Happy Place

by L. P. Maxa

  Brice looked between the two of us. “Speaking of father-son time. What are you guys going to do when you get back to Seaside? Joint custody? Every other weekend? How will that work?”

  Cassie and I looked at each other, both at a loss for words. She shrugged. “We haven’t really talked about that yet. But we’ll figure it out when we get home.” She turned to me. “Right? I mean you aren’t going to try to get full custody or anything like that.”

  “Uh, no, I wouldn’t do that to you or to Wyllie. But you aren’t going to try to keep him from me, are you?”

  Cassie shook her head. “Of course not. I want you to see him as often as you want. Seaside is a small town, there is only one school, it’s not like he’ll ever have to choose where he wants to live.”

  Brice took a sip of his beer. “Well, not now he wouldn’t. But who says you’ll both live in Seaside forever? Dec could move for work. Cassie could meet someone and move to be with him.”

  Cassie held her hand up. “My home and my business are in Seaside. I wouldn’t move all that for some guy.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, and I own my company outright, no one can make me move anywhere. I’ll be where Wyllie is.”

  “You had to move to London.” Brice shrugged, casual as can be. “Anything could happen, that’s all I’m saying.” He took another sip of his beer. “Cassie, you have that lawyer friend. What’s his name? Randall? I’m sure he could help you if you guys wanted to draw up an agreement.”

  I looked over a Cassie. “You have a lawyer friend? Why? Were you going to draw up custody papers before you told me?”

  She shook her head. “No. He helped me with all the paperwork for my store. And he isn’t a friend. He’s just a guy I hired.” She turned to Brice and gave him a what are you doing look.

  Brice winked. “Oh don’t act like you didn’t know he liked you. I met him twice and both times his eyes never strayed from your ass.”

  A lawyer and an environmentalist.

  Both vying for the girl I wasn’t ready to commit to.

  ***

  Later that night while I was lying in bed next to Cassie—next to but not touching; tortured, but not touching—Brice’s words kept running through my head. “Cass? You awake?”

  I could hear the sleepy smile in her voice. “I am now. What’s up?”

  I smiled, simply because hers was contagious. Always had been. “I was just thinking about what Brice said earlier.”

  She snorted. “I know, what a liar. He was totally having sex when I called him this afternoon. I’m pretty sure that’s the only form of working out he does.”

  “Cassie, I meant about custody of Wyllie. About the lawyer.”

  She reached up and ran her finger over my furrowed brow. “I know you did. I was just trying to lighten the mood, or change the subject, or both.” She sighed. “You know I’d never keep him from you, and I know that you would never try to take him from me. Can we just leave it at that right now?”

  When I pictured myself with kids, I always pictured the white picket fence and the dog in the yard. I never pictured my kid having to pack a bag every time he wanted to see me.

  It seemed wrong.

  I didn’t want to miss one single moment of Wyllie’s life. I’d missed enough already.

  My house was more than big enough for the three of us.

  I loved Cassie.

  I wanted Cassie.

  So why wasn’t I taking what was mine? Why was I still scared to tell her? To take the next step?

  Before her special lawyer friend stole her away.

  “Yeah, we can figure it out when we get home. No worries.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Cassie

  “Wyllie.” I shot upright in bed, clutching my heart.

  “Cassie? What’s wrong?” Declan sat up next to me, rubbing his hand up and down my arm.

  “Oh, ugh, I’m sorry. I had a nightmare, I guess.” It wasn’t often that I had bad dreams, but every time I did they were the same. Wyllie needed me and I couldn’t get to him. I could hear him crying but I couldn’t help him. It was the worst, most helpless feeling. I grabbed my phone and pulled up his baby monitor app; he was asleep in his Pack ’n Play in my parents’ room.

  “Is he okay? Are you okay?”

  I showed Declan my phone and lay back down. “I’m fine. Sorry I woke you.” Oh crap, here it comes. After I had a bad dream, after I realized everyone was okay, I always cried. I turned on my side to hide my tears. He put his arm around my waist, pulling me against his hard body. “Dec, I don’t—”

  “Cassie, you had a bad dream. You scared the crap out of me. Can you just let me hold you for a few minutes? I won’t try anything.”

  He kissed the top of my head and snuggled in next to me. It felt good. It felt damn good. And in that moment, I wanted him so badly I ached. I wanted his love and his affection, his touch and his kisses. I wanted to be his forever, and he still wasn’t sure if he wanted me.

  Dammit.

  Now I was crying harder.

  “Cassie? Are you crying? What’s wrong, princess?” He scooted over and rolled me onto my side facing him. With his thumbs, he wiped the tears off my cheeks then, tenderly, he brushed the hair back off my face.

  “I’m sorry. This happens sometimes after I have a nightmare.” Or when I slept next to the man I wanted so bad my bones ached. And knowing he didn’t want me the same way? Yeah, I cried. “I guess it’s just the fear mixed with the relief that everything is okay.”

  Declan looked from my eyes to my mouth, and back again. “I know I said I wouldn’t but I’m going to kiss you, I need to kiss you, Cassie. It’s been two days and I’m going out of my damn mind.”

  “Declan, please, I don’t—”

  He didn’t give me a chance to finish my plea; he joined his mouth to mine, and instantly I was lost.

  I opened for him when he asked me to. I matched his passion, tongue stroke with tongue stroke. Both of us pouring all the words we weren’t saying into this one kiss.

  His tongue danced with mine, his hands wrapped around my body, pulling me tight against him. I could feel what this kiss was doing to him; I could feel his hard length pressed against my stomach.

  We kissed and touched for what seemed like only seconds. All too soon he was gone. He pulled back with one final chaste kiss on the lips then he spun me away from him and dragged my limp body back against his front.

  ***

  The next morning I woke up alone and tangled in our sheets. Sun was coming in through the window and I could hear Wyllie’s laughter down the hall. I got up and tiptoed to his room then peered around the doorframe. Declan was on the floor trying to wrestle Wyllie into his clothes. Wyllie kept running away and cracking up about it. I walked in and sat on the glider. Wyllie ran to me and hugged my legs. “He hates getting dressed in the mornings. This kid would live naked if he could. He’s a beach baby through and through.”

  Declan chuckled. “I can see that. So what’s the trick?”

  I smiled and held out my hand for Wyllie’s clothes. “Hey, wild man, here are your clothes.” I waited for him to disengage from my legs then I handed them off. He sat on the floor and struggled trying to get his pants on; he put both legs in the same hole. When he couldn’t get his shirt to even open up, he started to whine. “Oh, did you need some help?” He tried to stand but couldn’t get up because of his pants situation. “Would you like Mommy to help you get dressed?”

  “No. Daddy help Wyllie.” Wyllie kind of hop/rolled over to Declan so he could help his son fix his clothes. The huge grin on Declan’s face was adorable. Wyllie picked him over me for the first time.

  I shrugged. “He’s like most men. As long as he thinks it’s his idea, he cooperates.” I grabbed Wyllie’s diaper bag off the dresser and started going through it, making sure that Dec would have everything he needed for the day. “So I’ll pack an extra change of clothes just in case, and there are diapers and wipes and an emergency pacifier. Antibac
terial hand sanitizer. Use it. When we go downstairs I’ll get a snack and a sippy cup. There will be four of you to watch him I’m sure—”

  Declan crossed the room and silenced me with a kiss. It was meant to be sweet, reassuring, but it made my blood heat. I felt chills run through my body. God, I loved having his mouth on mine.

  Why did I tell him we couldn’t have sex anymore?

  “Cassie, I got this. Don’t worry about Wyllie, we are going to have a great day. Just stay here and relax. Go take a nice hot bath.” He took the diaper bag off my shoulder and grabbed onto Wyllie’s hand. “Come on, wild man, we’re having a boys day. Tell Mommy bye.”

  I knelt down in front of my perfect little boy—our perfect little boy. “Have fun with Daddy, buddy. I’ll see you later. Be good.” I kissed his cheeks before standing to face Declan. “He gets super cranky when he’s ready for a nap, the stroller is in the hall closet by the front door. And don’t forget the sippy cup.” I held my hands up in surrender when Dec rolled his eyes. “Just reminders, that’s all. I trust you completely.” Plus Brice had watched him tons of times and he would be there too.

  He smiled and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me in for another sweet kiss.

  Were we doing this now? Kissing all casually?

  “Try to relax, Cassie.”

  And with that my two favorite boys left.

  I was alone in Wyllie’s extravagant room at my parents’ house.

  I felt kind of lonely.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Declan

  I didn’t know what Cassie was so worried about. Wyllie was a dream. He was having the best time with me and the other men in his life. We all took turns chasing him around Saks, and since we were spending thousands of dollars, no one in the store even batted an eye at his loud giggles.

  Or the juice he spilled on the floor.

  Brice stood behind me, and Wyllie stood next to me. All three of us in our new tuxes. Brice ruffled Wyllie’s hair. “Cassie is going to die when she sees Wyllie in this little tiny adorable baby tux.”

  I raised an eyebrow in the mirror. “Of course you would be a sucker for miniature suits.”

  Brice chuckled. “Can I help it if I have the cutest nephew in the whole damn world?”

  “Damn.” Wyllie jumped up and down, “Damn. Damn.”

  I got down on Wyllie’s level like I’d seen Cassie do. “Wyllie, you cannot say that word. That is a bad word. It’s not nice to say.” I stood narrowing my eyes at Brice.

  “Hey, I said fourteen other words in that sentence. It’s your genetics that made him only repeat the bad one.” Brice stepped back so the tailor could unpin Wyllie’s jacket. “You’ve always cussed like a da—like a sailor.”

  I crossed my arms, and then winced. I forgot I was all pinned together. “I cuss? Are you kidding me? You can’t go two minutes without dropping the F bomb.”

  I watched as Brice’s eyes lit up. I knew what he was going to say before he even said it. “Care to make a bet?” I don’t want to say he has a gambling problem per se, but he spends a lot of time in Vegas.

  “Sure. Name the terms.” There was no way I cussed more than him. It wasn’t humanly possible.

  “We keep track. Every time either of us cusses we owe five dollars to the swear jar. By the end, winner keeps the money.”

  “So we’re going on the honor system? Not fair, I’ll be around Cassie and our parents. They’ll keep me honest. You’ll be all alone banging random chicks and swearing the whole time.” I reached down and placed my hand on Wyllie’s head, the tailor had him just about free, but he was getting antsy.

  “I always come stay with my parents the week of the Christmas. It’s their favorite holiday. We’ll start today and end on Christmas Eve.”

  I nodded. “Deal. And it’s adorable that you stay with Mommy and Daddy for the holidays.”

  “Hey. It’s tradition.”

  Wyllie was all done with his fitting. He was standing in front of the mirror in just his diaper, watching himself dance.

  “Dad, can you come grab Magic Mike over here and get him dressed?”

  ***

  Cassie was right. When Wyllie was ready for a nap, he let us know. Brice’s bitch ass left so he could get some tail and pack a bag. Both my and Cassie’s dads had stayed at the club to play a round of golf. Those two golfed a hell of a lot. It was cold as shit outside, I didn’t know anyone else who would golf in this weather. Good thing thinking cuss words wasn’t part of the bet.

  I lifted Wyllie out of his car seat as gently as I could. He wrapped his tiny hands around my neck and I about melted in a puddle on the floor. “Shhh, it’s okay, bud.” I opened the door, thinking Cassie would be there waiting, obsessing about how long we’d been gone. But the house was silent. I took my boy upstairs and laid him down in my and Cassie’s bed. I placed pillows on one side and then curled my body around him, mindful about what Cassie said about him moving so much in his sleep.

  I loved being his dad. I loved this day we’d shared. Wyllie was such an amazing kid, he was so funny, so full of life. I was blessed.

  I closed my eyes and breathed in deep. The bed smelled like Cassie, and Wyllie smelled like sticky baby, and the two combined?

  Were suddenly starting to smell like home to me.

  ***

  “Declan? Dec, wake up.”

  I opened my eyes and immediately saw my son, hair a mess and cheeks pink from sleep. He grinned and pounced on me giggling. “Hey, Wild Man. Did you have a good nap? Daddy sure as hell did.”

  Cassie laughed next to me, holding out her hand. “That will be five dollars, potty mouth.”

  I grabbed her hand and pulled her down on the bed with us. “I presume you talked to Brice?” I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her neck. Wyllie climbed all over us like we were a human jungle gym.

  “He’s downstairs. You two have been asleep for three hours.” She sat up and put Wyllie in her lap, smoothing down his bedhead.

  I reached up and re-ruffled it. I liked it when he had messy baby hair. “We were exhausted from our Daddy-Wyllie day. What have you been up to?”

  “I had some errands. Fake wedding stuff to do. I baked some cookies.”

  “Oh yeah?” I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my face. “What kind of cookies?”

  “The kind that are amazing.” Brice walked into the room and plopped down on the bed, taking Wyllie and throwing him in the air. “You want some cookies, Wild Man?”

  I looked down at my watch. “It’s dinner time. He needs real food first.”

  “Ha. Spoken like a true boring-ass parent.” Brice winced when he realized his slip.

  Cassie laughed. “Five dollars from both of you then.”

  Brice looked over at me. “You’ve been up for three minutes, dude. I’m so going to win this bet.”

  As we headed downstairs, the house began to smell mouthwatering. Like fresh baked cookies and chocolate. It smelled like a house should smell. I never remembered Cassie’s mom baking when we were younger.

  “Since when do the Huntington women like to bake?” In the kitchen, I grabbed Cassie and pulled her back against me and placed a light kiss on her neck. Instead of stiffening, she relaxed into me. I had no idea where we stood. I hadn’t yet figured out our next move, my next move. But I knew I loved her. I knew I wanted to touch her as often as I could.

  “Are you kidding? My mom would burn the house down if she tried to use the oven. After Wyllie was born, well, I just wanted to be the type of mom who baked cookies. I wanted him to have warm holiday memories, I guess.”

  Cassie was such a good mom; her every thought, her every action was for Wyllie. Who thought about her though? Who made sure she was warm and happy and loved? My heart hurt. Me. It should be me. I should be the one taking care of her, the one to show her just how perfect she was.

  So why was I still dragging my ass?

  “Pay up, man.” Brice held a mason jar up to my face; my name was on it in
black marker.

  I motioned to the other jar on the counter. “You too.”

  Cassie took Wyllie from Brice and put him in his highchair. She took a star-shaped sugar cookie covered in blue icing and glittery silver sparkles and broke it into a few pieces. Wyllie’s face lit up and he grabbed the cookie with both hands. “Cookie.”

  We all laughed. I snagged a cookie too. They were still warm and tasted so damn good. “Where are y’all’s parents?”

  Brice took five dollars out of his pocket and put it in his jar. “Some charity dinner for the hospital. It’s just us kids tonight.”

  Cassie opened the fridge and started pulling out ingredients and putting them on the granite island. “I’ll make dinner, you two watch the Wild Man.”

  I raised my eyebrows in question. “You cook now too?”

  “Of course I cook. How else would our son eat? Contrary to what Brice thinks, no one can survive on takeout alone.”

  Brice used a paper towel to wipe off Wyllie’s face and hands. He had icing everywhere. How the hell did he get it in his eye? “I eat takeout ninety-nine percent of the time and look at me. I’m healthy, I’m cut, I have stamina for days.”

  Cassie giggled. “That’s not what I heard.”

  “What? Heard from who? Molly? Was it Molly? That was one time and I was so drunk I could barely stand up on my own.” Brice looked indignant. And funny. Especially with Wyllie balanced on his hip.

  Cassie just shook her head, laughing. “I was kidding, you giant weirdo.”

  “Oh. Uh, so was I.” Brice put his head down and quickly left the room.

  I leaned my hip against the island, watching Cassie work. “Do you need any help?”

  She looked up at me with her beautiful smile and my heart skipped a beat. “No, I don’t need any help. But if you want to keep me company you can open a bottle of wine.” She gestured with the knife she was using to her parents’ wine fridge, which was just as large as their food fridge.