by Gigi Marlowe
AJ looked distractedly out of her office window. Normally, the gorgeous view of the San Francisco’s skyline was all that she needed to relax. But today she felt differently. Nothing could really ease the feelings she was having about Patrick. It seemed to AJ that the more she got to know Patrick, the more that she was falling in love with him. Their relationship was unlike any that she had in the past. It seemed like in the few months that they been together, he had turned out to be someone who’d known her for years. Everything came easy with Patrick, and that was the problem. She had tried over and over again to distract herself from her growing feelings for him, but nothing seemed to work.
She had thrown herself into work by taking on a second and previous client, Benjamin. As much as AJ had been hesitant to work with Benjamin again, she was desperate to distract herself from Patrick. AJ knew that Benjamin was demanding enough that she would spend the majority of her spare time focusing on his en suite remodel. AJ rarely worked with two clients at once, but she felt like she needed to hunker down with work. She was worried that if she didn’t, she might lose herself in Patrick. However, even with the additional workload she still couldn’t get her mind off of him. She had never pegged herself for someone who would end up falling hopelessly in love with someone. Disappointed in herself, she struggled. Would falling in love mean that she had to give up her career? Suddenly, she heard a knock at her door.
“Come in,” she called.
Benjamin pushed open the door of her office. He had always looked ruggedly handsome, but today he looked like he had tried extra hard. His light brown hair was combed exactly the way AJ used to like it. “Is there something I can help you with, Benjamin?” AJ asked. She wasn't really sure why he was there. She hadn't called him or scheduled a meeting with him. In fact, AJ was practically finished with his renovation.
“AJ…,” he said as he closed the door behind him. “...I know that my requests have not been easy for you.” AJ studied Benjamin. He walked confidently over to her. She watched the way that his body seemed to demand her attention; he was so unlike Patrick. AJ began to wonder what she could've ever seen in someone like Benjamin. He was selfish, controlling, and completely high maintenance. “But you did it for me,” Benjamin said as he held open his arms.
AJ thought that the way he leered at her reminded her of a lion who was playing with a gazelle. She didn't like the feeling that she was something for him to conquer. Patrick never made her feel that way. Patrick always was sure to be attentive to her needs and treated her like an equal. It was not an issue that he was a renowned billionaire cyber genius innovator and had invested well. AJ saw the private selfless and sacrificing Patrick. She remembered the way he had been so excited to show her his clean water project. How loving and tender he could be. In that moment, AJ made up her mind. She decided that even though being with Patrick was unknown territory, she would do it. Case closed.
AJ smiled patiently before she said, “that’s what you're paying me for.” AJ glanced at her office phone and began to wonder how quickly she could get Benjamin out of her office so she could call Patrick. It was time to confess all of her conflicted feelings. Benjamin, mindless of AJ’s disinterest in their conversation, stood directly in front of her.
“But I know that you’re not doing this for the money. You’re doing this,” Benjamin placed a hand on the side of AJ’s cheek, “for me”. AJ frowned at him and took a step backward. Her back bumped against the glass of her window. She wasn't sure where Benjamin was going with this, but she didn’t like it.
“Benjamin,” AJ warned, “I’m doing this because it’s my job. I told you when I took on this project that I wasn't interested in you any longer. You said that that didn’t matter to you and you just wanted someone who you trusted to renovate. That’s all this is; a job. I have a boyfriend.”
“You have a boyfriend, but you've been spending all of your time with me.” AJ spun away from Benjamin as she realized he was right. In her attempt to figure out her feelings, she had been ignoring Patrick and his feelings. The revelation felt like a slap in the face.
“Benjamin,” AJ said quietly, “if you're not here to discuss your renovation, then I think you should leave.”
“I don’t think that's what you really want from me.” Benjamin stepped closer to her and whispered “You can't tell me you haven’t felt it too. You haven't felt that chemistry between us? It’s been driving me absolutely crazy.” Before AJ could process what happened, Benjamin pulled her close and kissed her. AJ braced her hands against his chest to push him off when she heard her door click open.
Chapter 8
Patrick walked quickly up the steps that lead inside AJ’s building. Fingering the ring box in his pocket, he prayed that his nerves would settle. AJ was everything he could have dreamt of and more. Never in a million years would Patrick have thought he could find the perfect woman for him. Then he met AJ. He wanted the occasion to be perfect. Armed with a bouquet of red frosted begonias in one hand and a picnic basket in the other, Patrick knew that his proposal would be everything AJ would want. He had carefully planned each element to represent what she meant for him. He chose begonias because he felt like they were a great representation of the future they could have together. The flowers were gorgeous, but they were well-known for being a more difficult plant to care for. Patrick knew that, like the begonia, his and AJ's marriage would be beautiful, but to keep it strong, healthy, and growing, they would need to put in continuous work. Work that Patrick was more than willing to do.
Stepping into the lobby, Patrick glanced nervously at AJ's closed door. He had been to see her at work a few times and knew that when her door was closed, she was most likely buried in a mountain of magazine clippings, discarded sketches, and tracing paper. Patrick remembered how AJ had mentioned that when she was that invested in a project, she often needed a good distraction to reset her brain and give her a clean mental canvas. He hoped that he would be all the distraction she needed today.
Patrick opened the door slowly, making a mental note to savor this moment. He had expected to see AJ seated at her desk working busily, but what he saw instead made him sick to his stomach. AJ was in the arms of another man. It seemed that time had slowed to a stop as he took in the stranger’s arms pressing AJ against his body and his fingers weaving in and out of her hair. Even though AJ’s back was to him, Patrick could see that she had braced her hands against his chest.
Patrick watched in horror as she pushed away from the man and turned towards him. He struggled to keep his emotions. He needed to find some semblance of self-control. He couldn’t let her see the rage and betrayal he felt swirling inside of him like a tornado. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she had hurt him. To her credit, Patrick thought, AJ looked utterly mortified. Her eyes were wide, and tears fell unchecked onto her cheek. “She’s a good actress,” he thought, “and I am a fool.”
Finding the courage to speak, Patrick said, “So this was the business that’s been distracting you.” He cursed himself as a quiver distorted his facade. “Or maybe, I was just the distraction,” he added.
“Patrick-”
“-There’s no need to explain.” Patrick walked over to her desk and set down the flowers and the basket. Clenching his fist, he noticed that the man had yet to release AJ from his grasp. “I won’t distract you anymore.” Patrick hurried out of the door before AJ could say anything else. Moments after he left, he felt his cell phone vibrate. Reading the caller ID he instantly turned the phone off, he didn’t want to hear AJ’s excuses. He imagined all the lines she would try and feed him. After all this time, Patrick thought that he had guarded himself against falling for women like Jasmine.
AJ reread her email to Patrick for the fifth time. In it, she had explained what happened between her and Benjamin, told him just how much he meant to her, and then begged him to give her the chance to explain everything in person. It wasn’t the first time she had reached out. Ever since he had walked i
n on Benjamin kissing her five days ago, she had called, texted, and emailed him. She had even taken to haunting his favorite spots around town, hoping that she could run into him. Each effort she made, however, was met with only heartbreaking silence.
She could only imagine how crushed he was. From what he had seen, there’s no way he could have guessed that AJ had wanted nothing to do with Benjamin. She pressed her forehead against her computer monitor and sighed. She just needed to see him; she had to see him. She had to have a chance to explain everything to him including her feelings. It had taken her seeing his utter vulnerability and anguish for her to finally admit the depth of her feelings. She was tired of fighting her heart; she was ready to let herself love Patrick. She didn’t want her last memory of him to be the way his face contorted in pain. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold him until all the bitterness and despair melted from his eyes. She wanted...him.
AJ’s computer dinged, and the notification banner flashed that she had unread email. Holding her breath, she opened her mail to see an email from Patrick. This was it, she thought, he'll finally speak to me.
A.
Meet me at Sightglass Coffee. 2 pm.
-P.W.
AJ swallowed the knot in her throat. His message was short, shorter than anything he had ever written to her before. Checking the clock, she realized that she had thirty minutes to meet him. She didn't want to miss the one chance she might have to talk to him. As she drove, AJ rehearsed exactly what she would say when she saw him. She would say she was sorry and then she knew she had to tell him how she felt about him. She had to tell him that she loved him. He was the first person she had met who she felt really understood her. He had seen all the bits and pieces of her heart that she usually kept locked away, and he had appreciated them. Patrick hadn't cared that AJ was career driven. He had cherished that part of her, encouraged it. He acknowledged that her drive was directly attached to her desire to challenge herself and to help others. She had to make sure that he knew that she understood him, too.
With a firm resolve, AJ picked a corner table at the coffee shop and sat facing the door. She didn’t want to be taken by surprise when he walked in. She wanted to make sure she was the first person that Patrick saw. AJ wasn't sure what she had expected from him when he did walk in, but it definitely was not the indifferent man who regarded her with an ice-cold glare.
“Thank you for meeting me, Patrick.” As Patrick sat opposite her, he made no move to answer. He sat rigid in his chair. His hands subtly turned his cufflinks as he looked at her with an unreadable gaze. His face was a mask of sheer professionalism. AJ recalled the way his easy smile and charm had always left her desperate for more. Now she could see no trace of the man who she had fallen in love with. AJ grappled with some way to break the tension between them.
“How’s Bear?” she asked tentatively. Patrick remained unfazed. AJ could see that there was almost no way to get past his guard now. He had shut himself up, effectively becoming more taciturn than she had ever known him to be.
“I’m assuming you wanted to meet to discuss the house,” he said brusquely. There was no question in Patrick’s voice as he assessed AJ. She could see him looking keenly at her work bag.
“Yes, I…” AJ fumbled with the zipper of her work bag hoping that her clumsiness would buy her some much needed time. In truth, she didn’t have any questions about his house. She knew Patrick as well as she knew herself. “I have to ask you about the stove, um, I know you had mentioned wanting a gas stove,” AJ cast a furtive glance at Patrick. She could almost see his anger seething inside of him.
Pushing his chair back from the table abruptly, he said, “I would pull my contract if I could.” As he stood, AJ thought about going to him and pressing her lips gently against his own. She thought about the kiss they had shared and desperately craved that closeness with him. If he would just let her back in, she could explain everything. Instead, she silently watched him regard her from his stone tower. “Since I can’t,” he continued, “I will have to trust you to be a shrewd enough businesswoman to finish my house in good taste. I can’t have any more contact with you.” Patrick looked away from her as he said, “Do that me for, okay? This house is the only thing I can trust you with any more, AJ.”
“Patrick, no-”
He held up his hand to stop her. “Don’t,” he whispered. “Please.” Tears welled up in Patrick's eyes as he studied the coffee house floor. Clearing his throat quickly, he shook his head and effectively retreated back inside himself.
AJ felt the weight of the world crashing upon her with each step he took that lead him away. At that moment, when she had caught a glimpse of the real Patrick, she had felt sick to her stomach from guilt. She had done that to him. It didn’t matter to her that everything that happened between her and Benjamin was a misunderstanding.
She knew that Patrick's heartbreak had been slow. It had started from the very moment he had decided to be completely vulnerable with her, and she had withheld part of herself from him. She had never told him how afraid she was to give herself permission to wholeheartedly love him. She should have told him. Instead, AJ had dived head first into work, seeking solace in a thing that she knew would bring her no comfort. In an effort to hold on to a piece of herself that already belonged to Patrick, the fear of losing herself cost her the relationship that revealed the best of her.
With Patrick, she had finally lived her fullest expression. Patrick had never dictated to her who she should be. Instead, he had shown her that true love was seeing a person for who they really were and choosing to love them, accepting them in their entirety. As she sat staring at the chair that Patrick had just occupied, AJ thought about how selfish she had been. She thought about all of the work calls she had taken while she was out with Patrick. For the first time, it dawned on her that Patrick had never complained or seemed frustrated by her passion for her job. He would listen with authentic interest as she would describe the wins and losses she had experienced as an architect. He would encourage her to do more, and ultimately his support had strengthened her to be more than she was.
AJ wondered if she had been all that for Patrick. Had she been someone who encouraged and supported him, or had she been selfishly receiving all he had to offer? Regardless of how she acted in the past, AJ made up her mind at that moment to change. Even if she couldn't be with him, she wanted to leave Patrick with something that would encourage and support him. Reaching for her work bag, AJ pulled out her “Project Homebound” binder. Even if she would never share this home with him, AJ resolved that Patrick's house would be a product of all the love she felt towards him. She would give back to Patrick the love and support that he had given her in the only way she knew how. She would make his house into the home he needed instead of the castle he wanted. Knowing that she wouldn’t have to clear any of these changes with Patrick, AJ began to make a list of additions she wanted to make to the house. Her changes would push back the finish date, but she knew that it would be worth it. No matter what happened between her and Patrick, he deserved this.
Chapter 9
Patrick halfheartedly threw the ball for Bear and Su Su. It was Henry who had suggested that the two take their dogs to the dog park and talk through everything that had happened between Patrick and AJ. Patrick still wasn’t sure if it was a good idea that he had come at all. It was bad enough that he couldn’t stop thinking about AJ. No matter how hard he tried, thoughts of her invaded every aspect of his life. When he was trying to work at his desk, he would picture the way the wind played in her hair. When he tried to sleep at night, he could almost hear the soft sigh of her breath in his ear. He missed her desperately, but he had made his choice. He didn’t see how talking about the way AJ had crushed him would help him feel any better about it. Patrick and AJ watched Su Su race to the ball and snatch it before Bear could get there. As the two dogs chased each other in the large field, Henry beckoned for Patrick to join him on the bench.
“Has
she tried to explain?” Henry asked.
“Of course, but that didn’t matter.” Patrick focused the scenery in front of him. He watched as someone’s chubby Australian Shepherd crashed into someone else's overly hyper Poodle. The two dogs became instantly entangled. Their frustrated barks mingled with the happy yelps of the other dogs in the park. What Patrick wouldn’t give to be any one of those carefree dogs playing in the park instead of a dejected bachelor.
“But what did she say?” coaxed Henry. Both Henry and JD had tried to get Patrick to explain everything that happened, and up until this moment, he hadn't. He wasn't sure why he didn't want either of his friends to know all of the gritty details between him and AJ. Maybe it was because, deep down, he thought he was wrong and they would point that out to him. Despite his unwillingness to share before, he was ready to now. The way Patrick could see it, if he appeased Henry today, there would be no reason to ever mention AJ’s name again.
“She had some excuse about how the guy was an ex-boyfriend and a previous client. Apparently, he still had feelings for her and wanted to get back together. So he kissed her.” Patrick spat the last words out with disgust. It had seemed mutual to him. He could still see the kiss between the two of them like it was burned into his memory, exactly like the affair Patrick caught Jasmine having.