It Might Be You

by Jennifer Gracen

  Nick stared down at her as she went through the quick routine. Want flowed off him in palpable waves. Before he put the mask on, he whispered, “Are you okay?”

  “Fine,” she managed over the lump in her throat. She stepped back. “I’ll be over here on my throne, Myles. You guys have fun.” She went back to the comfy armchair by the window, leaving them to their video games. The weight of Nick’s stare burned into her; she could feel him, forcing her to look back at him. His eyes, so dark and intense over the white face mask, lingered for a few more seconds before his shoulders slumped a bit and he turned away. He went to sit in the chair by Myles’s bedside.

  She couldn’t see them fully from her seat; the half wall cut off her view. This room had originally been a guest room, more like a suite, with the sitting area separate from the bed and its own bathroom. But when Myles had gotten sick, his parents switched him into this room so they could stay comfortably with him. His old bedroom, which was smaller, was now a guest room.

  Amanda settled into her chair, pretending to read on her tablet. She had to pretend. She couldn’t focus; the words swam in front of her. She listened to Myles and Nick chatter as they played games for almost two hours.

  Nick told Myles he’d been invited to his Aunt Tess’s house for dinner the following night, and was there anything he needed to know? Myles talked about how his aunt Tess was amazing and his uncle Logan was really nice for a super-huge mountain man, and then about his little cousins, Annabel, who was five, and the three-year-old twins, Evan and Emily. Myles said he’d liked to play with them when they were babies, but he didn’t get to very much now. He told Nick how sometimes Aunt Tess and Annabel would bring board games up to Myles’s room, like Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders, and how Myles was a little big for those now, but since Annabel was still little, he did it for her.

  “That’s good of you, being the big man,” Nick commended him. “You’re a good cousin.”

  “I try,” Myles said, throwing his torso into the moves as he battled zombies.

  “Well, thanks for the tips,” Nick said. “Now I feel more prepared for tomorrow night. You’re super helpful.”

  Amanda’s heart squeezed. Nick was so good with him. He was a good guy—he really was.... All her original ideas about enjoying a fling with him came rushing back. He hadn’t made any false promises, had made it clear from the start that while he liked her, their interaction had built-in limitations . . . all the things that had originally appealed to her about the whole situation. Okay, he’d lashed out and hurt her. But she’d called him on that bullshit immediately, and he’d apologized, and he’d made it pretty clear he still wanted to be with her, whatever that meant with the limits.

  He liked her. She liked him too, even though he was covered in red flags. The truth was, maybe that’s why she’d pushed him away so hard and fast. Damn.

  “Hey, buddy, listen,” Nick was saying to Myles. “I’m done with all the tests and stuff this time around. I’m going back to Florida on Sunday.”

  “Aw, man,” Myles sighed. “Okay. But you’ll come back?”

  “Of course,” Nick said. “Definitely when you’re ready for the surgery. That time, I’ll be here for about a month, probably. They said my recovery might take a few weeks, and they don’t really want me in a germy airport, so I’m going to take time off work and just stay here for that.”

  “Here at the house?” Myles wondered aloud.

  “No, bud, I’ll be in my hotel.”

  “But who’ll take care of you?”

  A wave of affection flowed through Amanda. Myles was such a thoughtful kid.

  “I’ll be taking care of myself, buddy,” Nick said. “Tough guy, remember?”

  “Maybe Amanda could help you,” Myles offered.

  Nick paused before saying, “She’s your nurse, bud. She’ll be busy taking care of you.”

  “I don’t know,” Myles said. “They said after the surgery, I have to stay in the hospital for a while before I get to go home. So she’ll be free. Maybe you should ask her? I’m sure she’d help you—she’s the best. She’s the nicest, really.”

  Nick chuckled warmly at the same time Amanda swallowed a laugh. Her heart swelled a size or two.

  “I’ll be fine,” Nick said. “Don’t you worry about me.” He paused again and said, “I’m a little worried about you, though. No lie: I’ll be thinking of you every day when I go back home.”

  “That’s nice. But, you know, starting tomorrow, I’ll be too busy sleeping and throwing up and stuff,” Myles said. “Probably not even feel well enough to play video games. You won’t miss much.” His voice cracked on the last word, and it sent a lance of agony through Amanda’s heart. She sat up straighter in her chair, her fingers curling into fists.

  “Are you scared?” Nick asked quietly.

  “Yeah, a little.”

  “I would be too. That’s normal.” Nick’s voice got a little thick. “I hate that you’re gonna feel so sick, Myles. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. They have to do it. I understand why.”

  “You know what? You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met.”

  “You’re a cop,” Myles said. “You’re braver than me.”

  “I don’t know, buddy. Faced with what you’re facing, I think you’re the one who’s braver.” Nick cleared his throat. “But I tell you what. We’re gonna do this thing, and it’s going to really suck at first, but then you’re going to get better. I know you are. I feel it. You have to believe it too, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Amanda’s heart thumped and she swallowed hard. She could feel her blood pulsing in her veins. She wanted to get up and hug both of them.

  “Hey, Nick?” Myles said. “I’m glad you’re my uncle.”

  “Hey, Myles?” Nick said back. “I am too. Come here, gimme a hug.”

  Tears stung Amanda’s eyes. She sat very still, listening to the sheets rustle as Nick must have moved onto the bed to hug Myles. Her heart squeezed in her chest.

  “When you’re all better,” Nick said, “I’m going to ask your parents if it’s okay to bring you down to Miami to visit me. And if so, I’m going to take you on a boat ride. My friend has a speedboat, and we go fishing on weekends sometimes. You’ll come with us. Deal?”

  “I’d love that!” Myles cried. “And can we go fast on the speedboat, too?”

  “Whatever you want, kid,” Nick promised. “Whatever you want.”

  * * *

  An hour later, Nick hadn’t even gotten to his car in Charles’s driveway when his phone dinged with a text. He looked at the screen.

  You were amazing with him. It was from Amanda. It’s not my place to thank you for that, but I just had to say something.

  Nick stared at his phone, wondering how to respond. At least she was talking to him. She barely had all evening. He’d thought she was done with him. This felt like a reprieve. An olive branch.

  He wrote back, Easy to be. He’s an amazing kid. Then he paused, not sure what else to say. Deciding to go for it, he added, It was nice to see you. Added bonus. You looked pretty tonight. Thinking the last bit may be too much, he deleted the last sentence before sending the text.

  She responded with only a smiley face emoji.

  He sighed. From the start, it had been so easy to talk to her. This new awkwardness pained him. Good luck with him tomorrow, Nick finally wrote. Sounds like you’ll be busy with him again for the next few weeks, unfortunately.

  Very busy, she texted back, adding a sad face emoji.

  Is it okay if I text you sometimes to check on him? Nick wrote. Just to see how he’s doing? Or is that not allowed?

  You can, she wrote back. Basic info would be fine. I’m sure Charles wouldn’t mind.

  Great, he wrote back. Thank you.

  He took a deep breath and looked up at the stars. Longing swirled in his chest. He pictured her sitting in that chair by the window, the pale blue walls behind her setting off her gorgeous eyes, her dark ho
ney hair flowing just past her shoulders.... When he’d left for the night, she’d risen to walk him out and he’d felt such a strong pull between them. It hadn’t gone away. He’d fought the urge to pull her into his arms and kiss her with everything he had. Damn, damn, double damn . . .

  Deciding to take one last shot, he texted, I don’t know if I’m going to see Myles again before I leave on Sunday, so . . . . probably won’t see you either. Okay to text you if it’s not related to Myles? Or did I blow it completely?

  He held his breath as he waited for her response. The seconds felt like hours. Jesus, he liked her too much already. Maybe he’d be better off if she turned him down. Maybe he—

  I’d like to try again, she wrote. I’ve cooled off and fully accepted your apology now. So if you want to text me, that’d be fine.

  He exhaled. She was still guarded—he could tell from her stiffer language—but she was willing. It felt like a second chance, and he felt a quick rush of elation. Then you’ll hear from me tomorrow, he texted, smiling up at the stars. Good night, Amanda. And thanks.

  Chapter Fourteen

  On Wednesday evening, Nick went to Tess and Logan’s home for dinner. Conveniently for Nick, they lived in the same neighborhood as Charles, so he was able to find it easily. Tess and Logan were gracious hosts, friendly, clearly going out of their way to make Nick feel welcome. Their three young kids were adorable and fun. Annabel regarded Nick shyly at first, but warmed up quickly. The twins were tiny bunches of boundless energy. After a delicious dinner, where they overfed him with steak, garlic mashed potatoes, and salad, Logan wrangled the kids to the playroom so Tess and Nick could sit in her study and talk.

  He had to grin at the love she lavished on her tiny white dog, Bubbles.

  “She’s such an old lady now,” Tess cooed as the Maltese lay in her lap quietly. Her hands stroked along Bubbles’s fur over and over as she asked Nick many questions, but it wasn’t an interrogation. She wanted to get to know him. He felt her warmth and natural curiosity, and he was at ease when they were just one on one, as he’d felt with Pierce after a beer or two. They sat and talked for a long while. He allowed himself to open up to her some, and by the time Nick left, he felt the beginnings of a true kinship with his new sister. She was sincere and likable. There was serious potential not only for them to have a relationship, but for it to be a good one . . . if that was what he wanted.

  And as he drove back to the hotel, he thought yes, it more than likely could be what he wanted. First Pierce, now Tess . . . he did genuinely like these people. If he ended up changing his mind and having some kind of rapport with them, it might be a nice addition to his life.

  But on Thursday, Nick woke with Myles on his mind. He shot a quick text to Amanda. How was his first day? How’s he doing?

  It took her about half an hour to respond. He’s feeling the effects. About what we expected. Will text you tonight.

  Nick’s heart sank to his suddenly nauseous stomach.

  He went down to the gym for a workout, trying to pound the worry out of himself. And he was worried. It may have been a short time, but he cared about Myles. They’d bonded. Nick felt sick thinking of the kid feeling sick. He hated it. And he was powerless to do anything, which he hated even more. He ran on the treadmill for a long time, pounding at it. He lifted weights and welcomed the burn. He did every machine on the circuit. Nothing helped.

  He showered and went out to find some lunch. Two blocks away was a little bagel place that also served other kinds of food. Nick wolfed down a turkey club sandwich, people-watched aimlessly. . . . He just couldn’t shake the disquiet that had gripped him. Not knowing exactly what was happening only made it worse, but he didn’t want to contact Charles and pry. Amanda said she’d text him that night, he had to wait. He hated waiting, for anything.

  So he went for yet another drive. It was a beautiful spring day, and Nick took the Porsche for another spin. Blue skies, sunshine, mild breezes . . . he opened the sunroof and blasted the music as he drove. But his mind was full. Myles. Amanda. His mom. Charles II. His new siblings. Sickness. Going back home, starting the new job, his promotion. His life had changed so drastically, so quickly. So much to process, so much to think about . . . he tried to make sense of things. Figure out his new place in his new world. There were so many components, so many moving parts.... He drove all the way out to Orient Point, almost a two-hour drive, before turning around to head back west.

  By the time he got back to the hotel, it was almost dinnertime. Usually he didn’t mind being alone, but tonight, he couldn’t get away from himself and it all ate at him. An idea struck him and he went with it on impulse. He took the train into Manhattan. When he got there, it was just past seven-thirty, twilight edging in and all the buildings lit up. New York City with all the lights on was a sight to behold, that was for sure. He remembered how he’d walked with Amanda and headed up Seventh Avenue toward Times Square.

  Recalling his day with her made him wistful. He’d rarely had a date—much less a first or second date, so early on in knowing a woman—that had been so great from start to finish. Amanda had been a fun tour guide . . . so alluring and sweet and brimming with presence . . . and making out with her in the middle of Columbus Circle on a gorgeous day was something he’d never forget when thinking of New York City. She’d effortlessly seared herself into his brain.

  He grabbed two slices of pizza from the same place he’d eaten lunch with her, but took them to go. Sitting on the steps in the middle of Times Square where they sold half-price theater tickets, he ate and watched everything spin by and sparkle and blare noise around him.

  Yet again, he wished Amanda were with him. She was so pretty, nice, smart, sassy. He liked how sometimes he’d catch her staring at him and meet her eyes directly; the way she’d blush when he caught her . . . he huffed out a frustrated sigh. He thought about her too much. He had to stop. It wouldn’t turn into anything, and she was the type of woman where he could get in too deep. He sensed that, knew it even if he’d known her for only a short time. His life was in Florida; hers was here. But damn, he wanted her. Maybe if they just gave in to their burn-the-roof-down chemistry once, just one time, one night of abandon, he’d be able to get her out of his system?

  He snorted at himself. Not likely. Something told him that one taste of Amanda would only leave him wanting more and more.

  His phone vibrated in his pocket and he checked the screen. It was a text from Pierce. Hey, Nick. Heard you’re leaving Sunday. True?

  Nick grabbed a paper napkin to better wipe his hands, then texted back, True.

  Okay, Pierce responded. You free tomorrow night? Come out for a few drinks with your big brothers. Well, 2 of ’em – me & Dane. Let us send you off right.

  Nick had to grin as he stared at his phone. Why the hell not. It was better than sitting in his hotel room by himself, trying not to think about Amanda or Myles or his suddenly fucked-up life. Sure. What time?

  7:00 work for you? We’ll go into NYC. I’ll pick you up.

  Sounds good.

  Nick sat back and gazed around. So many people, bright lights against the dark sky, surrounded by sound and color and motion. And he still couldn’t get Amanda off his mind. Maybe he wouldn’t until he left New York altogether. He hoped he would. This pining stuff wasn’t like him; it was distracting him and tying him in little knots. And God knew with everything thrown at him over the past two weeks, he was off his game to begin with.

  * * *

  Nick was walking back toward Penn Station when his phone vibrated. He pulled it out to look at it.

  Hi. From Amanda. That was it. His brows furrowed, gut humming. He moved out of the way of other pedestrians, leaning up against the cement wall of a skyscraper.

  Hi yourself. How are you? he texted back.

  Not great, she wrote. Hard day. With a sad face emoji.

  His stomach twisted, knowing she meant Myles. Wanna talk about it?

  Not really, she texted back. He’s tire
d, he’s sick, that’s all you need to know. The chemo and radiation combo is brutally effective.

  He swore under his breath and kicked the wall. That fucking sucks, he wrote.

  Sure does. He has nurses around the clock again, don’t worry. He’s being closely watched.

  I hate this.

  Me too.

  You sound off. I can feel it.

  I am. Won’t deny it. I’m sad for him. And I’m tired. I’m just . . . She ended with a sad face emoji again.

  Want me to come over? Nick wrote without hesitation.

  She didn’t write back right away, giving him enough time to chastise himself for writing that. Not only was he still in the city—if she said yes, it’d take him an hour to get to her now—but he didn’t want to push. It wasn’t like they were—

  Nice of you to offer, she texted. But no, I’m wiped out. I’m going to bed in a few.

  Rain check, then?

  Yes.

  Something in him perked up at that. Yes to a rain check. That was good. I’m sorry you had a shit day.

  I am too, she wrote. Tell me yours was better?

  It was okay. I’m fine, other than being upset for Myles.

  Good. Well, not good that you’re upset, but good that you’re fine.

  He grinned softly. Pierce & Dane are taking me out drinking tomorrow night. Wish my liver luck.

  LOL, she wrote back. Big, tough guy like you can’t hold his own with 2 guys 10-15 years older? You wimp.

  He laughed and quickly wrote, Thanks a lot! Now I feel like I’ve been challenged or something. Keep up with them or give back my man card, is that it?

  Something like that. ;) Have a good time.

  Thanks, I will. He paused, hesitated . . . then decided to go for it. So I leave on Sunday. My flight’s at 2 p.m. out of JFK.