Right Out of Nowhere

by Laurie Salzler

  As soon as Roni hit level ground, she turned to watch the remainder of Selena’s descent. With narrowed eyes and set mouth, she was a picture of concentration. Roni was impressed with how Selena sat her horse. Despite the nerve-wracking ride down, her body looked relaxed, which kept the horse focused on what he was doing.

  “That wasn’t too bad, was it?” she said as Selena joined her.

  Selena looked back up the steep incline. “I don’t think I’d ever have balls enough to try that alone.” She moved her neck from side to side and loosened her shoulders. “How many times have you ridden that?” She pulled her leather riding gloves off, shoved them into the pommel of the saddle, and pulled her canteen from the horn.

  “Once. I just found it last year. Aside from me, you’re the only one who’s been on it since the gold miners left.”

  “Lucky me.” Selena lifted the water to her lips.

  As Selena drank, Roni noticed an indent in her ring finger. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t seen it before now. Of course, she hadn’t been able to see much in the time Selena had been on the mountain. She wondered if she’d taken the ring off because of safety reasons or because she’d gone through a breakup. And if she’d gone through a breakup . . .

  “It takes a while for them to go away.”

  She looked up and saw Selena watching her. “Huh?” She felt her face heat up and knew she had turned red. Hopefully the shadows of the trees and gorge hid it.

  “I saw you looking at my hand. It takes a while for the dent to go away.” Selena smiled, but there was a veiled sadness in her eyes.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

  Selena held up her hand. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong.” She looked beyond her in the direction of the river. “We should get going, right?”

  “Uh, sure. It’s not far from here.” Roni conceded Selena had closed the subject so she turned Chenoa downstream.

  If the river could get any louder, it did as they reached the mighty Selway. The roar of the water was nearly deafening as it boiled and churned over the boulders beneath it. A heavy mist hung in the air above the raging rapids. The whirlpool wasn’t far from where they came out of the trees.

  Roni took the radio from her pack and contacted Jeff to confirm they were in position. Then she looped a pair of binoculars around her neck and watched as Selena did the same. Their location made it virtually impossible to hear anybody’s call for help. That made it necessary to watch upstream for every racer and follow their progress down the eddy.

  “Jeff said there are forty-two racers. Do you want to count or should I?” She glassed the river for any sign of the kayakers. “All clear.”

  “I will.” Selena rummaged around in her pack and removed something. She fiddled around with it and then put a lanyard around her neck.

  “What’s that?”

  “A clicker counter.”

  “A counter. How is it you have one of those things with you?”

  “I had to count marijuana plants once during an internship. You’d be surprised how many uses I have for it.”

  Roni shook her head and trained her eyes on the river. There was no sign of the racers. She looked around and saw a large boulder to sit on. This would put them above the mist and give them an excellent vantage point to see in both directions. They clambered up and sat on the giant rock. The canyon on either side was tight and constricted. The noise of the water echoed against the steep sides, which made it seem even louder.

  “My partner broke up with me four months ago,” Selena said, after several minutes of silence.

  Roni looked at her in surprise. She wasn’t expecting this sudden admission. “I’m sorry.” For lack of anything else coming to mind, she said, “His loss.”

  “Thanks. Her loss.” Selena checked the river.

  “You’re a lesbian?” Roni’s jaw dropped. How was it her gaydar never went off? But even if it had, she would’ve had a hard time believing it.

  “Is that a problem?” Selena kept her binoculars to her eyes.

  “No. I guess I just—”

  “Why is it that lesbians object so loudly about being labeled by the hets? Yet it seems that we have our own ideas about what a lesbian should look like.” Selena pinned her with her eyes.

  “Uh-oh, look! Here comes the first racer.” Roni pointed past her and hoped that would get her off the hook. Deep down she knew she wouldn’t be that lucky.

  They watched in silence as four kayakers successfully navigated the rapids and avoided the vortex line. This part of the river dropped a hundred feet in a mile. The steep gradient and large volume of water created huge holes, massive waves, and surging eddies.

  Selena recorded the number with her counter, and they continued their watch.

  “How long were you together?” Roni reasoned she had a right to ask since Selena had brought it up.

  “Six years. We met on an Outward Bound trip in Colorado. We went through SAR school together, and everything was hunky-dory. Then we deployed to Japan after the earthquake. She met someone and is still there as far as I know.” Selena shrugged as if it were old news.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not.” Selena gazed up river. “I guess I always knew she wouldn’t be the one I spent the rest of my life with.”

  Roni wasn’t sure what to say to that. She watched as eight kayaks passed by uneventfully. The counter recorded them with sharp clicks. She sat in silence, but her mind was speaking loudly. Why would you enter a relationship without permanence as a goal? Of all the women she’d slept with, she’d never sought a relationship because she didn’t foresee a future with any of them.

  “Are you with anybody?” Selena’s question broke into her stream of thought and caught her off guard.

  “No.”

  Selena must have read something in her posture or tone. “But you’re in love with someone?”

  Beth came to her mind instantly. She knew it would never happen, her and Beth together. But no one knew her the way Beth did. Nobody could read her the way Beth did. And in turn, she loved no other like she loved Beth.

  “Roni, the best advice I could give you is this: if you find you’re attracted to someone, tell them or approach them.”

  Roni snorted. “Yeah, easy for you to say. She’s not your best friend.”

  “That’s the best way to start a relationship.”

  “Except that she’s married to my brother.” Roni didn’t want to reply. It just came out. She’d never talked to anybody about her feelings for Beth. What happened to her usual reticence? She wished she’d brought a flask with her.

  “Oh.”

  They spoke no more on the subject while they watched twenty-five more racers, each in groups of six or seven, come barreling down the river. Thankfully, all made it through without mishap. Several minutes passed before there was any more activity on the river.

  “Here’s one coming.” Selena recorded him with a click.

  The lone straggler worked his way down with great precision. He wasn’t as fast as the others but seemed equally as skilled. Just as he entered the highest rapids, he disappeared. Roni and Selena scrambled to their feet.

  “Do you see him?” Roni quickly scanned the length of the river. Her heart thudded in her throat and a surge of adrenaline put her on high alert.

  “No, not yet.” Selena jumped off the boulder and ran to the packhorse. She grabbed the long climbing rope and jogged downstream.

  “Hold on,” Roni called. “I just saw him roll up out of the eddy. It looks like he’s okay.” She let out a long breath, and her heart slowed to its normal pace. “You might as well stay there for a bit. There’s three more coming.”

  After the kayaks were completely out of sight, Selena walked back to where Roni stood. She checked the counter and looked up. “Jeff said forty two?”

  Roni nodded. “That should be all of them then.”

  Roni gave her an amused grin. “Okay, the clicker can stay. Last year I kept track b
y lining pebbles up next to each other. This was much easier.”

  She slid off the boulder and together they strolled toward the horses. Roni caught a whiff of patchouli and decided she was beginning to like the scent.

  “What I told you earlier about Beth,” Roni said after they mounted their horses. “Can we keep that between you and me?”

  Selena smiled. “Your secret is safe with me.”

  Once again, riding the steep trail made conversation next to impossible. They stopped a couple of times at a hairpin to let the horses catch their breath. The animals’ sides heaved, and their nostrils flared blood red. The smell of horse sweat was heavy as it lathered white and dripped off their necks. Roni’s shirt was soaked as well. She leaned forward and moved her body with Chenoa, subtly adjusting her weight with each step. They finally reached the top and Roni got off and let her horses rest. Selena followed suit, and Roni noticed her shirt was equally as wet. “Did you bring an extra shirt?”

  “Of course.” Selena pulled the shirt over her head in one swift motion before going to her saddlebag for another.

  Roni got a glimpse of Selena’s firm stomach. She couldn’t help but notice her erect nipples as they reacted to the cool mountain air and pushed against Selena’s damp sports bra. She watched in appreciation as each distinct back and shoulder muscle moved under tanned skin as Selena reached in for a dry shirt. Realizing she was staring, she quickly changed her own shirt. The horses were still puffing a bit, but it would be better to keep them moving to keep them from stiffening up in the chilly air.

  As they rode, Roni wondered what kind of imbecile would let a woman like Selena go. Granted, she didn’t know her well, but from what she could tell Selena was compassionate, kind, and easygoing. She was also perceptive as hell. Add that she was absolutely gorgeous, and letting her go equaled stupidity on her ex’s part as far as Roni was concerned.

  Chapter Eleven

  “I NEED TO put some miles on Sparky,” Roni announced at breakfast one morning. “Anybody game to go with me?”

  After three days of torrential rains, the heavy mist finally gave way to a sun that outlined the retreating clouds in gold and purple. Roni was nearly insane. She suffered from the worst case of cabin fever she ever had. She was sick of cleaning, tired of cards, totally over lying around, and last, but not least, Jeff was driving her nuts with his incessant expectant father pining. They’d had a couple of go-rounds ending with each of them slamming their bedroom doors behind them. Selena probably felt uncomfortable being in the middle, but if she felt awkward at all, she was damned good at hiding it.

  “Aw, you know I’d love to see him toss you on your ass, but I’m going to beg out,” Jeff said through a mouthful of eggs.

  “Good. You stay here and nest or have contractions or whatever.”

  “Go to hell! You know as well as I do that Beth is due any time. I don’t want to be out in bum-fuck if she calls for me.” He threw his fork down, grabbed his coffee, and stormed out the door.

  “You ought to go down now.”

  She waited a few moments and peered over her fork at Selena, who appeared oblivious to their confrontation. Throughout breakfast, her face had been hidden by a book she’d obviously been engrossed in.

  “Selena, how about you?”

  Selena turned a page, and Roni wasn’t sure whether she had heard her. Several moments passed before Selena marked her spot, put the book down, and picked up her coffee. She looked over her cup and restrained Roni with her eyes.

  “I’m not taking sides,” she stated.

  “I’m not asking you to,” Roni said softly.

  “The both of you should’ve been tied up, gagged, and put in separate corners these past few days. It’s a damned good thing I grew up with two brothers and a sister and am used to that bullshit. But for God’s sake, really?”

  Selena’s remark stung Roni. “I’m sorry.”

  “I understand. You’re like caged cats with no way to release your pent-up energy, so it’s easy for you to turn on one another. Do you always fight like this?”

  “No.”

  “Jeff’s reactions are normal. He’s a couple days’ ride away from his pregnant wife who is getting close to delivering. What has gotten under your skin so badly?”

  Roni studied the marks in the wood table. The quarter-sized burn from her grandfather’s overturned pipe looked as fresh as if it had happened yesterday. There were long marks from sharp knives where her dad had butchered an elk quarter. Her eyes slid over to the corner where Jeff, Beth, and she had carved their initials one night after drinking too much.

  “I don’t know.”

  She picked up her plate and walked to the sink. She stood for a moment, looking out the window. Suddenly she bowed her head and let the tears flow and drip into the basin.

  Selena walked up behind her and placed her hand on her back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Roni shook her head, took a deep breath, and wiped her eyes. What in the hell was going on with her? One minute she was mad as a hornet and the next bawling like a baby. Where were these emotions coming from? “I don’t know what’s going on, and even if I did, I’m not sure I could put it into words.”

  “You should try to figure it out. It would probably make you feel better. If you need or want to talk, let me know, okay?” Selena removed her hand, and Roni’s skin felt cool where it had sat.

  She nodded and splashed some water on her face.

  “So to answer your question, yes, let’s ride. If we can’t figure out what’s irking you, maybe we’ll have better luck with that red horse of yours.”

  They walked out of the cabin a few minutes later, and Roni looked around for Jeff. The fragrant smell of his pipe smoke told her he hadn’t gone far. Since Beth was so close to giving birth, his skulking wouldn’t take him out of earshot of the radio anyway.

  Sparky acted fine as she went up to him, and he followed her willingly after she removed his hobbles. She patted him on his neck as they walked. “What goes on in that head of yours, big guy?” The horse turned his near ear in her direction and snorted.

  While they groomed and saddled the horses, she thought about where they could ride to. “There’s another meadow at the top of the mountain. Sometimes we see goat and sheep on the adjoining rock face if we look hard enough. It should be gorgeous up there this time of year with all the wildflowers too.”

  “I’d like that.”

  An hour and a half later, they rode out of the thick hemlock and Sitka spruce forest. The ride up had been uneventful. She kept Sparky on a tight rein the entire way. The meadow displayed an uphill tapestry of color from the yellows, purples, and blues of the lupine to the scarlet reds of the Indian paintbrush.

  “Wow,” Selena said quietly as they gazed upon the mass of wildflowers.

  “I know. I try to make it up here at least once a month because there’s always something blooming. The colors change all the time.” Roni reached down and stroked Sparky’s neck. “You’re being a good boy today.” She turned to Selena and watched her take it all in. A smile played on her lips. “Ready?”

  Selena nodded and for the first time since they’d left the cabin, they were able to ride side by side. The cool mountain air tousled their hair on its trek down the mountain, but the sun warmed their faces, keeping them comfortable. Roni was thankful she’d remembered her sunglasses, not that Selena would’ve let her forget them.

  She led the way between two massive boulders. She turned around to look behind her, and Sparky snorted, and in one swift motion, he twisted out from under her. She came off and found herself on her butt, staring at his knees. Sparky lowered his head and ruffled her hair with his nose but didn’t leave her side.

  “Are you all right?”

  She could see Selena was trying hard to stifle a laugh. She had a hand over her mouth, but the twinkle in her eyes gave her away.

  “Yes. Goddammit. See? This is what I’m talking about. I get no warning at all. He doesn’t te
nse up, or change his gait, nothing.” She looked at Sparky’s knees again and shook her head. “I swear I see more of his undercarriage than any other horse I’ve ever ridden.”

  Selena’s shoulders gave away the fact that she was quietly laughing. “Tell me again where he came from.” She cleared her throat in an apparent effort to sober up.

  Roni got to her feet and brushed herself off. “They used him to pony thoroughbreds in California. For whatever reason, he started attacking them.” She looked skyward and watched a pair of eagles soar overhead. They probably had a nest somewhere nearby.

  “Those marks on his neck, those are scars aren’t they?” Selena dismounted and walked up to Sparky. She ran her hand over the crescent shaped white hairs.

  “Probably. Those racehorses bite. I would’ve thought he’d have a neck guard on though.” She moved to Selena’s side and watched as she stroked the horse’s neck. “That still doesn’t explain why he tries to toss me all the time. I know I’m not hurting him.” Maybe she should just send Sparky down with Jeff when he went. She felt bad the horse would be at Charlie’s mercy, but she didn’t know what else to do.

  “You said there’s no specific time or place that he does it.”

  Selena seemed to be talking more to herself and not really looking for a response from her. Her brow furrowed in thought as she ran her hands over the sleek red hide. “I have a theory, but I don’t want to step on your toes.”

  “Selena, I’m open to anything. It’s gotten to the point I’m losing sleep over trying to figure him out.”

  “Are you sure? Some horse trainers get weird about other people helping them.”

  “Trust me, I am so sure. I need to do something before he tosses me on my head, or worse.”

  “You’re absolutely right. That’s the last thing you’d need.”

  Her trust in Selena grew more and more each day. The woman had a good head on her shoulders, and her self-assuredness was contagious. Add to that, she’d try anything at this point to make Sparky the horse she knew, deep down, he could be.