So Hot MC Boxset

by Blair Grey

  Lucas didn’t seem to agree with me. “I’m going to get the doc to have a look at you. I think a complete blood panel is in order to get down to what this drug concoction has done to you.”

  “He already came to see me when I was brought here after the shooting. He was the one who gave me the pain meds. I’m sure the bruising is why my aim is off.” As I went to the small fridge in the room, I wished I had something besides beer to ease my mind. “I’m just getting antsy about getting on with my life. You know what I mean?”

  “I thought you were going to get back to work in the bike shop.” Lucas pulled out his cell, tapping in something. “FYI, I’m asking the doc to come on over to take a gander at you.”

  Lucas could help me in better ways than bringing old sawbones in to see me again. “Hey, you’ve got access to the lab where they took the coke we brought.” If I had enough to get me through the week, I would be fine. “I can just use a little. And not even every day. Just now and then – to get my mind off of Janeen until I can form a plan and go through with it.”

  His lips quirked up to one side. “You are coming with me to my house. You’re going to stay with us for a while. You’ve never been addicted to anything that I know of. The fact that you’ve become addicted to this so quickly is frightening. Are you feeling sick at all? Like do you have withdrawal symptoms?”

  “Not at all.” I just want some was all. “It’s like a wonder-drug, man. I swear, it is. What’s so bad about something that makes you feel connected to the world around you? And you also get this sense of peace and euphoria. Even if sex isn’t part of your agenda, you get this feeling of being attractive and your self-esteem is at an all-time high, without you coming off as arrogant or like some creep who’s only out to get laid.”

  “There has to be a downside.” Lucas eyed me with skepticism. “All drugs have a downside. Hell, even something as simple as aspirin can have negative side-effects. So, tell me the truth, what are the side-effects?”

  “A refreshing sleep that only takes a couple of hours to get. Um, if you have emotions to deal with, you do it really quickly. I mean in like a half-hour, tops. You just seem to be able to deal with things in a fast and efficient manner.”

  “Headaches,” he came up with. “Migraines from all the chemicals that are making so many different things happen so quickly. There have got to be bad headaches. Or at least some dull ones that nag at you a bit. And there might also be aggression. You know, like do you feel angry that you can’t have the drug right now?”

  I had to think about that and finally came up with, “Angry, no. More like disappointed. Not frustrated or even anxious. I’m just disappointed that I can’t have it right now.”

  “Okay, then let’s add this in,” he said as he stood up and crossed his arms over his chest as his expression turned stern. “You can’t have that stuff ever again. How does that make you feel?”

  All I could come up with was one simple statement, “I don’t think that’s true. I think you guys are gonna try it and find it every bit as great as me and all the others who’ve tried it do. We’re going to have to come up with our own version of this or people will keep getting it brought in, even with the apparent danger of doing that.”

  Lucas rubbed his bearded chin. “Hadn’t thought of that.”

  Something came into my mind that was the only downfall of me doing the drug. “Janeen won’t do this with me thought. She’s adamant about not doing drugs. She became addicted to something; she didn’t tell me what it was exactly. But when they first brought her into that porn world, they gave her drugs and alcohol to get her loosened up to be able to do that shit.” Anger swept through me like a flash flood. But as soon as it came, it went away. “Wow. I was so pissed for like a second of time. It’s like I’m building it up in my system. And you know that means that I’ll use less and less as time goes on.”

  “Not really. It means that you will end up using more and more as time goes on. That’s because you’ve just started using this stuff, Ryder. It’s been about a little over a week is what you said when you first got here.” He made sense.

  “Shit, you’re right.” Anything that could change your mood started out the same way. In the end, you had to take more of it to make the same effect you got in the beginning. “I’ve gotta stop. But I don’t want to. Not yet. When I figure out how to get Janeen back in my life, then I’ll stop.”

  “And if you want the drug more than you want her in your life?” he asked with a confident smile. “Because that will happen. Believe me, it will.”

  I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to be the best me that I could be so that I would find happiness with Janeen or if it was so that I wouldn’t be sitting around here alone and possibly make my ex fall back in love with me. I chose to believe the former rather than the latter. Lucas was the MC’s chaplain and he’d always had only the best of intentions where any of his MC brothers were concerned.

  “I’ve had a week to come up with a plan to get Janeen away from the Wicked Warlocks and haven’t come up with anything yet. I mean, not a damn thing. I haven’t given it any real thought.” And that’s when it really hit home. “Shit! My feelings go by so fast when I’m on the stuff that I don’t take time to figure out why I’m having them or what I should do to make bad feelings better. I just have them then go on.”

  This isn’t like me at all.

  Lucas was right. I wasn’t going to be the real me if I kept taking the miracle drug. And even if it did seem to make a better me, it wasn’t the real me. I had to listen to his reasoning. And I was glad I had him to straighten me out before I lost everything.

  “Well, maybe you and I can brainstorm on how to get your girl. First of all, how did things end when you last talked?”

  Now that had been good. “She called basically to say that she missed me. And she made big hints that she still loves me. So, I see that as a positive sign. But the fact that the club still wants her so damn bad is a real problem.”

  “Okay, so our main issue is getting her away from them without them realizing what we’re doing.” The twinkle in his eye told me he thought he had a good idea. “Can we do a fake online billionaire who wants to buy her from the club? We could say that he’s bought all of her movies and he’s a super fan.”

  “I’m not sure if that will work or not. I asked the president of the MC if I could pay him to get her out of her contract. Of course, he never made a real contract with her or anyone. So, like most gangs, she had no real idea what she was getting herself into until it was too late.” I felt horrible for her. “She did it just to help her parents stay out of prison for tax fraud. I keep saying that she’s not the girl I knew, but she has to be. Being selfless was her thing. Seems she still is.”

  “Does she still have debts to pay for them?” Lucas was coming up with an idea and I could see his wheels spinning.

  “No. She doesn’t need to work for them at all. She could move on and become something great. She really is talented in many ways. Writing was a thing she was just as good at as acting when we were in high school. And if she was to become a writer, she wouldn’t be in the spotlight and the Wicked Warlocks wouldn’t ever find her if I managed to sneak her away somehow. But how? How can I get her away from them? She’s got a bodyguard on her at all times. Honestly, I think he’s more like a prison guard than a bodyguard. He keeps her from straying.”

  With a nod, Lucas made me feel at ease. “We can come up with s sure-fire plan. That’s as long as you promise to let go of the idea of taking any drugs to help you have a better life. And as far as the patrons of this drug are concerned, we might not be able to change their preference. But we might be able to keep the drug out of their reach.”

  “You might be right. If they have to drive all the way to Atlantic City to get it, they might become happier with what they have here at home.” It was a solid idea. “We might not regain all of our customers, but I bet at least half won’t find it necessary to make the trek.”

&nb
sp; “Well, you’ve done enough for that endeavor anyway. You and I can focus on getting your girl. And since Hailey has read so many books, I bet she can help us come up with an inventive plan.” With a wink, he let me in on more, “Plus, she wants to make sure you’re past any anger you have with us.”

  “Hell, I’m not angry at all.” I meant that too. “Seeing Janeen again let me know that I’d been comparing Hailey to her all along. Which was never fair to Hailey. She didn’t even know Janeen in the first place. Hell, she didn’t even know about Janeen. I never told her a thing about my first love. Well, only love. I should talk to Hailey anyway. I never want her to feel even a little guilty about our failed marriage. I had doomed it from the start.”

  “Sounds like you really did do that, Ryder,” he agreed. “And I think that would be a good thing for you to let Hailey know. She does have her times where she blames herself for the collapse of your marriage. So, how about I take you on out to our place and I’ll cook up some steaks on my grill while you talk to Hailey? And after that, we can get to making a great plan that will fool those guys somehow. But we did it with you, so I’m sure we can do it with Janeen too.”

  I sure as hell hope so.

  Chapter Twenty

  Janeen

  Even with the extra week, Moretti gave me to get over Ryder’s death, I still wasn’t ready to get back to work. I couldn’t do it anymore. And now that Ryder was dead, there wasn’t any reason to stay where I was, doing what I’d been doing.

  If they kill me, they kill me.

  Best case scenario - I would get away. Worst – they would shoot me. I knew that was their method of choice to end lives. At least it was quick. I guessed so anyway.

  From what I’d seen, the dead times of night were between four and six in the mornings. If I could leave during that time, at least my chances of getting caught were low.

  Max, as usual, was my main worry. Food was what I had thought about when it came to taking care of him. A little sprinkle of some potent sleep aid mixed in with his jar of parmesan cheese became my plan. Once he was asleep, I would make my escape.

  My bag would be light. I wasn’t taking any of the glam that came along with Diamond Destiny. All that could stay in Atlantic City. I wanted to go home to my family. But I couldn’t let them know I was coming, just in case I didn’t make it home.

  My disappearance would be hard on my parents and aunt, I was sure of that. And that’s how it would look - as if I’d fallen off the face of the Earth. One day, my mother would call my cell to find it not working and that would be the day they would begin to realize that I was no longer walking with the living.

  My heart sank as I thought about how sad and upset they would be. Especially with the not knowing what happened to me or if I was alive or dead. But what choice did I have?

  If I stayed where I was, I would be back working soon. Not only was my heart not in it, but my body also wasn’t either. My sex-drive had plummeted since Ryder and I had broken up.

  And now that he’d told me the words I’d dreamt of hearing him say again just before he was taken away from me for good, I knew I’d lost more than I could’ve ever imagined. My only love – the one man I would ever love – was gone for good.

  Going home to my family to become a recluse was all I wanted to do. Putting all the money that was under my mattress into a bag, I didn’t count it. It had to last me for a very, very long time. I had no idea how I would make money without the MC being able to find me.

  Camden wasn’t that damn far from Atlantic City. I had nowhere else to go though. It was there or nowhere. And that meant that I would spend the rest of my days hiding out.

  With Ryder gone, it made no difference to me if I hid out or not. Without him, I had lost all of my ambitions. Not that I’d had any in years. But only he would’ve been able to draw some out of me. Lord knew he’d tried. But I hadn’t been ready to accept the changes then.

  Ugh! I should’ve accepted the changes then!

  With my bags packed, I put them into the closet so Max wouldn’t get a clue as to what I was doing. Tonight would be the night. My days were numbered before they would make me go back to work. I had to leave before I sullied Ryder’s memory with another person touching my body.

  Thankful that he’d been the last person I’d had sex with, I didn’t want that to change. Ryder should’ve been my first, but at least he would be my last. Tears fell in rivers as I closed the closet door.

  In the pocket of my jeans, my cell buzzed as I had it on silent. I’d begun hating the sound of calls coming in since I knew Ryder would never be the one on the other end of the line ever again.

  I didn’t recognize the number at all, but answered it anyway, “Hello, this is Diamond Desire.”

  “Janeen,” my real name came from a female voice. “I need you to sit tight and have a bit of patience. Go along with whatever the men you work for tell you. Help is on the way.” And that was it, she’d ended the call.

  Trying to call it right back, I got a message that told me it wasn’t a working number. “Strange call.”

  Being told to sit tight made me wonder if someone I worked with had an idea about my leaving. That worried me. No one I worked with was smart enough to help me get away. This was a thing I had to do on my own.

  Go along with whatever the men you work for tell you?

  Whoever it was, knew that I worked for men. But no female I worked with knew my real name. And whatever they were about to tell me to do must be a thing I wouldn’t want to do or perhaps wouldn’t believe was true.

  The mystery was a bit much to bear, so I went to the bar to get a glass of wine to chill out a bit. It had to be a prank call. I had no idea anyone made those anymore, but that’s what it had to be.

  Stupid people with too much time on their hands.

  Sitting in the living room with my glass of wine, I found Max lurking in the shadows. My bedroom and attached bath were the only places that I had privacy. Once I walked out of my room, he was always nearby.

  The dinner hour was growing near at nine o’clock. Normally, I was finished my ten then retreated to my bedroom for the night. Which I would again do. Only this time, I would ask Max to join me for the spaghetti dinner I was having brought up from the restaurant on the fourth floor.

  I hadn’t asked him to join me yet. I had asked him on a handful of occasions to eat with me. I didn’t like to ask him to do that too often though. Having him think we were going to be doing even more things together than we already did wasn’t a thing I had wanted to start.

  Before I put in my order for the food, I asked, “So, Max, wanna join me for some spaghetti tonight? I’m about to put in the order.”

  “Sure, Miss Diamond.” Looking over his shoulder at the dining room behind him, he added, “I’ll set the table real nice for us while you make the order. And could you get some breadsticks with it? I love them.”

  “Sure, I will.” I texted the order, adding the breadsticks and a chocolate dessert as well. I figured I would splurge on the calories since I wasn’t going to be showing off my body anymore.

  I think I’ll get nice and chubby.

  I had never worried about my weight until I started working in the porn industry. I’d had more curves in high school than I did now. I wanted them back and then some.

  There’s no need to draw attention to myself in a sexual way anyway.

  I’d totally fucked up and knew that. There was no way I would ever give another man a chance with me. Ryder’s shoes were impossible to fill.

  At twenty-nine, two months away from turning thirty, I had never even entertained the idea that I would turn into a spinster. But I had done just that. I would never have a husband, kids, grandkids, none of it.

  The restaurant had wasted no time and before I knew it a knock came to the door. Max hurried to answer it. “I’ll get it. You go take a seat. I’ve already opened a bottle of red wine and it’s breathed long enough. Make yourself a glass.”

  Getting
up, I headed to the dining room while he went to the door. I had to wonder what I would do once I was back home and people would no longer wait on me hand and foot. My hopes were that I wouldn’t make an ass out of myself by forgetting who I really was – Janeen Smithers.

  My feet faltered as I thought about my name. Until Ryder had come back into my life, I’d all but forgotten it. Mom called me honey and dad called me sweetie while my aunt called me kiddo.

  He’d been the one to remind me of who I was before I became Diamond Desire – spoiled pornstar. And for all that good he’d brought into my life; I’d given him hell most of the short time we’d had together.

  “This smells awesome.” Max went past me to put the covered plates on the table.

  Standing there, I watched him and felt the slightest tinge of guilt for what I was about to do. But then I remembered that Max wasn’t really here to guard me against stalkers or overzealous fans. Max was here to keep me tethered to the Wicked Warlocks – my jailer. “How about some parmesan cheese, Max?”

  “Please. I never eat Italian paste without it.” He took a seat as I went into the kitchen to retrieve the bottle that I’d already laced with crushed up sleeping pills.

  As I opened the cabinet, another wave of guilt came over me. And then a voice in my head said something to me, ‘I need you to sit tight and have a bit of patience. Go along with whatever the men you work for tell you. Help is on the way.’

  If I put Max to sleep, I would leave. If I left right away, what might I miss out on?

  She knew your real name. Don’t forget about that.

  Placing the bottle in the far reaches of the cabinet, I made a snap decision to give the woman who’d called me the time to make help come for me, the way she’d said would happen. “Sorry, Max. I’m out of parm.”

  I came back into the dining room with empty hands to find him pulling a tiny bottle of the stuff out of his pocket. “No problem, I always carry at least a little with me most of the time.” Shaking the remainder of the bottle over his pasta, he frowned. “Uh, sorry, I ran out. There’s none for you, Miss Diamond.”