Fighting To Stay

by P. J. Belden

  The song ends and I motion for my brother to come over. Then through the speakers, Natalie Merchant’s Kind and Generous starts to play. As soon as he takes me in his arms, the first lyrics play. Tears mist over his eyes as he looks down at me.

  “There’s no way that I’d be here right now if it wasn’t for you. Thank you so much Josh. I can’t thank you enough.”

  “What kind of older brother would I be if I didn’t take care of my baby sister? Besides,” he leans down as if he’s telling me some big secret. “It gets you off my case,” he leans back quickly laughing.

  I hit his arm laughing. “I love you, Joshy. I’m so happy to see you so happy. Pollyanna seems like an amazing woman and I couldn’t have picked anyone better for you.”

  The song ended and we start walking away from the dance floor when this scary tall guy steps in front of us.

  “May I have this dance,” he asks.

  His voice sounds familiar, like some kind of distant memory that I can’t seem to fully recall. I’m not sure why, but it does.

  “Sure, bro. Here ya go,” my brother says with no qualms in handing me to this guy.

  A song starts playing, but I’m not paying attention to what it is. All I want to do is remain standing on my feet and to survive this dance.

  “You don’t have to be so scared of me,” he says.

  Pfft, that’s easy for him to say. He knows who I am.

  “You almost killed my cousin. When he left for that year, he had hit rock bottom. He got so drunk one night, decided to drive and almost wrecked off Galley’s Cliff. We thought he was finally going to escape the pain you inflicted on him. But then he comes back and there you are with another man. And all the progress we made with him over that year, and that he made with himself, was gone.”

  “He never gave me the time of day until he tells me I have cancer. Then he pays attention,” I reply in my defense.

  “Bullshit,” he roars in my face causing me to step back. “He’s been nothing but a game for you. If he were more than that, he would not have been as broken as he has been. Now …”

  Before he can even finish the ‘lecture’ he is giving me, I push away from him and start for the door. I hear a commotion behind me just as I make it out of the door. My heart is in pieces.

  This is supposed to be a magical day for us. Instead, I’m being told that because of me Garrett almost died. Once outside, I run. What I need right now is space and time. Space to breath and time to think.

  After a while, I realize things Garrett has told me and the things that guy said just do not add up!

  Taking a deep breath, I call Dr. Crosley.

  “Crosley,” his deep voice answers shortly.

  “I need a favor,” I say.

  “Where the hell are you? Do you have any idea the hell you are putting Garrett through?”

  My heart sinks at the thought of Garrett hurting. “I know how bad I’m hurting, but I have to figure out some things before… If you don’t wish to help me, I completely understand,” I say sadly.

  He sighs and I hear the click of a door. “Of course, I’ll help you. What do you need me to do?”

  “My treatment is in a few hours…” I leave the end of my sentence hanging.

  “I know. He’s not here today. He got called out of town for one of his patients.”

  “Oh, okay. Then I’ll see you soon,” breathing a little sigh of relief.

  “You need to talk to him. He’s a wreck,” Crosley says sadly.

  “I will. Just please let me get my head straight.”

  “What happened? One minute y’all are dancing happily and in love and the next you’re running from the building.”

  “I’ll explain when I get there if you have time. I need to head out.”

  After saying goodbye, I hang up the phone. Taking a deep breath, I throw on the sweats and t-shirt from the gift shop and head out of the room.

  After waiting for a cab, I bite my lip nervously. It just wasn’t going to be a good day, I can already tell. The way this time has gone is not the way I thought it would.

  Hell, I got married two days ago to the man of my dreams. Yet, here I sit in the back of a cab with my heart in pieces and my soul deflated at my feet. No, this is not a good day at all.

  Walking into the clinic, I was shocked to see Crosley waiting for me. Quickly rushing me back to the treatment room, he barely let me stop.

  “Carly is trouble. If she had seen you, she would have made sure that the story is twisted for her benefit to Garrett. She’s wanted Garrett from the moment she started working here.”

  “I kind of figured that by the way she talked to Garrett the day that I came to bring him lunch a few weeks ago.”

  He went about personally hooking me up and getting me ready to go. All the while, he is asking me questions about what is going on, what had happened and what I planned to do.

  “I’m not sure my plan yet. If what his cousin said is true then I’m only going to bring him down again,” I say softly.

  Robert looks at me, confusion clear on his face. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m being realistic here, not whining. Having cancer at such a young age, how likely is it for it to come back?”

  “Honestly, you can’t really base life on statistics. Just because it came back for one, doesn’t mean it will for another.”

  Sighing, I retry my point. “I don’t want him to see me die. I don’t want him hurt. If leaving now gives him the option to find better, healthier, then I love him enough to give him that option. He deserves that chance.”

  Robert’s head drops down and he breathes deeply. “Though I understand your point here, I do.” He looks up at me. “I would not trade a single second with my wife. Even knowing my heart would break one day when she left me behind, I would still choose to have that limited time with her. Because during that limited time that we shared, I loved her to the best of my ability and she showed me a life I never knew. Yeah, I was a broken man when she was gone. But that’s because she loved me. I know now, should I choose to look for love again, that I want the love we shared and I’ll settle for nothing less. She gave me that. I’d take all those moments again even with the same results in the end because I learned the man I needed to be and wanted to be.”

  Tears fall quickly down my face as I look at Robert. He reached up and turned the pump on before looking back at me.

  “She gave me the choice too. I chose her because knowing she was alive and out there was harder to handle than living without her after having some of the best moments of my life. You’re taking away his choice. The man is smart. If you weren’t worth it to him, he wouldn’t be there. He wouldn’t have asked you to marry him. He wouldn’t have searched for you all night long when you left. I know this decision is yours in the end, but please remember that it’s not just you in the equation. Think about how you’d feel if the roles were reversed. How would you feel if he shut you out and didn’t involve you in on anything? Just think about it is all I’m saying.”

  With that he walks out of the room, I take several deep breathes trying hopelessly to get myself under control. Closing my eyes, I rest my head back against the headrest and slowly drift off to sleep.

  When I arrive back at my hotel, the desk clerk waves me over. Groaning, I turn and head in the direction.

  “I’m exhausted. Can’t this wait?”

  “You have messages,” she says confused.

  “Messages? From who?” No one knows I’m here.

  “Um, I’m not exactly sure. They said you’d know,” she says handing me the messages.

  Taking them from her, I turn around and head back in direction of the elevators. Thinking back to when I woke up after my treatment. The covers were tucked around me. Something told me it was Garrett, but at the same time, I’m not sure he would have left if he did come back from that other patient.

  Turning around, I walk right out the door. I know where I need to go. It was time to stop hiding from it.
Hailing a cab, I tell them the address and think about what I need to say first.

  After calling Robert, when I arrive at the clinic, he’s waiting for me. He escorts me into the back. When I get close to Garrett’s office, my nerves kick in.

  Taking a few deep breathes I peek into this office. He’s on the phone and he looks like utter crap. No, he looks like someone that has been chewed up and spit out.

  “She hasn’t called you either? … Damn it! Where could she be?” His voice cracks and I watch as he runs a hand through his hair.

  Bravely stepping into his office, I respond to his question. “I’m right here,” I say quietly.

  His head snaps up and he stares at me. Turning, I shut the door, hearing him slam the phone down as I did so. No more than turning around and he’s gathering me in his arms, kissing me like there’s no tomorrow.

  Breaking from the kiss, he holds my face in his hands. “Where have you been? Why did you run? God, I’ve been so worried about you.”

  “Did you almost die because of me?”

  He steps back, really looking at me. I can see the tear tracks down his face.

  “No, why would you think that? I did almost wreck yes, but it had nothing to do with you. I had gone to a guy’s house and had a few drinks. We were reliving the old days, just having a good time. I left thinking I could drive and a deer jumps out in front of me… Why would you think that?”

  “Your cousin said it was because of me. That I…”

  He jerks away from me quickly. Shock fills me and I’m unable to move. Grabbing his phone, he dials a number.

  “Fred, can you come by my place tonight? … Yeah, what time? … No, I haven’t heard a word from her in two days. … Yeah, I’ll see you at six.”

  He hangs up the phone and pulls at his hair. I’m honestly afraid to say anything at all, but I have a lot I need to say.

  “Gare, I need to tell you what I came here to say. Please, just listen to me before you say or do anything. Okay?”

  He looks up at me nodding his head. “Go ahead.”

  Staying behind his desk, I am grateful for that. If he’d come over to me, I’d skip talking and fall into his arms again. But that isn’t going to solve anything. We need to talk.

  “Today, I had a talk with Robert. What he said to me hit home and that’s why I’m here. Garrett, I love you more than anything in this world,” tears start falling immediately. “However, I can’t stand the fact that I might hurt you or be the cause of you hurting yourself. Nevertheless, as I listened to Robert telling me about his wife and the way he felt about the time with her and without her. I realize that I’ve been selfish. This whole time I think I’m saving you and your heart, but I could very well be causing more damage than I could dying. I’m taking from you now because I’m afraid of what I’ll take from you later should I die. And that’s not fair of me. This is a decision you should be able to make on your own and I need to let you. I love you, Garrett. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, however long that is, but if you want to walk away right now, I understand that too. I’ll let you think about it all, just wanted to come by here and let you know that I’m staying at the Golden Nugget across town.”

  Turning I start to leave. My heart was hammering in my chest and my brain whirled around trying to make sure I said everything that I need to say. Suddenly, I’m spun around and pushed against the door.

  His mouth is on mine and my hands are pinned next to my head. He devours me as if I’m his last meal. After a moment, his hands release mine, but his mouth never leaves mine. Garrett’s hands move to my waist, lowering down my sweats.

  The need for him takes over. When he plunges into me, I cry out with the pure pleasure of having him love me this way.

  “You’re mine, from now until forever. I want no one else, but you. Do you understand me?” He growls against my lips.

  “Yes, yes, yes,” I pant out.

  “This running away when you get scared is done. We are in this together, no matter what,” he whispers right before biting my neck.

  “Ahhh, yes!”

  Right there against his office door, he made love to me. It is intense and passionate. Panting, still pressed against the door with his weight pressed against me, he kisses his way across my shoulder and up my neck to my mouth. Tenderly and oh so lovingly, he kisses me as he helps me get dressed.

  A tear slips from my eye as he walks us over to the couch. “I love you. I love you so much,” I sob.

  “I love you too, baby. Always and forever, you are my everything. No more trying to save me from something that I don’t want to be saved from. Okay?”

  “Okay. Who did you call earlier?”

  “Fred, my cousin that you danced with at the restaurant.”

  “Oh. You didn’t talk to him when I left?” I ask confused.

  “Yes, but he never mentioned any of that.”

  “What did he mention?”

  There’s a knock on the door that breaks our bubble. Garrett makes sure that we are presentable before yelling for whomever to come in. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath.

  Damn, I’m so freaking tired.

  “Dr. Hepner, I… Oh, I didn’t realize she is here.”

  “Do you have a problem with my wife being here, Ms. Perry?”

  Through the crack in my eyes, I watch her eyes widen. He claimed me. This is real. He’s mine and all mine. Finally!

  “Your wife? You’ve got to be kidding me? You married this whore?”

  “Get out of my office, collect your belongings. You’re fired,” Garrett hisses in a controlled voice.

  “What? Why? Because of her?”

  “No, because of your blatant disrespect for authority and the embezzling you have been doing,” Robert’s voice booms through the office causing me to jump.

  “It is okay, my love. Go back to sleep. I’ll be right back.”

  “No, please stay,” I plead worried that something bad is going to happen.

  “I’ll be fine, baby,” he leans in and kisses deeply. “When I get back, we’ll go home. Just rest.”

  “Are you sure about this? Garrett, I just don’t have a good feeling about this.”

  He sets the knife down that he is using to cut up some potatoes for supper. Walking over to me, he wraps his arms around my waist.

  “I know something’s not adding up for me either, but we’ll never figure that out unless we do this. Everything will be okay. He doesn’t know you’re really here.”

  When knocking sounds on the door, he sends me up the hall to the safe room and instructs me to lock myself in there. I’m shaking out of control. All I want is him to hold me, but right now he’s risking it all for me.

  Looking at the bank of monitors, I flip through until I see him and this Fred character standing on the screen. Please Lord let there be sound. By some miracle, I manage to hit the right button after several attempts. I can now hear what’s going on in the kitchen.

  “You’re cooking,” Fred asks.

  “I’ve got to eat right,” Garrett snaps.

  “Sorry. I just figured you’d be too upset to eat.”

  “This will be the first meal that I’ve eaten since she ran out. I just don’t get it. We were happy. She was ready to get married and then she runs away.” Slamming his fists on the counter in fake frustration, he looks at Fred. “She said nothing to you?”

  “Man, I’m sorry, but…” Fred cut himself off.

  Garrett is around the counter and holding him by the shirt demanding he tell him.

  “She said that she can’t love you. She said she tried, but she just can’t seem to do it. Her heart belongs to that Vince character and she can’t hurt him any longer. That’s when I started yelling at her for hurting you and she ran off.”

  How did he know about Vince? Just as I thought that, I see movement in the entryway. Grabbing my phone, I call Garrett. Thankfully, he answers.

  “What,” he snaps.

  “Vince is in the house,” I w
hisper panicked. “He’s working with Vince.”

  “That’s fine. Call the emergency number and the security number as well. They will be there within five minutes. I had already informed them when I left the office today.”

  “I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”

  “Yeah, me too. Call it now. Keep me updated.”

  He hangs up. Quickly, I search for the numbers, finding them on the desk near the monitors. Calling both the numbers, my eyes are glued to the cameras.

  Biting my nails, I watch as Vince enters the kitchen. Garrett’s back stiffens as he looks between Vince and Fred.

  “How the hell did you get in here?” Garrett hisses at Vince.

  “Fred let me in. Funny thing about family. When they hate you, they really go to any lengths to hurt you.” Vince says all too pleased with himself.

  “What are you talking about,” Garrett growls.

  “See, Fred here hates you for what you’ve done to his best friend. He wants you to pay for it. So he brought me in to take Donna away from you. It worked well when they convinced you to ‘better’ yourself for her. Then she had to go and grow a pair of balls and kick me out. Then proceeds to move her whorish ass on to you. She’s mine and I’ve come to collect what’s mine.”

  “She is not yours nor is she a whore.” He turns his attention on Fred. “How could you do this to me? After all I’ve done for you when we were younger and hell, even now, this is how you repay me?”

  Fred laughs. “You brought this on yourself. You just can’t leave well enough alone and be with Carly like you were meant to be.”

  “What?! Carly? Seriously? I’ve never been interested in her. In fact,” Garrett squares his shoulders. “I fired her today.”

  “You what,” Vince roars.

  Come on people, where are you?

  Just then I see several officers enter the house quietly, using hand gestures to direct the plan of action. My breath stalled in my chest as I watch Vince and Fred both lunge for Garrett. Thankfully, before they could make contact with him, the police enter the room.

  “Freeze! Put your hands in the air.” An officer commands.