Long Time Running

by Foster, Hannah

  "Of course he can." Her smile belying her anxiety. Taking his hand in hers she led him to the couch and sitting down beside him, draped her arm around his shoulder. "Are you okay Jack?"

  He nodded, resting his head against her shoulder. "Where is my Mom?" he asked quietly.

  Inhaling quietly Sarah stroked his hair. "She's talking with Eric."

  "She ran away from me" he said.

  The hurt in his voice was unmistakable and she winced. Sarah was at a loss for words. It was not that she hadn't imagined a hundred conversations with him about his mother but in all the scenarios she had run through her mind, this had never been one of them.

  Sitting in his chair, Andrew leaned forward and put his hand on Jack's knee. "Jack, your mom isn't feeling very well these days."

  "Is she going to d-die?" he asked, his eyes wide with worry.

  "No she isn't. She needs an operation to make her better. She wasn't running away from you bud, she was just really confused."

  The young boy pulled on his bottom lip as he mulled what Andrew had told him. Turning, he looked to his aunt. "Is that true Aunt Sarah?"

  Smiling gamely, she nodded. "Yes Jack. Nathalie came here because she needs an operation"

  "Not to see me?"

  Swiping at the tears that had appeared in the corners of his eyes, Sarah kissed him on the top of his head. "We wanted her to be well before she saw you and that's why you were a surprise to her."

  It wasn't the most direct answer she could have given but she was not yet ready to explain why his mother had given him up in the first place. She wasn't even sure she could.

  "Oh." Falling silent, he reached for his backpack and pulling it to his lap, hugged it.

  Still shaken by her sister's rejection Sarah felt, for the first time, completely out of her depth. Unsure of what to say, she looked briefly at Andrew before dropping her eyes to her lap.

  "Little man?" Andrew asked.

  "Yeah?"

  "Do you have other questions?"

  He chewed on his finger.

  Sensing his tentativeness, Andrew patted his leg. "You can ask anything you want to."

  He looked at him and took a deep breath. "Does my Mom love me?"

  Andrew felt his own eyes well with tears as demons from his past danced in his head. "She does."

  Pulled from her own thoughts, Sarah tightened her arm around his shoulder. "She really does - very much Jackie. And when she's feeling better she'll-"

  He interrupted her. "And when she's feeling better, we'll take you to see her."

  "Okay," he nodded, looking up at his aunt. "Aunt Sarah, I'm tired, can we go home now?"

  "Of course we can Jack. And if you have more questions, you can ask me."

  Sliding off the couch, he pulled his backpack over his shoulders and shrugged. "I'm okay for now," he said.

  Both Sarah and Andrew recognized that far from being satisfied with the answers he received, Jack was simply letting them off the hook.

  #

  Andrew had returned to his charting when his beeper vibrated loudly. Picking it up, he exhaled as he saw the message. Slinging his stethoscope around his neck, he sprinted down the hallway to the elevators and then down to the ER. He paced impatiently as he waited for the ambulance to arrive. As was his habit, he tried to visualize the tumor and how he was going to attack it. He knew there would be no time to waste once she got here.

  The doors flew open as the paramedics guided the gurney through. They gave him the bullet on her condition while he performed a quick exam of her vital signs. It did not escape his notice that the t-shirt she was wearing looked an awful lot like the one his best friend had been wearing when he left the hospital. He looked up at Eric.

  "What happened?"

  Eric was pale and drawn and could barely take his eyes from Nathalie. "We....we...we fought - we argued and she had a seizure - no - two seizures and then another one in the ambulance."

  He nodded. "Okay. I'm going to take her up to surgery now. You need to talk to Sarah. And Jack," he added.

  "I....I want to observe," he announced suddenly.

  Andrew shook his head. "Not a chance. This is a delicate enough operation, I don't need an audience. You need to talk to Sarah and Jack and you need to let me do what you know I can do."

  "She thinks I hate her," he whispered.

  "Then let me fix her," he replied impatiently, "and you can tell her that you don't."

  "Okay" he nodded as the gurney headed toward the elevator. "Drew!" he called urgently.

  Pausing, he turned around. "Yeah?"

  "Be brilliant"

  A small smile tugged at the corners of Andrew's mouth. "Count on it."

  As the elevator doors closed Eric slumped against a pillar and dropped his head back. Waiting had never been his strong suit and with a long night ahead, he wasn't sure what he was going to do but he knew he had to get out of the hospital. Thrusting open the doors, he disappeared in to the late evening.

  Chapter 17

  Thwap. Thwap. Thwap.

  Eric's feet hit the pavement in a slow and steady rhythm. He glanced at his watch. 2:13 a.m. Nathalie had been in surgery for three hours already with probably another three to go. His cheek still burned from where Sarah had slapped him. He had stopped by the apartment to tell her about Nathalie and to, hopefully, see Jack. Jack was already in bed and when he had told her that her sister had collapsed after they argued she slapped him. She had told him that if anything happened to Nathalie she would never forgive him. They both knew that he wasn't responsible for her condition but she needed someone to blame and he was feeling guilty enough to let her. He had left her, tearful and angry, and returned to the hospital where he paced the floor. The hospital had always been the one safe place where he could hide, the place where he always knew who he was and what he was doing. But not this night. This night, the walls of the hospital felt like they were closing in on him. The place that had offered him sanctuary for so many years now felt like it was rejecting him. The only solution was to run.

  Thwap. Thwap. Thwap.

  He could still feel the way her hand curled around his wrist as she had dragged him to the locker room to change his shirt the first day they met. All the new interns had been milling in the hallway waiting for their attending except for her. Nathalie bounded down the corridor with a friend, laughing and smiling, her green eyes dancing. He had heard her laugh and looked up from his notebook. It was so free and easy and he was instantly envious and intrigued. She had been distracted and bumping into him had spilled her coffee down the front of his new, white Brooks Brothers shirt. Her cheeks had reddened in embarrassment and with an apologetic smile, she had wrapped her hand around his wrist and pulled him to the locker room. As she introduced herself, she had quickly undone the buttons of his shirt, pulled it from his shoulders and handed him a scrub top to wear. She stuffed his shirt in her locker with a promise to have it dry cleaned and return it to him. They were back in the hallway and he had had yet to speak a word. It hadn't mattered, he was already falling for her. He had resisted falling in love for so long because he had been so sure he had nothing to offer. His friends always teased him that when he finally did fall, he would fall hard. And he did. He had fallen like a ton of bricks. It was just that no one had told him the landing would be so soft.

  Thwap. Thwap. Thwap.

  He looked at his watch again. 3:26 a.m. She was more than half way through. She was the toughest person he had ever met. Others in her life called her invincible but to him that implied there was no weakness. Nathalie had weaknesses, she had moments where life seemed on the verge of overwhelming her but she was too tough to give in. He had seen her put one foot in front of the other when almost anyone else would have fallen. And if anything, the last 12 hours had proven to him that she had not changed. She was also fiercely loyal to those she loved and he had been on the receiving end of it more than once. Dinners with his family were difficult, stilted affairs and his father had never let the pre
sence of a guest get in the way of his enumeration of Eric's failings. She would ride to his defense as he sat silently accepting the dressing down. She would always meet his father's list with one of her own and had no reticence in telling him all that he was missing out on by ignoring his son's accomplishments. And when that didn't work she had told his father that no one is promised a tomorrow and that he should be ashamed of himself for letting his son believe he wasn't loved. She had told him the only reason she was able to accept her parents' death with any grace at all was because they had never let an opportunity pass to tell her that she was loved. Nathalie had put that into practice with him as well. It was never easy for him to say the words, they had always seemed to tangle his tongue but she said it - often and easily. When he finally was able to tell her that he loved her he felt like the world had suddenly turned on in color where it had only been black and white. He believed he could do anything - be anything - because she loved him. She was tough, she was smart, she was beautiful and she was a challenge. He was a goner.

  Thwap. Thwap. Thwap.

  The first time they had sex had been a revelation to him. They had been sitting on his couch and he had, much to his own surprise, been revealing more about himself to her than he had to anyone else, except Andrew. He had shied away from intense or emotional conversations fearing he lacked the vocabulary but slowly by offering him safety, Nathalie had teased it out of him. It had unleashed a torrent in him, giving him the courage to ask for what he wanted and to realize he was worthy of the good things in life. She was one of the good things. The memory of the first touch of her silky skin still sent shivers down his spine. They had taken their time, exploring each other's bodies and honoring each other. Sitting facing each other, they had been kissing as if they could not taste enough until he pulled back. He had looked into her eyes and in a flash had seen everything he had been looking for but refused to admit he needed. He had seen love and he had seen security and in that moment he knew that he could never let her go. For the first time he had trusted his heart to another person and believed she would keep it safe. Once he accepted that, the world had opened itself in ways he had never dreamed possible. He had wanted a lifetime of moments like that. And when it was gone, it had been as though the ground beneath him had disappeared. The pain of losing her was greater than any pain he had ever known.

  Thwap. Thwap. Thwap.

  The sweat poured down his back and stung as it ran into his eyes. 4:47 a.m. He had been running for two and a half hours. He could feel her hand inside his. Hers was so small that it disappeared anytime he took it. He loved her hands. They were soft and delicate and they were also the place where her compassion could be felt. A touch from Nathalie could soothe him in a way few other things could. Her eyes were where her love could be seen. Big, shiny pools that reminded him that there would always be shelter for him. He wondered if he gave her the same looks, the same comforts. He suspected he did but didn't know for sure. Andrew had asked him, shortly after her return, if he was still in love with her. He admitted he didn't know and the question had plagued him ever since. Was there a path to forgiveness for him? Could he honestly still love her after everything that happened? After holding her again, after hearing what she survived, after seeing her in their son every day and after making love to her - because regardless of trying to pretend it was anything else, they did indeed make love - the only answer was yes. Yes, he was still in love with her. Loving her was as natural to him as breathing. Whatever happened from here on out would not change how he felt. He would love Nathalie for the rest of his life.

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  5:13 a.m.

  It was over.

  Chapter 18

  Eric found himself standing outside her room for the last five minutes, his hand curled around the handle. It wasn't that he didn't want to go inside, he did. He just wasn't sure she would want him to be there. Andrew had phoned him to let him know how the surgery had gone and that she was back from the recovery room. He had showered and changed and headed straight to the hospital.

  Taking a deep breath, he pulled open the door and stepped inside. He was not surprised to see Sarah sitting beside her bed. She looked up at him and smiled apologetically.

  "That's a pretty fine right hook you have," he teased lightly.

  She rubbed her hand over her face. "I'm sorry."

  "No worries okay? Who, um, who's with Jack?"

  "I dropped him at Linda's, she'll get him off to school. I told him I had a work thing."

  "We have to stop lying to him" he said pointedly.

  "And we will. Just as soon as Nathalie is out of the woods."

  "How is he doing?"

  "Scared, confused. Seven." she smiled softly.

  "I don't think seven year olds have the lock on those emotions." Eric said softly as his gaze roamed Natalie's form in the hospital bed.

  Turning back to her sister, Sarah picked up her hand and held it. "She looks really pale, don't you think?"

  He nodded. "But not unexpectedly so. Her color will come back as she gets stronger."

  "Drew...Drew said he got it all."

  "Drew is one of the best surgeons I've ever seen," he remarked. "Of course if you tell him that, I'll deny every word."

  Nathalie groaned and her hands twitched. "Jack" she called out hoarsely. "I...have...have to get to Jack."

  Getting to her feet, Sarah rubbed her hand reassuringly. "Jack is okay Natty. He's okay."

  Her eyelids fluttered and she slowly opened them, blinking several times as she tried to free her mind of the thickly layered cobwebs.

  "S...Sarah?" she asked, fully opening her eyes.

  "Hi there," she greeted her, tearing up. "How do you feel?"

  "T-tired."

  "Then you should rest," she encouraged. "Do you know where you are?"

  Nathalie gave a slight nod. "H-hospital?"

  "Yes."

  "I'm going to get Drew" Eric announced, slipping out the door. He wanted to rush to her bedside and wrap her in his arms but he needed to hold back.

  "Sar," Nathalie took a deep breath. "I'm sorry"

  Sarah nodded as several stray tears trickled down her face. "Me too Natty."

  "I...love...love you" She struggled to get the words out as the fog from the anesthesia started to settle around her again.

  Leaning down, Sarah kissed her sister's cheek. "I love you too baby sister."

  The door flew open and Andrew strode in with Eric trailing behind him. Sarah stepped away from the bed, reluctantly letting go of her sister's hand.

  "Hey Nat," Andrew said softly. "Welcome back."

  She smiled tiredly, her eyes heavy-lidded. "You...drilled a hole...in my brain."

  He smiled back at her. "I did. It was kind of fun."

  Groaning, she rolled her eyes. "Jerk."

  "Glad to see you are returning to your chipper self." Pulling out his penlight, he leaned forward. "I just want to check how things are, okay?"

  He checked the reaction of her pupils before asking her to squeeze his fingers. He talked to her about her pain level and reminded her that she would be in and out of it over the next few days but the fuzziness would lift and they would have her up on her feet and walking around. When he asked if she had any questions her gaze shifted to Eric before looking back at him.

  "N-no" she stammered. "T-tired."

  "Okay" he said, "then close your eyes and let the meds do their work."

  Opening her mouth to respond, she sighed instead and drifted off to sleep. Andrew turned to Sarah and Eric and smiled hopefully.

  "She's responding really well," he said, knowing that Eric knew as much as he did. "It's a great sign that she woke up so soon and that she's speaking well. Her vitals are strong. She's going to be hazy for a few days but I have no reason to expect she won't make a full recovery."

  "Thanks Drew" Eric said gruffly. "I knew she...she was in good hands with you."

  Sarah reached for her purse and slipped it over her shoul
der and stood beside Andrew. "I'll walk out with you, I have to get to the office for a bit today."

  As Eric took her spot in the bedside chair, Sarah followed Andrew into the hallway. It was difficult to say who was more surprised, Sarah or Andrew, when she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. It was such a spontaneous gesture and so out of character for her that he was stunned into silence for several seconds.

  "Thank you" she mumbled against his shoulder. "For saving her."

  Feeling his scrub top dampen, he slid a finger underneath her chin and tilted her head up. He brushed her tears away with his thumb before softly kissing her on the lips. For a whisper of a moment she gave in before pulling away. "Drew," she began.

  "Sarah, one of these days you're going to realize I am not the enemy." His rich brown eyes were swimming with warmth.

  "I...I c-can't do this...us," she said, stumbling over her words. "You know that."

  He shrugged. "That's too bad then, for both of us." Turning on his heel, he walked away from her.

  #

  Eric watched her as she slept. It had been more than 18 hours since they had been tangled up in each other and he was awash in feelings and memories. He wondered if she had felt as complete as he had when they were kissing and touching. There had been no lack of women wanting to spend time with him and he had taken several up on their offers but none of them made him feel as at peace as she did. Even with all the drama churning around them, those moments, those precious few moments where they had only concentrated on each other and not everything else, that same sense of tranquility came over him.

  "You're....still...here" she said hoarsely, her eyes opening slightly.

  Tilting forward on the chair, he nodded. "Hey there sleepy head."

  She gave him a curious look. "You should go home." She exhaled slowly. "You look terrible."