Fighting To Stay

by P. J. Belden

  “It went down that fast?” I ask, completely astonished.

  “Ma’am, it’s been about twenty-eight hours,” he replies filled with concern.

  “Twenty-eight hours,” I mumble.

  The doctor turns his attention to Josh’s chart as my mind conjured up the period in which this must have happened. Setting the chart back in the slot, he looks at us questioningly.

  “Do you have any other questions for me?”

  I shake my head and slowly turn my head to my sister who has sank in her chair considerably. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the doctor leave.

  “This happened shortly after he left from the hospital, didn’t it?”

  When my sister is nervous about something, her leg always shakes. It is bouncing rapidly. This is a trait that her and Josh share. Anger, betrayal, disappointment fill me as I stand up and scream at her in anger.

  “How could you do that?”

  “You… You didn’t need to worry about this. You’ve got plenty on your plate,” she stutters her reply.

  “This is my fucking brother too,” I yell. “I deserve to know when something happens to either of you. You promised. You promised you wouldn’t coddle me and the first bad thing to happen and you coddle. I would have never done anything like this to you. Ever!”

  Hailey starts crying again. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Dee, but I just didn’t want to lose both of you,” she takes a shuddered breath.

  That statement slices right through my anger, I’m immediately brought down from the pissed off pedestal that I’d inhabited there for a moment. It brings me back to earth very quickly.

  “I’m sorry, Hay. You are not losing me. You are not losing Josh either. Everything will all be okay. I promise.”

  We talk for a few more minutes each of us calming. Hailey and I start talking about Garrett and I mention what Pollyanna had said at the end of her phone call. She sat back thinking about it and I know she is thinking the same thing I am.

  Where are you Garrett?

  “Oh, I have a whopping headache,” Josh moans and my eyes fill with tears.

  “Hey Joshy,” I greet him with a shaking voice.

  “Why are you here? Why are you crying?” His head slowly looks around the room and his eyes go wide. “What the hell?”

  “You’re in the hospital. Do you remember what happened?”

  He closes his eyes and I can see his eyes darting around behind his eyelids. His hand tightens in the sheets and his face contorts in anger. Just then, his eyes fly open and the anger I see in them scares me.

  “Vince came to my house looking for you. He was pissed that you kicked him out. I told him to get the fuck off my property or he’d regret it. He had a fucking bat. That man is bad news, Sis. You need to stay away from him.”

  Shaking my head, my heart drops. “So this is my entire fault?” I choke out.

  “This is in no way shape or form your fault. Vince did this, not you. I never liked the guy, but I thought he was getting you over your broken heart when Garrett left. You did the right thing by kicking him out.”

  “He was at my house this morning pounding on my door,” I mumble. “We ignored the knocking and went upstairs. If I had known he’d done this to you, I would have opened that door and beat the shit out of him. I’m so sorry.”

  Lifting his hand, he places it on my arm. “You did nothing wrong. Do you hear me? So are you and Garrett together?” He grins at me and I know he is trying to change the subject.

  “He wants us to be, but I’m not sure that…” I break off worrying my lip between my teeth.

  “Not sure of what? Him? You?”

  “I worry that he’s only interested now because I’ve got cancer,” I whisper.

  “Well, I can tell you right now, that’s not true. He’s been in love with you since he was in the eighth grade. He just didn’t know you returned the feelings. That’s a tough line to cross, Dee. To go from being a friend to confessing your feelings for them. He didn’t want to risk losing you completely or the dynamic of your friendship to change because his heart wanted only you.” Josh scrunches his nose up. “Those were his words not mine.”

  Unable to stop it, I laugh at his sappy speech. “So you believe him? He tells me he loves me, but then I think about all the years I’ve wanted him to return my feelings…” I shake my head. “Then there’s the part of me that fears getting involved with him now would be a mistake especially if I can’t beat this. Then I’d leave him behind heartbroken.”

  He raises the head of his bed slightly. Taking a breath before wincing a bit in pain, he talks slowly. “I promise you, that man will be left behind broken-hearted no matter what. At least he can love you now and have those happy memories of your time together to heal his heart and make him smile.”

  Nodding my head, I stare off blankly. “You want your phone? Pollyanna is really worried about you.”

  His face pales. “I was on the phone with her. Is she… Is she okay?”

  “Yeah I talked to her. We exchanged numbers and I’ve been giving her updates as we have been finding them out. Hailey was here. She went to take a shower and get some fresh air. She’ll be happy to see you awake.”

  “Thank you, Dee. You have no idea how much that means to me that you did that. That girl is my world, sight unseen.”

  “I know and you are hers,” I say as I walk over to the side table and grab his phone. “I love you brother. Remember to take it easy. Hay won’t let me take you to my house so it looks like you’re going to hers. She said I’ve got too much on my plate right now,” I roll my eyes.

  “She’s right. Now shut up and let me call my woman,” he smiles at me.

  Kissing him on the forehead, I tell him I’m going to go check on where Garrett is. It wasn’t until Josh mentioned Pollyanna that I realized how much time has passed and he still wasn’t back yet. Checking at the nurses’ station, they hadn’t seen him come back up. Heading downstairs, I check the front waiting area and the parking lot, his truck wasn’t where we parked earlier.

  Sitting down on a nearby chair, I drop my head to my hands and let the tears fall. He’s gone. Garrett must have realized what it’d be like dating me. He couldn’t handle the pain that would be my life. My heart was breaking with the loss of losing him so soon. Never fully knowing what it was like to be loved so completely as he’d shown me the past couple of days.

  “Donna? What are you doing down here? Is Josh okay?”

  My head snaps up and I lock eyes with my heart. Jumping up, I run to him, throwing my arms around him. He stumbles backwards a little bit and lets out a huff of breath as he catches me. The rustling of a bag fills my ears a moment before both his arms wrap around me tightly.

  We stand there for a long moment. Garrett just holds me as I cry into his neck. Thinking that he left, really makes me see that there was no hiding from this, Garrett owns me in a way that I never thought imaginable.

  “Hey,” he pulls back, brushing the hair from my face. “What’s wrong?”

  Holding his gaze steadily, I take a deep breath. “I love you, Garrett. I know I shouldn’t right now, but I do. You deserve someone better than me, someone whose life is not up in the air. But I can’t let you go,” my voice breaks off in a sob. “I love you, Garrett.”

  His hands quickly push into my hair and he’s kissing me like there’s no tomorrow. My heart races as a tingling sensation runs through my body. His tongue pushes into my mouth for a brief moment our teeth connect. It is hunger and lust unlike I’ve ever felt before and I’m loving it.

  “Geez!” We jerk apart. “Get a room guys,” Hailey huffs as she grabs the bag off the floor next to Garrett and starts toward the elevator.

  We look at each other. “Wow,” we say in unison.

  Blushing brightly, I look down as I head back into the elevator with my sister. Garrett follows wordlessly behind me. Once we climb on the elevator, Hailey steps back off.

  “I think y’all need these few minutes alone,�
�� she smirks as the doors close.

  The elevator floors tick past and soon we arrive on my brother’s floor. Walking out, we start down the hall to my brother’s room when Garrett suddenly pulls me into an empty room of some sort. Shutting the door, I hear the lock click into place. Turning around, he practically stalks toward me.

  “Did you mean it?” His voice is deep and raspy.

  Swallowing hard, I try to keep from backing up. “I… I did.”

  “Say it again,” he growls.

  “Uh-huh,” I smirk, biting my lip.

  “Say it,” he demands again.

  Playfully stepping back, trying not to giggle, until my back hits the wall, I gasp. Unable to speak, I shake my head keeping my eyes on his. His hands rest on my waist as he pulls me into him. Garrett vigorously claims my mouth filled with lust. Moving his hands from my waist to my face, he leans into me, pressing me against the wall.

  Grabbing his butt in my hands, I pull him tighter against me. Lifting my leg up to his waist, much needed friction greets me as I grind against him. His growl vibrates through me before pooling between my legs.

  Breaking from the kiss, he slowly and carefully removes my shirt taking handfuls of my breasts. My moan fills the silence and he growls against my chest. His touch is gentle, but firm. No one has ever touched me this way. He’s touching me as if it’s his last time or something he has dreamt of doing for years—just like I have done.

  Reaching behind him, I pull his shirt from his pants and pull it up his glorious body. I saw it many times last night. Knowing what awaits me beneath his clothing has me quickly yanking it the rest of the way off. I cannot get to him fast enough.

  The minute his shirt clears his head, his mouth is back on my breasts cherishing me as no other. Moaning loudly, I continue to grind against him. Lowering my hand down to his pants, I massage his erection through his jeans.

  “I can’t… God, baby, I need you now,” he breathes looking into my eyes.

  “Yes, please, now,” I pant.

  Quickly, we remove what remains of our clothes. In the next breath, he is deep inside me. Gripping hands full of his hair, I wrap both legs around his waist as he thrusts in and out of me. When his eyes meet mine, something changes. It is as if he is memorizing everything about this moment. His movements slow and he leans in for a kiss.

  The kiss is so tender, so… wonderful that my heart squeezes tightly in my chest. Sweat is glistening on our bodies making it harder to stay wrapped around him. As if sensing my struggle, he shifts me to one of the beds, never breaking our connection.

  Resting on his elbows on either side of me, he brushes my cheeks with his thumb. His eyes bounce between mine before lowering his handsome face to devour my mouth. The kiss is slow. The thrusts of his tongue match the same rhythm that his hips have now resumed.

  With each thrust, his grunts of pleasure fills my ears. I never thought I’d like to hear a man make noise, but Garrett is sexy as hell and his noises heighten my pleasure. Breaking from the kiss, I push my head further back into the pillows.

  “Aww,” I moan. “Oh, yes,” I gasp.

  “Baby, Open your eyes,” he whispers.

  Opening my eyes, I tilt my head down to look him in his. The burning passion illuminates his eyes, but what steals my breath away is the fiery passion I see behind them.

  “I am complete,” he whispers.

  My orgasm starts to build. There is a slow rumble in my belly before moving out through my veins. Cupping his face in my hands, I pull him to me. When our lips are barely touching, I pause.

  “I love you, Garrett,” I breathe out as tears run down my temples, overwhelmed with emotion.

  His eyes widen with shock and something else fills them. Something I can’t explain, but almost resembles worry. Rising up on his knees, he lifts my legs to his shoulder, holding my butt in his hands. His thrusts turn harder and faster. My moans grow louder as do his. I’m sure anyone walking past this room could hear us, but at this point I didn’t care.

  Smacking me like a freight train, I call out from my intense orgasm. My hands tighten on his biceps as it continues to wrack my body. A few thrusts later and his body stiffens as he moans out several curses before collapsing on top of me.

  Silence surrounds us and it’s welcoming. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can conquer anything. And I will. Just wait and see.

  Garrett tightens his hold on me as he rolls to his side. Shifting, I curl up into his side and rest my head on his chest. Gently, he strokes his hand through my hair.

  “This is not how I pictured this happening.”

  “What?”

  “Making love to you for the first time, I didn’t picture it here in an on-call room, not being able to cuddle you all night. But hearing you say you love me, seeing it in your eyes and knowing you feel it as deep as I do,” he shakes his head. “I have never been more turned on in my life.”

  Lifting my head from his chest, I smile. “Well, I, for one, loved this and can’t wait until we get back home and can repeat it.”

  Brushing the hair from my face, he pulls me down for a kiss. “I’m glad because I’ve had a taste of you now, I’m addicted,” he jokes. “We should get dressed and go see your brother though.”

  Nodding my head, I sigh sadly. We both climb from the bed and gather our clothes to put them back on. With a quick run through my hair with my fingers, we walk out the door and toward my brother’s room.

  Suddenly, a fear laces through me, the silence becomes uncomfortable. I’ve never been so reckless, so wanton. What he must think of me. Hurrying inside my brother’s room, I move next to his bed and hug him.

  “Hey,” my brother says wrapping his arms around me. “What’s wrong?”

  Not even sure how to answer that, I just blow it off with my fear of losing him today, and all because I chose to ‘heal’ myself with the wrong damn person. My brother would not be laying here in this bed if it wasn’t for me. My heart bleeds for what I’ve caused him.

  “Sis, I’m fine. Hey, man,” he greets Garrett.

  Garrett takes his hand with his right and rubs my back with the other. “How ya feeling?”

  “Been better, but what can I do, right? You finally get your girl after all these years?”

  He smiles down at me with a smile that stalls all actions from my body. My eyes lock with his and I find myself calming almost instantly. All fears and worries from before are forgotten… for a moment.

  “Yes and I’m never letting her go,” he answers softly.

  “Good,” my brother comments. “Remember how she was growing up. She’s stubborn and hard headed. Don’t let her push you away. You two deserve each other.”

  He smiles at me and I stand up. Pulling me into his arms, his smile grows. “She’s stuck with me,” he replies before kissing me quickly and softly.

  “Ick! I saw enough of that down in the lobby,” Hailey jokes causing all of us to laugh.

  Walking out to his truck, he holds me tightly to him. His movements are tense and shuddered. I know why, but I wish he would stop. Having enough and wanting my fun loving boyfriend back, I jerk away from him.

  “If you can’t push it out of your head, I’m walking away right now.”

  “What?” The shock in his voice is undeniable.

  “I get that you’re pissed about it being Vince that put Josh in the hospital. I am too, but damn it Garrett—would you stop analyzing everything—I can’t handle it and I won’t live like that. I’ll leave. I will,” I say softly.

  He walks over to me, reaching out for me. I jump back, avoiding his touch. The hurt in his eyes is more obvious than if he’d said it out loud. His hands drop heavily to his sides as his chin hits his chest.

  “Baby, please don’t,” he murmurs softly.

  “Then please stop acting like this. I love you, but if this is how you are going to act now… I want the happy, carefree moments back. I have enough to bring me down if I let it. Please don’t be the one that do
es. Please remain my happy place.”

  Looking up at me, I see a broken man. “I love you, baby. If something were to happen to you because I didn’t pay attention… I wouldn’t survive.”

  Walking up to him, I touch his face gently and he leans into my touch. “Nothing’s going to happen. Life is too short to worry about everything. Sometimes you just have to throw your hands up in the air and say come what may.”

  Laughing softly, he wraps his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him. “Okay. Come what may. I love you, Donna. Please don’t ever do that to me again. That… killed me.”

  Rising up on my toes, I kiss him. In place of words, I show him that I do still love him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, his arms tighten around my waist and he deepens the kiss. The sound of screeching tires and a blaring horn breaks us apart.

  Smiling up at him, “Take me home, my love,” I whisper against his lips.

  “With pleasure,” he kisses me lightly and we walk the rest of the way to the truck.

  Groaning, I wake still inside his truck. Looking over, I see Garrett glance over at me.

  “What’s wrong, baby?”

  “I’m not feeling well,” I half mumble.

  The truck jerks to a halt. He’s unbuckled and close to me in what seems like seconds. Pressing his lips to my forehead, as if he were kissing me, his hands brush the lose strands of my long hair from my face.

  “You’re running a fever, baby.”

  “My arm hurts,” my speech is slurring.

  He pulls my arm out, but as he touches the spot near the port, I gasp from the sudden tenderness I feel. It’s becoming harder and harder to keep my eyes open. There’s movement next to me, but I can’t open my eyes to see what’s going on.

  “Lay in my lap, baby. I’m taking you to the hospital. Your body may be trying to fight the port.”

  Even though, I feel like shit, I can still make out the panic in his voice. Forcing my eyes to open, I look up at him.