So Hot MC Boxset

by Blair Grey

  “It’s not all happening at once. It’s staged or timed. I’ve felt one way – without knowing my feelings were caused by the drug. Then it morphed slowly into something else.” The only fast-moving part of it was the meltdown effect. “I suppose the fastest thing about it was the way the sadness came over me. Oh, and the sleep. It came out of nowhere too. But it’s not bad. I mean, I would take it again.” I sort of already wanted to take another hit if I was being honest with myself. Not that I felt like telling Clyde about that.

  Could secrecy be another effect of the cocaine mixture?

  “It would be great if you could bring me some, Ryder. I could take to our lab back in Baltimore to find out the ratio. Not that I want us to make it. I think there’re going to be too many downfalls if people use it long term. Which let’s face it most of our customers are repeat buyers. I don’t think any of us in the Iron Cobras are out to ruin people’s brains. We just like to provide the things some people need.”

  “I know how I can get you what you need. And at the same time, it’ll put distance and time between me and Janeen. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I felt a sharp pain for only a moment at the top of my spine and winced, then things looked a little differently to me. “Wow, that was weird.”

  “What was?” He seemed puzzled. “I didn’t notice anything.”

  “Didn’t I flinch or wince?” I’d felt myself do that.

  “I was looking right at you and saw nothing.” His grim expression told me he hated the coke I’d taken. “We need to get that shit back to Baltimore to test it. And we need to do it quickly.”

  My heart began to pound and ache as I thought about Janeen and what she’d done. Then my brain snapped. Every word that had been said shot like a lightning bolt through my mind. “Fuck! They were going to kill me, Clyde! That’s why she did it. I wasn’t paying attention to all the clues they gave. But because I wasn’t going to do what they wanted and I was going to take their Diamond away with me, they were going to kill me right then and there. Shit! How could I have been so blind to what they were saying?”

  Standing up, Clyde asked, “You’re just now realizing this?”

  “It’s like it’s no longer affecting me at all. Like, in an instant, the trip is over. Not that it felt like a trip while it was happening, but now I can see that it was all a trip.” And what a wild ride it was.

  It made me want to take it even more. Like I had this need to gain control over my actions while taking it. And somewhere inside of me, I knew that I could do it too.

  “How soon can we see about taking some of that shit to go?” Clyde began pacing as if he was suddenly in a hurry.

  And I had other things I wanted to get to as well. Saving Janeen from the Wicked Warlocks was one thing I wanted to do. But there was more to do than just that. I had to make it all good for her. Even if she and I never got back together, I wanted to make things right for her again.

  “I’ll make a call right now. I think I can get us heading back as soon. You need to contact Carl.” He would have to call in a large order that would send me and at least one other man to Baltimore to make the delivery. “Tell him it’s time to make an order. But I don’t want it to be too big. Make it a two-man shipment size. I’ll text you the number after I call my contact.”

  Things are about to get serious.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Janeen

  I’d kept telling myself that I’d done the right thing where Ryder was concerned. Only the pain didn’t stop. I’d gotten a week off from work. Not that I was left on my own to do whatever I wanted. Max escorted me to a private beach house the club owned. Being alone wasn’t the same with him watching over me at all times.

  I had the feeling they thought I might run off. And maybe they weren’t wrong for thinking that way. Not even a small part of me wanted to go back to working for them. My heart just wasn’t in it anymore.

  If I could just get away from them, then maybe I could contact Ryder and tell him why I’d done what I’d done to hurt him.

  Even if I managed that somehow – which wasn’t something I really thought I could do – would Ryder forgive me?

  Somewhere deep inside I had to believe that he would. We loved each other. Sure, our time together had been back and forth, but there was the underlying love all along.

  If I didn’t live the day to day life of a porn actress, then I knew I could be more like the down to Earth girl I’d been when Ryder and I had found love so long ago. I even wanted to find that part of me again and put this part of me away.

  Normality is a thing I’d begun to crave. Yet, I had no clue how to make that happen for me. The week at the beach had been the longest amount of time I’d lived a somewhat normal lifestyle. And even then, it wasn’t really normal.

  “Yeah, boss, I’ve with her now,” Max said as he came out onto the deck where I’d been watching the evening sun setting into the Atlantic Ocean. “She hasn’t been out of my sight. Why do you ask?”

  Not bothering to look over my shoulder at the man, I had grown accustomed to such things. “Tell Moretti hello for me, please. And thank him for this much-needed vacation.”

  Max seemed to have ignored me as he asked, “So, you sent Winslow and Rico to Baltimore this afternoon and you thought I would let our girl take off with him? Never, boss. And Diamond ain’t the type of female to lie to our faces about anything. You know that, boss. She meant what she said. She always has been honest with us.”

  He was right, I had always been honest with them. But how much longer could I keep that up?

  I didn’t want to do the work anymore. They didn’t want to let me deviate from what I was doing. So, how could I keep being the faithful little pornstar they’d built from the ground up?

  Hearing the Ryder had gone to Baltimore intrigued me. His wife – or ex-wife - was back there. He’d told me how he’d married her just because she reminded him of me.

  Is he going back to try to make things work with her again, just because I refused him?

  My heart hurt even more than it had. If Ryder somehow got the woman he’d married to give him another chance, that would be so bad for both of them – and me. Especially me. And I knew that I was thinking a hell of a lot about me.

  Perhaps because the breakup was all my doing. Getting up, I decided I wanted a bit of complete privacy for a while. I wasn’t sure if I was about to cry or not, but I didn’t want Max to witness it if I did. “I’m taking a hot bath then going to bed. Night, Max.”

  The way he eyed the barely departed sun told me he didn’t believe me entirely. “You sure, Miss Diamond? You haven’t had your dinner yet.”

  “I’m not hungry. I want to make it an early night. Ending my vacation isn’t a thing I want to do yet. It’s depressing me.” I left him with those words in hope of getting him to ask Moretti to extend my vacation. But I knew the chances were slim.

  As I made my way through the huge beach house, I went to the kitchen to grab myself a bottle of wine and a glass before heading up to the third floor to my bedroom. My cell sat on the vanity next to the door as I came in.

  Staring at it, I knew what I was going to do. Sitting in a bathtub filled with hot water while sipping wine wasn’t going to fix me. Not that what I was about to do would fix me either. But it might work as a bandage for a short time.

  I just have to hear his voice.

  It had been an entire week since I’d heard his voice. Something about him being so far away from where I was, bothered me. At least I could see if he would answer my call.

  Courage to make the call took a whole glass of wine before it formed completely. “Okay, here we go. Worst case scenario, he doesn’t answer my call.”

  With a swipe of my finger on the cell phone’s screen, I held my breath as it rang once, twice, three times. “Hey. It’s been a while. You okay?”

  “Ye-ah,” my voice broke and I had to clear my throat before I could go on, “and you?”

  “Staying busy. Heard you went
on a vacation,” he sounded irritated and it made my fingernails bite into my palm.

  “Yeah.” I couldn’t think of much to say at all now that I had him on the phone. And then the phone call Max had gotten reminded me of something we could talk about. “Oh, so I heard that you went to Baltimore with Rico.” I knew I shouldn’t ask him why he’d gone back there, but I had to, “Why’d you want to go there, Ryder?”

  “Why not?” He laughed in a way that told me he knew I was worried about him and his ex, reconnecting. “I mean, I’ve got some people here who I don’t hate.”

  “Her?” I hated myself for asking.

  “Hailey isn’t around right now. She and her man are out on a club run with the rest of the Iron Cobras. And none of them are on my list of people who I don’t hate. I’m talking about other people who have nothing to do with the club I left behind. And Rico, who will hopefully be my MC brother if they decide to let me join their pack is a great guy to spend time with too.” I heard the clanking of thick glasses – most likely beer mugs.

  That told me that Rico was with him. “So, where are you two this evening?” I figured small talk was better than what we’d been doing.

  “At a little nightclub called, The Executive Viper. It’s a gentleman’s club. You’d love it here. Lot’s of sexy females shaking their shit for money,” snickering, he added, “Or are you above that sort of thing, being the star of your shows?”

  “Stop it.” I hated how he was dragging down everything into a negative arena. “I called you so I could hear your voice. I miss you.”

  “Sure you do.” He slurped his drink noisily. “But you won’t once you get back to work. Then you’ll have some other hard dick to grind your cunt on and I won’t even be a distant thought.”

  My hand shook as I began to end the call. “Stop being a prick. I know that I hurt you, but you don’t have to be a fucking jackass, Ryder Winslow.”

  “Why not? Why can’t I be an asshole?” he asked with a bit of seriousness to his deep voice. “You were one to me. Having them put on that piece of smut you made was an asshole thing to do to me, Janeen. Or do you prefer being called, Diamond? Far be it from me to call you a name that you don’t like. And if I get accepted into the Warlock brotherhood, then I’ll be around a lot more. If everyone else calls you that, then so should I. All those sweet names I called you will be out. So, Diamond it is then.”

  I would hate it if he called me that. “No. And stop being mean. Can’t we at least be friends if you’re going to be around? I don’t want us to spit at each other each time we pass one another. Although the headquarters building is huge, it can seem small at times. Especially when you are trying to avoid someone.”

  “Friends?” I heard the pain in his voice now and wondered if Rico had walked away. “You think I can be only that to you? You think that I can stop loving you in a week’s time? I kept that love alive inside my heart for years. It’s not a thing that dies that easily. At least not for me, it’s not.”

  “So, you think the love I have for you had died?” He couldn’t have been more wrong.

  “It must’ve since you ended things with me. And in such a shitty way too. So not like the sweet girl I knew from Camden, New Jersey. That girl is long gone. I bet you don’t even want to see that town again as long as you live.”

  “You’re wrong. I dream of going back there. If I had my way, I would be back home right now. My parents got to move into our old home a few days ago and they asked me if I’d like to come back home and work from there. Dad even told me that he would buy me a laptop to work from home on. He said that I should stop coaching actors and go back to writing plays the way I did when I was young.”

  With a heavy sigh, he asked, “When was the last time you wrote anything?”

  “It’s been a very long time. So, I don’t think I have that skill anymore. But it’s not like I could go anyway. You know that. You were there when they let us in on that. As if I hadn’t known all along anyway. I made my bed and I will have to lie in for as long as they want me to.”

  “As long as they make you,” he corrected me. “If they weren’t making you keep on doing what you’ve been doing for them, would you really go back home?”

  “Since it’s not a thing I can do, I don’t want to think about it much. We should talk about something else.” My heart ached even more.

  He was bringing too much to the surface. I didn’t have him and couldn’t have him. And I couldn’t go home to my parents’ house either. My life wasn’t my own any longer. It hadn’t been for a very long time.

  “Want to know the real reason that I’m here?” he asked me, and I felt as if I could hear the grin on his lips.

  “I would.” Two guys going to Baltimore sounded like a pleasure trip to me. And the fact they were in a strip club made me believe that even more.

  “Business. You know the kind we’re in. Or I am a part of, with the MC anyway. I got them a hot buyer. This might mean that I’ll be making many trips back here.” A few moments went by before he went on, “Um, something’s not looking right here, baby.”

  Baby?

  “Ryder, what’s going on?” My pulse quickened and my hand gripped the phone.

  “Hey, Rico,” he whispered. “You might want to watch…”

  POW! POW! POW!

  Gunshots!

  POW! POW! POW!

  The sound of the phone falling out of Ryder’s hand and hitting the floor made me fall to my knees. “Ryder? Ryder answer me! Say something! Say anything!”

  Screams of chaos were all I could hear as I stopped breathing. Then a soft whisper wafted through the phone, “Janeen, I’ll always love you, baby. Be good for me. I’ll miss you.” And then the phone went dead.

  “Ryder! No! Ryder!”

  Pounding at my bedroom door was a thing I barely noticed as I fell to the floor. Max burst in. “What the hell is going on, Miss Diamond?”

  “I think Ryder and Rico were shot.”

  “Fuck, no!” He took out his cell and ran out of the room, leaving me there on the floor to melt into a pool of sobs and tears.

  “Please let him be okay, God!” I held my hands up as I begged, “Lord, please don’t take him away from me like this. Not now. I can’t take this!”

  Time lapsed in ways it never had as I lay on that floor, praying, crying, and cursing. Nothing would ever be the same in my mind – in my world.

  Sitting up, I tried to think positively. “He’s not dead. He’s going to get help and be okay. And when he gets back to me, I’ll let him know that I’m never letting him go. I’ll nurse him back to health. That’s exactly what I’ll do.”

  Looking pale, Max came back in. “Miss Diamond, I’m sorry.”

  That’s all he had to say for me to know that the worst had happened. “I’ve lost him!”

  My life is over.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Ryder

  Even though it had been two days, my chest still hurt where the bullets had hit me. The bulletproof vest I’d had on had only stopped them from penetrating my flesh, but the bruises they left were phenomenally horrible. “Ouch.” Just putting my arms over my head to put on a t-shirt was painful. “Goddammit.”

  Lucas smiled as he came into the small bedroom I’d taken at the back of the motorcycle shop in the Iron Cobras’ headquarters. “You’re looking much better than you did on day one after the shooting. So, how does being fake-dead feel?”

  “Really bad.” Guilt over making Janeen think I was dead, plagued me at all hours. “I had no idea she would be on the phone with me when the shooting went down. I knew she would be upset when she heard the news. But now that she was on the phone with me and heard everything, she’ll be traumatized.”

  “That is unfortunate,” he agreed. “But the good thing is that the Wicked Warlocks think you’re dead and now you can go about getting your girl.”

  I wasn’t so sure about that. “Lucas, I know this might sound insane, but I’m not sure she’ll want to leave.”


  “Why is that?” he asked as he tossed me a beer, then opened one himself as he sat on the one chair in the tiny room. “Here, this will help ease the pain. All of it.”

  I took a drink, the bitterness not mixing well with the pain pill I’d taken a few minutes earlier. “Man, I just really need a hit of that snort to get me through this.”

  Looking surprised, Lucas shook his head. “You’re not talking about the shit you brought in from Atlantic City, are you?”

  “Yeah, I am.” I’d taken quite a few hits of the coke during the week while I was waiting to get to leave for Baltimore. Knowing Janeen was on vacation somewhere bothered me like crazy. And the fact that I had to be shot to make the Wicked Warlocks think I was dead was mind-warping too. The coke took the edge off the nerves I’d had. “That shit does some amazing stuff. I’m hoping like hell that we can start making it.”

  “Sound like you’re addicted, Ryder. I don’t like that at all.”

  “So.” I took another drink. “It helps me.”

  “No, it doesn’t.” He got up and went to toss his empty beer can in the trash. “It’s been two days since you’ve been back and so far you haven’t left this room for anything more than visiting the bathroom down the hall. You seem to be depressed.”

  “I just told you that knowing I’ve damaged Janeen is weighing heavily on me. And I am supposed to be dead. Even hanging out in our bar is a thing I shouldn’t be doing. Not while there might be some Wicked Warlocks around the area. They are looking for who killed us, after all. And there were some of them here to pick up Rico’s body. If I’m seen, this whole thing will become a war, instead of the deterrent to selling drugs in Baltimore that it was meant to be.”

  “You could still come over to my place to hang out and get some socialization.”

  Is he kidding?

  “As swell as that sounds, old buddy. My ex is there now. So, no thank you.” Finishing the beer, I threw it at the trash can, missing it by a mile. “My aims off because of this stiffness and soreness.”