Fighting To Stay

by P. J. Belden

  “Who says you’ve won my heart? So many times, back in the day, I prayed for you to see me as more than a friend, but it never worked. Why now all of a sudden? Is it because I might die and this is only temporary?”

  His smile drops from his face and anger fills his eyes. “This has nothing to do with that. It’s just the first time you’ve picked up on the hint and I’ve been brave enough to step up to the plate. How dare you think so little of me? Your brother and sister have known since we were kids that I’ve been in love with you. Yeah, maybe your health is partly why I’ve stepped up so bluntly. I don’t want to miss the chance to love you the way you deserve. Nevertheless, for me this is not now nor has it ever been temporary for me. If it was, I would have fallen out of love with you years ago." His eyes soften, "I haven’t. I love you more now than I have ever before. Please don’t degrade my feelings toward you like that.”

  Tears well up in my eyes. “You really do, don’t you?”

  He sighs. “This is what I’ve been trying to tell you woman!”

  Giggling, a tear trails down my cheek. “I’m hard headed, what can I say? To be very honest, you have been away for two years. It’s going to be hard to believe that you could possibly feel that way about me.”

  He walks over to the dining chairs, pulls one out and sits down. Resting his elbows on his knees, Garrett lets out a frustrated sigh. Leaning forward, he shoves his hands in his hair pulling at the ends. Slowly, I walk toward him and pull out a chair next to him.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I left because I needed to improve some things on me before I finally took a step over that friendship line. More importantly, I left because I was so scared with your parents passing… I wanted to be able to be in the position to help you completely should… well this happen. Then when—when I came back a year later, you were already dating someone. It was hard to even see you from a distance with someone else. I couldn’t do it up close. Thank Heavens for fate—fate is what brought you to my office and I couldn’t be happier.”

  Touching his cheek gently, I swallow. “What, uh, I mean can I ask…”

  Maybe it was too personal for me to ask. On the other hand, just too soon. Either way I just couldn’t bring myself to ask him what he had to fix that took a year. The fact of the matter is that was before me. Therefore, really, I didn’t need to know.

  “Forget I said anything. It’s none of my business. It’s in the past and that’s where it can stay.”

  He smiles up at me, leans forward placing a small kiss on my lips. “I really do love you, Dee.”

  Gazing up at him, I smile. We get lost in each other’s smile. A sudden pounding on my front door, breaks the silence and the moment. Garrett’s eyes turn questioning.

  “You expecting someone before nine o’clock in the morning?”

  “No, but I have a feeling I know who it is,” I huff.

  “If it’s who I think it is, you are not answering that door,” he says walking in front of me.

  “The only way I’m going to get rid of him is letting him get his say. Believe me, I’ve tried leaving him once before. Though before he’d never hit me.”

  He sighs and pulls me into his arms. “Okay, I’ll give you that, but can we compromise and say just not today? Let’s have today for just us before we let the crazies in.”

  Looking up at him, I smile for the millionth time already today. “I like the sound of that. Let’s go upstairs and watch movies and veg all day. It’s Friday. We can have the weekend of fun and us. I’ll just need to tell Josh and Hailey or they’ll worry.”

  We walk upstairs, ignoring the incessant knocking. Giggling as Garrett starts to tickle me, I run the rest of the way up the stairs. Garrett is quickly on my heels wrapping his arms around my waist and spinning me around. The giggles turn into full-blown laughter.

  Setting me down on the floor, he turns me around. “Do you know how much I love that sound?”

  “No,” I laugh breathlessly.

  Leaning down, he lightly brushes his lips across mine. My initial reaction is to lean in for a deeper kiss, but he changes things up. Trailing kisses across my cheek, I lose my breath. His hands rise up and gently cup my neck as he works his way back to my mouth. Smiling at me a moment before he seals his lips over mine, I feel it deep within my soul.

  He’s been my everything for so long, aside from the two years we didn’t talk. Nevertheless, even in his absence, I still knew. Vince had never been the one I loved completely, but that filled that void of constant rejection by the one that completes me. Knowing what I know about him now, I’m glad he was never any more than that for me.

  However, being in Garrett’s arms right now, having him kiss me like this, I have to be dreaming. That’s all there is to it. His hands move down and squeeze my ass. His need for me is pressing firmly against my stomach and a shiver runs through me. Pulling away from my mouth, he lowers his head.

  “Oh baby, I want to, I want to so badly, but not until you’re ready. Not until you believe in the love, I have so much love for you and you have for me. Only then will this happen,” he whispers against my neck.

  “Oh, uh, um, okay.”

  Lifting his head, he meets my eyes. “Baby, I need you badly, but you aren’t sure about us and that’s okay. I’ll wait for you. I’ll always wait for you.” Pressing a soft kiss to my lips, he smiles. “Now, let’s watch a movie and have a relaxing cuddling day.”

  Nodding my head, I walk over to the bed and adjust the pillows to lean against the headboard. Garrett comes over, helps me make the bed, and climbs on patting the spot next to him. Grabbing the remote off the floor, I climb onto the bed.

  “You pick it. I’m probably going to fall asleep.”

  “Don’t forget to call your brother,” he reminds me.

  “Oh, I forgot,” I say as I jump off the bed and grab my phone from the top of my dresser.

  Walking back over to the bed, I lean up against the pillows as I wait for Josh to answer. My mind begins to wander off on thoughts of the future.

  Where would my life be in five years? Ten years? I don’t know at this point, but I do know that wherever they lead me to deep in my heart, I hope that Garrett is with me. The thought of accomplishing anything without him by my side with that drop dead gorgeous smile of his, it fills me with a loss I never expected.

  When Josh’s answering machine picked up, I got a bit worried. Quickly, I call Hailey to see if she knows what’s going on. As her phone goes to voicemail, a bit of panic wells up in my stomach slowly increasing my heart rate. It wasn’t like them to not answer their phones.

  “What’s wrong, Dee? You feeling okay? You’re shaking.”

  “They aren’t answering their phones. Something doesn’t feel right. I don’t know what it is, but something just doesn’t feel right.”

  “Do you want to drive out there and see them? I’ll take you if you want to.”

  “Would you mind giving up this time for my family?”

  “Baby, I love you. That includes them too. If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me. Come on, let’s get dressed.”

  Kissing him softly on the lips, I climb from the bed and gather some clothes before heading into the bathroom to dress. By the time I came out, Garrett is dressed and ready to go. We head out. Garrett holds my hand the entire time to the parking lot and while on the drive toward the countryside.

  “Hey,” he says softly and unsure.

  Turning my head, I look at him. “I’m okay, just nervous. They’ve never not answered one of my calls, especially not now. They’ve always been there for me and me for them. Something just doesn’t seem right.”

  “I know my way to their houses. Why don’t you get comfortable and try to get some sleep? I’ll wake you when we are almost there.”

  Nodding my head, I adjust in my seat and rest my head on his shoulder. The smell of Garrett’s cologne fills my senses and I start to relax.

  “What is your cologne?”


  “All Spice, why?”

  “It relaxes me. I don’t know if it’s the cologne or just you. Either way, I was just curious.”

  “What is the perfume you wear?” He asks moments later.

  “Lavender Midnight Musk,” I laugh. “Why do I relax you too?”

  “Yes and work me up all at the same time. I’ll never smell lavender without thinking of you again.”

  “Good. Remember me always. Don’t hurt me ever,” I mumble as I start to doze off.

  Kissing the top of my head, he takes a deep breath. “Never my queen. You’ll forever be the reason I wake up in the morning and what I look forward to at night. You will be treasured and spoiled as only you deserve. I’ll love you with all I am, from now until forever. You’re my future, my reason, my world.”

  Looking up at him with tears in my eyes, the only thing I can manage to say is, “Wow”.

  He winks at me and guides my head back to his shoulder. In all the times he has been so open and honest with me about his feelings, he’s never once pushed me to tell him anything in return or to know what I’m thinking. Part of me wants him to, so I can get over this crippling fear of letting him in and then leaving him because of this damn cancer. Nevertheless, another part of me is glad he’s not forcing me to say what I’m just not sure my heart is ready to say just yet.

  Now, that’s not saying that I’m not feeling it because I am, but to say them out loud means it’s something that could potentially destroy him later. I’m just not sure I’m ready to be that selfish. If I’ll ever be that ready, I just don’t know.

  At some point, I must have dozed off because Garrett is gently nudging me awake. Sitting up, I stretch out my arms and legs the best I can and look around. We were in a hospital parking lot. My head snaps in Garrett’s direction.

  “What’s going on,” I ask, forcing my words out past the lump of terror in my throat.

  Garrett takes my hand and gently touches my face with his fingertips. “All I know is that someone came onto Josh’s property and a fight started. The person got away, but Josh suffered some injuries. That’s all Hailey’s neighbor knew. We need to go inside…”

  I am out the door and running into the hospital before he even completes his sentence. Rushing in through the doors, Garrett is right on my heels. Fighting for the attention of what seems to be the only nurse in the whole Emergency Room area.

  “Please! Can you tell me where my brother is?”

  The woman sighs and walks over to us. “What’s his name?”

  I start choking on the tears I’m trying so hard to keep at bay. Thankfully, my knight in shining armor steps in and saves me from having to try again.

  “His name is Joshua Bryner. This is his sister Donna Bryner. We were told he was brought in after being discovered unconscious in his front yard.”

  “Who are you,” the nurse stares at him with lust in her eyes.

  “My name is Dr. Garrett Hepner. I’m a family friend.”

  Finally, she looks my brother up and directs us to the fifth floor. We hurry through the hospital and head upstairs. My heart is hammering in my chest a million miles a minute. In my head, I’ve already conjured up the image of near death for him. If someone took down my brother, they had to be damn dangerous.

  We are finally shown into a private room where I see my sister sitting in a corner with her head on the bed. Rushing over to her, I tap her on the shoulder. Her head flies up and she immediately bursts into tears, stands up and pulls me into her arms crushing me. Swallowing hard, I try to keep myself together.

  “I was going to call you when the doctor came in and I knew more,” Hailey sobs.

  “You should have called sooner, Hay, but what’s important right now is Josh. Is he okay?”

  She pulls back and looks down at Josh in the bed. “They said his leg is broke, two ribs, and a fractured skull. They have him sedated right now due to swelling on his brain. They will wake him when the swelling goes down.”

  “So, we wait? Do we know what happened?”

  “No, his neighbor said he saw him fighting with someone and called the cops. For any details, I think we are going to have to wait for him to wake up,” Hailey replies sitting back down.

  To be honest, I’m a little pissed off at my sister right now. Who was she to dictate on when I should find things out or not? If something had gone seriously wrong, I would not have had the chance to say my goodbyes, but she would have.

  “You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”

  “Tell me,” I say not taking my eyes off my brother. “How would you feel if I were to get seriously ill from all this chemo and what not I’m going to be going through and my body was just giving out and Josh waits to call you until he knows for sure that’s what’s going on?”

  “I’d be fucking livid. He would have had time to prepare his heart and I wouldn’t have…” her head drops. “Oh,” she says ever so softly.

  “Yeah. This time it wasn’t a life or death thing, but what if it had been and I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye? Would you like it if you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to me? Or to Josh?”

  “But you live so far away…” she starts, but I cut her off.

  “I would have come here at the drop of a dime and you know that.”

  “Okay, I get it. I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing,” she concedes sadly.

  Reaching over, I place my hand on her shoulder. “I know you did, Hay. I know you did, but please don’t do this again.”

  “Okay,” Hailey mumbles.

  Silence stretches between us. At this moment in time, I watch my brother fight for his life. It gets my mind thinking again about my life.

  Just as I really start to get into deep thoughts, a ringing breaks in. Looking around, I see a pile of clothes on the floor by his bed. They are blood stained and my heart tightens in my chest. Closing my eyes and swallowing hard, I reach into the pocket and pull out his phone. The phone flashes ‘True Love’. The words cause me to pause a moment. Is this a sign, I wonder.

  Answering the phone, I hear a teary voice come through the other end.

  “Josh? Josh, please tell me you’re okay?”

  “I’m sorry, but…” Then it dawns on me on who this is. “Pollyanna?”

  “Yes? Who is this?” She sniffles on the other end.

  “I’m sorry. I’m Josh’s sister, Donna.”

  There’s a pause on the other end of the phone. For whatever reason, I wait for her response.

  “It’s nice to talk to you, but I really need to know if Josh is okay.”

  “Why do you think there’s anything wrong?” I ask completely confused.

  “I was… Oh, God. I was on the phone with him,” she sobs.

  “We don’t know much about what’s going on right now, but do you think you can tell me what happened?”

  Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t be pushing this, but I am desperate. I need to know what happened to my brother and if he was in some kind of trouble.

  “We were talking and,” I can hear the smile in her voice as she pauses and sighs. “He told me he loves me and that he wants to meet, wants to be together. Before I could respond, he starts screaming at some guy to get off his property and if he ever caught sight of him again, he’d regret it.”

  “Okay,” I say trying to urge her to continue.

  “He starts saying something about hurting his sister and talking about a bat or something. I was trying to scream at him to call the cops, but there was a loud groan, the rattling noises of the phone hitting the ground and then the call went dead. Is… is he okay?”

  “He’s hanging in there, but we won’t know much for a little while. Why don’t I give you my cell phone number and you can call or text me any time. I promise you, I’ll keep you in the loop on what’s going on with him.”

  There is a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much Donna. I would really appreciate that. You know, all I keep thinking is I never got to tell him how I feel. Maybe you should
never take things for granted like that. Time stands still for no one. We should seize every moment we have with the ones we love. Thank you for not completely writing me off, I may not have actually met your brother in person, but I do love him all the same.”

  “I know, Pollyanna. I’ll keep you informed.”

  “Thank you,” she says quietly before hanging up.

  Holding the phone tightly in my hand, I stare at my brother lying in that bed. My heart is racing and anger floods me. Garrett places his hand on my shoulder, drawing my attention away from my fragile looking brother.

  “Hey, I’m going to go get you something to eat since you didn’t have time to eat earlier. I’ll be back in a few minutes, okay?”

  Nodding my head, he leans down and kisses me lightly on the cheek before asking my sister if she wanted anything and leaving.

  Placing his phone on the stand next to his bed, I walk back over to the chair next to my sister. My mind wanders again to her ending statement. Life stands still for no one… She’s right it doesn’t. Every day we wake up is never a guarantee.

  That’s what Gare has been saying to me all along. That he has wasted enough time trying to wait for me to see what he couldn’t say and he couldn’t waste anymore. He’s seizing every moment he can with me. Yet, for me, I’m letting them all pass me by.

  What if when we leave here tonight, he goes home, and I never see him again? He’ll never know what he means to me. I’d be in the same boat as Pollyanna, having heard how much Garrett loves me, but being too chicken to tell him the truth.

  The door opens then and in walks the doctor. All thoughts flee my head and I focus on my brother.

  “Good evening Ladies. I assume you’re all related?”

  “Yes, we’re his sisters,” I say nervously. “Do… Do you have an update?”

  “I do. The rescan has been examined and the results are back. The swelling on his brain has decreased to a safer level so we will be waking him. Please understand that he may not remember what’s gone on and can cause them to become irritable. Don’t take it personally. No one likes to realize that they can’t remember sections of their lives. However, there is no internal bleeding. He’ll be pretty sore and need help moving around for a while, but he should recover nicely.”