by D. W. Cee
“Hey Jake. Anything change between you and Emily?” It was Jane.
“Jane, I don’t want to talk about it. Can’t you just leave me alone?”
“I’m calling because I’m worried about Emily.”
“Why? What’s wrong with Emily?” I could never forgive myself if something happened to her because I wasn’t around to take care of her.
“She’s not answering her phone and she won’t return any of my calls. What’s going on?”
“Jane, I don’t know. We haven’t spoken since Christmas.”
“You haven’t called her back? What could she have possibly done for you to not speak to her for so long? Did you two break up?”
“I gotta go. Let’s talk later.”
I heard Jane calling out my name but I hung up on her.
Later that afternoon I stopped by again and she was still not home. I sat on her swing in front of her house when another text came in.
Hi Jake. How are you doing? I hope you are not working too hard. What a silly thing to say, of course you are working hard. I too have been working hard at school. Today was an ugly day as my student Jimmy got sick and threw up on me. It’s been a while since we last spoke. Wow, you can hold a grudge. I thought you might have responded by now. I know I hurt you and don’t have a right to say this, but I hurt, too, as you don’t respond to any of my messages. Please call.
I was disheartened to notice she didn’t write that she loved me or missed me anymore. It pained me to think she had chosen Max over me and this was her way of trying to tell me our relationship was over. Next time we talked, could I be like Max and let her go believing this was the best for her? I wasn’t as selfless as Max. I didn’t care if he wanted her and she wanted him, I wanted her and that’s all that mattered. I would fight for her. This had gone on long enough. Jane was right. I was an idiot for not responding to Emily.
I couldn’t take it anymore. Right as my fingers punched in her number, the hospital called me back in to work. Figuring I could come back tonight, I went back to the hospital to take care of my patient.
The next morning, I was getting ready to stop by Emily’s house again when she texted again. I thought, ‘perfect’. I would go over and beg for forgiveness. We would put this all behind us and start again where we left off.
Hi Jake. I spoke with Jane a few days ago and she told me you said we were no longer seeing each other. I don’t know why it never occurred to me you didn’t want to be with me anymore. I sent all those texts thinking you still cared for me. I understand and I don’t blame you. I’m sorry I’ve continually bothered you. This will be my final text. I want to say I'm sorry one last time and ask you to forgive me. You have been nothing but kind and loving and I've only returned it with pain and uncertainty. I want you to know you are the only man I love. I wish I had figured this out sooner. Be well.
Sick to my stomach, I dialed Emily’s number but her phone went straight to voicemail. Racing to her house I could only imagine how distraught she must have been all those days thinking I didn’t love her anymore. How stupid could I be - just utterly selfish to think only of my feelings. All this time I blamed her and Max, never once thinking she was home hurting. How could I have boasted my love for this woman when all I’d done was hurt her?
Thoroughly relieved to see her car in the driveway I rang the doorbell. This nightmare was finally coming to an end.
Ding dong, ding dong. Emily, where are you? I’m sorry sweetheart. It kills me you think I don’t love you anymore. Please, answer the door!
I went around back to look for her spare key and couldn’t find it. Her car was here but she obviously wasn’t. With a heavy heart I left her house. My life suddenly flashed before me and Emily wasn’t in the picture anymore. All day I fought to rid myself of this horrid thought.
My phone rang and I jumped to answer it. It could only be Emily, I thought – or hoped.
“Hello?”
“Jake.”
“Hey Nick.” Disappointed it wasn’t Emily, I couldn’t show any enthusiasm towards my brother.
“Are we leaving for New York tonight?”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember? We are all supposed to go to Masa this weekend. Where’s Emily? Did she leave already?”
A refusal was on the tip of my tongue when it occurred to me maybe Jane could answer all these questions in my head. Emily said in her last text that she had spoken with Jane. Perhaps Emily confided in Jane what she was feeling all these weeks. I’d go talk to my sister and get some answers.
“What time is our flight?”
“Midnight.”
“Okay, I’ll pick you up at your apartment around ten. Be ready to leave.”
Praying for a solution to this mess I created we arrived at JFK and caught a cab to Jane’s apartment. Much of me feared Jane would tell me Emily no longer wanted to be with me. Now my worries had nothing to do with Max. I clearly understood this was our problem and I had masterminded this mess.
We walked into Jane’s apartment and before I got a chance to ask Jane any questions, she and Nick got into a fight about why we were here. Jane was unusually high strung while the two of them argued. Tired from not having slept at all last night, I walked towards the sofa to sit down when out of nowhere Emily walked out of the second bedroom.
EMILY! My heart swelled with joy. She had been with Jane all this time and that was why I couldn’t find her. I could finally talk to her and beg her to forgive me. Whether it took a day, a week, a month, I wouldn’t let her leave till she reconciled with me. Before I could utter a word, Nick greeted his future sister.
“Emily, when did you get here? It’s so great to see you.” Nick gave her a big hug and she looked pleased.
I tried to make eye contact but she wouldn’t look at me. Soon I would explain myself and retire the look of fear that still lived in her eyes since I last saw her at the Grand Canyon.
Emily finally spoke. “Um, I got here yesterday.” Distressed she headed towards the door and said, “I was just leaving. It was nice seeing all of you.”
No! Where are you going? You can’t leave me again.
I headed towards the door to stop her but simultaneously Nick called, “Emily, don’t go. We’re going to Masa for dinner. You have to join us,” and Jane yelled, “Jake, you’re such a jerk! How could you leave Emily stranded in Arizona? Why are you ignoring her when she’s been trying to get a hold of you for weeks? How can you be so cold…?” Jane babbled on but all I could focus on was Arizona.
Jane said I had left Emily stranded in Arizona. What was that all about? I turned to ask Emily but she was gone. My eyes left her face for two seconds thinking about Jane’s accusation and I’d lost my love again.
“Where’d she go?” I shouted at both my siblings?
“I don’t know. She was just here,” Nick answered back.
“Jane, what did you just say about Arizona? Why did you say I left her stranded there?”
“Go ask Emily!” Jane sounded disgusted with me.
I bolted out the door, ran down the steps and came to a halt right outside the door. I searched to my left and scanned the block for Emily, she wasn’t there. I turned to my right and found her running to the end of the block.
“EMILY!” I shouted from the top of my lungs. I wasn’t going to lose her again. Not concerned with the events of the last few weeks, I couldn’t live without her another day. Please don’t leave me was all I could think. She momentarily stopped at my holler then continued to walk away flagging down a cab.
I caught up to her at the end of the block. “Emily. Please don’t go.” I held her hand and tried to grab her suitcase out of the taxi.
“I should leave. You three have a great time,” she answered tacitly.
Emily. Look at me. Please forgive me. The pain in your eyes - how could I have done this to you?
“I feel terrible interrupting you and Jane but I’m glad you’re here. You didn’t mention you were coming to se
e my sister.” She looked even more hurt when I said this. “Regardless, we need to talk.” I needed to ask her about Arizona among many other misunderstandings. I started with the topic of Jane’s accusation as that bothered me the most.
“Emily, what was Jane talking about me leaving you in Arizona?” I feared her answer because deep in my heart I knew what I had done.
She only stared at the ground, silent.
“Emily, answer me! What was she talking about?” Though I shouldn’t have been, I got angry again. I was angry at myself but took it out on Emily.
“What do you care?” she answered shutting the trunk.
“Tell me!” I demanded, but then begged, “Please?” Please tell me I didn’t leave you there that morning. PLEASE tell me you went back home with Max and Sarah.
“I waited for you to return.” Oh God. You waited just like that night you were leaving for New York. You trusted me to come for you no matter what the circumstance. What have I done? My heart bore down hard.
“What do you mean you waited for me to return? For how long?”
She wouldn’t answer.
“Damn it, Emily, how long did you wait for me?”
“… Till it closed,” she answered quietly. Even in this situation she was worried about my feelings. She gently told me of the atrocity I had committed.
“What? How could you have waited for me till closing time? Didn't you realize after a while I wasn't coming back? It was freezing that day. You didn't even have a jacket on. How stupid can you be?” That wasn’t what I meant to say. Emily, please forgive me. How will I make this right?
In disbelief she stared at me with deep sadness in her eyes. But rather than breaking down and cowering, Emily angrily yelled back at me.
“Yeah, I was stupid alright. Stupid enough to believe you when you said you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. Stupid enough to trust your words when you told me you would never let me be alone again. Stupid enough to think that the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with wouldn't abandon me - that after he calmed down - would come back for me. That's how stupid I was.”
I deserved the blame she put on me; every hurtful accusation had my name on it. I had let down my girlfriend – the woman I proposed to and promised many times to take care of for the rest of her life.
“Oh, Emily!” I groaned her name, anguished. “I left you by yourself at the Skywalk? You mean you didn’t go home with Max?” How had this happened? “I'm sorry Emily. I didn't mean to leave you there. You know I would never abandon you. I really thought you were with your friends. I can't believe I did that to you. How did you get home? Oh, Emi.” I moved in to hold her for the first time in weeks. She shoved me away and glared at me. In her mind, I had betrayed her.
“I don't want your sorry or your pity. My break up with Max was a walk in the park compared to what you put me through. You made yourself clear by not returning for me and by not returning any of my messages. I was right to doubt your love. There was no way you could have loved me as much as you said you did.” Please don’t believe that. I love you. I’ll prove to you I love you. I’ll make it up to you.
Within seconds Emily took off the eternity band and threw it at me. “Here! I don't think this belongs to me anymore.” The ring fell onto the sidewalk and rolled. My first instinct was to chase down the ring and then talk Emily out of this misunderstanding.
My foot caught up with the rolling band, and I picked it up to take back to Emily and place on her finger. I ran back to her but found her nowhere in sight. Emily was gone. Never once did I think she would get in the cab and leave me. Just like that, I’d found the ring but lost my love. Frantic, I looked down the street but couldn’t find her anywhere. Hoping Jane could help, I ran back to the apartment.
“Jane, where did Emily go?”
Jane looked at me disgusted again. “What do you mean? Weren’t you with her? Did you push her away again? What is wrong with you?”
“Just answer my question! Where did she go?” Yelling wasn’t going to bring Emily back but I had no one else to express my anger to.
“I don’t know. She didn’t know either. If you wait a little while I’m sure she’ll call as soon as she checks into a hotel.”
“You sure she didn’t go back home? Do you know what airline she came on? Call the airline or check the status of her ticket.”
“Emily just left. Why don’t you wait a little before doing anything? I’m sure she’ll call as soon as she knows what she’s doing. Right now, there’s no use calling anywhere, Emily’s in transit.”
Nick made sense so I calmed down and hoped Jane could answer all my questions.
“Explain a few things to me,” I appealed to the only person who had answers. “Why does Emily think we broke up?”
“Well, that was my fault. When you didn’t answer any of my questions, I assumed you two had separated. I mentioned this to Emily just to confirm and she took it to mean this is what you believed. I’m sorry, Jake. When she got here, I explained to her this was not what you had said but since you hadn’t contacted her in so long she didn’t believe me. Why didn’t you call her? Do you know how miserable she’s been?”
I wanted to beat myself for making Emily so upset. I must have been out of my mind to have rejected all her appeals.
“What did Emily tell you while she was here with you? Can you please tell me everything?”
“Well…” Jane wouldn’t continue.
“What’s the matter?”
“Emily asked me not to tell you,” Jane apologetically answered.
“Why would she do that? What doesn’t she want me to know? Is she thinking of getting back together with Max? Is that why?” Maybe I was right not to call her if she had chosen Max. Maybe all this guilt and heartache was for no good reason. “Jane! Is she going to marry Max?”
“Who’s Max?” We both looked at Nick. He was so quiet we forgot he was still here.
“Jake. You think you have it all together but you are such an idiot. If Emily was going to get back together with Max, why would she try so hard to get back together with you? Didn’t she write to you and tell you how much she missed you and loved you?”
“Yeah… What does that have to do with anything?”
“She doesn’t love Max. She has no thoughts of getting back together with him. She loves you, you big dummy. She wants to marry you but you’ve cut off all communication so she has no way to tell you this.”
“She wants to marry me? Are you sure she told you this? Why didn’t she say so before?”
“Ugh! Talk to Emily. These are feelings she wanted to express to you herself. She didn’t want me to tell them for her.”
Jane’s revelations turned my foul mood into an elated one. I would go back home and find Emily and we could work out this entire misunderstanding and we could still be married by the end of summer. For the first time since Grand Canyon, there was joy in my heart.
“I have to warn you though, she was devastated when you didn’t come back for her at the Skywalk.” Jane burst my bubble.
The Skywalk – how could I have forgotten?
“Tell me what happened. I thought she went home with her friends. What was she still doing there?”
“She told her friends to leave believing you would come back for her. She waited for ten hours then caught a ride with a park ranger to a car rental agency and from there she went to see her parents in Texas. Though she didn’t say so, by the look on her face you pretty much ripped apart her fragile heart. The crazy thing was, rather than blaming you, she blamed herself for being naïve and staying there too long. It broke my heart listening to her talk about you. She really loves you.”
The room went dark and I had to sit. From the beginning of our relationship I had advertised to everyone this was the girl I would take care of, forever. Last we spoke I made her promise to think of me as her best friend and her eternal love – the one who wanted to create a family with her. Emily would never tr
ust me again. I needed to get home and be with Emily.
“Nick, can you see if we can go home today? Call the airline.”
“We don’t know if Emily went home. She might still be in town. Why don’t we wait till she calls Jane.” Nick, too, looked worried about his future sister.
“Knowing Emily, she went back home. She won’t be roaming around this city. She’ll want to be in a familiar environment. We’ll come back next time with Emily and visit the city again. Right now, I need to find my girlfriend.”
“Don’t worry about it. Let me see what I can do about getting us home.”
Chapter 13 Emily, Where Are You?
We didn’t get home till early the next morning and I went straight to Emily’s. Again, she wasn’t home. I racked my brain for the name of her school and couldn’t come up with a name nor an address. Then I thought of a contact number for Sarah or Charlie or even Max. I didn’t have one. A call to Jane was a better option than throwing my phone against the wall.
“Jane, has Emily called you again?”
“No, not since she texted yesterday to say she got home. Are you at her house right now?”
“Yeah. She’s not home. I don’t know where she could be. She’s never out this early on a Sunday.”
“I’ll call you if I hear from her. You’ll find her, don’t worry.”
“Thanks.”
I went home and tried to occupy myself while calling Emily over and over again.
Monday, I got an early call from Uncle Henry while I was at Emily’s doorstep again.
“Jake, where are you?”
“Why?”
“You do know you have to be in Seattle tomorrow morning? The rest of your team is here getting ready for the trip.”
I had forgotten. This surgery up in Seattle was a last minute heart transplant. There was no choice but to go. A man’s life depended on me.