Jacinta kicked the flat black Nike skate shoes – probably the most comfortable flat soles she’d ever worn, even though her dad had bought them – until they were lined up straight, and pushed her feet in without untying the laces. Her toenails would be fine. ‘I can’t even smudge the paint because it’s solid dry already.’
‘Aunt Win has new Shellac every two weeks.’ Noni smiled, which was good – because when she forgot to, Jacinta could tell she was missing Harley. And worrying about her work. Noni had told her something of her concerns there. Everybody had their worries. And she could see that Noni loved her hospital ward very much, so she hoped it all worked out.
Jacinta wondered if she’d be like that when her baby was born. Stressed if her baby was out of her sight. Worried about her work because she had to support her own child. She couldn’t imagine having a baby that was totally her responsibility, but watching Aimee and Kylie had helped the reality of it to seep in. Pretty intense.
As long as her father didn’t try to take over.
Noni had been coaching her on that by example. Giving her scripts for keeping control when he tried to muscle in on things that were her decision. She needed to think about making her baby proud of her and teach her – she’d dreamed it was a girl – not to be pushed around by a man.
Jacinta could see the sense of that. Her hand slid down and cupped the taut mound of her stomach. She was running out of room in there. But still, it was hard to imagine her baby in her arms as a real, live mini-person.
They’d been buying baby clothes, she, Win and Noni, and it had been so much fun she’d felt like crying. She couldn’t help wishing her mum was here, but somewhere in the back of her analytical mind, the part she didn’t let out much, she knew just how lucky she was, considering where she could have been. How lucky her baby was to be safe and surrounded by good people.
‘Thanks, Noni.’
Noni waved to the beautician and put her wallet in her shoulder bag, before turning to face her.
‘You don’t need to thank me.’ She wrinkled her nose. ‘I took yours from the money your father left.’
‘That’s not what I mean. Thanks for coming with. Doing all this after work all week when I know you’re tired.’
Noni smiled and Jacinta didn’t know how she did it, but she managed to make Jacinta feel like the most important person in the world. As if Noni wanted nothing more than to spend two hours after a hard day at work with her getting black polish on her toes.
Noni said, ‘It’s been good, Jaz. I’ve enjoyed your company. And it’s helped me pass the time while Harley is away. I haven’t spoiled myself for a while, so thank you, too – it’s way more fun with two.’
Jacinta could believe that. Noni worked harder than anybody she’d ever known. She never stopped. And tomorrow, both Iain and Harley would come home and everything would change again.
But there was hope in that, too. Perhaps her dad would know more about how her mum had died, even though that was something she didn’t want to think about. She looked down at her fingernails. She’d wanted electric blue, but Noni had wondered, out loud, if she wanted everyone to look at her baby in the photos or her bright-blue nails? So, she’d gone for clear beds and French tips like Noni. They were bad, too.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Noni
Noni watched Jacinta walk in front of her and noted the way she slid her hand down every few minutes to hold her stomach. Jacinta likely didn’t even realise she was doing it. She was probably having some mild Braxton Hicks contractions that were practising for the big event – an event that drew very near.
Noni could breathe a little easier now after the last few days. She’d discovered, in pampering sessions of all places, that the Jacinta she thought she knew wasn’t a quarter of the girl who was really there. Jacinta McCloud was no shrinking violet or even a streetwise urchin with a chip on her shoulder. That was all a front.
Jacinta McCloud was an old soul, with enormous strength of will, a razor-sharp intelligence, and a quirky, understated sense of humour, which was lucky because she definitely had a tightening uterus. She’d need all of those skills to smile her way through labour.
Noni just hoped Jacinta’s labour held out until her father came home. They’d had a backup plan of Iain leaving Sydney and driving straight home if Jacinta started labour earlier than expected, before he’d returned, but that hadn’t been necessary. And the week had flown – except for missing Harley like an amputated limb from her body. She’d found herself wondering what he was doing all the time. He phoned every night to talk to her and seemed to be his usual self. Going to school from Nathan’s was an exciting change. She told him she loved him before he went to bed, but she usually said that twenty times a day when he was home. Win said that was why he could leave her. He knew one hundred per cent that his mother loved him no matter what.
At work, babies continued to arrive with unusual regularity so there were no quiet shifts. Even more worryingly, they’d held another crisis meeting at work about Dr Soams’s retirement and the Director of Nursing admitted that she held grave hopes for the maternity unit being able to continue as a birthing place. Which possibly meant the end of Noni’s job.
Plus, she hadn’t seen Iain for four days and Noni missed him more than she liked to admit. There’d been plenty of times she’d wondered what Iain was doing, too.
When Iain rang he only spoke to Jacinta, who answered her father’s questions in monosyllables. He’d never asked to speak to Noni. Not once. Just, ‘Tell Noni I’ll talk to her when I come back.’
She’d started to wonder if it was his way of letting her know that the kisses they’d exchanged were just flirting on his part and she shouldn’t place any expectations on them. Each day made her believe that theory more.
Okay. She got it. She wasn’t expecting anything to come of it. Really.
On Friday, Noni stopped at the post office on her way home, with just half an hour before Harley got off the bus. She had plans for a hug so big it made her hands itch with anticipation, before she had to scoop her prodigal son off to cricket practice. Noni almost collided with Penelope as she rushed out the post-office door.
Penelope’s heavily made-up face carried a look of such disdain she appeared in pain. Noni almost felt sorry for her.
‘I hear Iain’s in Sydney and left his daughter with you,’ she said, shaking her head as if she couldn’t believe it.
Noni did not have the time to angst over Penelope. Miss P. Funny how Jacinta’s name for her made Noni smile inside. ‘Yep. Nothing’s a secret in this town.’
‘Iain told me, of course. I was speaking to him last night. It seems a bit strange to leave his daughter with people he barely knows.’ She smiled sourly at Noni. ‘But Iain always has been too trusting for his own good.’
Noni smiled back. Sweetly. ‘Yes. I heard he’d taken you out a couple of times as well. Such a nice man. See you.’
Noni fumed all the way home. What a witch! But it was Iain she was angry with. How dare he talk to that woman and not to her?
She slammed the door behind her as she came into the house and stormed into the library, not sure why she was in there, except it was the place she usually found Iain when he was at home.
Jacinta looked up from the sewing machine her father had repaired. ‘Noni? Can I talk to you?’
Her attention was caught by Jacinta’s tone, and after only a small, furious struggle, she stuffed her anger back in its place just behind her heart, then pulled a chair over to the little table beside Jacinta. ‘Sure. What’s up?’
‘Iain said you had Harley when you were about my age. Were you scared about the labour?’
Girl-talk time. Perhaps Jacinta had felt more consistent Braxton Hicks contractions today? ‘I was twenty when I had Harley. But, yes, I was a little scared. You ask Aunt Win.’ She smiled at the memory.
‘Where was your mum?’
Noni sighed and pursed her lips as she ordered her thoughts. It was
a time she didn’t really like to think about. She settled herself comfortably as she considered how to begin.
‘Mum was thirty-four when she had me. Ten years older than Win and Win’s elder sister. My parents adored each other and I sometimes wondered if I cramped their style a bit when I arrived. They were very romantic. My mother always said to wait until I found someone who made me feel like a queen before I made love.’
She smiled sadly. ‘When I turned eighteen and left home, they did too. They sold the house, bought a plush mobile home, and joined a motorbike club for people over fifty. I thought they were mad, but a lot of relatives on my dad’s side are pretty different. They were so happy being rebels.’
Jacinta’s eyes widened. ‘That’s very cool.’
Noni had learned to be philosophical. ‘Yes. I suppose it was. I lived in uni housing, anyway, while I did my midwifery degree, so it didn’t make much difference to me. One day they were at a bike rally, just before I was nineteen, celebrating Woodstock memories, and there was a big pile-up of motorbikes on the expressway. They were both killed.’
Jacinta turned shocked eyes towards her. ‘How horrible.’
Noni winced at the memory. ‘Yes, it was. I was pretty angry with both of them. I was actually wild with anger.’ She swallowed at the thought of telling the next bit. ‘So I went out and lost my virginity to a blues singer who was passing through town. He’d found me crying. He was very attractive and really nice, but … well, the idiocy of unprotected sex.’ She looked at Jacinta. ‘It was really for the comfort of someone holding me. I should have come straight home to Win. He told me before we did it that I’d never see him again. In case I wanted to change my mind. I guess I thought I was getting back at my parents, which was pretty dumb. Then I found out I was pregnant. Terrible bad luck, I thought at the time.’
‘Did you ever tell him you were pregnant?’
‘His band was gone the next day. I never tried to find him. He had a mischievous smile, which is what I remember most. We had nothing in common except that one night, and he was a lot older than I was. I put “Father Unknown” on Harley’s birth certificate. That was the only negative thing about having Harley. Apart from that, I wouldn’t change a thing.’
‘Who looked after you when you got really big, like me now?’
‘Aunt Win. Harley was born over the Christmas break for uni, so I kept studying until then, had Harley, and went back through the week to finish when he was six months old.’
‘You didn’t think of leaving?’
‘I did. Until someone told me I’d never make anything of myself, and that kicked me into gear again.’
‘What a jerk! Who’d say that to you?’ Noni saw the sudden fury in Jacinta’s face. She looked ready to jump up and give that person a swift kick. Penelope had always been Noni’s nemesis, but she’d told herself the universe worked in mysterious ways.
‘Just someone. Anyway, as I said before, I was terrified. I came home to Burra and Win was with me through labour, just like your dad and I will be with you. It’s natural to be apprehensive about what you’re about to go through, giving birth to a child. Just remember you’re designed to do it.’
She drew a deep breath. ‘I did an important thing before I had Harley. I went to my parents’ graves and forgave them. And I asked them to forgive me for being so angry with them. Then I forgave myself for my mistakes. I finally realised it had been their choice to live their lives as they wanted. Imagine if, because of me, they were old and unhappy because they never realised their dreams. That’s worse than dying.’
Jacinta nodded, taking it all in.
There was just the end of the story to tell. ‘So, after Harley was born, I became a midwife. I was lucky enough to get graduate midwifery year here through Burra maternity. For me, there’s no better job than being there and helping a woman realise what she’s capable of when she has a baby.’ She slipped her arm around Jacinta’s shoulders and squeezed her gently. ‘You’ll see when your time comes.’
Jacinta didn’t say anything for a few moments. Then she smiled and leaned over and kissed Noni’s cheek. ‘Thanks for that. I’ll tell you a secret I never told anyone: I always wanted to be a doctor, but I never knew why. School was so easy it was boring. Maybe I inherited that from Iain. I’ll do it, too. My baby will be secure.’ She shrugged. ‘I’m gonna go to my room for a while.’
Noni watched her lever herself out of the chair and head for the stairs. She felt drained and rested her head on her arms. She wouldn’t change a thing about her life but was still glad she wasn’t seventeen again!
Then the school bus tooted. ‘Harley’s home,’ Jacinta called from the stairs, but Noni was already up and halfway to the door.
Week five of antenatal classes included the visit from the retiring Dr Soams, and a discussion on intervention in labour. It seemed strange without Iain’s presence in her class. Noni couldn’t stop thinking about how he would be back late that night, and it didn’t help that everyone kept asking where he was.
Dr Soams explained the reasons a doctor would consider it necessary to intervene in the natural process, and while sometimes Noni disagreed on the timing, she held her tongue. She kept a wary eye on Jacinta’s face.
It was a fact of life that a woman’s labour sometimes didn’t have the smooth outcome she hoped for, and that delays and mal-positions of babies could exhaust a mother or a baby. Noni knew that if people understood the reasons for certain outcomes it helped them come to terms with them in the rare cases they happened.
After Dr Soams left, Noni answered any questions and reiterated her favourite saying: ‘Knowledge is power. So be aware of your choices and what’s really necessary. Remember your birth is unique to you, and all you’re doing is giving nature the best chance of doing the job on autopilot. But help is there if you need it.’
When the class broke up to go home, Jacinta came up to Noni.
‘Why couldn’t they save my mother?’ she asked sadly.
Noni put her arm around Jacinta and hugged her. ‘That’s what your father has gone to find out.’ Then she smiled.
‘He should be home by the time we get there. You can ask him.’ She grinned at the young girl beside her. ‘I’ve enjoyed my girly week with you. Now the men are back, our peace will be gone.’
Chapter Twenty-nine
Noni
When Noni drove the ute into the carport at her usual pace she barely missed the Lexus. Both Noni and Jacinta giggled.
‘One day you’ll smash it,’ Jacinta said.
‘Only if he parks it in the wrong place. Then it’ll be his fault.’ They smiled at each other and got out.
‘I heard that!’ They both jumped and turned to Iain, who was leaning against the carport wall.
‘He’s got sonic ears, you know.’ Noni winked at Jacinta. She looked around but couldn’t see her son. ‘Where’s Harley?’
Iain tucked Jacinta and Noni under an arm each and walked them to the house. For once Jacinta didn’t pull away. ‘He was waiting in the library for you, but he’s fallen asleep. I left him there because I didn’t want to disturb his sleep.’
They settled in the library and Noni managed to slide herself under Harley so that he was sprawled in her lap. It felt good to hold him and she kissed his downy face.
She looked up at Iain. He leaned in a relaxed pose against the worn fireplace as if he, too, was glad to be back here. Despite his relaxed pose, she suspected he was nervous about what he had to say. She tried really hard not to be sidetracked into just staring at him.
Her eyes roamed his dark hair, the angled lines of his face, his strong neck and shoulders and across his broad chest. She remembered reading somewhere that a woman unconsciously picks out her mate by the confidence she has that he could protect her future family from predators. She’d certainly feel protected with Iain – though maybe a little too protected. Still, he was good enough to stare at as she sat there with her son cuddled close.
Stop that, she ad
monished herself. ‘Jacinta and I both want to know what happened. Did you find out why they weren’t able to save Adele?’
Iain’s eyes touched briefly on Noni before they rested on his daughter. Then he moved to sit beside Jacinta on the lounge and turned sideways to face her.
‘There wasn’t time,’ he said. ‘Your mother had a heart condition she may not even have known about. She should never have become pregnant again. The strain of the delivery caused her heart to overload and stop. They couldn’t start it beating again so they tried the peri-mortem caesarean to see if that would help. I spoke with the doctor who was in charge of her case.’ He paused to let that sink in. Jacinta’s face looked scarily like Iain’s when he wasn’t showing emotion.
After a few more seconds when Jacinta didn’t say anything, Iain went on. ‘I believe they did everything they could to save her. They tried to save the baby before he died too. But it wasn’t possible.’
‘I had a brother.’ Jacinta’s voice was flat. ‘I never thought about that before.’ Her face remained unreadable. Noni wanted to hug her.
Iain lifted his hand and stroked Jacinta’s hair, and Noni felt the tears prick the back of her eyes and tried desperately not to let them drip down her face. This was their tragedy and had nothing to do with her. She couldn’t be the first to break down.
Iain said quietly, ‘I know it was horrific for you to be there, but I truly believe they couldn’t have done anything differently. I couldn’t have done anything differently if I’d been there, except be there for you. I’m very, very sorry I wasn’t there for you, but I will be in the future.’
Jacinta nodded and finally her face crumpled. Iain reached forward and gathered her in his arms and Noni felt herself softening more towards him. Yes. Hug her. Thank you. Finally. She so needs it.
After a few minutes, and a mop up of Jacinta’s tears, they sat back and Iain looked across at Noni. It had been an emotional time, but she could see he still had his game face on.
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