he bellowed, jumping up. "You dismissed my feelings then and you're doing it now. I never got the chance to see my son born - you took that from me."

  "You missed four months" she told him. "I have missed almost eight years. You are living here with a successful career, your best friend close by and your son while I am living in a hell that you cannot conceive of. I lost everything Eric - EVERYTHING!"

  "So did I!"

  "You have Jack!" she shouted.

  "But I lost you! You - YOU were my everything! And you left!"

  "I HAD NO CHOICE!"

  "You had EVERY choice but you got scared and you ran. You didn't trust me - you didn't love me enough!"

  "I left because I loved you!" she countered as she paced angrily.

  "That's bullshit"

  "Fine!" she replied in exasperation. "Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa! If you're looking for a pound of flesh," she twisted and lifted up her shirt, showing her scar, "I've already given it."

  Eric blew out his cheeks. "Nathalie," he sighed.

  "No" she shook her head. "Admit it Eric, you hate me. And this," she pointed to the rumpled sheets on the bed, "was just a chance for you to complete the exorcism. You laid your ghost - well done. You're free now."

  Brushing past him she grabbed her jeans and pulled them on before darting out of the room in search of her shoes.

  "Nathalie, where are you going?" he asked, regretting letting his emotions get the better of him.

  "Leaving you to your celebration! You got the whole story and got me to admit I still love you while you having nothing but loathing and contempt for me. You can celebrate finally being free of me."

  "That's not true - I don't....I don't hate you."

  She gave him a look of incredulity. "Yes you do. You just don't have the guts to admit it."

  Everything became a blur before her eyes as the pain in her head blinded her. The alkaline taste in her mouth was familiar and gripping her head she stumbled forward trying to find the door.

  "Nathalie!" Eric called to her as she swayed.

  Her entire body quaked as the violent seizure took hold and she crumpled to the floor.

  "NAT!"

  Chapter 16

  Horrified, Eric stood frozen in his spot for just a minute as Nathalie writhed on the floor in the grips of major seizure before he rushed to her side. Dropping to his knees, he carefully rolled her on to her side while he cradled her head in his lap. He brushed her hair from her face as her body spasmed and shook violently.

  "Nathalie!" he cried urgently.

  The seizure had no sooner stopped then another one started. Her muscles were coiled and rigid as she continued to shake. Reaching into his pocket he fished out his cell phone and called 9-1-1. He barked orders into the phone before snapping it shut. His heart twisted as she contracted and trembled before finally subsiding in a heap.

  Reluctantly leaving her, he sprinted to the couch and grabbed the blanket that had been wrapped around her while she had been wrapped around him only a few short hours ago. Having covered her to ward off the chill, he gently rubbed her arm as he waited for the ambulance.

  "I don't hate you," he said, his voice shaking. "I don't - I could never. I don't want you thinking that."

  She was unresponsive to his touch. Years of medical training were of little use in keeping him calm. His heart thundered loudly inside his chest. He had never felt more useless than he did right at this moment.

  He rushed to his feet as the paramedics pounded on the door. Giving them the quick facts of her condition and then stood out of the way as they started to work. Panic crept up inside him as she failed to react to any of the stimuli they tried. Tears formed in his eyes at the realization that her last conscious thought was that he loathed her, that she believed he took her to bed only to exact some kind of misguided revenged pained him in a way he was unprepared for. He directed them to take her to Manhattan General and followed them down in the elevator.

  Sitting beside her in the ambulance, he curled his fingers through hers and bringing her hand to his mouth, dropped a soft kiss on it. "I don't hate you," he repeated, whispering. "You...you m-matter very much to me."

  As the ambulance sped through the busy Manhattan streets, he continued to grip her hand hoping that they weren't too late.

  #

  Andrew and Sarah walked in silence to his office. As the door opened, Jack looked up expectantly. Seeing his aunt, he put down his book and ran to her, throwing his arms around her waist. She hugged him tightly in response.

  "I bet you have a ton of questions," sh
e remarked softly.

  He nodded in response without letting go of her.

  Children had never been part of the plan for her. Ambitious and driven to succeed, she had always been singularly focused on her career. She had little time for relationships or dating of any kind and that was just how she liked it; things were both safer and easier if you didn't have to let anyone in. When Nathalie had called and told her that she was no longer able to care for Jack, she had supported her decision to place him for adoption.

  Prior to flying to Tanzania, she had contacted several agencies to find out what the best options were. Once with Nathalie they had spoken long into the night on more than one occasion as to whether or not this was the right decision. Nathalie had been paralyzed by fear and gripped by nightmares, whether awake or asleep. It had not taken Sarah long to agree with her sister's decision. However, she had not been prepared on the long journey home to actually fall in love with Jack. He was a smiling, happy baby and by the time the plane had touched down in New York she was less sure of her sister's decision. She had truly believed all Nathalie would need was a little time and she would change her mind.

  And so against her better instincts and flying in the face of the tightly constructed world she had built for herself, she had decided to keep him until Nathalie was ready to take him back.

  But the anguished, regretful phone call never came and before Sarah realized it, she was too attached to the little boy to let him go. But no selfish deed goes unpunished and as she felt him hugging her, the price for her choice was painfully clear.

  "Why don't you pack up your bag and we can go home and talk about it?"

  Pulling back slightly, Jack looked from his aunt to Andrew and back again. "I wanna stay here," he told her quietly. "Can we?"

  Andrew nodded. "Sure you can - you guys can stay in my office as long as you'd like. I'll just head to the lounge."

  "No!" Jack replied quickly. Seeing the look of surprise on both adults' faces, he chewed on his bottom lip. "I want Drew to stay too. Can he?"

  Sarah looked to Andrew and shrugged. Despite his assurances of support, this really wasn't a conversation she wanted to have in front of him. She was fiercely private about so many things, including her relationship with Jack and it was enormously difficult for her now at the most trying moment, to lay herself and her choices bare in front of another person, especially Andrew.