Indelible Love Jake's Story

by D. W. Cee

  Emily struggled not to look in my eyes as I peered into hers. “I initially didn't answer your texts because I was angry with you. Childish, I know, but I couldn’t get myself to return your messages. Eventually I calmed down enough to give you a few days to sort out your feelings and make you want to come back to me and me only. I knew I loved you, but this time I doubted your love for me.”

  That agitated look reappeared and I knew she was angry again. "Why would I try to communicate with you every day if I didn't want to be with you? I told you in every text I loved you."

  "I believed you cared. But you never affirmed to me that I was the only one you wanted. I guess I was looking for affirmation. When I didn't get this, I figured you had chosen Max over me and I let you go, though only for about half a second, thinking this was the best for you." I laughed a bit and thought it might lighten our mood. It didn’t.

  "Jake!" In the midst of her irritation all I wanted to do was grab her and kiss her. I knew all would be okay after we kissed. "Did you read any of my texts? Everyday I told you how much I missed you and that I loved you. Did you think it was all a lie?"

  "I know. It was stupid of me. I couldn’t trust you. I thought maybe you were letting me down easily. Every day I looked forward to your text but a part of me feared you would eventually tell me you had chosen Max." I did what she does so well and shrugged my shoulders apologetically. "When you sent me your last text, I realized I was completely wrong about your feelings. That's when I panicked. I saw these texts from your point of view for the first time. Maybe you still loved me but my lack of response would make you believe I didn't love you anymore. I couldn't assuage the sick feeling in my stomach. Since I couldn’t get a hold of you, my only solution was to see Jane in New York. I hoped she could give me some answers."

  Not anywhere remotely convinced, I had to juggle from offense to defense back to offense.

  "I came looking for you at your house as soon I received your last text. I wanted to tell you what was in my heart but you didn't answer the door. Little did I know that I would see you in less than twenty-four hours."

  "Okay, so you finally saw my point of view but you still didn't say anything to me in New York to resolve our situation.” She moved her face away from me. "If you still loved me, why did you send me away again? You could've stopped me."

  "When I saw you in Jane's apartment I was dumbfounded. You were the person I most wanted to see but the last one I expected to see. At first I said nothing out of shock. Then Nick started talking, Jane started yelling and next thing I knew, you were gone. Even before I reached you at the cab, Jane’s words about Arizona haunted me. In my mind I could picture you standing at the Skywalk waiting for me to return. I was angry with myself but took it out on you instead. Please forgive me. All those hurtful words – I meant none of it."

  "Jake… I’m too scared to do this again. My heart is beyond repair. Did you have so little faith in me that you would believe one night with Max would lead to something improper? Did you really think so lowly of me? If that wasn’t bad enough, you left me without giving me a chance to explain myself. How can I trust you again? All these months I hurt believing you didn’t care anymore – that you coldly cut me off.”

  Up until now my attitude and words exhibited confidence. I put behind all those dark months of struggling and brandished a fearless look. After Emily’s confession, it was time to beg for forgiveness. My confession, my mea culpa, my declaration of love needed to be spoken.

  "Emily, you must believe me when I tell you I love you! I never stopped loving you. I don't believe I can ever not love you. I’m sorry I broke your heart. I'm sorry I abandoned you. I will never do it again. I absolutely cannot live without you. When I read your letter at the hospital, my world collapsed. It was like falling into some dark abyss. I couldn't function for weeks. I took a sick leave and searched for you everywhere. Only when I received your first letter from Japan, did I think that there might be a chance we could meet again. That maybe we would love again. That's when I decided to get my act together and go back to the hospital and wait for you to return to me.”

  Emily only sat there and nodded her head. I took that as a good sign.

  “I will work to earn your trust again. Just please don’t tell me we’re over. Oh my sweet Emily, how did we go this long, apart? I’ve missed you so much.”

  I leaned in and touched those lips I’d been longing to kiss since our last night together. She didn’t move away this time. She froze with our touch. We both savored this kiss we’d desired for so long. I tasted Emily’s tears as I refused to let go of her lips. No different than what she had written in her journal, we were home - this was where we belonged.

  "Emily?" Penitent and deliriously happy to be with her, I confirmed, "You still love me, don’t you?"

  For the first time since we reconnected she held me tightly and admitted, "Jake, of course I do. I never stopped loving you. I’m sorry too for hurting you. This was my fault as well. I’ve missed you so much."

  That was my girl. We would be okay – no, we would be better than okay. We would love each other forever.

  Emily broke out of our embrace and cast her doubting- Emily look. “You really still love me? We’re back together again?” With these questions, I knew my Emily was here for good.

  “Emily. I love you!” I reassured her.

  “You’re not leaving me anymore?”

  “Never!” I answered and placed her back in my arms.

  Her beautiful smile back in place, she asked me how I found her. The long version started from Sarah’s wedding, to LAX, to Yuki’s house, and then to finally finding her here at Kitcho. She laughed at my irritation.

  “I’m glad you’re here. Are you done or am I still in trouble for hiding myself so well?”

  Though there was much more to say, an apology took precedence. “Emily, I’ve said so many hurtful things to you. My actions were inexcusable. Please forgive me.”

  “Jake, I created this mess. You had no choice but to feel insecure because I wavered. My actions were hurtful as well. I forgive you as you have forgiven me. Let’s not dwell on this anymore.” Her answer, always gracious, made me feel better.

  “I can’t let go of the image of you waiting for me at the Skywalk. You’ve always been so trusting of me to take care of you. All the months we were apart, the thought of you losing faith in me tormented me. It scares me you won’t ever completely trust me again.”

  “Frightened? Yes. But I don’t think I can stay separated from you anymore. Right now and maybe even forever, my love for you outweighs any fear of getting hurt. I want to trust you again. Just please don’t break my heart.”

  I kissed her lips as a seal of my commitment to her. “I’ll make this up to you the rest of our lives together. Please don’t doubt my love for you anymore.”

  She agreed with her head bobbing up and down.

  We hashed out our misunderstandings about how she could so easily believe I didn’t love her and I explained again why I didn’t contact her. It dawned on me during our conversation that I had not given her a belated birthday present.

  “What did you do for your birthday?” Emily inquired first.

  “I was so depressed the last five months, Mom threw me a party. All was going okay till I got your card and present and that depressed me even more thinking about you being alone.” I showed her the cuff links she’d sent me. “Thank you for your gift. You don’t know how much these meant to me.” Then I asked her about her birthday though I really didn’t want to know.

  “Did you celebrate your birthday at all?”

  She had tears in her eyes when she shook her head no. I was hoping to be wrong about her birthday. I had hoped she had made some friends and went out for a fun day.

  “Sarah called me and sent me a gift but that was it.”

  “Oh Sweetheart, I’m sorry. Of all the days we were apart those were the hardest days for me as well. Come here,” I pulled her as close to me as po
ssible. “I have your birthday present. I didn’t know when I’d be able to give this to you but I had it made regardless.”

  The flat shaped sapphire pendant Gram handed down to me along with diamonds added around this stone – my own personal touch – illuminated Emily’s neckline. Her smile shone even brighter.

  “Jake, this is beautiful! Thank you. How is Gram?” she asked fondly.

  I explained to her how disappointed Gram was to see us separated then told her about my visit with her in Paris retelling all the details of my grandparents’ separation and reunion.

  “I’d like to meet her one day,” Emily chimed in. “Maybe when I’m back in the States we can go see her.”

  “Emily, let’s go home. My family misses you, too. I promised them I’d bring you back. Can you leave with me tomorrow?”

  Through her silence she spoke her unfavorable answer.

  “When is school over?”

  “In two weeks. It’s not much longer.”

  I let out a huge sigh. I’d have to go another two weeks without her unless I decided to stay here for the next two weeks. The Chief wouldn’t be too happy about that.

  "Okay. As much as I don't want to leave you, I'm going to allow it on one condition."

  "And what would that condition be?" she asked.

  "When school is done, pack a bag of clothes but Fed-Ex the rest of your belongings to Mom's house."

  "Why?"

  "Because, you're going to meet me in Paris. We're going to take that romantic trip you promised me. If you agree to meet me in Paris, then I'll let you finish out the school year." This was more than a fair deal.

  Her huge grin said it all; no answer necessary.

  “Also, I have one more request,” I added. “I’m going to buy you a laptop with a webcam. I can NOT go another two weeks without seeing you – not after having endured five months. We will set up a time to talk each day, okay?”

  She grumbled. “Is that necessary? It’s only twelve days. What a waste of money.”

  I gave her a don’t argue with me look and she yielded.

  We left the restaurant and walked around the streets of Kyoto behaving like two people in love. We held hands, we smiled, we kissed. It was most important to me that Emily understood how much I loved her. Walking around and catching up on the last five months, we finally stopped at a park bench and as we still needed to resolve a few unfinished issues.

  “Emi?” I needed to close out Max from our lives. “What happened between you and Max?” I explained to her it was Max who encouraged me to pursue her and that he was instrumental in helping us find each other. She looked happy to know he had helped.

  “Let me tell you what got us into this whole mess.” She began. “When I turned down your proposal, I knew it was temporary. It was just a matter of time before I accepted your offer of marriage. My love for you was already there. I just couldn’t take that last leap of faith. Ultimately I couldn’t trust that you wouldn’t wake up one morning and stop loving me.”

  Her lips deliberately found mine before I could voice an objection about her lack of faith in me. I happily accepted.

  “As for Max, I knew the moment he proposed, he was not the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You were too deeply imbedded into my heart. ‘No’ was the correct answer but I was too much in shock to say anything. And then I saw you running towards me and I was terrified you might be mad. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. I hope you can understand these were words I desperately wanted to hear at one point in my life and I didn’t know how to refuse Max but still keep our friendship. Max will always be like family to me, no matter what. Are you okay with that? ”

  I nodded slowly but assuredly. Before I found Emily, I had promised myself that when we got back together again, I would not let my insecurities get in the way of our relationship. Finally, I could accept this man who cared for Emily till I found her. In many ways I needed to thank him for loving her and protecting her during some of her most difficult years.

  After Max, we laughed over our disastrous reunion in New York.

  “You know what hurt me the most in New York?” Emily asked me.

  “That I asked you how stupid you could be for waiting for me at the Skywalk? I was such an idiot that day for saying all those things to you.”

  She laughed whole-heartedly. “I’m glad you know. No, that’s not it. I was most hurt you chased after a ring rather than chasing after me. That’s the main reason why I got in that cab.”

  “Emily! Never in a million years did I think you would get in that cab. It was pure instinct that made me run down the block looking for the ring. It wasn’t an issue of importance. If I knew you were going to leave, I could’ve cared less what happened to the ring. How could you think I’d choose a ring over you?”

  She did her cute shrugging of the shoulders.

  “So I’m confused about something.” I wanted to know about her tenant. “You hadn’t left for Japan yet because I didn’t get your letter at the hospital till a week or so later. Where were you all that time?”

  She explained she lived with Sarah then had a sudden fit of anxiety.

  "Jake. What am I going to do?"

  "Why? What's wrong?"

  "I don't have a home to go back to. My tenant is staying in my house till the end of summer."

  "Fantastic!" I whooped. "Move in with me."

  “Correction, move into my parents’ home with me. You can take up occupancy in the guest room, unless... you get scared on the third floor by yourself and want to sleep in my bed with me."

  "You're incorrigible.” Her lips curled into a wanton smile.

  Emily started calling friends and family to spread our news of reconciliation. She bothered Sarah and Charlie during their honeymoon and I got a threat to my well-being from the newlyweds if I hurt Emily again. Then there was the call to Jane who also threatened to disown me as a brother if I screwed up again. Then Emily had to call Max. She thanked him then handed the phone over to me so I could do the same.

  “Hey Max.”

  “I’m glad you found Em. I can only imagine how big her smile must be on that pretty face. Keep her happy.” Something in his voice didn’t sound right.

  “I want to thank you for your sacrifice. Sarah told me why you let Emily go and I don’t know if I could’ve been as selfless as you. Thanks to you I’ve found my happiness. I will do all I can to return the favor one day. You would be the kind of guy I’d be proud to see my sister date. Thank you, again.”

  “Take care of her. She’s a special girl.” He sounded sullen saying these last words. He was finally forced to let my Emily go and I thanked him for this sacrifice as well.

  Next Emily asked me to call my grandmother. Though they had only spoken once there was a familial bond that had formed on Christmas night – not much different than the one Gram and I shared. I called as my love asked me to and handed the phone back to her. It sounded like the two of them shared love and tears then Gram asked to speak with me.

  “Jakey, are you going to propose to Emily in Japan?”

  “Yes, Gram.”

  “Why don’t you wait till Paris? Emily tells me you’re meeting her in Paris.”

  “Yes, but why?” I tried to be as vague as possible so Emily wouldn’t catch on.

  “I want to hand down my mother’s diamond to you two. You can get it reset while you’re in Paris then propose to her. Stop by London before going to Paris. Can you do that?”

  “Definitely, Gram. Thank you.”

  Gram had one of the most incredible Asscher cut diamonds. It was handed down to her from her mother and we all believed it would be handed down to my mother. Ecstatic she wanted us to have her most loved jewel, I would wait a few more weeks before sealing our future.

  “What did Gram say?” Emily of course was curious.

  “Not much,” I tried to sound nonchalant.

  “When can I see her? Can we visit her after Paris?”

  “That’s ve
ry possible.” I ended our Gram conversation to one that I knew she’d be interested in. “Aren’t you hungry? I’m starving.”

  “Wait, we have to call your parents and tell them I’m coming to stay with them. Are you sure they won’t mind me living at their house?”

  I couldn’t believe how unsure she sounded. She still didn’t understand my entire family considered her a Reid already. To relieve her worries, we called Mom and Dad and as expected, they welcomed her with open arms.

  We sat ourselves on a plastic picnic-like table at a noodle truck parked nearby and ordered a late night snack. With all misunderstandings figured out, I still had one last bone to pick with her.

  “Emi?”

  “Yes?” She had an enormous grin on her face.

  “What’s the smile for?”

  “I love hearing you call me Emi. This is something no one else calls me.”

  I, too, smiled and continued. “Didn’t you say you were waiting for someone back at the restaurant? You made it sound like you were seeing someone already. What was that all about?”

  Her sly grin came back. “Yes, I said I was waiting for someone but I never said I was seeing anyone.”

  “What does that mean?” Not being above ranting like a five year old I needed a clearer answer. “Have you dated anyone since you got here? Have other men asked you out? If so, how many?”

  The only movement from her mouth was of her chewing her udon noodles. I grabbed my girlfriend and tickled her weak spots – which was about every part of her body. She started with a laugh and ended with a fit of coughing as a noodle must have gone down the wrong pipe.

  “Alright! You play dirty,” she accused but I didn’t care as long as I got my answers. “You, no, yes, and many,” she answered.

  Who were you waiting for? – You