by D. W. Cee
“Chief, is there any chance you can go for me? I need to find Emily and clear up our misunderstanding.” I probably sounded like a love sick fool.
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Your team is counting on you as well as the team up in Seattle. Stop by the hospital and make sure all preparations are going well. I’ll see you off tomorrow morning.” There was no reasoning with the Chief. He hung up on me before the conversation was over.
I stopped by Emily’s throughout the day and one last time before I left for Seattle. She was nowhere to be found. During the week, I called, I texted, Mom dropped by but Emily couldn’t be found. Finally, I was home on Monday and I went straight to Emily’s house by late afternoon.
Ding Dong.
Thank God… footsteps. She was finally home. This madness was done.
“Can I help you?” A strange woman answered the door.
“Is Emily home?”
“Emily doesn’t live here anymore.”
“What do you mean? She was just here a week ago. Where did she go?” My outlook on life got even bleaker.
“I’m not sure where she went but I just moved in a few days ago.”
“How long are you here for? Can you give me a contact number for Emily? There must be something wrong. I’m Emily’s boyfriend and I was away for a week. She couldn’t have moved during that time. Please, can you give me her contact number?” Desperation engulfed me.
Emily, where have you gone?
“Well, if you’re really her boyfriend, then you should already have her contact number and it shouldn’t be a surprise that she moved. Good bye.” Both hands, almost in a pleading manner, stopped the closing door. “Please leave or I’ll call the police.”
“Can you please tell me where she went? Please!”
She took pity on me. “I honestly don’t know where she went. We’ve never met. I’m supposed to route a check to her account every month and we have a contract till the end of summer. She won’t be back here for at least six months.”
“Thank you.”
Defeated, despondent, wretched – all emotions whirling in my head, my heart, my entire self. I had no idea why this was happening. Why would she move out of her house and where could she have gone? I called Jane again.
“Hi Jake. Are you back from Seattle? Have you heard from Emily, yet?”
“Jane, did Emily talk to you about moving out of her house?”
“No. She never mentioned any such thing. Why?”
“She’s not here. I just talked to some woman who’s living in Emily’s house and she told me Emily moved out for at least six months. Where could she have gone?”
“I have no idea. Do you think she went to go live with Sarah?” That was a possibility. “Have you called Sarah?”
“I don’t know her number.”
“What’s her last name? Search her on the web.”
“I don’t know that either.” I started to panic. Emily didn’t want to be found. I had pushed her deep into a corner because she was scared to face me.
“Jake, think about everything you and Emily talked about and you might be able to come up with a last name or the name of anyone’s workplace. Calm down and think things through. Go home and rest. You must be exhausted.”
I went home and thought as Jane told me to do. No information came to me that would help me find Emily. I contemplated hiring a private investigator to find Emily but decided against it. All I could hope was for Emily to call me when her anger and hurt died down or for her to call Jane to give her a new contact address. That’s when I would go and make amends.
A week had gone by and I had nothing. As hard as I tried, it wasn’t easy hiding my despair from my family. Mom and Dad worried. The Chief felt bad after I angrily told him what had happened while I was up in Seattle. It wasn’t his fault – this was all a result of my selfishness.
Desperate for a phone call, I tried to go about my day without too much hindrance to my patients. I was done with morning surgery on Tuesday and thought about going out to lunch with the Chief to break myself out of this dark haze. I walked towards the nurse’s station to page the Chief when I saw Emily’s shadow darting into the elevator. I ran over to the elevator and caught a glimpse of my girlfriend on the verge of tears. That was her. Even though I saw her for a fraction of a second, there was no mistakening her beautiful face.
I turned to Linda, the head nurse. “The girl who just jumped into the elevator… where was she going?”
“I’m not quite sure. Chief Reid brought her here but she left this and ran off when she saw you coming.”
As fast as I could I ran down the stairs to the lobby. I saw another glimpse of her leaving the hospital. “Emily!” I shouted her name but she didn’t hear me. When I got outside, I couldn’t find her. I had lost her again but was encouraged she had come to see me and even more encouraged she was communicating with me. Cheerfully I opened her letter.
January 27
Dear Jake,
I'm sorry we had such an abrupt ending in New York but it makes me happy to know I saw you one last time. You're probably wondering why I'm writing you a letter all of a sudden. With much hesitation, I thought it’d only be proper to say goodbye. Since you don’t answer any of my calls, I decided to send you a letter instead.
By the time you get this, I'll be on my way to Japan. I got a wonderful job teaching English in a small village. My Principal was kind enough to let me take off the rest of the year.
Please accept my apologies one last time. You were truly the one person who understood me like my mom and dad. I will miss that sense of belonging. Please thank your family for their kindness towards me. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I was part of a family. I will miss that as well.
I hope you found the eternity band. I’m sorry I threw it at you in New York. I'm also sorry I kept it so long. That ring made me feel like I was still a part of your life. I know now it was inappropriate to think this way. Although the band couldn't hold true to its name for us, I hope you will find someone who will wear the ring with confidence knowing that you two can love each other eternally.
Thank you for loving me. You’ve touched my heart deeply. I take many beautiful memories of us to a foreign place. Be well.
Fondly,
Emily
My world went completely dark.
Chapter 14 This Must Be Hell on Earth!
A week since Emily left, I got home from my attempt to find her in Japan and found a letter waiting for me. I tore it open recognizing Emily’s handwriting and prayed she would tell me all was forgiven and she would come home to me.
February 1
Dear Jake,
Though you probably don’t want to hear from me, I thought it would only be proper to write at least once and tell you that I am doing well. I finally got settled into Mr. and Mrs. Suzuki’s home. They have two children named Yuki and Ryu whom I will be tutoring till June.
When I first got to their house, it made me chuckle to think that their entire house could fit into your bedroom. My room is a quarter the size of your bathroom. I guess everything here is compact.
The village is peaceful. There aren’t too many cars here. We either walk from place to place or people scooter around. The school that I work at is nearby. Since all I do is go from school to tutoring, I do a lot of walking.
I hope that you are doing well. Please say hello to your parents and Chief Reid for me. And please apologize to Gram for me. Let her know I really wanted to meet her and though I’d only spoken with her once, she made a wonderful impression on my heart. Take care.
Emily
It broke my heart to read Emily’s letter but I knew she was safe and I would be able to find her one day. As fragile as her heart might be, she was a fighter and hopefully she would come around to accepting me again. Startled, I jumped when my phone rang.
“Hi Jane.”
“Jake, you’re back. Mom said Laney called to say you were in Japan looking fo
r Emily. Did you have any luck?”
“No,” I sighed.
“Check your email. I just scanned and sent you Emily’s letter. I can’t believe she went all the way over there.” Jane began crying. “You’re such a jerk. You hurt her so badly, she doesn’t even want to talk to me. She didn’t send a return address.”
“Yeah. She did the same on my letter.”
“She wrote you a letter? What did it say?”
“She wrote just to say she was okay. I don’t know if she’s going to keep writing to me. If she continues to write to you, please send them to me. I’m going to go, Jane. I’d like to read her letter.”
February 2
Dear Jane,
Please forgive me for not having called before I left. I couldn’t get myself to talk to you after I saw Jake in New York. I’m in Japan right now teaching English. I don’t know when I’ll come back home. I hope you’ll understand when I tell you I want to sever all ties with home for a while.
I’ve made such a mess of everything. I have so many regrets – turning down your brother’s proposal so quickly, not turning down Max’s quickly enough, but the biggest regret I have was never having shown Jake how much I loved and appreciated him. I always knew deep inside he was the one for me. Why was I so scared to admit this to anyone?
Even though I didn’t get a chance to fully tell him about my love, I hope he got a good sense of it when he read my journal. I gave him my journal as his Christmas present. I hope my writing clearly illustrates these emotions.
Thank you for being such a good friend. When I get strong enough, you will be the first one I send a return address to. Until then, I’ll write… you read. Take care.
Emily
The journal. How could I have forgotten about the journal she gave me for Christmas? Frantic, I thought through Christmas night and couldn’t tear myself away from her consent to be with me that night. That consent alone should have told me she loved me and only me. Why was I so stupid? Where did she leave this journal? After tearing apart my room I found it on my bookshelf. Unwrapping the bow I sat down desperate to hear her voice again.
November 7
I met a guy yesterday who made my heart go pitter patter for the first time in a long while. I met him while looking for food at a grocery store late at night. He stared at me with a curious eye and I honestly wanted to stare back at him. He was so handsome. He was my absolute ideal – tall, dark hair, sparkling blue eyes.
I fell down at the market and this man – Jake Reid – was kind enough to take me to his hospital. I felt really lame. What a first impression. He took care of me last night and I felt so safe with him. I haven’t felt that safe since Mom and Dad were alive.
He stopped by this morning to check up on my ankle and we’re supposed to have dinner tonight. He picked me up and carried me the moment he entered my house. The last time anyone did this was when Dad carried me around the house singing to me after I woke up from a bad dream. I think he likes me? I’m not quite sure. I guess we’ll see. Sarah thinks I’m nuts for going out with a guy I met last night at a grocery store. She scolded me for letting him into the house this morning.
I told her how comfortable I felt with a guy I’d met less than twelve hours ago. Maybe I have gone off the deep end like Sarah said. I haven’t had a date in so long I’ve forgotten what’s normal and abnormal. We’ll see. I’ll write again after my date tonight. I hope my ankle cooperates. I’d really like to spend some time with this Jake Reid.
November 8
So A LOT happened since yesterday morning. Where do I begin? Jake and I went out to dinner – though I didn’t eat much beyond chips and dip. He had to leave early. We talked briefly about me and my life up until now. I was stupid enough to mention Max the first night we met so of course I had to explain more about him. Why’d I bring him up? He’s the past. Hopefully, Jake will be the future?
After the date I couldn’t stop thinking about this guy. He genuinely showed interest in me. He smiled a lot and many of the things I said made him laugh. When he brought me home, we had such an awkward good bye. All he did was stare at me for a while then he asked me out again. I was hoping he would kiss me but I guess it was a bit early to kiss someone you just met. What is wrong with me? I actually gave him a kiss on the cheek the first night we met but in all honesty, I wanted to make out with him in the car instead. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Anyhow, he came by again this morning and brought me breakfast. He asked what I liked to eat and bought one of everything from the bakery as well. I wished I hadn’t promised Eunice I’d go to her birthday party. I thought of every excuse I could give not to go. I so wanted to spend the day with Jake. He had an entire day off and I was up in Oxnard. Ugh! That was frustrating. We could have been together all day and gotten to know each other.
Sarah sensed how anxious I was to be with Jake so she had me invite him to meet us for dinner when we got back to the Westside. That Sarah knows me too well, thankfully. We all met up at a bar and the second I saw him, he kissed me!!! Oh, I forgot – he kissed me this morning as well, but very lightly. We kissed several times at the bar. I tried not to show how much I enjoyed it. I don’t think I fooled anyone. Sarah and Charlie looked completely alarmed. They’d never seen me so unscripted with a guy before.
Jake asked me to go away for the weekend and as much as I wanted to go with him alone, I thought it would be best to take Sarah and Charlie along. Funny thing – It wasn’t Jake I didn’t trust. It was me! Ha! Ha! Ha! My promises of a virtuous life till I got married was going to be challenging with this guy around.
November 10
School has been crazy busy and Jake too has been busy. I don’t know that I like dating a doctor. I can’t ever see him nor can I just call him whenever I miss him. I text from time to time but even then I feel guilty I may be taking him away from his work. There are many more people who need his attention than I do.
I thought about Max today. I hope he’s doing well. It’s been almost a year and a half since we broke up and I finally feel like I can put this all behind me. I suppose much of this is thanks to Jake. In the short few days we’ve known each other, I’ve been able to do spring cleaning to so many parts of my heart. Isn’t it strange? A few days with a new guy and four years start to erase automatically. Maybe it’s not the four years I needed to erase. It’s more the year plus of pain afterwards I’ve got to let go of.
I hope I get to see Jake soon. I miss him terribly.
November 12
Yes! He came by tonight. He called to have dinner but ended up coming over around 9:30. I don’t understand why this guy is so busy. Are there no other doctors but himself at his hospital?
Anyhow, I made him dinner and he looked shocked that I could cook. I couldn’t tell if he was just really hungry or if he thought the food tasted good. He was done eating within minutes. We talked about our day and I told him how much I despised eating alone. Though we didn’t eat together tonight, it felt wonderful to have him home with me.
Watching him eat, I felt like I had a family again. I don’t know when I last cooked for someone. Rather than going out, I’ll have to try and cook more often. I hadn’t felt that happy grocery shopping and cooking – ever! There was a purpose to what I was doing and someone to enjoy it with.
I had to kick him out earlier than either one of us would have liked. If he had stayed any longer, I really would have forgotten my promise to Mom. Yeesh! It’s going to be a long courtship if I’m feeling like this already.
November 15
We had our official second date and our first fight. Maybe fight is a bit of a harsh word. Whatever it was I didn’t like it. The morning started off great with us meeting Sarah and Charlie for brunch. I thought we’d have the whole day to get to know each other. WRONG! The hospital had other ideas. This Chief of his can be a pain! He called at the onset of our date and told Jake to go to Atlanta.
Why Atlanta??? I hope he comes home soon. I have no idea when he’ll be back. We got
into a disagreement because he thought I was going to his aunt’s house for Thanksgiving but I had already made plans. I waited and waited as long as I could before buying the tickets and agreeing to Sarah’s plans. I so hoped Jake would invite me to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. I was actually feeling down he hadn’t done so yet.
Maybe he doesn’t like me as much as I think he does?!? Well, he asked me today but it was too late. He got mad at me in the car for making other plans. While driving to the airport, I thought about all of Jake’s qualities – surgeon, good family, strong & secure, always so sure of himself, has the potential to be with anyone he wants. Then I thought about me – an orphan, insecure, unsure of life in general, not the most social person out there. We are so different.
I don’t know if he and I can become a we. We’ll have to talk this through when he gets back.
November 20
It’s been five days since Jake’s been gone and we haven’t talked much beyond hi, how are you. He’s been really busy filling in for his Chief and school was really busy this week as well. I miss him! This week wasn’t much different than last week but knowing he’s not down the street leaves a huge hole in my entire being.