Fighting To Stay

by P. J. Belden

  “Oh, sure,” he says skeptically.

  “Would you be willing to take my sister to this banquet tonight? I would love for her to be there and you as well.”

  “Oh, uh, I...”

  Garrett steps up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Baby, your sister is an amazing woman, but Robert just lost his wife two years ago.”

  “Oh, no, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize,” I say shaking my head. “Forget I asked.”

  “No, no. You’re fine. I’ll take your sister tonight. Please tell her I might be a bit awkward. I’ve not dated since my wife passed and we were high school sweethearts. I know this isn’t a date, but she still deserves to be treated properly.”

  Smiling at his bravery, I hug him. “You’ll have a great night. Just wait and see.”

  The guys went back to work and I left to go home. Crawling into bed, my heart is lighter.

  We all sit in the back of the limo heading toward the banquet hall. My heart was hammering in my chest. Ever since losing my hair, I feel like everyone is staring at me.

  “Have I told you how incredibly sexy you look tonight,” Garrett leans in and whispers in my ear.

  Turning my head, I smile at him. “You have, but I love hearing it.”

  When Garrett saw me walk out in the navy blue shimmering sleeveless evening gown, his jaw hit the floor. The wig I’m wearing tonight is my same dark brown hair, but it’s curly and hangs down to about the middle of my back. Hailey helped me pencil on my eyebrows. For the first time in a while, I feel pretty. If only for tonight, I feel like a princess.

  Garrett’s freshly sexy look with his almost black hair and intoxicating green eyes combined with a tux knock all the breath from my lungs.

  Soon we are escorted into the building and to our table. I couldn’t help, but look at Hailey and Josh. They look amazing. I love seeing them happy, it is the way they are with their dates.

  Josh finally has Pollyanna with him. He’s not stopped looking at her since she arrived at our door. Sharing their first kiss together, was intense and in front of us. He had told her that he’d waited long enough to do that. I’m happy for him though. He seems genuinely happy and my brother deserves nothing less.

  Hailey and Robert keep looking at each other. Robert brought her flowers. Bless his heart his hands were shaking horribly. Hailey reached up, touched his cheek, thanked him and kissed that same cheek. Robert calmed down after that. Maybe they might find happiness in each other.

  Hailey had lost her boyfriend shortly after the birth of their daughter in a drunk driving accident. She pushed us all away during that time. In all honesty, none of us really knew how to help her. I took my niece as often as possible to allow her time to grieve, but for the most part, she clung to her with her life.

  Looking at them sitting next to each other and talking, gives me hope for their future. Maybe two broken hearts can heal each other.

  “If you’ll excuse me,” Garrett says breaking into my thoughts.

  We’ve been here for a while and frankly I’m exhausted, but I’m not ruining everyone else’s night. When Garrett stands up, he takes away my head rest.

  Looking at him confused, he kisses me gently and heads up to the stage. Watching him weaving between the tables, my heart swells.

  This man is mine. He loves me.

  Never in my life have I ever felt more willpower to move forward in my life. That was until Garrett showed me how good it could be.

  “Hello everyone. Thank you for all coming here tonight. Raising money for breast cancer awareness is something near and dear to my heart. Many know this already, but for those of you that don’t I’ll fill you in on why this matters to me.”

  He pauses and looks in my direction. I nod my head, mouth ‘I love you’ and clench my hands together tightly in my lap.

  “When I was little, I met this girl. She was nothing short of amazing. Even as a young kid, I knew this girl would be my everything one day. Well, I hadn’t expected her stubborn side or her overprotective brother and sister.”

  Everyone laughs and Hailey bumps my shoulder while Josh takes my hand in his squeezing it tightly. I smile at both of them.

  “We were the best of friends. Secretly, I loved her and wanted so much more, but was too afraid to take that step. In my head, it was far better to have her as a friend than not have her at all. That was all great until slowly, I saw her breaking. She lost both her parents to cancer and so close together. When I lost my dad, she played a song for me, singing it softly to me. It was called Let It Hurt by Rascal Flatts.”

  Over the speakers, I hear the song start playing through softly. This lets me know that he’s had this planned out.

  “It was this song that helped me see that it’s okay to get knocked down, but it’s how we pick ourselves back up that matters. She was there picking me up while I tried desperately to cling onto what was left of my life. What really woke me up was when she thought I was sleeping and she whispered she loved me in my ear before kissing my forehead.”

  My hand flies up to my mouth as I gasp. A tear slips down my cheek. He smirks at me.

  “That was when I knew, I needed to get my shi… uh, life together so I could be worthy of her. But it was more than that. Both her parents passed from cancer and I wanted to be the one to help her if it should be passed to her. I wanted to know I could protect her, help her, save her if she was ever diagnosed with cancer. So I left, I got myself back to the man that I was before life brought me down to my knees. Working my butt off at some clinics to get my time, I got myself together. Sadly, it took a year. When I came back, she had moved on.”

  My heart is breaking listening to him talk about his life. He’s never shared with me what went on over that year he was gone.

  “But one day, I’m staring at my appointments and my beautiful obsession’s name flashes there. Not only are we brought back together, but I have to tell her she has breast cancer. It was my wake up call. Now here I am with the honor to say that she is finally my girlfriend. Baby, can you come up here?”

  He knows I can’t stand being up on stage in the center of all the attention. Josh helps me stand from the table and walk to the stage. I’m not exactly graceful these days. In fact, I prove that when I almost reach the stage. A dizzy spell hits and my knees give out on me. Josh catches me and Garrett is jumping off the stage to get to me.

  “Are you okay, baby?” Garrett asks, concern ringing loudly in his voice.

  “I’m good,” I say shortly.

  Nodding his head, they help me the rest of the way to the stage. Once we are on the stage, Josh heads back to the table and I’m standing there with Garrett staring at me intensely.

  “Are you sure,” he whispers.

  “I’m fine. I swear. Why am I up here?”

  He pulls away from me and nods his head in the direction of someone behind me. Next thing I know, the song has changed and Fall Into Me by Dierks Bentley starts playing. My breath catches as he starts to lower to one knee.

  “I’ve dreamed of this moment, prayed that it would come. There was a time when I thought it was never going to happen. I love you, Donna Bryner. More than the sun warms the earth and the stars guide our way through the night. There’s nothing more that could make me happier than to hear a yes to this question. Will you make my life complete by allowing me the absolute privilege of calling you my wife?”

  Tears fall freely down my cheeks. Speech is unobtainable for me to reach. I stare at him. Just then, he pulls out a beautiful ring that I can’t even begin to describe right now.

  Nodding my head franticly, he smirks at me with tears shimmering in his gorgeous eyes.

  “Not good enough, I said I needed to hear you say it,” he teases.

  Laughter bursts from my lungs and from the crowd of people in the room.

  “Yes, yes, yes, yes,” I sob.

  He slides the ring on my finger, rises up and kisses me. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kiss him with all the happiness an
d love I feel for him and because of him.

  Breaking the kiss, he holds my face in his hands. “I love you so damn much baby. Thank you, thank you for making life worth the journey. I’m forever yours and soon you’ll be mine completely.”

  “I’ve been yours since the day you tripped over my wagon when you were playing catch with my brother. You just never saw it. Took you long enough,” I joke.

  He laughs a deep belly laugh. Garrett turns and faces the crowd.

  “I forgot to mention that today we found out that Donna’s responding well to treatment. Thank you all for allowing me to make this moment as special as I can for my girl. Thank you for giving to a cause that has torn so many families apart. This disease shows no mercy and I pray for a cure one day. Thank you all and goodnight.”

  He leads me down the stairs and toward the table. Everyone is stopping us wishing us congratulations and support for my battle. We were just about back to the table when I see him. I freeze.

  “What’s wrong, baby?”

  I turn, look at him, look back toward the door, and he’s not there anymore. For a moment, I almost told Garrett what I saw, but I didn’t want to ruin our night and I’m worried that I’m just seeing things anyway. So, instead, I play it off as another dizzy spell. It wasn’t a complete lie.

  He gathers my stuff and we start heading to the door. Everyone follows right behind us. Once we are all sitting in the limo, I look at my brother and sister.

  My brother has never looked happier and my sister looks torn. It was time I give the speech that I’ve been waiting to give.

  “You two listen to me and listen to me good. Life is far too short to let what you want most slip through your hands. I convinced myself that Garrett only saw me as a friend and now look at us. The fact that I’ve been diagnosed with cancer is what brought us both out from behind the walls we were hiding behind, too afraid to risk it.

  Yes, we’ve been hurt. Everyone has. If you continue to let that hurt into the today, tomorrow promises to hold the same thing. I love you both and want to see the both of you as happy as I am right now. Promise me you’ll listen to what I’ve just said to you. Please promise me.”

  “We promise,” they both say after a moment.

  Relaxing, I cuddle into Garrett’s side. He kisses the top of my forehead and conversation begins to flow between everyone. Even Robert relaxes and Pollyanna unwinds a little more. The laughter echoes throughout the limo and I can’t help the smile that forms on my face. I love these people. Some just came into my life and others have been here forever.

  “Come on, beautiful. We are home,” Garrett whispers as he lifts me into his arms.

  “Finally,” I mumble and he laughs.

  Jerking awake, I turn to see Garrett asleep next to me. Smiling, he is now my fiancé. We are going to get married.

  For some reason, he’s never looked sexier than in this moment. Though I’m so tired, I need him so much more than that. Softly, I run my hand down his chest, lowering the blankets as I go.

  Carefully, I move up to my hands and knees. Moving between his legs, carefully, I slide his boxers down, allowing him to spring free. Grabbing him at the base, I slowly take him in my mouth.

  Garrett moans and I feel his hands over my head. It doesn't bother me anymore because he has proven he is in love with me no matter how I look. When I look up, I meet his dark and hooded eyes. Pulling back off slowly, I smile.

  “Did I wake you,” I smirk as I ask.

  “If you didn’t, I don’t want to wake up.” Smiling, he pulls me up his chest. “Do you know how happy you’ve made me?”

  Nodding my head, I lower myself down on him. Conversation is quickly replaced with moaning and we made love until we both of us could make love no longer.

  “I want to get married as soon as possible,” Garrett says after a moment.

  “I agree.” I roll over and smile, resting my chin on his chest. “Let’s get married tomorrow.”

  He starts coughing. Sitting up when it gets worse, I sit up cross-legged waiting for him to answer. The smile never leaves my face even as he looks at me to see if I’m serious.

  “You’re not joking, are you?”

  Shaking my head, “Nope, I’m not. We can go to the court house and get married all the same day.”

  “Why do you want to rush so badly,” he asks and the look on his face has me thinking that he thinks something is wrong.

  Picking at some invisible lint on the sheet, I draw my knees up to my chest. Silently, I work over in my head on what words I need.

  “Because I’m considering having the surgery after I finish treatments. I don’t want to have to wait even longer afterward,” I say quietly.

  Pulling me gently on his lap, he cradles me there for a moment before he speaks.

  “If you want to get married tomorrow, I will marry you the minute the courthouse opens. I just thought you’d want the big wedding.”

  Looking up at him, I touch his face gently. “Maybe once everything is done, we can renew our vows, but for now… I just want to marry you.”

  “You have no idea how great that is to hear. You had better call your brother and sister then. Because we’ll have to…”

  “Josh?” I say already having dialed his phone.

  “Are you okay?” He sounds immediately scared.

  “Yes, I’m fine. More than fine. I’m getting married tomorrow and want you there. Be here at my house by eight in the morning.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Good thing I stayed in town.” There’s a muffled voice in the background. “No, baby, just my sister. She’s getting married tomorrow and wants us there.”

  “Love you. I’ll let you get back to your girl. See you in a few hours,” I say the excitement filling me.

  “Love you, too.”

  He hangs up and I call Hailey. She takes a while to answer.

  “Are you okay?”

  I laugh. “I’m fine. I’m getting married tomorrow and want you here at my house at eight in the morning.”

  “Oh, uh, okay. I stayed in town because I was too beat to drive. You’ll have to loan me something for tomorrow.”

  “Sounds like a plan. Love you.”

  “Love you, too. Night.”

  Garrett starts laughing, growing in intensity the longer he laughs. Smacking him, he laughs harder and I cannot help, but to join him.

  “You know,” he says after he quits laughing and turns serious. “I thought you were going to tell me no.”

  Taking a deep breath, I tell him the truth. “Honestly, I was going to. The thought crossed my mind a few times as I stared at you.”

  “What changed your mind?”

  “The thought of being without you…” I swallow hard. “As much as I don’t want to hurt you or drag you through this mess, I can’t live without you either. I’ve dreamt of this moment for so long. But if…”

  He dips down and kisses me deeply. “There are no ifs in this scenario. You are going to marry me because you love me and want to spend the rest of our lives together sharing that love. Nothing else matters. Do you understand me?”

  “Yes,” I breathe looking into his intense eyes.

  “Good. Now, let’s get some sleep. Shall we?”

  The wedding is beautiful. Somehow, and I still don’t know how, my brother brought me the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen. White, sleeveless fit tightly on top but flared out beautifully from the waist down.

  Hailey did my hair with the help of Pollyanna. We drove separately to the courthouse so that he’d have some kind of surprise.

  It is almost two by the time I am headed down to the courtroom that my soon to be husband is standing behind the door. Taking one last deep breath, Hailey kisses my cheek as tears already begin to form in her eyes.

  “I love you so much, Dee. If anyone deserves this moment, it’s you. He will make you the happiest you’ve ever been.”

  Smiling at her, I wipe the tears that have fallen down her cheeks. “I know he will. He’
s already done that for me.”

  Making sure I still look okay, Pollyanna and Hailey walk through the doors. When they move aside, my eyes find Garrett. He is talking to the Justice of the Peace and turns to see me.

  His mouth falls open and it almost looks as if he stops breathing. He looks so handsome in his suit. He walks towards me as I walk toward him.

  “Wow, you look… wow,” he breathes.

  “You look incredibly sexy,” I smile.

  The ceremony carries on with Hailey and Pollyanna taking pictures. When I walked in, I hadn’t notice, but Garrett’s family and Robert are here as well.

  After the ceremony, we take a ton more pictures and I’m just drained. There’s no way I’m ruining this day though. It is a high point in my otherwise downward spiral it seems.

  So, as it is suggested to us, we all go out to eat to continue the celebration, I agree with a smile on my face.

  “May I have this dance, my beautiful wife?”

  Taking a deep breath, “You may, my incredibly handsome husband.”

  He leads me out to the floor and spins me into his arms. Even before the music begins to play, he starts to sway our bodies to inaudible music. Then through the speakers, I Don’t Know Much by Aaron Neville and Linda Rondstadt.

  Smiling up at him, my eyes mist over. He kisses my nose softly.

  “No crying today. You are far too beautiful to waste any bit of it on tears.”

  “Even tears of joy,” I ask.

  “Hmm, we might be able to work with those,” he laughs softly. “You stunned me when you walked into the courtroom. You are always so beautiful, but when I saw you walk in… I about fell over.”

  “I didn’t want you to have anything to look back on and wish was different,” I say honestly.

  “I married you, what’s there to regret?”

  “I love you,” I say with so much emotion.

  Kissing me, he pulls me in tightly against him. Clapping breaks into the bubble we are in as we dance, we pull apart. He winks at me. Honestly, I’ve never seen him so happy. It’s almost like he feels the same way I do—complete.