Not Exactly Lying

by Melody Summers

  “Hey.”

  Ashton dropped onto the seat next to Walker, and Dannika brightened like she’d been lit up from the inside. He gave me a curious glance, but that was all.

  “So I’ve got Mrs. Adair for English first period,” he sighed. “I heard she’s tough.”

  No one else spoke, so I cleared my throat. “I’m in that class, too.”

  For a moment he stared at me like he’d seen a UFO or something, then his face broke into a teasing smile. “In that case it could be my favorite class.”

  I blinked. Was he flirting with me? Then Dannika smacked him on the arm.

  “Behave yourself. She’s really shy and you need to go easy on her.”

  “It’s okay,” I said with a smile, hoping my heart wasn’t going to explode. “Maybe we can help each other out with our notes and stuff.”

  “That would be good.”

  Dannika raised her eyebrows, but I pretended to ignore her. She needed to have her nose rubbed in her feelings for Ashton the way that Delaney had needed it with Walker. Ashton noticed, too, and caught Walker’s eye. Walker just gave a tiny shrug and Ashton let it go. He had no idea what I was doing there, but if everyone else was going to act like I’d always been part of the group he wasn’t going to say anything.

  “Whoa! Who’s the new babe?”

  I knew that voice, heard it all the time in my headset at home. My muscles seized up as Dylan came into view with Quinn and a couple of guys I didn’t know.

  “Oh, wow.” His eyes went wide as he got a clear look at me. “It’s The… Molly, right?”

  The Ditz. That’s what he’d been about to say. My face went hot and I wanted to hide, but I couldn’t.

  “Yes,” I replied, focusing on my anger to push through the growing panic. “And you are?”

  “Your new biggest fan.”

  He sat down beside me and leaned closer. “Can I carry your books? Walk you to lunch? Buy you a car?”

  Allison snorted. “You are such a jerk.”

  “What? I’m just expressing my admiration.”

  I glanced up at Quinn, who was staring at me like he’d never seen a girl before. My face was still burning and my pulse racing, but I wasn’t going to let Dylan have this one. I turned towards Allison.

  “It’s okay. I think he’s just so surprised that I’m able to dress myself without help that he’s babbling.”

  There was a drawn out moment of silence while they all stared at me, and then the whole group burst into laughter. Dylan was taken back, and then he took a long look at me and then gaped as he finally realized who I was. Quinn grinned nastily at his friend.

  “I think she’s got your number, Dylan. Better knock it off.”

  Dylan made a face. “You’re always so quick to defend her.”

  Delaney snickered. “It doesn’t sound like she needs anyone to do it for her.”

  “No, it doesn’t,” Quinn agreed.

  When I glanced back towards him, he was watching me like a cat getting ready to pounce. My stomach got all fluttery and I had a hard time catching my breath.

  “It’s good to see you like this,” he continued. “This is a long overdue change. It’s no good being off by yourself all the time.”

  I glanced at Dylan and then threw Quinn a severe look. “That depends on the company. Sometimes alone is better.”

  He let it go at that, but the heat in his eyes was a warning that he was nowhere close to being done with me.

  If this had been one of those 80s teen movies my parents watch, my makeover would have catapulted me into the popular crowd and Quinn’s arms and my life would have gotten a bouncy pop song for a soundtrack. But unfortunately this was real life, so none of that happened.

  There were the same whispered jokes as before, and this time there was real venom in some of them coming from the other girls. The guys were whispering, too, but from the snatches I caught their jokes were of a very different nature. All of it did exactly what I’d expected—made me even more self conscious than before. Why had I done this to myself?

  But then when I took my seat in English for first period, Ashton claimed the desk next to mine. His smile was just open and friendly as he bent over to whisper that Dannika had asked him to keep an eye on me for her, but since I was her friend he’d have done it without her asking. He was so sweet. The girl was out of her mind to keep letting this thing between them linger without doing anything about it, but they were going to have to fix their own problems. I had too many of my own to start handing out relationship advice.

  Fortunately there wasn’t any need for me to say anything in class except answer present, and I only stammered a little bit, even though I felt every eye in the room on me when my name was called. I put my head down and read the syllabus and took notes and shut everything else out so that by the time class was over I’d calmed myself way down. I could do this. I’d done it last year. The rules were a little different, but it was still the same school and the same kids and I’d managed to survive my sophomore year in one piece.

  When the bell rang Ashton waited on me and then walked me out, which kept some distance between me and the others who might have been tempted to make remarks loud enough to be overheard. Relief washed over me as I stepped into the hallway. I’d made it through my first class without any incidents or having to excuse myself to go hide in the bathroom. It was going to be fine, just like Delaney and Walker said.

  My relief dissolved into panic as Quinn emerged from the mass of kids in the hallway and jerked his head at Ashton.

  “You can take off now. I’ve got this.”

  Chapter Eight

  Ashton glanced at me and then shrugged. “Whatever you say, man.”

  He was gone before I could muster up any kind of protest. Quinn’s self-satisfied smirk made me want to smack him, but then his hand was in the middle of my back, urging me into the stream of students heading for their next class.

  “Chemistry—Mr. Prejean. Right?”

  I nodded dumbly.

  “All right, let’s go.”

  I’m short and petite and I’m pretty much forced to go with the flow of traffic in the halls even if I wasn’t inclined to do that anyway, but with Quinn people just sort of parted around us to let us by. I can’t say it wasn’t a cool feeling, but the attention being with him was drawing down on me was unsettling.

  “Why are you doing this?” It came out as more of a groan than a question.

  “Because I want to.”

  “I’m not your girlfriend. I don’t need you to walk me to class.”

  “Maybe I did it so I’d have a chance to ask you to have lunch with me.”

  “I’m having lunch with my friends.”

  “I could be your friend.”

  I raised an eyebrow. Delaney had taught me how to do that really well. “I don’t think so.”

  He looked back, puzzled. “Why not? Walker is your friend, isn’t he?”

  “Yeah, but that’s different.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he’s Delaney’s boyfriend.”

  Quinn shook his head. “I don’t get it.”

  “The difference is that I don’t think you want to be just friends, and I have no intention of joining the ranks of your castoffs.”

  Placing a hand over his heart, he staggered as though he’d been struck. “Ouch, babe. But I guess I can’t argue with it.”

  He really did look a little wounded, so I felt a pang of guilt for saying it. “I’m sure you’re a great guy and everything, but I’m really not worth this effort. Aren’t there cheerleaders and stuff just dying for you to look their way?”

  Quinn shrugged his broad shoulders. “What do I care? I’m not interested in them.”

  “You could have fooled me.”

  “I just haven’t found the right girl, yet.”

  “What about the one you told me you were all hung up on?”

  A twinkle danced in his eye as he gave me a lopsided grin, and my knees went a litt
le wobbly. He was so freaking cute that the rational part of my brain was shutting down and all I wanted was for him to kiss me again.

  “Maybe she wasn’t exactly right for me after all,” he said.

  What did that mean? Was he over Valkyrie? Maybe that should have made me feel differently about things, but if anything it just made me even more certain that I needed to keep my distance. If he’d changed his mind so easily after pursuing her so hard, why would he be any different with me?

  “Look. I’m flattered. I really am. But please don’t do this again. You’re just making things worse.”

  “How does walking you to class make things worse?”

  “The last thing I want is to have people talking about me or noticing me. If they see me with you and you acting like this, they’re going to run with it and I’ll never hear the end of it.”

  His eyes flickered over me from head to toe and his grin got wider. “I hate to break it to you, but people are going to notice you whether I’m around or not.” His hand left my back as we reached my classroom and he tipped me a wink. “See you around, babe.”

  When I turned into the doorway, the whole class was staring at me. My heart skipped and stuttered and my mouth went bone dry. I scrambled inside and took my seat, but there was a steady chorus of whispers until Mr. Prejean called the class to attention. Oh, how I wanted to be invisible again! I couldn’t keep doing this. Maybe I could get Walker to talk to Quinn and convince him to back off. He sure didn’t seem inclined to listen to me.

  Normally I found a quiet spot away from everyone and ate lunch by myself. Not today. Today I was going to be sitting with my new friends for the first time, and as much as I would have loved to sneak off and hide, I knew that if I did they’d just come looking for me. I slipped into the cafeteria behind a group of noisy freshmen and made my way to where the others were already sitting.

  If I’d had any hope that my trip to class with Quinn had passed unnoticed, I was soon disabused of that little fantasy. All three of them were watching me closely as I sat down.

  “What? Do I have something on my face?”

  Allison leaned forward, pitching her voice low. “Rumor has it that Quinn walked you to class.”

  Welcome to high school, where the only thing faster than the speed of light is how quickly rumors spread.

  “Yeah, it was a surprise to me, too.”

  “Molls, I think he really likes you,” Dannika said.

  I sighed as I pulled my lunch out of my backpack. “And he really liked Nancy MacDonald, Allison Hart, and Jill Stillwater last semester, too. Until he didn’t anymore.”

  Everyone went quiet, until finally Delaney spoke up. “Maybe this time it’s different, though.”

  I peered at her over my sandwich. “And maybe it isn’t. Am I supposed to give him the chance to break my heart just on the off chance that it’s different this time? Because that’s what all those other girls did, and look where it got them.”

  Silence settled over the table again. I took a bite of my sandwich, even though by then my appetite had disappeared. In that big room surrounded by all those people I felt like I was in a big fishbowl. I was conscious of every movement I made, careful to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong. I took dainty little bites and sips, and wiped my mouth to be sure there were no crumbs. I didn’t want to do anything awkward or stupid that would make people look and laugh. Before I was halfway done my hands were shaking.

  “Relax, Molls,” Dannika whispered. “You’re fine. No one is looking. It’s just us.”

  That made me feel a little better, but I didn’t want to do anything to embarrass myself in front of them most of all. They had become so very important to me in such a short time, and I was scared I’d ruin it somehow.

  Afterwards we went our separate ways, and I made it through the rest of the day without running into Quinn again. On the way home I listened to Delaney chattering about her day and let myself relax in the relief that it was finally over.

  Until I had to turn right around and do it tomorrow.

  The next couple of days were uneventful, and the knots inside me began to loosen up a little. The anxiety was still there, but with my friends supporting me it really wasn’t any worse than last year, despite the changes I’d made.

  Then on Thursday I began catching new whispers. I was in chemistry, and the two girls at the lab table next to mine were whispering and giggling while casting furtive glances my way. Immediately my mouth went dry and my face went red and my pulse took off like a racecar. I bent my head down over my lab sheet and pretended to work, but I strained my ears to catch what they were saying.

  “Everyone who was at the beach that night swears Quinn hooked up with her.”

  “The Ditz? No way.”

  “I know, right? But a ton of people saw them together there, and they left together later.”

  “Quinn scores again.”

  “Yeah. And some of the guys on the football team are saying that he scored big, if you know what I mean.”

  Even though I refused to look up, I could feel their eyes on me and my stomach did a sickening roll.

  “Really? I thought he had better taste than that.”

  “We all did.”

  My stomach clenched and churned while my eyes burned with impending tears. Everyone was saying that I’d hooked up with Quinn—and I had—and that we’d done it—which we hadn’t. I really should have nailed myself in the bathroom that first morning before school and made Mom homeschool me until I graduated.

  My friends commiserated during lunch, but there was nothing anyone could do by then. Like all rumors, it was just going to have to run its course and die down on its own.

  Quinn intercepted me as I came out of English the next morning, his face a mask of concern. Ashton took one look at him and walked off. My heart sank as the guy of my dreams steered me into a recessed doorway.

  “Are you okay?”

  I lifted a shoulder in a noncommittal shrug.

  “I’m sorry, Molly. I think Dylan’s little sister started spreading the story because she’s jealous. And I’m pretty sure Dylan has been the one adding embellishments because you snubbed him in front of witnesses. I’m trying to stop it, but…”

  I waved it away. “It’s no use. You can’t stop it now that it’s out there. I just have to ride it out. When you hook up with the next girl people will get bored with talking about me and I’ll fade into the background like the others.”

  Quinn gave a little snort and shook his head. “Sorry. Can’t help you there.”

  “Why not? If you snap your fingers a dozen girls will be throwing themselves at you.”

  “I recently discovered that I’ve become a whole lot more particular about the girls I date, and the ones I want won’t have me. It’s oddly humbling.”

  “Good. Your ego is the size of Texas already.”

  “True enough.” He let his grin peep through and my stomach fluttered. “Sure you won’t reconsider dating me to keep it from shrinking too much?”

  “I’m sure.”

  Oh, I wanted it. I wanted him to kiss me again, wanted to be in his arms and feel like there was nothing in the whole world but the two of us the way I had that night on the beach. Quinn knew it, too, which meant he wasn’t going to give up trying. But I just couldn’t do it. I was too scared of what would happen if—when—he dumped me for someone else. I was too afraid of being hurt, of being talked about and the center of attention as a result. And I knew that deep down what he really wanted was Valkyrie, and I just couldn’t be her for him.

  He watched the emotions playing over my face and his grin faded to a soft smile. “All right for now, but don’t expect me to give up. I’m kind of stubborn.”

  “That we can both agree on.”

  “I’ll be seeing you around, babe.”

  I didn’t doubt that for a second, and I wasn’t sure how long I could go on resisting him. But I had to. Kissing him had been bad enough. Dating him and having him
dump me would leave me a wreck, and my anxiety was bad enough already. I couldn’t deal with that, too.

  When my friends heard the latest rumors they jumped to my defense, and even Walker and Ashton did their best to discredit the stupid things people were saying. Thanks to Walker’s denials the stories did actually die down a little bit.

  Unfortunately not everyone believed him.

  A couple of jocks cornered me that afternoon on the way to French class. One of them, a broad, red-haired guy wearing a football jersey with “Josh” and his number on it, stepped in close so that I had to squeeze myself against the wall.

  “I hear you like football players, sexy. First Walker, then Quinn. Why don’t you try me out for size? I guarantee you won’t be disappointed.”

  My mouth was too dry to make a response, which was kind of irrelevant because of the way my throat was closing up. A tight fist squeezed my heart as he leaned in closer.

  “Or if you like, we can give you a two-for-one special. What do you say? Double your pleasure, double your fun.”

  I was going to be sick. What was wrong with these guys? Why couldn’t they be like Walker? He was a jock, but he wasn’t a total jerk. I wanted to run away, but my legs were rooted to the floor. I looked down, desperate for any way to escape them, and stared at my toenails. I had just painted them a bright turquoise that morning and I tried as hard as I could to lose myself in the color and zone out until they gave up and went away.

  “That’s enough.”

  Icy anger burned through the air from a voice dripping with frozen contempt. As I raised my head, Quinn yanked both of them back by the shoulder and planted himself in front of me. He wasn’t as big as either of them but somehow he dwarfed them, like some avenging angel swooping in to my rescue. All he was missing was the flaming sword, but he didn’t need one.

  “Both of you get lost, and don’t let me ever hear about either of you messing with her again or I’ll make sure you sit out the entire season on the sidelines.”