Right Out of Nowhere

by Laurie Salzler

  A million stars sparkled high above. The face of the moon seemed close enough to make out its craters and dry lakes. She pulled on the boots she’d carried out and walked to the edge of the meadow. She whistled quietly for Chenoa, and his low nicker told her he’d heard it. In the still night air, she could hear as well as see him walking toward her.

  “Hey, bud, did I wake you up?” Chenoa put his head on her chest and let her scratch his ears. She ran her hands down his back, smoothing hair, and wiping off the dirt he’d rolled in. She stood at his withers and grabbed a handful of mane with her left hand. In one fluid movement, she threw her right leg over his back and hauled herself up. In lieu of saddle and bridle, she’d taught him to listen to her legs and weight to guide him. She pointed him toward the trail Selena and she had taken up the mountain earlier and let him navigate the footing in the dark forest.

  On top of the mountain, the landscape was painted white from the moon’s illumination. An eerie absence of color, except for various hues of black and white, reflected the mood that accompanied her.

  She leaned back on Chenoa and rested her head on his butt while he grazed contentedly on the lush meadow grasses. She laid her hands on her chest, crossed her legs over his withers to take the pressure off her back, and relied on her ingrained reflexes to take over. The horse’s body heat warmed her against the chilly air. The stars somehow seemed closer up here. She knew it was because of the thinner air, but all the same, she felt comforted by the celestial view. A meteor flew across the sky and disappeared over the tree line. She wondered if some miniscule part of it ever reached the ground, or if it had burned out before it made contact with the earth.

  She also wondered if Selena was lying awake in bed thinking about her. “You’re such a fool, Oatman.”

  She chastised herself for even having that thought. She had no right to think about her that way or to want her. It was just a reflex, she told herself. Her raging libido took over and shut her brain down, but she couldn’t shut all of her brain off. Here she’d done so well to convince herself that Selena was a friend and that’s all she should be. She was damned if she would sleep with her and end up hurting her. Common sense told her she’d definitely have to keep her at arm’s length. A seed of doubt crept in, and she shoved it away. She could handle this, couldn’t she? After all, hadn’t she survived loving Beth for all these years?

  Veins of red and purple appeared in the sky, signaling the approach of dawn. She should head back. She sat up and waited for Chenoa to steady himself. He’d tired of grazing a while ago and had stood resting with a hind leg cocked under him.

  “You ready, big guy?” She grabbed a fist full of mane and gave him some leg. He took a few steps and then eased into a slow jog until they reached the woods.

  The rich caroling of robins accompanied her as they picked their way down. By the time she was at the halfway mark, numerous other birds had joined in with their own morning celebrations. Roni kept her thoughts in line by identifying them.

  The smell of coffee and eggs wafted out of the cabin as she stopped in front of it, and her stomach growled in response. She slid off Chenoa, and he ambled away from her. The door to the cabin opened, and Selena stood there with a cup of coffee in her hand.

  “Are you hungry?” Selena took a sip of coffee. Her eyes and face were unreadable.

  “Starved, actually.”

  Selena nodded and disappeared into the cabin. Was she mad or indifferent? Roni just couldn’t tell. She took a deep breath, found her resolve, and went up the steps. Puller stared at her from the top, and she spent a few minutes apologizing for not taking him with her.

  “He’s not the only one you need to apologize to,” Selena said from inside.

  “God, Selena, about last night . . .”

  Selena appeared in the doorway again. “I’m not talking about when you grabbed my tit and kissed me, you idiot.”

  Roni stood up straight and looked at her, confused. “Then I guess I don’t know what—”

  “You snuck out and took off without saying a word.”

  “I didn’t think . . .”

  “That’s right. You didn’t. You didn’t think about how worried I’d be if you didn’t come back. You didn’t think about what would happen if a SAR call came in. That’s just it, Roni. You. Did. Not. Think.” Selena tapped her temple to accentuate each word. She glared at Roni for a moment and then said in a much more civil voice, “Come on, breakfast is ready. You can eat it while it’s still hot.” She turned on her heels and disappeared into the cabin.

  Roni remained motionless, not sure what to say or do. She started to say she was sorry again, but thought better of it. Her first reaction was to walk away, but she thought better of that too, given Selena’s heated remarks. She came to the conclusion she should just cowgirl up, go in, and face the music.

  Selena sat at the table seemingly engrossed in her book. Roni watched her from the doorway, calmly eating her breakfast like nothing had transpired between the two of them. She grabbed a plate, filled it, and sat down. They ate in silence until Selena put the book down and leaned back with her arms crossed over her chest.

  Roni looked up. “I get the impression you want me to say something.”

  “Anything but ‘I’m sorry’ would be an improvement.” Selena stared hard into her eyes.

  “Then I don’t know what you expect me to say.” Roni put her fork down and struck an identical pose. She felt tension creep up her spine and tried not to hunch her shoulders.

  “You don’t get it, do you? I’m not upset about what happened in the bathroom. The fact that you ran troubles me. Is that your approach to life? To cut and run at the slightest hint of conflict? Or for that matter, anything that scares you?”

  Roni broke their eye contact, and her eyes slid to the table’s carved initials. “I didn’t run. I couldn’t sleep and had to think about some stuff.” She didn’t realize until that moment how much her silence had affected Selena.

  “About Beth? You need to get over her. It’s not healthy for you to pine your life away on somebody you can’t have or be jealous of something your brother has. It’ll only serve to ruin the close relationship you have with both of them.”

  “What do you know about love? It’s not something you can read in a book.” Roni regretted saying it as soon as it was out her mouth. “I’m sorry, I was out of line.” She picked up her coffee cup just to have something to do with her hands and held it in limbo between the table and her mouth.

  “I know a lot, trust me. The three years I spent with Kim were some of the happiest times of my life. I gave her everything: my heart, my soul, my entire self. I know when your heart’s broken it’s a hard time, yeah. But when a psycho breaks it, it’s really hard.”

  “She was a psycho?” Roni sat up, feeling suddenly protective. “Wait, I thought you were with her for six years.”

  Selena did a one-shoulder shrug. “It’s a long story. But this isn’t about me.”

  “I know. And you’re right. What I feel for Beth is wrong on so many levels. Sometimes I feel like I’m just stumbling through life when it comes to her. How do you force yourself to fall out of love with someone?”

  “I think you need to evaluate what kind of love you feel.” Selena picked up her coffee and leaned back in her chair.

  “Isn’t love, love?”

  “Let me ask you this. Do you think the love you feel for your parents is the same as your love for Jeff? Or for that matter, your love for Beth?”

  “I never thought of it that way. I’d have to answer ‘no’ then.” Roni rubbed her thumbnail over her lips.

  “Take it a step further and consider the love you feel for Beth and what you’d feel for another woman.”

  “I don’t know that there’s a difference.”

  “I think there is.” Selena put her empty mug on the table and rested her chin in her hands. “Think about it.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  �
�I’ve never been in love with another woman.” Roni felt sheepish having to admit it.

  “Ah.” Selena nodded her head slowly. She laced her hands behind her head and looked at the ceiling. “I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume you’ve slept with a woman.”

  “Well, yeah. Isn’t that what college is for?” She smirked. “I’m not a virgin if that’s what you mean.”

  “You’re telling me you had no romantic interest in any woman at school?” Selena raised her eyebrow.

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “Because . . . because I couldn’t.”

  “Couldn’t or wouldn’t?”

  “Selena, what are you getting at?”

  “Infatuation can easily be confused with love.”

  Roni sighed in exasperation. “Your point?”

  “I think infatuation is just your heart telling your brain what to feel. It’s telling you that since you and Beth are so emotionally close, you should love her. But what’s really happening is part of your subconscious knows she’s unobtainable, so the other part that houses reasoning is walled off or overrun with this thing called infatuation.”

  Roni cocked her head. “And because of that I can’t trust what my heart says?”

  “Not until you synchronize all three parts.”

  “You seem to know a lot about this. Something tells me it’s experience talking and not your photographic memory gone haywire.”

  “How many women have you been with?” Selena quickly changed the subject.

  “You mean in the biblical sense?”

  A smile lifted the corner of Selena’s mouth.

  “I don’t know. A lot. Why?”

  “Did you ever find what you were looking for?”

  “If you’re asking if the sex was good, then yeah. Most times.”

  “That’s not what I meant. While you were having sex with these other women, did you ever think about Beth?”

  “Well, of course. I have no idea what you’re getting at.”

  “If you want my opinion, and please stop me if you don’t, I think deep down you know you’ll never have a relationship with Beth. So you’ve locked up the love only Roni Oatman can give, and you do everything you can to sabotage a love you deserve.”

  “Okay, Doctor Ruth, how do I fix that?”

  “Start dating and allow yourself to fall in love with someone else.” A flirty smile crept up Selena’s face.

  “It’s kind of hard to date around here. Slim pickings you know,” Roni said in a teasing tone. Her heart rate jumped a notch at this new turn of events.

  “It sure is.” Selena gave an exaggerated sigh, looked around, and drummed her fingers on the table. She caught Roni’s eye, and they both started laughing. “I’m glad we got that out of the way.”

  Roni furrowed her eyebrows. “What?”

  “Our first argument.”

  “Are you insinuating we should date?” A shot of anticipation and nervousness coursed through her chest as she waited for Selena’s reply.

  “I think we should take it slowly, but yeah. I’d like to give it a go with you.” Selena averted her eyes for a moment. “I was hurt badly, Roni. When you kissed me last night, it was the nicest thing I’ve experienced in a long time.” She flashed Roni a devilish grin. “And maybe next time I’ll let you rub my right tit too.”

  The heat of a blush raced up Roni’s neck and she knew her face had to be crimson red. “I don’t even know what to say to that.” She was horrified her voice sounded more like a mouse squeak.

  “Yes would be nice.” Selena gave her a gentle smile.

  She swallowed hard. “Then yes. Absolutely.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  SELENA STOOD NAKED over her, her body glistening against the intense blue sky. The rising steam from the hot springs formed tiny droplets on her skin, and Roni watched as one by one they combined and trickled down her . . .

  “Roni, wake up! Your brother’s on the radio for you.”

  . . . down her . . . Goddammit! She opened her sleepy eyes, her mind reluctant to rise from the fog of her erotic dream. Selena’s giggle brought her wide-awake, and she gave her a questioning look.

  “I busted you out of a good dream, didn’t I?”

  “Um, what time is it?” Oh for God’s sake, I’m blushing again. She’s going to know. Roni needn’t have worried because Selena abruptly walked out of the room when she heard Jeff’s voice. She threw the covers back, put on some clothes, and went into the main room. Selena was chatting with Jeff.

  “Here she is now, Jeff. Good talking to you and congratulations. Over.” Selena winked at her as she vacated the desk chair.

  “Hey, Jeff. Selena was either congratulating you for finally learning how to tie your shoes, or Beth had the baby. Over.” She sat down and put her feet up on the desk. She nodded at Selena who raised a coffee cup in question.

  “Oh my God, Roni, she’s beautiful! She’s got five toes on each foot and five fingers on each hand and a thick head of hair. She’s perfect. Over.”

  “If she’s got the right number of fingers and toes, it’s obvious she’s not your kid. Is Beth okay? Over.” Selena set a steaming cup of coffee on the desk in front of her and sat in one of the nearby chairs. Roni mouthed a thank you and picked it up.

  “The milkman has eight on each, so you do the math. Beth is good. Tired. The labor lasted nine hours, but the doctors said that’s normal for a first baby. We get to go home tomorrow. Over.”

  “Have you guys decided on a name yet? I don’t want to have to keep calling her ‘it.’ Over.”

  “Yup. Brittany Tiffany Oatman. Over.”

  Roni snorted the coffee out through her nose and started coughing. She slid her feet off the desk and bent over to help drain out her sinuses. Selena got up and thumped her on the back, which made her hack some more. Tears and coffee streamed down to her upper lip.

  “Remind me to kill him when he comes back,” Roni wheezed. She wiped her mouth on her sleeve and heard Jeff laughing.

  “Gotcha. You snorted coffee didn’t you? Over.”

  She exchanged looks with Selena. “A bullet right between the eyes, right?” Selena nodded and chuckled. “So, wise guy, what did you really name her? Over.”

  “Ashley Veronica Oatman. Over.”

  Fresh tears pooled and flowed down her face. Selena put a hand on her shoulder, and she reached up and grabbed it. “Jeff, I don’t know what to say. Over.”

  “Just promise me you won’t teach her how to chew tobacco. I have to run. I want to be there for Ashley’s first feeding. I’ll catch you later, sis. Over and out.”

  Selena pulled her out of the chair and into a hug.

  “That’s the nicest thing he’s ever done for me.” Roni had to admit it was comforting to have Selena’s arms around her waist, her breasts pushed against her own. No, she told herself, she wasn’t going to go there. Yet. “Except there was this time he stole Charlie’s Playboy magazine for me when I was sick in bed with strep throat. I knew he really loved me then.” She leaned back in Selena’s arms as she heard her soft laughter. “What?”

  “Your niece could do a lot worse than growing up with an aunt like you.”

  She placed a soft kiss on Selena’s mouth. She didn’t have the nerve to let it linger too long, although Selena’s soft, slightly parted lips dared her to do so. After all, they agreed to take it slow, didn’t they? Roni fell back into the embrace. Her lips found Selena’s neck and without further thought, she nibbled a trail from her exposed collarbone, up her jaw, and ended with a deeper kiss on Selena’s lips.

  At first Selena didn’t resist. Their bodies molded together. Selena accepted and returned her kisses. It felt so familiar, right up until she skimmed her tongue over Selena’s lips.

  Selena pushed them apart with a hand against her chest. “Slow, remember?”

  “Sorry. I kind of got carried away.” She straightened her shoulders and pretended to have regained control of her body. Hints of her d
ream unintentionally came to the forefront of her mind. She needed a distraction. “Pancakes?”

  “Roni, it’s only four a.m. Are you seriously hungry?”

  “Maybe not for pancakes.” She gave Selena a quick peck and headed for the kitchen.

  “Now who’s the flirt?” Selena followed her, refilled their cups with hot coffee, and set one on the counter next to her. “What do you want to do today? I’ll probably regret that question.” She stirred the ash-covered embers in the stove and added a few pieces of kindling to get it going.

  “We have to check in with Fenn at six, but after that we could go for a ride if you want. I want to work with Sparky some more, and I’d like it if you were with me.”

  “That sounds like a plan. Can we go someplace with fewer rocks?”

  Roni stopped mixing the pancakes and put on an incredulous face. “Are you implying I’ll get dumped again?”

  Selena smirked at her before retreating into the bathroom.

  Roni poured some kibble in Puller’s dish, and he strolled out of her bedroom. He yawned and wagged his tail as he made his way over. “Lazy bones. It must be nice to lounge in bed all morning.”

  Selena soon reappeared and they sat down to eat. Afterward, they drank coffee on the cabin steps, watching for dawn’s arrival and waited for six o’clock to roll around. At five thirty, the radio came to life.

  “Base One to Base Two, please respond. Over.”

  She threw a surprised glance in Selena’s direction and ran into the cabin. “Base Two, I copy. Hey, Andy, you’re early. Over.”

  “We’ve got a situation, Roni. At 1700 last night Lewiston Airport lost touch with a single-prop airplane, tail numbers N603555, bound for some glacier sightseeing. In addition to the male pilot, there were two females and a male onboard. They would have flown right over your territory. The flight controllers assume they went down somewhere between Big Rock Mountain and Bailey Mountain. Over.”

  “And they’re just now letting us know? Jesus. Do they have the flight coordinates at least?” Her pulse jumped a hundredfold the longer she listened. She quickly jotted down the information Andy relayed to her. “What was their ETA? Over.” She stood up and peered at the Idaho topo map that hung over the desk. She traced the route for Selena who stood close at her side. “Christ, they could be anywhere within a five mile triangulation.”